The Evil Media Landscape that is Kids Daytime Television.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Each workday morning, I sit with my sons in bed and we watch some typical kids television shows such as The Wiggles, Higglytown Heros, Sesame Street, Teletubbies, etc. Well, this morning, as I drank my coffee and cuddled with my boys, I realized something.

Something... terrible. Something... disturbing: Kids television is inherently racist!

Yes! It's true! Most of these shows are about bossy white men and their token minorities! Don't believe me? Look at this!!!

Let's start with The Teletubbies:
Tinky Winky is the purple, clearly white male leader of this creepy, nonsensical imaginary chain gang. Why is he purple? Because that's the color of royalty and the white males are always the monarchs. Next we have Dipsy, the little green monster. Dipsy is clearly supposed to be a slightly-stupid black male. Notice the darker "skin" color on the face? Why is he green? Because he is green with envy that he is not white. Ok, now we move on to Laa-Laa. She is yellow. Yellow = Asian. Duh! She even has yellowish "skin" tone in her face. Finally, we have Po. Po is the subservient white female with the black rap artist wannabe name. Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

Now, we move on to Disney's The Little Einsteins:
Oh boy. Another white male driven group of smart ass misfits. Leo, the Alpha Male, is an annoying, smarty-pants mother fucker who rules over the rest of them. Annie, the dumb blonde white female simply does whatever she is told to do. Quincy (Jones?!?!) is our token African American who is usually playing some sort of jazz-related instrument (WHY NOT JUST GIVE HIM A BUCKET OF FRIED CHICKEN WINGS?) And then we have June. June is a bit of an anomaly because... well, look at her eyes. They're a bit oval and squinty. Is she supposed to be Asian? If so, WTF? And then we come to rocket. Rocket is red. Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

OK, here comes Higglytown Heroes:

I'll keep this one short. Eubie... large white dominant male. Kip... clumsy Asian in glasses. Twinkle (!??!)... black female who is always coming out with stupid conspiracy theories when something goes wrong on the show. Kip... another typical white male. And then we have Fran, the maternal red squirrel. Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

Finally, we have The Wiggles:

These guys aren't so bad... or are they? Let's see. You've got Anthony (who looks a lot like my friend Boxy) wears blue and is always hungry (hungry for WHITE POWER, no doubt.) Greg, in the yellow jersey performs magic tricks (MAGIC TRICKS MEANT TO TEASE AND DEMEAN THE MINORITIES!) Jeff, the token Asian in the purple shirt always falls asleep at any given moment (BECAUSE HE IS A LAZY MINORITY!) Then, there is Murry. He is obsessed with playing the guitar and he wears a red jersey. Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

There are several other shows that follow this disturbing racist trend meant to teach our children the true meaning of American society (huh?), but let's talk about some good shows.


Ola! It's Dora The Explorer:

This is a well balanced, diverse, pretty good show that teaches kids the importance of being bilingual in a steadily growing Spanish America. She gets lost a lot on the show, but there's a always a white map ready to show her the way. Wait a minute... a WHITE map? Uh oh! I won't even talk about Swiper the masked Red Fox who steals everything! Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.

And now... the classic... Sesame Street:

This is a decent example of a well balanced breakfast show. But, lately, the writers and producers of Sesame Street are getting carried away with that little red fucker Elmo. Why red? I have a theory on that, but it is too offensive to post up here. This article alone is going far enough.