| FULL SADDAM HANGING VIDEO Here it is, it is graphic and pretty much leave no doubt. WoW Exclusive, the Full Saddam Execution Video, thanks to Crumb for pointing out a link. By the way, Angry Veteran, your mission is now accomplished. I am Malach and first I brought you Britney's Crotch, and now, the Saddam Hanging. | |
FULL SADDAM HANGING VIDEO
Saturday, December 30, 2006
It's not over until the nasty dictator hangs.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Hussein execution imminent, lawyer says
BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Saddam Hussein could be hanged as early as Saturday, one of the former Iraqi dictator's lawyers told The WoW on Friday.
"Different sources" said the death sentence would be carried out Saturday morning, defense attorney Najib al-Nuaimi said from Doha, Qatar.
"I think the Americans will accompany him onto the execution stage and I think they will have a pre-recorded film that will be released [Saturday] evening if they carry out the sentence in the day," he said. "I have been told that the American's are flying in Ozzy Osbourne to sing 'No More Tears' as Saddam's sentence is carried out."
Hussein's chief lawyer Khalil al-Dulaimi said U.S. officials asked him on Friday to collect Hussein's belongings.
"The American side has just called me and asked me to either send someone to pick up the personal effects of Saddam Hussein and his [half] brother Barzan al-Tikriti, to give them an address to which they can send them, or to provide an Ebay account under which they can be auctioned off," al-Dulaimi said.
Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki said Friday that nothing will stop or delay the execution, according to Iraqi national television.
There will be "no reviews or delays in the execution of the criminal Saddam," al-Maliki told The WoW by telephone on Friday.
The former Iraqi dictator remained in U.S. custody Friday and has not been handed over to Iraq authorities for execution, according to Iraqi Deputy Justice Minister Bosho Ibrahim.
What else is on deck for Uncle Saddam?
- A reunion with his infamous homosexual lover: Satan.
- His final meal: a week old chicken McNugget Happy Meal with apple slices and a chocolate milk force-fed to him while listening to extremely loud Barry Manilow Disco Remixes.
- The Last Rites to be "administered" by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
- No reach around. No lube. No kidding.
- You know, the usual: a slap to the face, an ice pick to the ear, an acetylene torch to the balls. Pretty standard stuff, really.
- Repeated viewings of the L. Ron Hubbard classic "Battlefield Earth."
- Well, there is not going to be 72 virgins waiting for him in heaven. That much is certain.
WoW Home Remodeling course 2.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Remodel a kitchen in 3 days for $300.
The wife and I just redid the kitchen, nothing major; refinished the cabinets, remodeled a few pieces, new hardware etc. First a bit about the kitchen. When we moved in, the kitchen was a bit outdated, almost immediately we purchased new appliances (the previous owners had put in a new dishwasher and stovetop about a year before we bought it). Luckily the sink and faucet were fairly new. All the cabinets are at least 20 years old and hand made. For the size of our house (1900+ sq. feet) the kitchen is kind of small, maybe in and of itself 350 sq. ft. It is also a open kitchen. It is part of this one large room that is 15' wide and about 28' long. It runs from the front of the house to the back. It basically begins with a front door entry foyer, to a dining room, and then ends in the open kitchen. Becuase the kitchen is open and the kitchen cabinets are spacious, it feels a lot bigger, and we don't have any storage issues.
Some pics of the kitchen about a month before we moved in:
You can immediately see the need for painting. Most of the paint was older, and faded, or discolored. You can also see the 50 year old oven, that was always at about 100 degrees, and would not really close. You can also see this ugly brick around the kitchen (fake brick, 1/4" brick sheeting) and lining the oven column, the kitchey country look, and top it off, and what you cannot see is a this stencilled pink ribbon motif that went around the top of the room . . . Be lucky you cannot see it.
So, the wife and I had some decisions, we cannot afford to remodel the kitchen right now, but had to get out of country kishce Hell. We needed something that would last at least the next ten years or so. So we decided to paint the cabinets (especially since they are in pretty good shape), the brick, and the walls, and get new modern hardware. I addition, the brick was starting to fall down in the center column where the oven was, so we decided to pull it down.
Malach is particular about his paint, and uses only Behr paint. While you will spend a bit more for it (as much as $30 a gallon), I find it's wearablity, color fastness, and ability to take abuse unmatched. We went with a color pattern similar to our dishes, and decide upon the best design for the colors, going with a modernist look; we also bought the hardware, nothing too fancy, but minimalist looking, spending about $300 total for paint and hardware. We then knocked all the brick off the center stack (Leaving a pretty unsightly mess of stuck on concrete), removed all the cabinet doors, and primed everything. I also plastered the center column to blend the old brick cement in something textural (looks real nice, hard to see in the pics. Then everything was painted a nice off white, except for the cabinet doors and drawer fronts; including the ceiling and beams in the ceiling (a kind of white wash). Cabinet doors painted with a fresh spring green, and the drawer faces, and deep blue. After painting, I reinstalled everything with new hardware.
This would have taken two days if my elbow did not blow out (see my blog for the story).
Here are the final photos from the same angles, and yes the pink ribbon is gone.
Ahh, next is the dining room, which I will be doing in far eastern style.
Malach brings you the dirt on Hobbs and Piper
This was a few years ago when they were lumberjacks.
News Flash
Found on a reliable site:
Archaeologists Discover That Mayan Calendar Is Actually A Pile of Rocks
Newsboys - Mexico
A team of archaeologists has discovered that the famed "Mayan Calendar" is actually just a pile of rocks with some strange writing on it. They also revealed that bits of paper were the only clues they had to go on to make this discovery. Henry Beautwa Milliue, head of The Great Big School of Archaeology and the left arm of the second Voltron super robot made the boring announcement.
"Much to zee displeasyure of conzpirasie buffs," he said in in snooty French accent, "Zay are jjjjjoooost ROCKS!" He then spit upon Newsboys correspondent Will Smith (yes, that Will Smith. He's going to make a better life for his son, dammit. Who cares what his shirt looks like!)
The team made the discovery while examining some old buildings in the jungle. The buildings were also made of rock. Newsboys is pretty sure the jungle is somewhere with lots of snakes and trees and dark skinned people live there. That's why we sent Will Smith. He's less conspicuous. My editor says to remove that remark. What an asshole.
Rocks are thing in the ground that are heavy and solid. You can throw smaller ones, called stones, and larger ones, called boulders, can never be moved. The rocks in question were somewhere in between the two sizes and no one knows how they got piled up for sure. Theories range from alien intervention, lost advanced civilizations (like Atlanta) or just plain old hard booty scratching work. If my editor calls me a racists one more time, I'm going to punch him. He's reading this right now. Go on, Mike. Say it you fat fuck! Thought so.
Anyways, somebody drew a bunch of stuff on these rocks and a few bits of paper helped smart people figure out it was a calendar. In the midst of all this, many people forgot they were just rocks like we all have in our backyard.
Conspiracy advocate Dwane Finance believes the calendar is more than 'just rocks'. "The calendar has fortold many events in the past and will fortell the future," he explains. When asked to give some examples he says "World War II, the Gulf War and September 11th. Plus it predicts the end of days on December 21st 2012." When told that Newsboys had watched a special on Nostradamus that claimed he did the same things, Finance shouted back, "It's not the same!" Newboys then teased him by saying that the rocks in our backyard agree with the Mayan rocks. The interview was concluded when Newboys correspondent Will Smith immitated Muhammed Ali and stuck his big fat lower lip out and made monkey sounds.
Will Smith is funny.
The controversy refuses to die, much like Rasputin, who is also a controversial figure. That was quite clever. But for now, Archaeologists brightest stars shine on in their conviction that the Mayan Calendar is made of jungle rocks.
The Three Wise Men
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Long ago in the far off land of Persia, there lived three Magi. Their names were Murkior, Malachi and Piperzar. One night, they saw a huge supernova and went off in search of a cute little baby named Jesus. They knew that supernovae and Jesuses were related because they were freaking Magi.
They gathered the most precious gifts they could find: Grog, Nog and Pipes. Oh, how joyous they were to set out across the inhospitable and snowy desolation of the desert. They traveled for six days and met angels and shepards. They also met a friendly snowman named Frostalot Bon San Klaus, who was dressed all in red and gold. He too was in search of the Jesus predicted by the supernova.
Along the way, they killed Hobbs Von Wackamole and made fun of Captain Flak Paperpants. They even got drunk with J*sse D*b*c from *ttleboro. They were so joyous and happy that John the Baptist gave them a secret potion to make demons run away.
Suddenly, they were attacked by Ninjas from the East who sought to steal the potion to release their master, J-Kwon Doe. A fight ensued. Malachi turned their skeletons into liquid metal. Murkior tipped his hat and made them vanish. Piperzar had eighteen attacks with his nunchucks and dispatched their souls to the hell of upside-down tart f*ckers.
Finally, they came upon the North Pole and found a manger with a cool virgin and a kick ass one eyed sailor named Joseph. There was much rejoicing.
But what of the baby king named Jesus who was to be raised by wolves?
Find out January 6th when the Murk and Malach Show, featuring the Anrgy Piper presents "A Very Dry Christmas".
Translation: I have pneumonia and the Christmas special will be a week late. Nite.
Murk
A WoW Christmas Eve
Sunday, December 24, 2006
‘Twas the night before Christmas
Angry Piper was pissed.
He’d fell asleep checking
His WoW Christmas list.
His beer glass was empty
Its contents now spilt
To mix with stale gin
On the Piper’s plaid kilt.
The shopping, the presents,
Made Christmas a chore,
The wet list on his lap
He looked over once more.
For Palmer some comics,
Just Me gets some shoes;
Dragoon needs some Guinness
Though he doesn’t drink booze.
Because he’s so Irish
A potato for Crumb;
For Malach some chaps
That show off his bum.
A clown nose for Shimmer,
Since she makes the jokes;
Angry Vet gets the Camels
Because it’s well-known he smokes.
Da Ali G Show for Hojo
Since he liked Borat;
A bikini for Toyi
Piper wants some of that!
A science kit for the Mantis
To fix his bug mug,
A Wii for Linkmaster,
AngryMan gets a hug.
For Hobbs: Painful Death!!!!
Sweet revenge most sublime!
For the Cap’n
An inflatable Optimus Prime.
The remaining Wowees
He chose not to flatter.
A sad fact of life:
You don’t post, you don’t matter.
Then a slap to the forehead
Oh Christ! What a jerk!
When making his list
He forgot Dr. Murk!
But what to get Murk?
He lives the High Life!
A palatial estate!
A smokin’ hot Asian wife!
A mustache trimmer?
His facial hair’s fake!
“I know!” said the Piper.
“Last year’s old fruitcake!”
Fruitcake: a creation
Of some sadist elf;
This one weighed as much
As the Piper himself!
Re-gifting always gave
The Piper good cheer.
He rose from his chair.
He refilled his beer.
And I heard him exclaim
As he raised his glass high,
“Merry Christmas to the WoW!
(And Hobbs-may you die!!)
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Some XMas plugs for your ass . .
Saturday, December 23, 2006
A couple of new interesting search engines.
Since Malach is now averaging 850 unique visitors a day at RubberSuit Studios he gets all sorts of weird links. The too newest are search engines. The first is kind of a next genration Ask Jeeves. Ms. Dewey it's called. While a bit slow is this a indication of Searches to come in the future. The other one I just discovered is Page Bull. Looks like anyother search, but for example, search "Wand of Wonder".
How talented is my three year old daughter?
Well she got her first pair of scissors today, and preceded to make this, with no help from mom or dad (except I helped he tape it together).
She calls it a Paper Flower. She obviously is cursed with Daddy's talent and you can see the rest of her stuff here. The boy is more techinical, and really good with technology. He also has a gallery.
Mahmoud! Dude!
You gonna take this shit?
OK, I posted one version of this at my blog yesterday.
You get a even more special version.
I am Malach and Nimoy and Shatner are the greatest pop stars ever.
Vote Murk & Malach For President in '08
Friday, December 22, 2006
Because they care enough to
dress up like French Toast
for the benefit of all mankind.
Because they care enough todress up like French Toast
for the benefit of all mankind.
What we New Englanders SHOULD be doing at this time of the year.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
But, the snow gods have deicded
to neglect us this year.
But, the snow gods have deicded to neglect us this year.
Ten Things You Didn't Know About Malach!
- He has a full head of long, lustrous hair. He just chooses to shave it all off because he likes to look older than he really is (43.)
- He is a world famous hand model and is widely known as "The Smooth Knuckle Kid."
- It is rumored that he is not of this world.
He has unsuccessfully run for State Representative in his Massachusetts district 17 times.- In the summer, he goes to the local beaches and pretends he can't swim in a vain attempt to pick up women.
- He loves you WAY more than you love him. (and in inappropriate ways!)
- In New York City, he is still referred to as "Queen of the Bananas"
- Although in public he sounds like a cross between Kermit The Frog and Ray Romano, at home he prefers to speak like Charles Nelson Reilly.
- His favorite movie is 1978's Laserblast!
- He likes his chocolate dark. Very, very dark.
WoW Holiday Season Scavenger Hunt Game!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Sick and tired of the holiday season already? Need a distraction? Ok, then play the WoW Holiday Season Scavenger Hunt Game! All you have to do is post some pictures of you doing the things listed below.
1. Drinking a Scottish beer
2. You with an aluminum pole ("a festivus for the rest of us!")
3. You with a mall Santa bonus points if you’re on his lap
4. You in a nativity scene
5. You with a menorah Bonus points if with a Jew!
6. Wrap yourself up in wrapping paper.
7. A light saber fight in Wal-Mart (or similar store)
8. You as a holiday decoration
9. Doing something inappropriate with a statue
10. You shot gunning a beer
11. You in drag
12. You holding more than 10 inflated balloons
13. You in a ball pit
14. A chalk outline of your body in a public place with you laying in it
15. You in a "dog pile" or. at the BOTTOM of the dog pile
16. Hold some sort of Sonic Youth paraphernalia kissing it
17. Acting out part of a Shakespearian play
18. Legs behind your head
19. You in a store laying in a dog bed
20. A group of 5 or more people acting out 5 or more emotions
21. You riding inside of a shopping cart in the store
22. You physically inside of a clothes dryer
23. You inside a men’s or women’s bathroom (the opposite of your sex)
24. You holding a snake or tarantula
25. You wearing an apron and pretending to cook on an oven range/bbq grill/etc. at store
26. You with a book from a kama sutra book in a bookstore and then you (and however many people needed) recreating that pose (clothes optional) doing it in a public place = 5 extra points
27. You using a Swiffer Sweeper AND LOVING IT.
28. You and 8 different bottles of hard liquor.
29. You doing the "downward facing dog" yoga pose.
30. Write WoW on your body in navy or dark blue frosting
31. "Eating"(pretending to eat) a giant food (like the height/size of a human)
32. You at a famous landmark
33. Reenact your favorite arcade game
34. Riding an escalator like Buddy the Elf (Elf the movie)
35. Trapped in revolving doors
36. With a llama
37. Up in a tree
38. Chasing a squirrel. (The squirrel has to be in the picture too!)
39. You with an old person throwing the shocker sign.
40. Eating Pez in the sexiest manner possible.
41. Males: A photo of you wearing bright red lipstick Females: A photo of you with a beard and moustache
42. You on a roof
43. Engaging in some sort of vice in public (drinking, smoking, drugs, sex, gambling, etc.)
44. Standing inside an enormous freezer
45. Rocking out like one of those iPods ads in an Apple store
46. Viewing or displaying some kind of porn
47. Getting the traditional New Year's Eve kiss
48. Running with scissors
49. In the shower fully clothed, water on.
50. Taking a picture with a ski mask on at your local gas station
51. Hold a sign up in a public place that says “I love the cock”
52. A picture of you and a snowman
53. A photo of a pair of boobs and your thumbs down.
54. Men: trying on a bra at Victoria secret Women: trying on a jock strap at a sporting goods store
55. Giving praise to a lamp post on a pedestrian filled street
56. Licking a frozen pole
57. Reenact/dress like a WoWee's avatar (pick anyone)
58. Dress up and act like a mime in public (gay mime = bonus points)
59. Picture of the inside of a car wash - one of the automatic ones that you sit through.
60. Fake stab a stranger with a stake.
Yes, there are more than 50, I know. You don't need to get them all... just try to get a few and be as creative as possible!
I think all pictures should be posted by Sunday January 14th, 2007. Sound good? That's almost a month so it should give you all plenty of time! Any questions, comments, etc that you may have you can post in the comments section where I will ignore them and ridicule your stupidity.
Who ever gets the most pictures in the list, will win a special WoW Surprise Gift!
(Oh, and for you smarties... take the list, paste it into a personalized post and then edit it with your pictures similar to how I edited in one of me in the list above.)
Finally, I have solid proof that there is a God...
...and he has answered my prayers.God, if you visit this blog,
I just want to say thanks, man.
Seriously, I mean it.
Thank you.
Ratzy gets his revenge on Malach
But first some blog news.
This blog is in process of being converted to the new blogger. That means a few things. One, you are going to have to now sign in with a google account. The Blogger interface will automatically switch you. Two, this blog will get a slight redesign, including much need catagories. More come to when it updates.
As for the title.
Many of you know Malach works for a large non profit, but did you also know it was a Catholic based organization? So, we run a huge X-Mas program, where we distribute toys and clothes to the needed. Malach organizes this program in the New Bedford Office. Without getting into logistics, there are large trash bags filled with goodies lining our hallways, conferences rooms, and our unused chapel (this is an old convent). Close to 600 of them.
So Malach is in the chapel, grabbing a bag for one of our clients, and *WHACK*, smashes his head against something extremely hard and unmoving. He sees stars, and almost falls over. Shaking the cobwebs from his head he looks up, to see a 4' statue of the Virgin Mary mounted on the wall, that he had slammed his head against. I thought I saw her laughing.
I am Malach and I suffer from post-concussion syndrome.
If there was a Jeep Liberty Mistress, this would be me.
But, those days are over now. She left me for another woman.
Hump Day Jokes ...
"Christmas is almost on us," said the teacher, "and tomorrow I want all of you boys and girls to bring something to illustrate what Christmas is all about."
Next day, each pupil had brought something along. Little Sally was first. "I've brought a toy reindeer," she said, "because Santa's sleigh is pulled by reindeer."Then came George, who had brought a piece of the deodar tree from his garden."This is what Christmas trees are made of," he explained. Little Bruce had brought some wrapping paper, and Marcie brought a picture of a turkey. All of which the teacher praised, but expressed the wish that someone had used a bit more initiative, and also concentrated more on the spiritual aspects of Christmas.
Inevitably, Little Johnnie at the back of the class had his hand up all the while, snapping his fingers, and hissing "Miss, Miss." And as a last desperate resort she calls on him."Okay, Little Johnnie," says teacher. "What have you brought."
Proudly, Little Johnnie produces a set of ladies panties, which he twirls around his finger, high above his head, for all of the class to see.
"What are THOSE?" demands Teacher, as if she didn't know. "They're girls' panties, Miss." "I can see that, Johnnie. But what have they got to do with Christmas?"
"They're Carol's."
~*~*~
Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift. Two days before Christmas Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a god damn teddy bear laying right fucking here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then when I go downstairs I want to see a mother-fuckin' train going around the god damn tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"
Christmas morning Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?" Johnny replied, "I think I got a god damn dog but I can't find the son of a bitch."
~Merry X-Mas WoWeess ....FYI: Hump Day Jokes will return after the 1st of the year, I'm taking vacation!!!!~
Mission Accomplished? Mission NOT Accomplished!
Bush appears to shift outlook on Iraq and those adorable, loveable bunny rabbits.
President Bush appeared to say for the first time that the United States is not winning the war in Iraq, adopting the view of Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Bush told The WoW, "I think an interesting construct that Gen. Pace uses is, 'We're not winning, we're not losing.' Plus, did you know that I love bunny rabbits? Yes, it's true! I really do!"
Bush also told The WoW that he plans to expand the overall size of the U.S. military and is considering a short-term surge in troops and bunnies in Iraq.
Bush has said he will reveal a new strategy for Iraq next month after considering the report of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group and consulting with Pentagon officials and others.
New Defense Secretary Robert Gates met Wednesday with Gens. John Abizaid, top U.S. commander in the Middle East, George Casey, the top general in Iraq and Sgt. Bun-Buns, the President's Chief Advisor on Domestic Rabbit Affairs.
"We discussed the obvious things," Gates told WoW reporters after his meeting. "We discussed the possibility of a surge and the potential for what it might accomplish. Oh, yeah, and I guess we also talked about the benefits of eating more delicious carrots."
The defense chief was scheduled to meet Thursday with Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki.
As he headed for Iraq, accompanied by Pace, Gates said the trip's purpose was to "go out, listen to the commanders, talk to the Iraqis and see what I can learn. ... I expect to learn a lot."
What else has President Bush shifted his outlook on?
- He is no longer willing to accept the fact that Condoleezza Rice is black. She is now considered to be "severely tanned."
- Rumsfeld did not resign. He just went on permanent assignment in Boca Raton, Florida.
- His West Wing Staffers must now refer to Christmas as "Bushmas."
- The forward Press Section of Air Force One WILL be turned into an airborne disco.
- He has decided not to order the assassination of Simon Cowell, the snooty, metrosexual English judge on American Idol.
- The Las Vegas Hilton will no longer be referred to as "The Gambling White House."
- Staying sober? No fucking way. IT'S ON!
Instant Coffee
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
I know there's a post in here somewhere.
Here it is.
I bought some instant coffee in the quest to make home made Coca Cola Blak. You see, Coca Cola Blak has been removed from the shelves. Thanks Coke. Hook me on another product and yank it away. Oh no. You couldn't remove Rockstar.
So anyways, I remeber instant coffee from camping. A GODSEND. You need caffiene and coffee flavor now and it's miles away. BOOM Instant coffee. Perfect.
Well, my recipe failed (again. six recipes and only one candidate) and so I decided the instant coffee might make a great nine PM pick me up.
Backstory:
I started taking Paxil three months ago. Everything was going great until... the side effects wore off and the trade off is now no anxiety, but severe sleepiness. Answer. Caffiene.
Coffee is a project at 9:30 at night. I figure, go camping in my living room and microwave a glass of water and BAM! Well...
Instant coffee tastes like coffee syrup over water with cigarette butts in it.
I quit drinking for this?
Soda? Ran out.
Pep pills? No. Fresh out.
Crystal Meth? Doctor said no more.
Cocaine? Yeah, sure. You think I'm Ron Jeremy? F*ck that!
So, it's instant coffee tonight. Maybe forever.
I'd rather suck the urine of an overcaffinated goat. But, the goat died from the pep pills. F*cking goat. Foamy and putrid. Not the goat piss, the instant coffee.
So, I'm setting up the tent in the back yard for the next week and taking my cell phone. Maybe everything will taste better out doors. Like sex.
Anyways, Coca Cola Blak has ruined my life.
If you find it, feel free to send me all you can get for free. I have no cash. I spent it on the goat and the Meth. You can get my address out of my f*cking *ss and send it to f*ck me I'm screwed land.
Here's to you, WoWees. And thanks a f*cking lot!
The American Boss Strikes Again!
In reference to my previous article, check out this email I received from an old colleague of mine who, until recently, was still working at a technology company in Massachusetts that shall remain nameless:
Hi Everyone,
If you're getting this, it means that you don't work with me, and may not read my online journal. So I wanted to give you a sort of heads-up.
The past few years at my job have been really, really bad. (something a lot of you already know)
The company was recently sold and I have not had a raise in over four years. In fact, I get treated like crap for working hard. Instead of more money, I got more work and was eventually doing the work of four people. Recently, the stress has led to me having panic attacks where I can't breathe and my heart hurts.
I saw my doctor and am being treated for them. I saw my boss and am being ignored for them.
I could go on and on but I will spare you that. ;)
Thursday morning, I had two panic attacks before 11:00 AM. And the crap just kept coming. People were literally lining up to scream at me.
Heart hurt, could not beathe...good stuff.
So I got a little box and put all my stuff in it, and walked out. I called my boss (he was Christmas shopping, I was alone in my entire department) and explained (actually, I sort of told him where to stuff the job). He asked me to stay another week or two and I sort of laughed and that was that.
I got in my truck and drove to the doctors' office. And then home.
So...I am currently unemployed for the first time since I was 16. Jill is still working, of course. We'll be fine until I find a job that does not cause me physical harm. But I just wanted everyone to know.
And of course, if any of you know a company looking for an experienced IT Project Manager, please let me know. My resume is polished up and ready to be emailed! (in fact, I had an interview yesterday)
It's a little scary, to be honest. But I know I'm going to find the right job soon. And it's better to be uncertain of the future than dead of a heart attack at 31.
So. wish me luck. And interviews. Thanks for reading.
Tom
"In light of recent events, I'm instituting a new policy: I'm asking questions."
RIP Joseph Barbera
Joseph Barbera 1911 - 2006
You may or may not know that Joseph Barbera of the highly influential American cartooning team of Hanna-Barbera passed away yesterday at the age of 95. Barbera and his long time partner William Hanna were highly influential in American cartoon developing such iconic shows and characters as Scooby Doo, The Flintstones, Yogi Bear, Tom and Jerry, The Jetsons, Jonny Quest, and many, many more.
The Duo is highly influential on modern cartooning, and if not for Hanna-Barbera and The Flintstones, there would not be a Simpsons, Family Guy, South Park, or even [adult swim].
Perhaps as influential as Walt Disney, we mourn your passing.
I am Malach and I am gonna rustle up some picinic baskets.
Ten Things You Didn't Know About Dr. Murk!
Monday, December 18, 2006
- He is a certified swimming pool and hot tub maintenance technician.
- He just wants the five bucks.
- Until going sober, his favorite drink was a glass of "dollar thirteen" scotch. (no ice)
He hangs out with people from the glittery side of the tracks.- He is a 2-time National Champion Hoverball Racer.
- He has a red leather cat-o-nine tails and, by god, he knows how to use it.
- If you build it, he will come.
- He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake!
- He has his PhD in parapsychology and psychology.
- His first wife still believes his name was "Carl."
Happy Hanukkah!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
The Lonely Jew on X-Mas.
Just a little note to wish Malach's Heeb friends and Jewish WoWees a Happy Hanukkah. Sorry it's not as cool and X-Mas, but it is a Hell of a lot better than Kwanzaa!
And you too can practice your Judiasm, with this interactive Menorah.
Chag Hanukkah Sameach
I am Malach and I am a Festival of Lights.
How Many of You Are Out There ...
Friday, December 15, 2006
Some of you don't know me by my real name but here it is ....Aasta Don Dennis.
And look at this:
Find out how many of you there are!!!
~wicked love~
Mmahh, mmahh, I'm John Kerry! Please listen to me!
Kerry calls Bush refusal of dialogue with Iran, Syria "a mistake," but no one really cares what Kerry says.
CAIRO, Egypt -- A disgruntled Sen. John Kerry, on a Mideast tour taking him to Damascus for talks with President Bashar Assad, told The WoW on Friday that the Bush administration's rejection of dialogue with Syria and Iran to try to calm Iraq is a mistake.
The WoW replied by asking "I'm sorry, who is this?"
Kerry's trip is the latest in a growing tussle between the White House and Congress over the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group, a pizza-eating bipartisan panel of undergraduate students from Bridgewater State College that called for talks with Iran and Syria to, like, OMG, win their help in stabilizing war-torn Iraq.
The grudge-carrying Massachusetts Democrat said his visit to Syria was "a fact-finding mission" to explore "what might or might not affect behavior with respect to Hezbollah, Lebanon, Israel and Iraq, where in each of those cases Syria is playing a role."
The Bush administration replied by stating that "no one really gives a crap about Mr. Pouty Pouty Long Face anymore. We won. He didn't. End of story."
Kerry said he was "willing" to go to Iran for talks but had no current plans to do so. Iran replied by saying that they had no idea who Sen. Kerry was and wondered if they were supposed to care about his opinions at all.
What else is Senator Kerry willing to do to get noticed on the political scene?
- Hold up a cardboard sign in front of The Capital Building that says: "Will Work For Sympathy!"
- Go back to his regular job playing "Lurch" on The Addams Family.
- Beg, and I mean BEG for your attention.
- Strongly consider self-immolation.
- Like totally go snowboarding in New Hampshire, dude.
- Video tape having sex with Paris Hilton, leak tape to press.
- Tell all American children that there is no Santa Claus.
- Go to North Korea and bitch slap Kim Jong Ill.
- Host the new reality show "Swift Boating with Mr. K"
- Kill wife, deny it later.
Malach seems to be a bit slow today, so I will post for him.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Blah blah blah RubberSuit Studios. Blah blah blah Stool Sample Webcomics. Blah blah blah Murk and Malach Show. Blah blah blah Sports. Blah blah blah Minimum Security Forums.
I am Malach and I had nothing to do with this post.
Senator down! We have a Senator down!
WASHINGTON -- With Democrat's grasp of the Senate currently looking thinner than Nicole Richie after a night of binge drinking and endless purging, ultimate control of the chamber hung on the health of a South Dakota senator who underwent brain surgery Thursday morning.
Sen. Tim Johnson, a lowly Democrat, was in critical condition, said David Boyd, a male nursing supervisor at a George Washington University Hospital.
Should Johnson not be able to complete his term, which ends in 2008, South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds, who coincidently happens to be a Republican, would appoint his replacement, which could shift the balance of power in the Senate.
Democrats gained a 51-49 Senate majority after last month's election. A GOP appointee would result in a 50-50 split and allow the GOP to retain Senate control through Vice President Dick Cheney's tie-breaking vote.
Johnson, 59, was out of surgery at 12:30 a.m. Thursday, a source close to the senator told The WoW. He was hospitalized Wednesday morning after he appeared to suffer stroke-like symptoms.
Adm. John Eisold, attending physician of the U.S. Capitol, told The WoW that Johnson had "an intracerebral bleed caused by a congenital arteriovenous malformation. He underwent successful surgery to evacuate the blood and stabilize the malformation."
Reporters at The Wow are guessing that doctors will use trans balanced harmonic muffler overbearing ceramic implants that will be surgically inserted into Johnson's cerebral flux cavities to repair the damage.
Conspiracy theorists are already coming forward to say that the Republicans are behind the injury and somehow either poisoned or injured Sen. Johnson in a deliberate attempt to win back the Senate.
What else might the Republican Party be willing to do to win back or maintain control?
- Watch every single episode of The WB's Pinky & The Brain to see if they can glean any helpful knowledge.
- Reinstate the Confederacy and drop nuclear bombs on anything north of the Mason-Dixon line.
- Have all Democratic senators go on a hunting trip with Vice President Cheney.
- Ask the Russian government for tips on posioning people with radioactive materials.
- Reactiviate Chuck Barris as a CIA Assassin and deploy him to work throughout the blue states.
- Bring Ronald Reagans' brain out of cold storage and attach it to a IBM Supercomputer to see what diabolical schemes it can come up with now.
- Take Barack Obama down to the Texas School Book Depository in Dallas, TX and teach him a lesson he won't soon forget.
- Party like it's 1999. (or, 2001, actually.)
I THINK I AM TURNING JAPANESE
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
THE MOOD OF RED SOX NATION.
JAPANESE! Well it seem Mr. Daisuke Matsuzaka will be a member of the Nation, even though Scott Boras is still evil incarnate (I wonder if he represents artists?). I for one am very excited. Being a former pitcher, this kid has some nasty stuff, and reminds of one Pedro Martinez. There is also some rumors floating around that Clemens is head to Boston too . . . interesting.
Malach campaign to destroy Everybody Love Raymond.
As you can see, you don't mess with mind bullets.
Help a Brother out.
And review The Murk and Malach Show. I don't care if it is a positive or negative review, the more reviews the better.
I am Malach and am Whapanese!
Hump Day Jokes ...
Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice. It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool.. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos-about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm telling ya man...you'll have all the babes you want!
The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning way, laughing, looking sick! Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now?"
"Dang it, Bubba!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in the front!"
~*~*~*~
Little Josh comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
His father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama bin Laden," David says.
"Why Osama bin Laden," his father asks in shock.
"Well," Josh says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride. "Josh, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Josh says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."
*~*~*~*
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
~wicked love~
The Rominator goes on the attack!
Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney announced today that he would sign an agreement with the federal government to give 30 specially trained state troopers the authority to enforce immigration laws.
Romney, who is leaving office in three weeks but is seen as a likely presidential candidate, reached the agreement with the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency.
"The scope of our nation's illegal immigration problem requires us to pursue and implement new solutions wherever possible," Romney said in a statement. "State Troopers are highly trained professionals who are prepared to assist the federal government in apprehending immigration violators without disrupting their normal law enforcement routines."
The agreement makes Massachusetts the ninth jurisdiction in the United States in which local officers have the power to enforce federal immigration laws.
What else does Romney want to empower the State Police to do?
- Insist that all women who go black, do, indeed, go back.
- Ticket any female performing a sex act on a motor vehicle operator driving along the Massachusetts Turnpike.
- Summarily kill all Canadians until the last one is dead, dead, dead.
- Arrest any Hispanics going through a McDonalds drive-thru more than once per day.
- If you are gay... by god, you're going to pay!
- Arrange for all Troopers to be given free coffee at Dunkin Donuts (served to them by white Christian English speaking attractive servers only.)
- Pepper spray or Taser any minorities trying to build another god damn tunnel under Boston.
- Refuse to recognize worker permits for all slanty eyed jew bastard tar baby wetbacks.
Step inside the mind..
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
...of Captain Flak Paperpants!
It is a scary place,
full of horrors,
demons,
battered women
and of course
the Captains deepest
dirtiest
fantasies:
It is a scary place,
full of horrors,
demons,
battered women
and of course
the Captains deepest
dirtiest
fantasies:
WoW movies reviews: Re-Animated, and A Year Without a Santa Claus.
Yes, buckos, 2 reviews.
Disclaimer: Both these are made for TV movies.
Re-Animated
Let us start on a positive note shall we. Re-Animated, debuted this past Friday, on Cartoon Network. It is CN's first attempt at an original live action movie. It is rated TV PG.
The movie is about 12 year old Jimmy Roberts, a 10th grade loser, a pushover who cannot say no to anyone or anything. He is constantly taken advantage of, even by his friends an family.
He lives at home with his father who more of a kid than he is (brilliantly played by Bill Dwyer), his mother who is an Astronaunt, and his green skinned alien adopted sister who mom found on one of her space travels (yeah, the move is very weird). He is also in love with his best friend older sister, who he gets too nervous to have conversations with.
For a school field trip Jimmy's class heads to Gollyworld (the basic equivalent of Disney World) and while there, he takes a dare to try to find Milt Appleday's (Walt Disney's) frozen brain hidden somewhere in the ride Tux's Artic Adverture. When he finds the supposed area it is in, he runs into a mysterious caped moustached man (who is Milt's son, Sonny), who scares Jimmy. As Jimmy flees he is hit by a theme park train.
He ends up in the theme park hospital needing a brain transplant, luckily, Milt's brain is in the possesion of Milt's longtime doctor and they precede to tranplant the brain into Jimmy. The operation is a success, the only side effect is that Jimmy now sees all of Appleday's famous cartoon creations in real life, and they interact with him.
Sonny has been running the company into the ground, and when the board of Gollyworld finds out Jimmy has Milt's brain, they install him as president of the company. The remainder of the movies is a madcap romp as Sonny tries to steal the brain back, and Jimmy lets his position go to his head.
While not being the greatest movie of all time, this movie was very funny, and I enjoyed immensely. It reminded quite a bit of the old cult classic Better Off Dead only with a younger cast. It, like those movies employs very surreal characters and situations, in which the characters respond to normally. The villain are also stereotypically over the top, and strange use of Dues Ex Machina is also common place. Interestingly enough there is quite a debate in the internet about this movie. Many of those in the 13 - 18 range hated the movie. My kids loved it, my wife loved it. Perhaps, becuase we grew up on movies like Better Off . .
The acting is spot on. Everyone plays their character to a T. From Jimmy (Dominic Janes), to Fred Willard as Appleday (Willard is a comic genius). I found myself laughing out loud for much of the movie. CN has a tendency to overplay this stuff so check your listings.
A Year Without A Santa Claus
Wow. I am not refering here to the Bass and Rankin Classic, but the butchering live action debacle that debuted on NBC last night. My God, this has to be the worst X-Mas special I have seen in a VERY long time. There was nothing good about it. It seemed like NBC owed a favor to someone and fronted some "stars" and money to have a producers kid to make this crap. This 2 HOUR fiasco not only had an atrocious plot line, the acting felt like it was all done in one take, and the actors just wanted to get the hell out of there. The scenery smacked of 1940's movie making, and North Pole was more realistic in the original Claymation.
Again, based upon the Bass and Rankin special and the 1956 book by Phyllis McGinley, this version takes a very liberal reading of the story. Gone are almost all the songs that made the first one famous (except of course from the Heat Miser/Snow Miser theme). Mrs. Claus has turned into nothing more than a doting nagging wife, and her role has been greatly reduced. The whole thing was awful, and not even awful in a good way. I felt 2 hours of my life was wasted by this tripe.
And freaking John Goodman. Dude, I know you do the voices in the Dunkin Donuts commercial but man, are they paying you in donuts? My god, the man has to weigh close to 500lbs and I am surprised he has not dropped dead. It was painful to watch him move around, and sweat in this fiasco (yeah, the makeup was good too). He struggled to act throught this, struggled physically. He can't talk anymore, there is so much fat crushing his mouth. I thought at first he was wearing a fat suit as Santa, but I was wrong. I mean look at him. I got him in the death pool.
I am Malach and there will be no year without a Santa Claus.
Oh my..."Crazy Mahmy" is up to his old tricks again!
Iran hosted Holocaust deniers from around the world Monday at a conference examining whether the Nazi genocide took place, a meeting Israel's prime minister condemned as a "sick phenomenon."
The two-day conference was initiated by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in an apparent attempt to burnish his status as a tough opponent of Israel.
The hard-line president has described the Holocaust as a "myth" and called for Israel to be wiped off the map.
What other historical events does President Ahmadinejad deny?
- World War I was not a war at all. It was merely a chance for the industrialized nations of the world to hang out and play with guns.
- The Space Shuttle Challenger did not disintigrate over the Atlantic coast in 1986. It actually went to Israel where Christa McAuliffe continues to teach Jewish children that Muslims are going to kill their Mommies and Daddies.
- JFK assassinated? Mahmoud thinks not! He insists that President Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe retired to Cuba together where they had an open marriage with Fidel Castro and his many girlfriends.
- AIDS is not a rampant disease killing millions of people. It's just an American propaganda tool designed to raise sympathy and support for the evil homosexuals.
- The terrorist attacks of September 11th, 2001 were in fact an action movie starring Tom Cruise being filmed in New York, Washington D.C. and Pennsylvania.
- Who said that there was an accident at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant in the mid 80's? Oh come on now, that's just plain silly.
My Christmas present for Dr. Robert J. Murk (awesome)
Sounds like you could useone of these at home, Doc.
(God knows I could.)
Goddamn you Angry Piper.
Yesterday, we recorded the Murk and Malach Show Podcast X-Mas Special.
Since Murk's succesful couple months of sobriety, this was a dry podcast, unlike last years, where the liquor flowed freely, especially down the Angry Piper's gullet. So, the Piper came up with this "interesting" idea. Before the recording, goofus went out and bought a gallon of egg nog (in two half gallon cartons). He then challenged Murk and myself to an egg nog drink off, and we attempted to finish the entire gallon of the stuff during the podcast. Now Malach enjoy a glass of egg nog here and there during the holiday season, but this was devastating. First, eggnog itself, has 190 calories per 4 oz. serving. Piper and Myself had 12 oz glasses, Murky a 24 oz. We each had at least 4 glasses of the stuff so a easy guesstimate of caloric intake is 2,280 calories. That is calories from cream, milk, egg yolks, and various sugars.
Needless to say by the end of the podcast we were all feeling a little nauseous, and we didn't even completely finish the last half gallon, though there wasn't much left. Egg nog in that vast quantity also does strange stuff to your bowels, stuff I can still feel this morning as I write this. Luckily I no longer feel hungover (and no, there was no alchohol in the stuff). To put it to you delicately, egg nog is like Liquid Plumbr for you large intestine. Probaby as effective as a high colonic (though much more fattening). The Murk and Malach Show, has just turned into and episode of Jack Ass.
I am Malach and pass the egg nog.
Tooncasting.
Friday, December 08, 2006
A new wave sort of in the webcomic world.
Many webcomics are now tooncasting. Basically, they are giving you a piece of javascript, which you put on you website, and then you now have their comic on your website. As they update the comic, the comic changes. Personally I am surprised any really popular webcomic would do it.
So, Malach can sniff out a money making opportunity when he sees one. Malach is now hosting two of his favorite webcomics if the Misc. Debris Subdirectory of Stool Sample Webcomics. 8 1/2 by Eleven, and Fetus X. Now, 8 1/2 is only semi popular, but Fetus X is a juggernaut. So not only is Malach hosting up to date version of this, he is also selling adspace. He is setting up some ad promotion especially for the Fetus X page. I expect to go from about $50 per month to about $300. We will see.
Again, I am surprised a comic like Fetus X would do this. It is not like they need more popularity, or is it?
I am Malach and I am freezing my ass of over here.
GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF EXAMINATION
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Fla-a-a-aming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Or, "Here, Kitty Kitty, Kitty." Man, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, with full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major leagues, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat!
a poem
Furthermore, a soggy razor blade beams with joy, and the tomato defined by the dust bunny knowingly recognizes a cough syrup over a hockey player.
The defendant is gentle. When a briar patch is lazily snooty, the grizzly bear often is a big fan of a chess board of a turkey.
Another flabby corporation earns frequent flier miles, and the impromptu cowboy teaches a tattered cargo bay.
Sometimes a microscope goes to sleep, but another blood clot always finds subtle faults with the skyscraper!
When a completely fractured spider is secretly false, a boiled fundraiser gives secret financial aid to some football team.
Another flabby corporation earns frequent flier miles, and the impromptu cowboy teaches a tattered cargo bay.
Amen
Toyi's War experience Chapter VII
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
What went on during 80’s? The assassination of MonSeñor Romero he was someone who really cared for his town, he gets his honors for that sacrisfice.
Then the Massacre of Sumpul River
Things start getting more dangerous than usual, by that time Gov was almost 100% positive that the National University of El Salvador was lifting insurgency underground or supporting militant groups, there were indeed isolated groups that rose from Law school, and some intelligence fed in satisfaction based on facts, School Teachers were going to strikes very often and demanding better salary and benefits from the Government, the streets were full of protesters and these peaceful walking would become agitated & violent.
Well what was happening at home? I was around 6-7 years old and I didn’t feel like missing my mother, but I think I was unintentionally, it was very sad for me to see my dad leave home everyday, because I was very afraid to lose him, I was a bit older but my brother was 3 years old and that age is highly demanding for love and attention, he knew that Dad could not come back alive ‘cause believe it or not, kids listen to adult conversations and that was one of my Grandma’s concern, it was painful for him and also made my dad sad every time he left, my brother would wake up cranky every morning and by the time dad was at the door saying bye; my Granny always had to pull him aggressively from my Dad’s pants & he would cry for the longest time after Dad was gone, sometimes he would do messes just to have my dad delayed a bit, or would intentionally dirty Dad’s pants to have him come back and change, Dad knew it was all about “not letting him go” and it was very sad for him too because was lot of terrorism and random bombing anywhere.
Well they would let us come to the door and say bye then come back inside the house, the front doors of our house were made out of strong wood & Grandpa had made some strong door blockers that would reinforce the door to prevent door breakage from outside forces or at least to delay their way in, oh we hated that door blocker noise ‘cause those door blocker were very heavy and we were specifically instructed not to touch them ‘cause if one fell on our heads it would definitely kill us. Here a picture of my brother and I saying bye to my dad on daily basis.
Hump Day Jokes ....
Three senior ladies named Patsy, Betty, and Nellie were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Nellie immediately had a stroke.
Then Betty also had a stroke.
But Patsy, being older and feebler, couldn't reach that far... bless her heart.
*~*~*~*
A Priest was in his room and realized that his rooster was missing. He decided to bring it up in Sunday Mass. Right before the sermon the Priest asked, "Who has a cock?" All of the men in the room stood up. The Priest said, "No, No, No. Who has seen a cock?" All of the women in the room stood up. The Priest said, "No, No, No. Who has seen MY COCK?" All of the nuns stood up.
*~*~*~*
(one of my favs ...)
A rich guy was looking for excitement so he decided to put an ad in the newspaper. The ad said, "I will give $10,000 to any person that can make my elephant jump."
So the next day, people came from all over the world to try to get this elephant to jump. There were even hypnotists who tried, but no one could get that elephant to jump.
Then a guy drives up in a blue Corvette and said, "Are you the guy with the ad?" The rich guy replied yes. Then the guy asked, "Is that your elephant?" "Yes." The rich man replies. Then the guy went back to his car.
He returned with a 2 by 4. He walked behind the elephant and hit the elephant right in his balls! That elephant jumped a good 8 feet in the air. The rich guy, amazed, handed him the $10,000. The guy then got in his Corvette and drove off.
The next week the rich guy decides to put another ad in the paper. The ad said, "I will give anyone $20,000 to make my elephant turn his head from side to side." The man had seen his elephant's head move up and down but never from side to side.
People come from all over the world to try to get this elephant to make his head turn from side to side. No one could do it. When everyone left, the same guy in the same Corvette drives up.
He walked up to the elephant and said, "Do you remember me?" The elephant nodded his head up and down. Then the man asked, "Do you want me to do it again?" The elephant then shook his head from side to side frantically.
~wicked wintery love~
Red Blooded
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
My father drives me to school in the morning, and today he brought up the recent hot topic of the group of Muslims being booted off of a flight because they did their required evening prayers before boarding the flight and sitting in different areas of the plane. When he asked my view of the matter I was unprepared and unread, but I decided to take a stab anyway.
I am always saying that I have been blessed with the gift of perspective. I look at all sides of an issue objectively and then use common sense and reason to formulate my own opinion of the matter. No matter how it was spun, I knew that they were praying. Being a spiritual, religiously tolerant person, I refused to believe that there were any sort of ulterior motives behind their prayer. If it was a group of Christians praying and then separately boarding a flight, no one would even think twice. Religious Christians are seen as upstanding citizens, while Muslims, no matter how pious, are simply seen as angry terrorists.
My dad thought it would be nice to bring up the language barrier. The Christian faith reveres those who "achieve" the gift of tongues. How is it that we can't understand what they're saying, but we assume it's good, but when people pray in Arabic it's probably foreshadowing some sort of tragedy?
In my mind I had him beaten; no matter which right wing radio host he quoted, Reason was always one step ahead. I knew that prayer was acceptable, I knew that all Muslims are unfortunately grouped with the small percentage of Muslim terrorists, and I knew that it was utterly and completely wrong for someone to just assume that these people were terrorists because they were Muslims who just so happened to have their flight schedule overlap their required prayer. And then he crippled me.
"What would you do?" he dared to ask. I gave it some hard thought, examining the very core of my being to find the truth. I couldn't say these things if I couldn't live them. The truth, the brutal honesty that I showed myself has wounded me and my trust in myself.
I would be nervous. Not terrified, not necessarily even scared, but I would be nervous. I would think twice and doubt their motives. Day in and day out I can write the essence of righteousness, I can proclaim the truths of Reason, and I can make myself out to be an American youth untouched by politics. I can not write the truth without trying to find it, and the truth is I have been indoctrinated, instilled with American prejudice. Day by day I have succumbed to the hammering doctrine of national insecurity; I have submitted to the hateful racism of public opinion.
I don't want to be a bigot. I'd like to say that I am the exception, above the influence of politics, but today I learned that I am not. I can't live a day without being exposed to homespun politics and agenda. Is the media to blame? Am I really an unwitting variable in a government experiment? Is this what they want me to be, and are they taking pride in my internal struggle? I'm not an intolerant person, but I am seeing more and more how blind and ignorant I am. I'm letting the Zeitgeist of modern America hinder who I am and what I know to be true.
Left, right, moderate, republican, democrat, it doesn't even matter anymore. No one is left untouched by modern politics. We are breeding a new generation of people without thought, completely dependent upon the thoughts of leaders who are just as ignorant. We need a third option, WoWees, and we need it fast.
Prepare for the Coming
Monday, December 04, 2006
A bunch of hippies have decided that orgasmic vibes can be harnassed to achieve world peace. Their official website encourages us all to have an orgasm on December 22 in a "time and place of our choosing."
I think it's nothing short of ridiculous. However, there is nothing that turns me on more than the crazy photograph of some chick's teeth and the music on the website, and the thought of people emitting "orgasmic peace waves" across the world.
WoW News Today!
Controversial U.N. ambassador / asshole to step down
Unable to win Senate confirmation, U.N. Ambassador John Bolton will step down when his temporary appointment expires within weeks, the White House said today.
President Bush gave Bolton the job temporarily in August 2005, while Congress was in recess.
Critics have questioned Bolton's brusque style and whether he could be an effective bureaucrat who could force reform.
Mr. Bolton was quoted as saying to the Congressional Committee overseeing his confirmation hearings "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you, I'm out!"
More Random Thoughts.
Britney Spears Naked Crotch!
So, Malach is shocked. A few days ago Malach posted something about Spears recent pantyless jaunt that was photo'ed and broadcast about the internet on his own blog. With it I included one of the pics, censored, and a link to see all the uncensored pics.
Well, I knew sex sells, but this kind of shocked me. The day before I posted my site got it's typical 486 unique visitors, the next day 1200+, yesterday, almost 3000. Malach sees the advantages of become a smut peddler, and celebrity gossips writer.
SNOW!
First snow of the season here in MA! Nothing much, a couple inches, ground is still to warm (it has been mostly in the 60's for the past 3 weeks). I found this cool site with images of snow flakes under the Electron Microscope. Several cool galleries.
Piper and Hobbs.
I now continue my video expose on the real Angry Piper and Hobbs Vonwackamole. You saw the one the other day, now I present my next hidden video.
They moonlight and school yard bully protection!
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Don't read binary? This will help!
I am Malach, I'll be home for Christmas.
A Discourse on Thought
Sunday, December 03, 2006
A brief introduction:
Against my personal beliefs, I made a MySpace a few months ago. I really dislike this land of perversion, and I have noticed that the blog system seems...dead. There is nothing other than "OMG MY SURVAY" and "MY LIEF RELLI SUKZ," and there is not even a bloody spell check. You, my WoWees, know I will not stand for that. I have been singlehandedly trying to rock the MySpace blogosphere with posts that are not shallow meanderings into the world of some "SEXI DOOD LOK AT MY SIX PAC ROFL." The following is my latest MySpace blog post.
Here it is, My Discourse on Thought:
'"Don't you hate that?"
"What?"
"Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bulls*** in order to be comfortable?"
"I don't know. That's a good question."
"That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the f*** up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence."'
-Mia Wallace and Vincent Vega, Pulp Fiction
Have you ever been thinking, and I mean really thinking, and then have somebody talk to you? It's even more frustrating when you can't get back as deep into your mind as you were. Some would accept it as a random distraction and go on with their day, but you should know me better than that.
Thought to me is the most pure element of one's self. We think in a language that only we can understand, and though thoughts aren't always clean (I'm looking at you, Piper) they are the closest thing to perfection within a human. Our intelligence, our creativity, our very individuality is contained within and influenced by our thought process. What separates genius from insanity? Romantic from realist? Poet from scientist? The way one's thoughts affect his or her preferences, of course.
The problems occur when we are forced back into the physical. The more we think, the more complex our thought - such is with all activities. However, when one is interrupted mid-thought it requires the same amount of time to reach the depth of thought before the interruption occurred. Though the interrupting party may have only been making small talk, he or she effectively crushed the thoughts of the thinker, seeing as how many thoughts are simply tangents of previous thoughts with an added layer of profundity. One thought may never be thought again, and the ascending levels after that are closed for eternity.
Why does speech cripple thought in such a forceful way? When we translate our purest element, Thought, into human tongues we unavoidably mar that purity with the filth of humanity. This essay is not as it was originally intended because it is transcribed into a language of inevitably imperfect human understanding.
Often I am asked why I am so reserved, aloof from the world around me. Do not take it as insult, for I am merely in thought. One should take note not to mess with the quiet person, for they could at any moment be at a level unattainable by the people around them. Writers, poets, artists, scientists, and philosophers - all are forged in silence. Inspiration comes from the inside's reaction to the outside.
I take great pity on the talkative, who require stimulation to be stimulated. How ironic it is that the most knowledgeable voice their knowledge the least, yet the ignorant are often the most outspoken. As I have stated previously, genius is often born from silence. Einstein's Theory of Relativity was a compounded thought, so would it be unwise to assume that the cure for cancer or AIDS won't be found in dialogue? I believe the great philosopher Bazooka Joe put it best when he wrote, "Quiet people aren't the only ones who don't say much."
A quick XMas Wish
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Relieving your Holiday Stress from the WoW!.
As you rush around, shopping and getting stressed think back to a simpler time, when XMas was magic . . .
Merry Xmas from the WoW. I now right now there is a tear in your eye!
I am Malach, and I believe in miracles
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