The return of the Search Phrase Gremlins

Monday, July 07, 2008

It's Back!
Now that Third Option Media has built up a number of blogs, articles, and such, we now have the return of the Search Phrases! Beyond the obvious and most popular which either have to do with slow pitch softball or cures for high blood pressure (there are hundreds of those), we got these funny ones too. Enjoy the ride of hilarity!

• how to defeat sin in the airship
• toyi naked in eden
• mr. fantastic mary jane watson hentai
• [jod] super smash kung fu panda radio helicopter
• zangief gay parade
• wife loves wand
• vigilante for hire new bedford massachusetts
• vampire bite cock
• tripping off skittles
• son and mother hump like mad
• people with high blood pressure does really get angry easily
• obama is a lieing sack of shit
• no-you-idiots it's-tony-blair!
• lara logan's feet pics
• john mcain eats babies
• dana bash and horse face
• cat cora's tits
• cannot focus very well high blood pressure
• is astroglide flammable
• i hate choas dragoon
• random junk i can get high on
• why can i only remember things that have happened a few hours ago
• vampires vs cock
• explain evil heart
• i always wonder if i should give the ass or the crotch
• naked families

And that is only from the past week

I am Malach, your New Bedford Vigilante

The Wand of Suck

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Obama
Wow, how scared is Republican Party of Barack Obama? This entire garbage about Rev. Wright and his "influence" on Obama is way overplayed. I am even hearing these neo con media guys promoting Hillary, they now they can beat her.

Seriously, this is not important, it is typical political bullshit. If we are going to label Obama as broken because of this relationship, we should list every Catholic as broken for continuing to support a religion that hid sex abusers and pedophiles. You need to go after the Bush family and 40 year relationship with the bin Laden family. Or how about John McCain and he hatred for the Vietnamese because of they years he spent as a POW; yeah you like that jump of assumption, don't you. It is the same jump one makes about Obama and Wright.

How about Malach and his love of Gangsta Rap. Or Toyi her love of Death Metal. Please do not make Hillary the candidate for the Democratic Party, you will lose.

The Wand of Suck
This blog sucks, I am renaming it The Wand of Suck unless you can prove me otherwise. What happened to the Rants? What happened to the Tales of WoW? What happened to the funny editorials? Biographical stories of life? The reviews of movies and books. This place sucks. IT SUCKS!!! It it has become a self indulgent place of idiocy. It no longer meets my approval!

I am Malach and I am partly to blame.

HEY MA, LOOK AT ME!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Everyone's Doing It
Since the world seems to be doing, Malach wants to show you what search phrase people use to find this site. Now, this blog generates most of those searches, but De Pope has started to bring some of this in too, as well as other stuff. Well here it goes:

gay porn podcast: I assume this has to do with The Murk and Malach Show's interview of C.Rag and Angryman
fidel castro pussy: Yeah, Hojo is Communism, you make the connection.
pope benedict eating babies nazi: that's all you Pope
boy gay sex: That's probably you too Pope
fire school of ministry: FIRE!
fat guys in dresses: Hey Piper, it's your fan club
lamerme english translation and tall wemans revenge comix: Yeah spelling and congnitive thought is not the typical WoWees strong suit
black mother fuckers: No clue
bugs biting guy cock: There are several versions of this one
my no-no place daddy: Yeah, you haven't yet found the secret Third Option child
porn pages?
girdle love: Hmmmm
wonder girls want to fuck with boss: Again, HMMMM
mans skirts stories: they love the Angry Piper
boneprone soft17: What?
latinos women get naked at drunk parties: Toyita, they are calling you!
bitch tits: this makes me laugh
how to shave vagaina: Again spelling . . .
brandi love spermshack: And who doesn't
died from a fart: Busted!
funbags jugs: Malach prefers sweater cows
prettyhotbabes hereistheporn: Another secret Third Option page?
women of chad: C. Rag, they are listening
does mitt romney fart: OH BOY DOES HE EVER!
gorgeous malach: Why of course
hump comics crumb: Hey Crumb they miss you
i want local pussy.com: try Craigslist
jen and hojo pregnant: Hojo, is there something you need to tell us?
john mark karr i love him: you have some problems
malach abortion: Where did they find that out?
piper is a ass: Wow, they know you buddy
sexually spooning my aunt: And the secret Third Option incest page
why won't god or jesus talk to me and help me to become what they want of me: Ask the Pope.
very old grandma sex: yet another secret page
ago long leaders china's were and e with starts word what what word starts with e and were china's leaders long ago china: wow . . .
definition of tulumptuous: someone want to tackle this in the comments.
what happens to spiders after sucking them up with a vacuum cleaner:HAHAHAHAHA
did you know that jesus was jewish: this is why you come here
i heart big balls: Hmm, Tshirt?
well endowed penis podcast: That is Malach all the way!
box waft: PU!
cats and the smell of old spice: That's gotta be Mike
fake brick cocaine recipe: Mike too
itchy flaky crust on testicles: Why do people come here for medical advice
snookums is cleaning his pipe in her tight water hole: interesting

Now, that is only a small sample from the past 6 months, and don't get me wrong we get plenty of normal search phrases.

GO SOX!

I am Malach, de gorgeous!

Welcome back WoWees

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Welcome to the Wand of Wonder 2.0.
Thanks to the 100 (down from about 250) or so people who held onto our feed while the WoW has gone through some changes. Missing or absent contributers, technical issues with Blogger, and a web address change; you are the reall WoWees, and we love you.

You many notice some changes here at the WoW. Gone is most of the dead weight, contributers who don't blog or at least post comments. That being said, I did not have the heart to remove the Cap'n. Even though he has been missing from the blogsphere for a while now, he is a founding member of the WoW, and I miss his crazy frenetic posting. I also kept Hobbs, I feel sorry for the elderly, sue me. Here now are several new contributers, prolific bloggers, who are also pretty funny, and very good writers. Mike, Sara Sue, Tequila Mockingbird, Colonel Colonel. I also have a couple more invites out and see if more will join this madness. In addition, as I am updating Third Option Media, I am adding a list of contributers with their main blogs to our blog archive.

So then new contributers, welcome to the WoW 2.0, the rest of WoWees welcome you (man I am gonna have to make a WoW 2.0 tee). And as always, if you want to join, you need to e-mail myself or Dr. Murk, and give us an e-mail, as that is the only way Blogger does invites. Also Murk and I are the administrators contact us with technical issues.

OK, a review
So, now, for our new contributers and the new readers they are going to bring along with them, some info about the WoW. First, there are no rules here. It is anything goes blog. While there is a limit to what we allow, we have yet to delete a post for breaking or reaching that limit. What is the limit? We would delete hardcore porn (but not nessecarily links with warnings to porn), advertising spam (but not plugs) such as the penis enlargement/viagra garbage, and that's really about it. The other thing we discourage is flooding (multiple posts in the course of a day, say like 5 within a 3 hour time span), and adjusting your time stamp so your article always stays at the top of the page.

You may post any weird philosophy, support for any position, strange images, fiction, non-fiction, home improvement, what ever. Malach might take some of your stuff, and repost it at Third Option Media or Stool Sample Webhosting, with permission of course. We have done this before and have had wonderful results.

So have fun, go off, and most of all make us laugh . . . or piss us off . . .

I am Malach 2.0

Some more administation

Friday, September 21, 2007

The Murk and Malach Show.
In a never ending battle to make Third Option Media more professional, The Murk and Malach Show has changed web addresses. It is now located at:

http://www.third-option.com/podcasts/mmshow.html

The old address still functions as a redirect page. In addition, I created a whole new folder in the /podcasts/ directory for all our podcast mp3's. They will now be in a /podcasts/mmmp3/ folder, which means if you favorited some old shows, their address is changed also. Easy way to find out is go to The Murk and Malach Show Main Page, and click in the appropriate link to the appropriate show. Our feed hes not changed, just the web adresses embedded in the feed so if you are one of the hundreds of subscribers, you got a bunch of updates today.

Any question you may contact me.

I am Malach and sodom what does it mean, you probably shouldn't ask, it will hurt your ass.

Some administration

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Bear with me.
I am in process of totally redesigning Third Option Media (TOM), as there is a number of opportunities the combined forces of TOM and Rubbersuit Studios is strarting to get (more when it is official). With that end, I am creating a new directory for the blogs we plan on hosting. With that being said, The Wand of Wonder has a new web address

http://www.third-option.com/WoW/

Now, don't fret, none of your links are broken, becuase I put a redirection page on the old address, you can change your links at your leisure.

This will make TOM much more structured and allow us to better direct client around our site.

I am Malach, logistics man

The New WoW Store

Saturday, July 28, 2007

And there is some awesome stuff in there.
Malach has opened a new Wand of Wonder store, which can be reached by the link at the side. Right now there are three new shirts, including the brand new official Wand of Wonder t-shirt.

The official Wand of Wonder T-Shirt
by
Malach

Get this custom shirt at Zazzle

Isn't she a beauty. There is also a t-shirt in that store rated PG 13. You won't be able to see it unless you register and get age verified, but I can around that, I'll just post the image here.

The Wand of Wonder: The Angry Piper
by
Malach

Get this custom shirt at Zazzle

All proceeds go to the continued running of the WoW. If these take off those, we will split the wealth . . .

I am Malach and buy a shirt, I did.

Screw Blogger

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Malach has given up on Blogger.
Why? Twice this week, I have not been able to post to blogs hosted by my site, and Blogger has been NO HELP. I should have done this years ago. Malach has a new WordPress blog, located here. My old blog, transfers to this blog (So you don't have to change you links), and the archives still remain, when Blogger is fixed, I am going to load them all into an archive folder, and link them from the new blog. As for the new blog, I am adjusting it and learning a bit of .php which I am not an expert in. So expect some slight color and image changes. My feed address remain the same, another reason why Feedburner rocks.

And Blogger, overall it was a decent 3 year relationship, but when it came down to it, you did not help when I needed you most, and after some digging, this seems to be the case with A LOT of FTP published blogs after your conversion.

I am Malach and this is a new era.

Now THIS Is Interesting

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I received an email from someone who wants to contribute to the Wand of Wonder. His name is Erotic Clown. I'll just post the email and see what you think:

Hey there buddy,

This ain't no span or nuthin. I been readin your blog with all the different people and I wondered how I sign up. So, I emails a coupla people and they say your one of the admins around here.

Let me explain why I want to join first. Look, I was a regular guy who occasionally dressed as a clown. You know, for kids parties and stuff. I needed money. Well one day I'm walkin down the street, late for little Joey's birthday party and some guy stops me.

"You a clown?" he asks.

"What da fuck's it look like to you? Yeah I'm a fuckin clown and I'm late." I sez.

"You got a dirty mouth for a clown," he sez, "I like that."

I starts walkin away when he says, "Whatever they're payin ya I'll double it if you'll fall face first into this banana cream pie and get up and make some squeaky ass clown noises." I turn around and dis guy ain't kiddin! He's got the pie right in front of him and a wad of twenties in his hand.

So, I sez, "What? all I gotta do is fall on my face in this pie and act all goofy and you'll give me five hundred bucks?"

"Make it a grand if you keep this between you and me. I'll give you my cell if you're good."

Alright, so I fall face first into the pie and jump up and start whooping. Woooo! Hee hee WOOOOOOOOHOOO!

"Mind if I juggle while you do that?" he asks. Now I made him promise he meant juggling his balls as in like not his cock or his nuts or nuthin. He sez yeah, so I sez okay. And this guy starts fuckin jugglin like a circus freak, with two bowling balls, three bowling pins and a fire stick. Dere I am whoopin it up and he's cheering me on like "Yeah. That's it. Don't stop. Yeah just like that." So I go into my pattented WEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEE and spin and finally we both fall to the pavement, exhausted. Quite a crowd had gathered and they clapped like freakin retarded seals!

So, he hands me a thousand bucks, I wipe the pie off my face, re apply my make up while he hands me a card with his number on it. "You were terrific. I got lots of friends interested too." he says, "And we pay top dollar for the seltzer in the face gag."

He winks and walks away. The crowd thins out. I realize I can still make it to little Joey's party about fifteen minutes late. As I'm walking this chick walks along with me. "I saw what you did back there. I want to rent you out for a, hmmmmm, party I guess you'd call it? No balloon animals or nothing freaky like that, just maybe a funny little car, a poodle and a few pies in the face. Call me." She hands me a friggin card too!

I went to little Joey's party and gave such a great performance that dis kids mom pays me double too. She kisses me on the cheek and asks, "Care to repeat that performance in private?" I had to admit, I was done performing for kids. That's just not my thing, you know? We hit the bedroom and I did the handstand, the nose honk and every funky piece of dirty clown shit this woman wanted and got paid another bonus.

So, now I'm an erotic clown.

I was thinking of getting a blog of my own, but it just kinda seems like it fit in here. Like family almost. What do you think?

Well, what do we think?

Goodbye

I now see what several others have said about this blog.

Have fun.

I'm not posting here anymore, except for drink recipes.

Yes, I'm taking my ball and going home. Yes, whah whah whah. Yes, I'm being immature. I forgive Malach, Chris and Piper for trying to kill me. I forgive all of you for the character assassination. And I thnak those of you that supported me no matter what.

My blog remains http://drmurksworld.blogspot.com. You want a little sip of Murk, come on along.

If not, do me the favor and don't bother to call or write.

Let's go out on an up note. Everyone raise your middle fingers and shout "FUCK YOU!"

Good enough.

Murk Out

Keywords, Chris Benoit, and one Hell of a Game

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The Return.
Funny Keyword Phrase people use to find the WoW!

escorpions bite: See, Toyi brings the latinos here
dakota fanning erotic fanfic: See what Hojo started
get her jacked up on cheap champagne: See what the Angry Piper started
hump comics crumb: HMMM, perhaps want to send me some pics Crumb?
wand of wonder' d: Methinks a WoWee created a new phrase "You've been Wand of Wonder'd".
definition of tulumptuous: Just Me's picture right in the dictionary next to that word.
lesson plans to teach nazism vs. democracy: Hey teachers, the WoW can give you lesson plans for anything.
a man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. the rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station eat a hamburger hold his beer.: Yeah some type of Hump Day Joke.
christians always anger piper: that they do my child
fake brick cocaine recipe: Combine my article on painting fake bricks, with articles on over the counter med abuse, and Murk's Coca Cola Black recipe?
paperpants succeed: he has my children, more than you can imagine.
angry woman damage car: Just like an Angry Woman.

Chris Benoit.
So most of you know, popular WWE star Chris Benoit, and family died this weekend, well it has been officially determined a double muder-suicide enacted by Benoit. . . Kind of makes all these tributes to him seem silly now. Benoit just becomes another member of the infamous pro wrestlers who have died early death list.

KMP vs. the Bulldogs.
I left this off my blog yesterday accidently, and I know a lot of people like to follow the exploits of Malach's Softball team. You can also do that here. So, my team KMP is currently in second place with a 14 - 4 record. The Bulldogs are in first, and also won the championship last year at 16 - 2. So we met yesterday. So far the Bulldogs have beaten us twice in close games.

So yesterday, we played. We started off slow batting wise, and by the 4th inning it was 4 - 0 Bulldogs, luckily our defense and pitching kept us close. Our bats came around in the bottom of the 4th and we scored 3 runs, held them to 0 in the top of the 5th and scored 3 more making it 6 - 4. In the sixth we had a bad inning, a couple of errors, and walk by myself and the Bulldogs scored 6 runs, we could muster 1, and at the end of the 6th it was 10 - 7. Going into the final inning, we shut down the Bulldogs, they scored 0. Now, it was the bottom of the last inning, and we began with the top of the lineup. Our leadoff hitter Jeff, singled; Andy who followed flew out to right center, and the runner could not advance. Malach bats in the three hole, he proceeded to scream a linedrive right over the pitchers head. We no had a man on 2nd and 1st with one out with our powerhitter up Darren. They walked him on five pitches. Bases are loaded. Mark, who is our second powerhitter screams a single up the middle scoring 1, no 10 - 8. Justin who is up next rips a ball, diving play by the shortstop, throws home for the force, feilder's choice 2 outs still 10 - 8. Mike comes up, base still loaded, and rips an 0- 1 pitch to the gap beyond and between the left and right center feilder, clearing the base with a walk off triple.

Hell of a game. We are now one game out of first.

I am Malach and I am batting .649.

Some Advice for the rest of the Wand of Wonder

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I am Malach and that is all.

We finally changed!

Friday, April 20, 2007

The WoW is now new blogger.
Lot of cool new features and use the labels, it will help organize this blog more! You will know need to sign in with your google account. I would also suggest you label the author of your posts, that will make it easy for fans to follow your posts by clicking on it author label.

I am Malach and I am new.