Nothing makes me hungrier than leaving my two precious children in the car to slowly die while working a full shift. Whew!
That's why I'm so glad for Arby's!
Nothing hits the spot like some delicious roast beef sandwiches!
After a couple of those and an ice cold sweet tea, I'm ready to go back home and make sure none of the bags under my sink are leaking. Those kids! If I know them, they'll NEVER stop giving me trouble.
Those rascals.
Thank God I can finally get some peace and quiet here in jail.
Can I use my one phone call for some Arby's delivery? Damn, that shit is delicious.
Two dead kids and some Arby's, what a night!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
As Promised
A New Official WoW t-shirt
Ok, Buckos and Wowees, I fixed the T-shirt so all contributer appear on it, even Otis Serungis. It is now in the WoW store and the old one is getting deleted. Check it out:
Additionally, there have been a few requests for this t-shirt with the image on the back. I will design one tomorrow. Also, those of you who are excited about your August MVP award (Hojo), so you don't have to print the image and staple it to your chest, you can order a nice manly t-shirt of it.
See, that will get you chicks.
I am Malach and you wish to be my lover
Congrats WoWees!
The internet has voted . . .
and has voted the WoWees, MVP for the upcoming month of August. Because of your diligent work, your intelligence, and your unbelievable faith in the Wand of Wonder, the Internet has presented you with this award!
The WoW T-Shirt
I has been mentioned to me that I missed a few WoWees for the Wand of Wonder T-shirt, namely Auto C, Otis Serungis, and Choas . . so I am making a new one and deleting the old. I will post it when done.
I am Malach and I am proud of the WoWees.
New Storyline: Meet the Heroes
Monday, July 30, 2007
If you like stories, read this.
If you're too cool to click without knowing, it's the beginning of an epic tale about five superheroes who aren't very super to begin with.
This is a 'to be continued' so if you don't like that sort of stuff, click on it anyways. I have no clue...
What are you hiding in there Senator Stevens?
From the AP:
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) -- Agents from the FBI and Internal Revenue Service on Monday searched the home of U.S. Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK), an official said.
///
Investigators arrived at the Republican senator's home in Girdwood shortly before 2:30 p.m. Alaska time, said Dave Heller, FBI assistant special agent.
///
Heller said he could not comment on the nature of the investigation.
///
The Justice Department has been looking into the seven-term senator's relationship with a wealthy contractor as part of a public corruption investigation.
Comment:
I'll be interested to see if the Senator's Washington D.C. office or State Offices are also searched by our friendly Federal agents. Anybody know what's going on here? Surely not...Corruption!
The New WoW Store
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Isn't she a beauty. There is also a t-shirt in that store rated PG 13. You won't be able to see it unless you register and get age verified, but I can around that, I'll just post the image here.
All proceeds go to the continued running of the WoW. If these take off those, we will split the wealth . . .
I am Malach and buy a shirt, I did.
And there is some awesome stuff in there.
Malach has opened a new Wand of Wonder store, which can be reached by the link at the side. Right now there are three new shirts, including the brand new official Wand of Wonder t-shirt.
Isn't she a beauty. There is also a t-shirt in that store rated PG 13. You won't be able to see it unless you register and get age verified, but I can around that, I'll just post the image here.
All proceeds go to the continued running of the WoW. If these take off those, we will split the wealth . . .
I am Malach and buy a shirt, I did.
And you thought they were missing, dead, or didn't care
Friday, July 27, 2007
A new Piper/Hobbs video.
This was sent to me by anonymous, and postmarked Attleboro, MA. It is Hobbs and the Piper once again.
Evidently they just needed some private time
I am Malach, and get your poke on.
Extra Flammable Astronauts
Getting ready to fly a multi-billion dollar spacecraft? One that is regarded as the most complicated piece of machinery ever created by man? Want to fully prepare yourself for the most dangerous undertaking in all of human history; spaceflight? Well, join NASA and do it right - drink yourself shitty! Woohoo!!!
///
NASA is not satisfied with just regularly flammable astronauts. No, they demand the best, Extra Flammable Astronauts.
///
Congratulations NASA, for the most inebriated astronauts in the Universe!!!
Pipe Down!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
You want to know where I've been lately? Read my blog. I don't feel like posting it again.
That is all.
The indictment of Michael Vick, a/k/a "Ookie"
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
So, here it is fellow citizens: the federal indictment of Michael Vick, a/k/a "Ookie." I did not know that Vick had a nickname, and would have never guessed it was "Ookie." Alas, we never did hang out that much.
Anyway, on a personal note, this whole dog fighting thing sickens me. I grew up with dogs and dog fighting disgusts me. I know how much power we, as breeders, trainers, and owners have over dogs. I volunteer for at least 3 hours a week at the local SPCA to help teach basic obedience to shelter dogs to (a) make them more adoptable and (b) give them a greater chance of a successful adoption once the new owners get them home.
I know so many people who spend a great deal of time and effort to help neglected and abused dogs. So to read about someone so rich, with so many resources, using them to harm and mutilate dogs is just beyond me. People like Vick and other wealthy people involved in dog fights could be doing so much to help save and protect dogs. But instead of donating to local shelter or appearing in a commercial for an animal charity, they mutilate and kill dogs.
It's shameful. You really get to know someone's character by how they treat the helpless. How does a powerful man treat a woman, a child, an animal? Does he care for and protect them? Or does he exploit and harm them? Shame on Vick and everyone involved in these crimes.
The Lohan/Plato Conspiracy
The first of the Dr. Murk Conspiracies.
A picture says a thousand words so I present this to you and draw you own conclusions.
A wonder what you can do with MSPaint and 5 minutes of free time.
I am Malach the conspiracy master.
Hump Day Jokes
Three women are about to be executed, one's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim……"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim……"
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim……"
And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A Marine and Navyman are in the bathroom together, and the Marine goes to leave without washing his hands.
"Hey," says the Navyman, "in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands."
"In the Marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa.
The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick.
Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick.
A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.
"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far.
With new arm, Tarzan strong.
But no like new wee-wee."
"Why's that?"
"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass."
~hump day love~
It's all true
Monday, July 23, 2007
I am Malach, a mandated reporter.
The Angry Piper is missing?
And Malach has this exclusive photo. After all the conjecture . . . we present.
I am Malach, a mandated reporter.
Conspiracy Theory Contest 2007
All you need is an email account to join the fun! Post your best evidence that:
Albert Einstein and Mark Twain were the same person in Samuel Clemens.
I will personally give the winne 200 bucks.
Just sign up for the Wand of Wonder (ask Malach) and post your best theory.
Go!
I hate Murk
This is just a reminder to Murk that you're still a small, worthless, pieces of shit.
Heartfelt "fuck-off" included. :)
Actually, I saw this on another person's blog (Celti) and thought it was rather cool. And everyone knows how much I love to share "COOL" with the WoWees. Enjoy.
Happy Monday!
A Self-Negating Convenience
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Americans are all about convenience. Things that never bothered us before suddenly become tiresome and unnecessary once someone invents a way to make it faster, easier, and more streamlined. There's a new product out that does just that.
Now that you've seen an ad for birth control, I will console you. Scroll down a bit to see who wrote this. It's me, guys, your friendly, non-confrontational Horacian satirist. I'm not going to get into some political discussion about how birth control was invented by Dakota Fanning in order to halt the return of Christ or how birth control is a better invention than the combustion engine. You know what to expect with me, so take two breaths and come with me.
This new birth control pill is chewable, which is so much harder than, you know, swallowing a pill. Swallowing, which is so easy your grandparents do it every day to stay alive, is just way too hard. I can see where the whole "birth control on the go" idea would technically be a revolutionary step in a birth controlled world, but there is just one little thing that keeps this from being a miracle drug.
My mother pointed something out to me. If you'll take a look at the bottom of the ad at right about 12 seconds or so, you will see the phrase that is the two hours traffic of my rant:
"Followed by a full glass of liquid."
What? Wait, you mean to tell me that this pill is chewable, but it still requires the liquid that most people use when swallowing a pill? Isn't that, like, adding unnecessary exercise to taking a pill? And they're marketing this...to Americans? It seems like they are really missing the target audience here. They've not only destroyed any hope of "convenience" with their product, but they have actually tried to add steps in their process that make it more complicated than what is already available.
So the next time you rush out to buy the next tier of ultimate convenience for what is probably hundreds of dollars more than what you are currently paying, take a step back to realize that birth control was actually made by Dakota Fanning in order to halt the return of Christ.
Harry Potter exposed to Piper's Kilt
Friday, July 20, 2007
Yes, the awful power of Lord Voldemort is nothing compared to the grotesque wonder to be seen when the wind lifts the kilt of the absent minded Angry Piper.
Let the image twist in the nightmares of each futile attempt at nightly slumber, young wizard.
You are undone!
The greatest irony? The Piper was waiting in line with hundreds of other J.K. Rowling fans when the terrible vision was created.
Parable
In response to Dr. Murk. (as quoted from Hurst):
"One day a farmer's donkey fell down into awell. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway;it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, thedonkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
c
Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more.
Expect less
NOW ............
Enough of that crap . The donkey later came back,and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.The gash from the bite got infected andthe farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to coveryour ass, it always comes back to bite you."
This Is Awful
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Christopher Morris Just emailed this to me. What an terrible prick he is! Please don't shoot the messenger, but apparently, this is how Christopher deals with his Catholic Guilt. What an awful awful man! Let's all yell at him for emailing this to me:
More on Malach Energy Savings
Malach the greenie
Many of you know Malach began in April gradually replacing all his incandescent bulbs with energy savers in his home. At this point 98% of the bulbs are done (the one remains are old fixtures and the bulbs don't fit). So, here is where we are at (billing dates for 2006/2007):
April: 712 KWZ (2006) 640 KWZ (2007). This was with only about 50% of the bulbs replaced by the end of the month. In addition spring was very mild so the heat was not on at all in 2007 (Forced air, uses Electricity).
May: 690 KWZ (2006) 664 KWZ (2007). By the end of the month of May 98% of the bulbs were replaced
June: 710 KWZ (2006) 715 KWZ (2007). Strange? Not really, Early Summer was very hot this year, and I had the Central Air on for about a week and ceiling fans on most of the month. Last year, it was pretty mild.
July: 736 KWZ (2006) 658 KWZ (2007)
So comparing the two quarters from 2006 and 2007, I have a savings of 171 KWZ, which comes out to $19.99503 is savings. Extrapolate that to a year? $59.98509 over the average 5 lifespan of the bulbs? $299.925445. Not bad. I will keep you updated as I continue with this experiment.
By the way, Wal-Mart sells these bulbs, both the spiral and globe in three packs from $7 to $10 depending on the size and style.
I am Malach and Al Gore had nothing on me.
Sad News About the Angry Piper.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
It has come to my attention that the Piper has been involved in a terrible shaving/masturbation accident that has resulted in all of his fingers and penis being cut off. Sadly, due to the very cheap health care plan that he was forced to sign up for under the new Mass Healthcare law, he was required to go to a New Bedford hospital to get them reattached. The doctors there accidentally mixed up the appropriate locations for all eleven digits during the operation.
Since his recovery, no one has been able to persuade him to come out of his room and actually start posting something on his website again because he is too busy obsessively sucking his new "thumb".
Our thoughts and prayers are with him, and we hope he overcomes his latest tribulation and pulls himself together to actually do something with his life again.
Hopefully, the Astroglide I poured all over the new vibrating keyboard I bought for him will make the transition easier.
We can only hope.
History
Recently, while digging through the stacks of old text books at Murk's Palatial Estate, I found some old history books and some old science journals. Here are a few quotes:
"Until recently, not much was known about the Japanese Islands. The Japanese are a primitive culture, with little to no industry. They are fierce and superstitious bearded men, some having horns and extended front teeth, and they will not willingly give up the secrets of the islands. Their women, although beautiful, are just as barbaric as their men. Reports of demon worship and large sacrificial fires have surfaced from time to time, but the truth about their inhuman nature is far worse than any tale can convey."
Contrast with a later text:
"The Japanese are a highly industrious peoples. Their skill in machinery is surpased only by their love of war and gambling. The entire culture is ablaze with colours of blood red, firey demonic orange and sickly yellow. The men cannot grow beards and are all of substandard height. Their women rarely walk in the open and have a ghostly white palour to them. Their culture is awash in myth and legend that clearly predates the Chinese by some 5000 years."
Contrast with a text from the 1980's:
"Walkmans anyone? Have you ever been to Japan? Of course not. Japan is very far away but soon, it may be right in your backyard. The Japanese are technological giants and ambitious businessmen. Since World War II (with the help of Uncle Sam), Japan has emerged as a Superpower on a global scale. Japanese business owns 90% of America! Think of that the next time you put your headphones on!"
And then there's this tidbit from 2003:
"Japan has fallen off the world stage as of late. A monetary crisis and competition from China and South Korea has plunged them into obscurity. Culturally, Japan has become a wasteland of pornography, electronic games and risque cartoons. Japan is heavily in debt to the United States and other European Countries. American 'Goth' culture has also invaded Japan. Their young men hang out on the streets dressed as Anime Heroes, and their women appear in lewd game shows, dressed as Sailor Moon."
So, how do we explain History, then? Is it merely an opinion? Is it current events? Is any of it real, permanent or even reliable?
Or are we all just telling ourselves a convenient story so that we can sleep at night knowing that the world follows a progression of truths right into our current day?
Hump Day Jokes
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch." Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it'll answer me, telepathically." "Rubbish," says the girl. "No, it's true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I'll prove it. I'll ask it if you've got any panties on." The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven't got any panties on." "Well, it's wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on." "Damn," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it's an hour fast!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream. Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see." "That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?" "Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out." So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!" Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?" And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?" So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer."
~hump day love~
A Plug for one of my identities!
Monday, July 16, 2007
...Good evening, Kiddies. As with many of us here at the WOW, I have more than one identity. Of course, I believe we are all the same mind, God splitting himself into a billion lives to see out of our eyes and enjoy how we experience the world. But I digress. I am Hobbs von Wackamole, alchemist, immortal, philosopher and student. However, my immortality is not linked to a single body. I, as with reincarnation, am reborn time and time again! But I digress.
One of my corporeal forms deserves a plug here. I for one am very excited for him, and thought all our friends at the Wow would appreciate this. For my form is, or fancies himself to be, a musician. And he is in a band, called Burnt Fur. 
And, if you click this link, or this picture, you can read the first piece of press that my form has ever received. Its from the eNewletter of Electronic Musician magazine.
And if you like what you read, and are interested in hearing the music, you can do so here.
And if you wish to purchase the cd single, you can do so here, or purchase it in mp3 form here.
Thank you
see you soon
HvW
Why Red Sox Nation Rocks
More on Malach visit to Fenway
Many of you know, Malach and his Special Olympics team celebrated Disability Awareness Day with the team on the field at Fenway about a month ago, the full story is here and some pics are here. Well a video of the kid singing the national anthem has surfaced on YouTube, and in the first few seconds of the video you can see Malach on the mound with Josh Beckett.
I forgot the kids name who sang, but he is autistic, and it shows just how awesome the Fenway Faithful were. The kid got really nervous and started stuttering and giggling. This was live on NESN, and you don't really get to hear how loud the crowd was on NESN, but you can hear it here, and they helped the kid, as he sang along with them. It still brings chills to my spine.
I am Malach and I miss my kitty.
Because we all know how much AP likes noir
Sunday, July 15, 2007
p.s. I caught Piper watching Octocentipus Porn once.
The sick fuck.
Tales of the WoW: Escape from the Brown Bowler
Saturday, July 14, 2007
by Christopher Morris:
Where have I been? Where have I been?
I awoke in a dimly lit, smokey chamber with the smell of ether still clinging to the hairs of my nostrils. Fuck. Never sleep! Never SLEEP! I had slipped up again. When you sleep, he sends his hatchlings for you.
My head swam in the sickening afterglow of the crude anesthetic, no doubt administered by the "Good Doctor" himself. Jumble vision flipped itself rightways, then askew, then aright and blurred edges gave way to ultra sharp, psycho-delic vision. Of course. Two drugs. One to keep me sleeping, one to cloud the depth of my mind. I saw him. I saw The Piper standing behind him. He'd promised me revenge.
I'd accidentally ordered a few men to beat him to death. Such a thing is possible. The Piper, louse that he is, had removed the body and... well, no one was sure. There were rumors. Someone had started a new blog, but come on, now! He was dead. I saw him dead on his own floor.
Mistakes. I've made a few. Living in his house after killing him was one. I should have reasoned that on the off chance he did survive, the last place I'd want to be when he was ambulatory was in his lair. Fucking den of sin and surprise that it is. Now he had me and he had The Piper. One part of the story was solid. This was Murk. I could smell him. Even through the dual action of ether and LSD I could smell him. This was no phantom, no charade, no trick.
Why the hell are you wearing that turban?
"Simple," Dr. Murk replied. "A safe place is necessary. Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs. Food, Safety and Shelter are the base of the pyramid. So, I found someplace safe and I took you there. Well, actually, I can't walk very well... yet, so Piper brought you here."
Where is here? Araby?
His laghter was like the sound of large icicles falling in staccato.
"No, you ass," he laughed again. He nudged The Piper and The Piper laughed too, but not nearly as heartily. Something always creeped me out about The Piper. Something about that hollow baritone and those dead, souless fish eyes made me wary. "I'll give you a hint..."
"... after I torture you a bit."
Mistakes. Like forgetting to eliminate his seat of power, the Queen of the Widow Spiders: Mrs. Dr. Murk. She appeared from her usual nowhere, bearing an elegant woman's shoe in one hand and a scorpion in the other. The shoe was rather large for her but, oh... oh no... Scorpion goes in shoe, shoe goes on my foot, blah blah blah.
Next thing I know, I'm wearing a Spiderman mask and eight fists are pummeling me at once.
"This is the coolest thing I've ever seen," I heard The Piper mumble.
"Silence," Murk hissed, "Let my colleague concentrate on my dear brother's face. DR. OCTOPUS! CONTINUE TO OPERATE!"
I black out after five minutes.
Mistakes. I should have blacked out quicker.
"Brother?" I hear his voice. "Oh brooottthhhhhherrrrrrrr?"
Correction: I should have not blacked out at all. Maybe old Doc Oc would have pummelled me to death. Wait! That was it! We drugged him, beat him to death and then...
"Well, it's been fun," Murk said. I could only see him as a squiggle between the slits of my broken eye sockets. "Piper, chase him to the door."
"Wait! You said you'd tell me where we are!" I needed to warn everyone. I needed to round up a posse and take him down. "Hey," I said, "Isn't every Supervillain supposed to reveal his secret plan when you ask him? That's like Supervillain 101."
Murk stopped The Piper before he leapt from his 'Crouching Ninja' stance (complete aside here, but The Piper does it so that you see his gonads. I know he does this on purpose. He has to. What certified Ninja would Sharon Stone you by accident every time he attacked?).
"Villain?" Murk gasped. He could fake being hurt like that. Jerk-off. "Piper, Piper Piper?"
"Yes, m'Lawd?" Piper boomed.
"Have I killed anyone?" Murk asked plaintively.
"Naught in weeks, m"lawd." Piper ansered.
"Villian. I abhor this. Fine, I'll tell you if you take that villain crap back." Murk said.
"No," I said defiantly.
"He took it back, m'Lawd." Piper pronounced proudly.
"No I didn't!" I yelled.
"In denial again, m'Lawd." Piper grinned.
"In denial indeed," Murk matched him grin for grin. "The answer is: I'm wearing a turban because my Bowler can't be in two places at once. Now, get out." Piper sprang, and this time with no warning. I ran like hell through mazes the likes of which even King Minas would have nightmares about. The whole while Piper was trying to urinate on me while running after me, heedless of his own backsplash.
I finally found my way out and was on the brim of an enourmous Brown Bowler Hat. "Oh my God!" I screamed as I looked down. They'd burried him upright. Before I could wonder about all of this, one of the gigantic eyes opened and looked directly at me. I stopped still, afright.
The smell of ether and Piper's rotten, stale ale breath.
I awoke in the basement of the Palatial Murk Estates. Alone.
Beware!
Beware!
BEWARE!!!!!
I awoke in a dimly lit, smokey chamber with the smell of ether still clinging to the hairs of my nostrils. Fuck. Never sleep! Never SLEEP! I had slipped up again. When you sleep, he sends his hatchlings for you.
My head swam in the sickening afterglow of the crude anesthetic, no doubt administered by the "Good Doctor" himself. Jumble vision flipped itself rightways, then askew, then aright and blurred edges gave way to ultra sharp, psycho-delic vision. Of course. Two drugs. One to keep me sleeping, one to cloud the depth of my mind. I saw him. I saw The Piper standing behind him. He'd promised me revenge.
I'd accidentally ordered a few men to beat him to death. Such a thing is possible. The Piper, louse that he is, had removed the body and... well, no one was sure. There were rumors. Someone had started a new blog, but come on, now! He was dead. I saw him dead on his own floor.
Mistakes. I've made a few. Living in his house after killing him was one. I should have reasoned that on the off chance he did survive, the last place I'd want to be when he was ambulatory was in his lair. Fucking den of sin and surprise that it is. Now he had me and he had The Piper. One part of the story was solid. This was Murk. I could smell him. Even through the dual action of ether and LSD I could smell him. This was no phantom, no charade, no trick.
Why the hell are you wearing that turban?
"Simple," Dr. Murk replied. "A safe place is necessary. Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs. Food, Safety and Shelter are the base of the pyramid. So, I found someplace safe and I took you there. Well, actually, I can't walk very well... yet, so Piper brought you here."
Where is here? Araby?
His laghter was like the sound of large icicles falling in staccato.
"No, you ass," he laughed again. He nudged The Piper and The Piper laughed too, but not nearly as heartily. Something always creeped me out about The Piper. Something about that hollow baritone and those dead, souless fish eyes made me wary. "I'll give you a hint..."
"... after I torture you a bit."
Mistakes. Like forgetting to eliminate his seat of power, the Queen of the Widow Spiders: Mrs. Dr. Murk. She appeared from her usual nowhere, bearing an elegant woman's shoe in one hand and a scorpion in the other. The shoe was rather large for her but, oh... oh no... Scorpion goes in shoe, shoe goes on my foot, blah blah blah.
Next thing I know, I'm wearing a Spiderman mask and eight fists are pummeling me at once.
"This is the coolest thing I've ever seen," I heard The Piper mumble.
"Silence," Murk hissed, "Let my colleague concentrate on my dear brother's face. DR. OCTOPUS! CONTINUE TO OPERATE!"
I black out after five minutes.
Mistakes. I should have blacked out quicker.
"Brother?" I hear his voice. "Oh brooottthhhhhherrrrrrrr?"
Correction: I should have not blacked out at all. Maybe old Doc Oc would have pummelled me to death. Wait! That was it! We drugged him, beat him to death and then...
"Well, it's been fun," Murk said. I could only see him as a squiggle between the slits of my broken eye sockets. "Piper, chase him to the door."
"Wait! You said you'd tell me where we are!" I needed to warn everyone. I needed to round up a posse and take him down. "Hey," I said, "Isn't every Supervillain supposed to reveal his secret plan when you ask him? That's like Supervillain 101."
Murk stopped The Piper before he leapt from his 'Crouching Ninja' stance (complete aside here, but The Piper does it so that you see his gonads. I know he does this on purpose. He has to. What certified Ninja would Sharon Stone you by accident every time he attacked?).
"Villain?" Murk gasped. He could fake being hurt like that. Jerk-off. "Piper, Piper Piper?"
"Yes, m'Lawd?" Piper boomed.
"Have I killed anyone?" Murk asked plaintively.
"Naught in weeks, m"lawd." Piper ansered.
"Villian. I abhor this. Fine, I'll tell you if you take that villain crap back." Murk said.
"No," I said defiantly.
"He took it back, m'Lawd." Piper pronounced proudly.
"No I didn't!" I yelled.
"In denial again, m'Lawd." Piper grinned.
"In denial indeed," Murk matched him grin for grin. "The answer is: I'm wearing a turban because my Bowler can't be in two places at once. Now, get out." Piper sprang, and this time with no warning. I ran like hell through mazes the likes of which even King Minas would have nightmares about. The whole while Piper was trying to urinate on me while running after me, heedless of his own backsplash.
I finally found my way out and was on the brim of an enourmous Brown Bowler Hat. "Oh my God!" I screamed as I looked down. They'd burried him upright. Before I could wonder about all of this, one of the gigantic eyes opened and looked directly at me. I stopped still, afright.
The smell of ether and Piper's rotten, stale ale breath.
I awoke in the basement of the Palatial Murk Estates. Alone.
Beware!
Beware!
BEWARE!!!!!
Wii are not amused
Friday, July 13, 2007
Harumpf.
So, months ago, what seven or eight months ago, Nintendo releases the Wii. It's an unanticipated runaway hit. It's fun, reliable, and only costs $250.
People were lined up for it and there were shortages. I, as usual, felt superior because I looked down upon those waiting in line for a game. Why not just wait a few weeks, and then you can go into any WalMart in America and buy one. Or even better, and my personal preference, just order it online from Amazon.
Well, I was wrong. You still can't find this damn console. Those Wii's get bought up wherever a few get in stock. Worse yet, scalpers buy up all they can so they can resell as an independent seller on Amazon - willing to sell you a $250 machine for $380. What a deal.
Anyway, I'm just dissapointed and wish that Nintendo (or "Nintendo of America" "NOA") would get this supply issue resolved.
And until you do, stop tormenting me with your damn commercials about a product I can't find to buy. Stop!!!
Some upcoming movies
Cloverfield
This looks insanely awesome, perhaps Blair Witch style sci-fi, impossible to find info on it beyond the codename: Cloverfield and the release date, 1/18/08.
Cthulhu
Now this could be VERY interesting if it is done right currently being screened at several film festivals, if good enough will get a release.
I am Malach and I am scared.
Hump Day Jokes...
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that there had to be something done about it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods.
The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit says, "No, of course not!"
So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that there had to be something done about it.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She then explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then used it to clean the mirror. Needless to say, there have been no lip prints on the mirror since!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop.
"Oh no!" cried the brunette. "Is he following me?"
"Yep," replied the blonde.
"I'm going to drive down this little side road, okay?" said the brunette.
"Yep," replied the blonde.
"Is the cop still following me?"
"Yep."
"Are his lights on?"
"Yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope..."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Sorry I missed last weeks, was in hospital.
But all better now *smiles*.
But all better now *smiles*.
~Hump Day Love~
Pure Almond Extract
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Today's quick coffee tip:
When you are done brewing your cup of joe and have poured it into your favorit big cup, try flavoring it with a capful of pure almond extract. Mmmm mmm.
Yours truly has a nice tall thermal travel mug that I fill about 6/8 to 7/8ths full of coffee, with a capful of this pure almond extract, a teaspoon of stevia powder, two packets of Splenda and fill the rest with milk.
Deeeeelicious.
How Toyi explain the New Order
Monday, July 09, 2007
Hey this is not a statement but is the way I understand this movement.
I am not covering everything, these movement has so many plan developments that takes more than few books to cover it, I will just post some words I have on it by some Wowees requests. Informational material I had used is "En Route to world Occupation", Bible and general Knowledge.
New Order
This religion is based in the “Pantheisms”. Pantheism believes that everything that exists is part of God and God is part of everything. Pantheism believes there is no personal God, but their concept focuses deeply is a way of looking at God as a “Force” or “Energy” turning him into a “god-force” and this force flows through things on earth and all living creatures including humans and because of this energy flow… we are god or at least part of it.
This way of believing “Pantheism” supports world movements of unification because they strongly feel human unification will bring the world to its maximum level of existence.
Pantheism also teaches that we will never die but instead we will reincarnate because we are all in one with nature in a cycle. Is amazing how men fall into this misleading trap. Pantheism is based on 2 of the most big and oldest lies Satan used to make Adam & Eve fall. The serpent told them “If you eat from this tree you:
1) Will not die.
2) Will be like God.
There is no doubt that men have been trying to escape from responsibility & submission from authority since ancient times.
Believing that there is no personal God, takes responsibility away from sins & also takes away responsibility to keep a personal relationship with God, people end up believing more in what they can accomplish on their own than really accepting or admitting God’s help as Their own Creator.
Also “Occultism” comes from Pantheism, well said witches or witchcraft practitioners opposing the popular idea, they don’t believe in Satan or see themselves practicing satanic rituals; they believe all they do is manipulation of natural forces or what we called at the beginning “god-force” (Pantheism).
Pantheism is a religion of Satan, although Satanism has dragged few crowds is still not soooo well seen for the openness of total God opposition idea. Pantheism is designed to drag masses; the foundations of the New Order are “occultists”.
Some of the biggest mistake people make is calling “Occultism or Pantheism” apart from “Mysticism” or see them as different ideologies, but they are the same.
At the beginning people don’t see that they are practicing occultism, later they realize it but they are so involved that “leaving” is not under their consideration because they have developed an altered state of mind after submitting continuously to meditations and hypnosis they practice.
Occultism is seductive and addictive (more addictive than drugs) and is more dangerous after their practitioners are pushed by their own will to do it and get into this altered state of mind. I strongly believe God wanted to protect us against Occultism by setting laws around it, but if we choose to disobey his warnings is possible to break that protection and get into direct contact with dark powers to communicate with demons, these direct contact is possible through meditations that can cause altered state of minds. Some people have reached little, but some others have reached “Significant Experiences” like traveling out of their bodies, or ancestral projections or future events or contact with spiritual forces. Also some people or those who practice these meditations could find not so pleasant experiences. Why not so pleasant? Because they have developed books that give orientation to take some precautions, but the books are not completely certifying or endorsing this will completely “not happen”. These meditation practices can destroy your mind and give Satan an open door to own your body. A person profoundly hypnotized has no ability to think or repel any attack; the Hynotist can do with his/her, as he want with no problems or opposition. Satan is not stupid, he understands this matter perfectly and putting it on simple words people that practice these extensive meditations are putting themselves in great danger and they can be easily handled.
Just pay attention to what an hypnotist does, he can make people do “Whatever” he wants and these effects of Hypnotism prevail, because we have heard before that a person that has been hypnotized in the past takes a click of the hypnotist to fall again after years (that is proven). Oh well this hypnotist was friendly, he had a show about it was fun…let me say is the biggest lie calling it white magic, These practices go against God’s laws because are still part of Occultism. What appears to be good is not so good when Satan use it on his advantage. Nobody should use these meditation practices or use Occultism to achieve a “Positive goal” like New Order is doing to bring “world peace” because God’s laws forbid Occultism. Drugs and Occultism go by hand and these movements were very popular on the 60’s why they go by hand? Because drugs also produce that altered state of mind and an altered mind means easy access to evil forces, means that people expose themselves to be used, possessed and mistreated turning in pure addicts of these altered states of minds to achieve ecstasies or maintain a good level of it in their lives separating themselves from the submission and a loving relationship with their Creator.
Screw Blogger
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Malach has given up on Blogger.
Why? Twice this week, I have not been able to post to blogs hosted by my site, and Blogger has been NO HELP. I should have done this years ago. Malach has a new WordPress blog, located here. My old blog, transfers to this blog (So you don't have to change you links), and the archives still remain, when Blogger is fixed, I am going to load them all into an archive folder, and link them from the new blog. As for the new blog, I am adjusting it and learning a bit of .php which I am not an expert in. So expect some slight color and image changes. My feed address remain the same, another reason why Feedburner rocks.
And Blogger, overall it was a decent 3 year relationship, but when it came down to it, you did not help when I needed you most, and after some digging, this seems to be the case with A LOT of FTP published blogs after your conversion.
I am Malach and this is a new era.
A little image to make all those Red Sox Nation WoWees jealous.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Yeah, that's Malach
On the mound at Fenway just prior to the 6/30 game, and just prior to meeting Josh Beckett out there.
My buddy Darren is also in the background out in the short stop position, if you want to read the entire story, go here.
I am Malach the greatest thing to softball since sliced bread.
NEW! Digital Camera with Satelite Phone Capability!
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Yes, that's right. MurkTech brings you it's latest in in in innovation (in).
How many times has this happened to you? You're taking a digital picture of some naked chick and you want to call your friends, but the CAMERA has no PHONE and your hands are way too busy to pull out the celly.
Well, here's a 12 megapixel camera that will make voice activated calls whenever you want AND instantly send picures, video, pets, bar tabs and cross country skiing equipment WHILE you SHOOT!
Fuck...
I got bored with this idea.
Goodnight.
Murk Out
New Drink Recipe
Fuck Poetry. Let's DRINK!!!
The Murky Mon Cherri Sunday Float:
For those of you into decadent drinks, here's one for ya.
Large (I mean LARGE)glass half filled with ice
2 tablespoons of marachino cherry juice
2 tablespoons of chocolate syrup
Fill almost to the top with milk.
Top with one scoop of ice cream (vanilla works well, as does coffee)
Garnish with marachino cherries.
Enjoy. Note: The drink will change consistency and flavour, adding mystery to your cool summertime secret treat. Never make one for anyone else but yourself.
Oh, and has anyone tried my ginger chicken recipe?
Murk
Wand of Wonder
Is it merely a place for plugs? NO!
And now, poetry:
Travail Son
To the Earth we fall.
Seven times up,
Eight times down.
Envying Life in Final Release,
Even the Dead are alive,
Dancing in the streets
With their hair untied,
While the living try and try.
With weary hands they lift the stone.
With bow shaped Scythes and Backs,
The living clear the Rye.
Yes this was already posted on my blog, but since you're all too lazy, I bring it here, no?
Pro Wrasslin's Dirty Little Secret
Malach exposes Wrasslin'.
Many of you already know an inordinate amout of professional wrestlers have died since 1985 before their 45th birthday, inluding in the past year and a half, Eddie Guerrero, and most recently Chris Benoit and Woman (Nancy Benoit). A fairly extenisive list can be found here. There are varying ways some of these wrestlers have died, including drug overdoses, suicides, murders, automobile accidents, heart attacks, and cancer, but they were all fairly well know wrestlers, the one thing that linked them.
We after some investigation by Malach and Otis Serunigs, we have come up with a vast conspiracy . . . a conspiracy that involves 50 years of wrestlers. We expose it for you know.
What links all these deaths? This conspiracy . . . you see, Chris Benoit killed all these people too, and it has been covered up all these years.
So.
Yesterday, Malach got to stand on the pitcher's mound with Josh Beckett during the playing of the National Anthem. I also got on NESN. All this, and pictures (I hope) on Malach's Blog tonight). Also, perhaps a vid on a later date.
I am Malach, just call me the Warren Commission.
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