Malach's Top Ten Fictional Villains

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Malach is at work and bored.
And when he is bored he thinks of stupid stuff like: What are my top ten favorite fictional characters of all time? Wow, that would make a good blog! But how do I make it more concise? Let see we could seperate them in to catagories . .

So here you go, Malach top ten favorite fictional villains of all time (in no particular order)

Him
The Powerpuff Girls have interesting villians. I considered putting Mojo Jojo on this list. But Him, beat him out. Beyond crossdressing, androgyneous, lucifer on acid, how does one describe Him? He is a mysterious, supremely powerful, effeminate devil like creature. He is perhaps the most powerful of the PPG's foes. He can control dreams, your psyche. He causes catastrophes. He is alwasy trying to break human kind mentally. He can change his shape to many a apocalyptic monsterous form. He is wicked, nasty, mean tempered, and a bit insane.

The Monarch
He is (at least in his mind) the primary antogonist of Dr. Venture in the show, The Venture Bros. He models himself after a Monarch Butterfly, and has a hot girlfriend, with a manly voice (Dr. Girlfriend). He is vain and portrays and insane bravado as he overestimates his own powers and hides his incompetence. He has had the opportunity on numerous occasions to significantly harm Dr. Venture, but when faced with the prospect of actually suceeding at one of his goals, he loses interest, preferring to live out an unending hero/villain fantasy than actually be victorious. His unquenchable fury at Venture has never been fully explained. He just get more angry and fixated on Venture as Venture is oblivious to him and percieves him as a minor nuisance.

His entire campaign vs. Venture is based upon buttflies. He rides around with his henchman in a giant floating cocoon, and his weaponry is modeled after the physical traits of a butterfly (some erroneously: case in point his wrist stingers). He remains in the dark about actual bilogy and physicality of butterflies believing them to be dangerous and poisonous creatures.

Darth Vader
Vader in fuggin' cool, even with the crap Lucas put him through in episodes 1 - 3 (NOOOOOOOOOOO!) . I remember being 6 years old and seeing Star Wars, the first time at the Theater in 1978. Vader walks in, the most breathtaking, evil, dark, scary, power, thing I have even seen. And the breathing. Man, he rocked. You wanted to hate him. He had all these cool powers, and the lightsaber . . He was mean, a war criminal, a mass murderer, a torturer, you weren't sure what he was. Man, alien Robot . . . and the plot twist in Empire.

Vader is arguable the number one villain of all time.

Saruman
Tolkein had villains of all kinds. Smaug, Sauron, Gollum, The RingWraith, Wormtongue. But of them all, I liked Saruman the best. Saruman is Judas, the betrayer. Not only a betrayer of good, but a betrayer of evil. He works with Sauron, to betray Sauron. He thinks of nothing but the power (in which he was always powerful). He is the foil to the goodness and patience of Gandalf. Those who have only seen the movie, might not have a complete understanding of who Saruman (and for that matter Gandalf) is. He is not man, nor elf, he is Istari, immortal, powerful almost god-like.

Saruman was always insterested in deep knowledge, and magic of power, hence his interest in the rings of power and palantiri. Beyond his range of normal Istari power, he had the power of the voice . . he could use his speech to convince people to do things, and say them under his power. He was also very knowledgable in machinery, chemistry, and cross breeding of different beings.

Unfortunately the film did not depcit Saruman's scourging of the Shire, where one could see his ture evil and insanity.

The Joker
Can't sleep clowns will eat me. The Joker, could perhaps knock Vader off the top spot. What's scarier, that a homicidal, sadistic, psycopathic, deformed clown with aspirations of causing as much pain and death and kills with fatal hilarity? Unlike many comic books villains, the Joker is gritty, psychological, and not afraid to go after his enemies where it hurts most? I mean how many Robins has he killed? For someone with super powers (most of the time), he is the perfect nemesis for Batman, who with the amount of personal pain he has caused Batman, I am surprised hasn't killed him.

Cartman
Cartman is the asshole we all want to be. He is a obese, foul mouthed, racist, homophobic, anit-semetic 9 year old. He has a bigoted cunningness and manipulation, that no 9 year old should have. Generally speaking, he has exhibited at one time or another every negative trait that can be found in a human being, or expressed a desire to do so. Interestingly enough, Cartman does not seem to consider himself a bad person, but rather a superior human being.

Cartman is continually spoiled by his mom, and expects the same treatment with just about everyone he deals with. Cartman is also shown to have several mental illess, weird compulsion and sexuality indentity crisis. And he's funny.

Gaston
Ahh Gaston, my Favorite Disney Villian. What I like about Gaston is he is differnt from most Disney Villians. This can be best summed up in his them song.
LeFou:Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
Lefou and Chorus:No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
LeFou:No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
Gaston:As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
Lefou and Chorus:My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!"Give twelve "hip-hips!"
LeFou:Gaston is the bestAnd the rest is all drips
Chorus:No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
LeFou:In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
Bimbettes:For there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston:As you see I've got biceps to spare
LeFou:Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
Gaston:That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
Chorus:No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
LeFou:In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston:I'm espcially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
Chorus:Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston:When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Chorus:Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a guy, that Gaston!
No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
LeFou:Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
Gaston:I use antlers in all of my decorating!
Chorus:My what a guy,
Gaston!

I love the delusion!

HAL - 9000

Ahh, what more fun that being trapped on a ship to Mars with a sentient, artificially intelligent super computer that experiences emotions, and is paranoid to the point it wants to kill you?

"David, what are you doing David?"

Kill your computers now! Hal is speaking to them.

Freddy Krueger
Horror movies have spawned some memorable villains. Leatherface, Micheal Myers, Jason Vorhees. All really cool. But Freddy . . . Freddy's got them all beat. You see, the rest, they were limted to who the could kill, by who came the them. Not Freddy. He only needed you to fall asleep, and kill you in your dreams (DON'T FALL ASLEEP!).

He is ugly, his faced burned up in undeath as he died. He also has perhaps one of the most menacing weapons . . . his clawed glove. One, two Freddy's coming for you . . .


Darkseid
Nothing like a all poweful god/alien to take on Superman. And how fuggin' scary is Omega Beam? Darkseid can basically be described as evil incarnate. Darkseid is not merely content to control but to dominate those individuals under him into totally obedient and morally corrupt caricatures of individuals. Darkseid always maintains cool control, and he has a strange sense of personal honor.

Basically Darkseid wants to wipe out free will and recreate the Universe in an image he sees fit. How cool is that.

All Heil Darkseid!

Is there any connection here? Leave it in the comments.

I am Malach am I a villain?