Finally . . .
So, Malach, the Angry Piper, and Dr. Murk went to see Punisher: Warzone on Sunday, but Dr. Murk didn't show up, using one of his stupid typical excuse about not wanting to be seen in public with the likes of us, yeah whatever.
So, Malach, dressed of course in the trademarked assless chaps, and The Piper of course kilted met each other at the Cinema, and spent several minutes marveling at the Watchmen stands. Piper order some popcorn, with I am sure the standard hole in the bottom to place his erect penis, and Malach got a small Pepsi and some Milk Duds.
So we headed into the theater, we were the first ones there, so that gave us some quick make out time, but soon the theater was packed with 6 other people. The trailers started (sorry Tom Cruise, Valkyrie looks stupid), and soon we were starting the main flick, sans sound. This of course cheesed off the Piper to now end, and he went back to roundhouse kick the cinema manager, who proceeded to fix the sound.
The movie itself. Finally, the have done a proper Punisher movie. Brutal, violent, unyielding, and blood spattered; that has almost always been the Punisher in comics, and this movie delivers that. THIS IS NOT A SUPERHERO MOVIE. Don't be a idiot like the guy in front of us who brought his 8 year old. The movie is violent, and bloody. Also this is not a sequel to the 2004 movie, it is a reboot of the series which it needed.
Now, this is not a great movie in the vein of Iron Man or Dark Knight. This movie is not for everyone, but I enjoyed, and I am a long time fan of the Punisher. This movie does and excellent job of showing Frank Castle's obsessive war on crime, his violent black and white punishment of the criminal underworld, the why he does it, and even his pain of understanding the irony of his quest. Ray Stevenson is the perfect Punisher, in look and personality. Malach has commented that this style of the Punisher would make an excellent weekly TV series.
The actors they got playing the various characters all did a pretty good job, Wayne Knight (Newman of Seinfeld fame) played the perfect Microchip and Dash Mihok played the perfect Martin Soap. Dominc West did a pretty good job as Jigsaw, though I felt he was a little too over the top, too much Joker and not enough Whitey Bulger. Doug Hutchinson movie created character of Jigsaw brother Looney Bin Jim also does an excellent job, but I am not really sure he was needed for this movie.
Overall it was good movie, especially if you are fans of the Punisher, violence, vigilantism, and blood.
I am Malach, and I held hands with the Piper.
Punisher: Warzone - a review
The Case of Caylee Anthony
I have invented a new machine
That's right . .
Malach has invented a Machine that can tap into your mind while sleeping and broadcast your dreams on a television. While playing around with it last night, I decided to peep into the Angry Piper's dreams.
All I got was a still picture, which is worth a thousand words.
Interesting no? Palmer, Choas Dragoon, please shut the door this time when you masturbate to this picture, Mom doesn't want to see that again.
I am Malach, the reincarnation of Edison
I told you so.....
Food Riots, Tax Rebellions By 2012...Trend forecaster, renowned for being accurate in the past, says
The man who predicted the 1987 stock market crash and the fall of the Soviet Union is now forecasting revolution in America, food riots and tax rebellions - all within four years, while cautioning that putting food on the table will be a more pressing concern than buying Christmas gifts by 2012.
Gerald Celente, the CEO of Trends Research Institute, is renowned for his accuracy in predicting future world and economic events, which will send a chill down your spine considering what he told Fox News this week.
Celente says that by 2012 America will become an undeveloped nation, that there will be a revolution marked by food riots, squatter rebellions, tax revolts and job marches, and that holidays will be more about obtaining food, not gifts.
"We're going to see the end of the retail Christmas....we're going to see a fundamental shift take place....putting food on the table is going to be more important that putting gifts under the Christmas tree," said Celente, adding that the situation would be "worse than the great depression".
"America's going to go through a transition the likes of which no one is prepared for," said Celente, noting that people's refusal to acknowledge that America was even in a recession highlights how big a problem denial is in being ready for the true scale of the crisis.
Celente, who successfully predicted the 1997 Asian Currency Crisis, the subprime mortgage collapse and the massive devaluation of the U.S. dollar, told UPI in November last year that the following year would be known as "The Panic of 2008," adding that "giants (would) tumble to their deaths," which is exactly what we have witnessed with the collapse of Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns and others. He also said that the dollar would eventually be devalued by as much as 90 per cent.
The consequence of what we have seen unfold this year would lead to a lowering in living standards, Celente predicted a year ago, which is also being borne out by plummeting retail sales figures.
The prospect of revolution was a concept echoed by a British Ministry of Defence report last year, which predicted that within 30 years, the growing gap between the super rich and the middle class, along with an urban underclass threatening social order would mean, "The world's middle classes might unite, using access to knowledge, resources and skills to shape transnational processes in their own class interest," and that, "The middle classes could become a revolutionary class."
In a separate recent interview, Celente went further on the subject of revolution in America.
"There will be a revolution in this country," he said. "It’s not going to come yet, but it’s going to come down the line and we’re going to see a third party and this was the catalyst for it: the takeover of Washington, D. C., in broad daylight by Wall Street in this bloodless coup. And it will happen as conditions continue to worsen."
"The first thing to do is organize with tax revolts. That’s going to be the big one because people can’t afford to pay more school tax, property tax, any kind of tax. You’re going to start seeing those kinds of protests start to develop."
"It’s going to be very bleak. Very sad. And there is going to be a lot of homeless, the likes of which we have never seen before. Tent cities are already sprouting up around the country and we’re going to see many more."
"We’re going to start seeing huge areas of vacant real estate and squatters living in them as well. It’s going to be a picture the likes of which Americans are not going to be used to. It’s going to come as a shock and with it, there’s going to be a lot of crime. And the crime is going to be a lot worse than it was before because in the last 1929 Depression, people’s minds weren’t wrecked on all these modern drugs – over-the-counter drugs, or crystal meth or whatever it might be. So, you have a huge underclass of very desperate people with their minds chemically blown beyond anybody’s comprehension."
"When CNN wants to know about the Top Trends, we ask Gerald Celente."
— CNN Headline News
"A network of 25 experts whose range of specialties would rival many university faculties."
— The Economist
"Gerald Celente has a knack for getting the zeitgeist right."
— USA Today
"There’s not a better trend forecaster than Gerald Celente. The man knows what he’s talking about."
- CNBC
"Those who take their predictions seriously ... consider the Trends Research Institute."
— The Wall Street Journal
"Gerald Celente is always ahead of the curve on trends and uncannily on the mark ... he's one of the most accurate forecasters around."
— The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
"Mr. Celente tracks the world’s social, economic and business trends for corporate clients."
— The New York Times
"Mr. Celente is a very intelligent guy. We are able to learn about trends from an authority."
— 48 Hours, CBS News
"Gerald Celente has a solid track record. He has predicted everything from the 1987 stock market crash and the demise of the Soviet Union to green marketing and corporate downsizing."
— The Detroit News
"Gerald Celente forecast the 1987 stock market crash, ‘green marketing,’ and the boom in gourmet coffees."
— Chicago Tribune
"The Trends Research Institute is the Standard and Poors of Popular Culture."
— The Los Angeles Times
"If Nostradamus were alive today, he'd have a hard time keeping up with Gerald Celente."
— New York Post
So there you have it - hardly a nutjob conspiracy theorist blowhard now is he? The price of not heeding his warnings will be far greater than the cost of preparing for the future now. Storable food and gold are two good places to make a start.
GOT DEMOCRACY?
Not too sure if anyone cares....but.....
I'VE GOT SOMETHING YOU DON'T HAVE!! Yup...that would be the sound of me tooting my own damn horn. I can thank Brandon for it. :) I got the new Guns N' Roses CD today. HeHeHe!!
SO - Here is my official review for the new Guns n' Roses album, Chinese Democracy.
Don't think for one second that you are going to plop in the disk and magically hear that kick ass sound from 1987. You see, I've had the luxury (again - thanks to Brandon) of hearing this album evolve over the course of several years. So when the album finally hit my hands, I was not at all surprised by what I was hearing. I was pleased for the most part and mildly disappointed at others. But for you, or anyone who has not heard an ounce of this, do not assume it's the old Gn'R shit. It's not. If you get stuck with that assumption, you will be very disappointed.
The sound is eclectic, intricate and at times bombastic. Over the course of 19 years, Axl had put so much thought into tiny details that if you aren't listening - really listening - you'll miss the point. And at first glance, most everyone misses the point. So overall, the album can be interpreted as mediocre at best. But after you sit and listen to those intricacies, you hear what you're meant to hear and that's when it hits you - FUCKING GENIUS.
The break down:
- Chinese Democracy: This song is the title track (obviously) as well as first single. Over all, it's got good rockin' moments and has a solid vibe.
- Shackler's Revenge: This one has a mix of borderline Rob Zombie beats mixed with a good rock bridge and chorus.
- Better: One of my faves lyrically and musically. One of the earlier demos I heard was actually "Better" than the finished version. The vocals were cleaner and the mix of instruments was a bit more logical. On the finished version toward the end, it seems to be a bit chaotic and irrational. However I did hear other versions where the end was WAY worse. So....I guess compromise was made.
- Street of Dreams: A nice little "Use Your Illusions" ditty. The orchestration in it is nicely done.
- If the World: Great Spanish guitar part and funky rhythm that is uncharacteristic of Gn'R. The bass line reminds me of the song, "Digging in the dirty" by Peter Gabriel. It's roots are totally porn.
- There was a Time: Lyrically powerful and musically intricate. Another fave of mine. It rocks but it does slip into "Illusion" moments.
- Catcher in the Rye: Another "Illusion" type sprout however it's not as powerful as some of his other songs.
- Scraped: This is the song I do not like. Acappella stuff in the beginning (which he should never do again) and jarring music. It's like Red Hot Chili Peppers from 1991, mixed with a smidgen of Backstreet Boys and crack. Not good.
-Riad n' the Bedouins: This has fun craziness. It's Led Zepplin on Crank. Not one that I'm keen on but it's tolerable.
- Sorry: This is a very powerful song. I think that this is in my 2nd to the most favorite song. It's raw emotion, melancholy backdrop, and pointed lyrics make this song something worthy of everyone's attention.
- I.R.S.: I like this song. It's like bubble gum. It's got pop. This is one where you have to really listen to what's going on with the instruments to sort of get what's going on. Otherwise, you're lost and the pace will throw you off.
- Madagascar: This is the genius song. I fell in love with this song over 2 years ago and it still breaks my heart. I love it. It also has a melancholy backdrop mixed with a sort of hip-hop type beat until it starts to really get into the song. Vocally, it's rough but I think that his vocals were left raw intentionally.
- This I Love: It's like an early 80's love story. Good orchestra parts. Enough said.
- Prostitute: I totally dig this song. The beginning is so-so, but the bridge is so super and chorus is divine. Axl was noted as saying that he really wanted the drums to sound like the drums from "Teen Spirit". And yes, if you listen, you will hear it. The guitar solo is alright...it's the background (again) that is enjoyable.
So, that's what I think. Go to the link I have on the title, the album is streaming on their MySpace page.
I'm "just me" and I've just liberated you.
Spirit
(Permission-Step-Body) and Spirit.
Permission granted; proceed with one slow step at a time. The body keeps rhythm with the energy; movement and momentum of emotion gather at the solar plexus; negativity released through exhale, deep inhale brings refreshing energy back; spirit is fed one slow breath at a time. Breathe deep.
The nourishment of pure (uncontaminated) sustenance feeds both the body and the spirit while it detoxifies and removes poisons.
Yet more change!
2008 Election
Been awhile huh?
It's a historic moment in America right now. Barack Obama is our 44th President and he is the first African-American to be elected to that office. But, while the Presidential Election is over and done with. Here in my home state of California we are not finished yet, we still need to tally the votes for the various Propositions and Measures (as do other states).
One hot button issues in California is Proposition 8. Many of you may have heard about it, if not, it proposes to eliminate the rights of same-sex couples to get married in the state of California and will only recognize a marriage between a man and a woman as valid.
I can not begin to fathom the bigotry that this Proposition is based upon. While the issue of race has been all but eliminated in this country (yes, there are still racists out there I know) people still discriminate homosexuals. They usually hide behind the bible as a way to defend their views and stating that this is a "Judeo-Christian Nation."
They claim that schools will teach about gay marriage along with "regular marriage" and that kids are better with heterosexual couples. That's bullshit, and everyone knows it. Me and a whole slew of other people were never really taught about marriage, schools just don't touch upon that here. And the claim that kids are better with heterosexual couples is a total lie, it doesn't matter who a kids parents are. Whether they're black, white, asian, latino, gay, or straight; the only thing that matters is how the parents raise their kids.
It's sad too, a lot of people that support gay marriage are voting for Propostion 8. They believe that churches would get sued and kids will be taught about gay marriage.
At this moment I'm proud to be an American, and slightly more optimistic about the future. But I don't know how I feel about being a California. Disgusted? It's not the right word but it's close enough.
A Modest Proposal-
As Election Day rumbles into its final hours we are once again hearing reports of voters being mysteriously dropped from their local voting rolls, fouled-up machinery, and long lines, up to 6 or 7 hour-long lines in some places in Virginia.
I submit that this is a disgraceful state of affairs for the country that is supposed to be setting the standard for other nations to follow. I have therefor assembled a pair of Modest Proposals I hope the next President and Congress will consider-
-Automatic National Voter Registration. If you are a US citizen, you are a registered voter. Start a Federal Voter Database which is tied to your social security number. When you move your registration is automatically forwarded to your new precinct and deleted from your old one. No need to register, check local voter lists against federal lists, etc. Just a clean, everyone-is-registered system with one list.
-Apportionment of Voting Machines Based on Local Voter Registration. It's a disgrace that there are such wildly disparate waits to vote across the country. We're going to have a fairly high turnout in our town, and FB and I waited five minutes to vote this morning. Federal Law needs to require that an appropriate number of voting machines are available in every precinct based on the number of voters in that precinct.
It's high time America left the 19th century behind in terms of local and state-control of the basics of voting. The Federal government needs to step in and set some real standards, and take over registration. To ignore this problem is simply going to mean a continuing set of crises caused by antiquated machinery, poor funding and local political skullduggery and party thuggery aimed at disenfranchising certain blocks of voters.
Here's hoping everything goes well this time, but based on current news reports, I'm not betting on it. Enough is enough.
Body
The vehicle is powerful. Enter, create space. Use rhythm to access the mind. Rhythm dictates movement. Movement unlocks emotion. Create favorable emotions. Get them moving. Move with them. Set a steady rhythm. The body moves and the heart opens.
The body is capable of anything, given the right movement.
Step
Move one step in. You have to have a sense for rhythm. Enter in and begin. Match blink for blink. Mirror. Lull. Drum into the soul. You need to understand the key to the mind is not the eye, but the ear. Images control the surface. Underneath, we are sound and rhythm.
Create access into the mind with rhythm.
Dr. Murk . . Angry Piper
I LOVE YOU . . ..
I am Malach and can we talk it over in bed?
Dulling the Pain....
…inspiration can be found in the most unpleasant of places. Somehow, I find inspiration in the handbasket that this world, and more close to home, America, is going to hell in. Now, you all know ol’ Hobbsy here LOVES his conspiracy theories. Most of em are a total crock of shite, of course, but often you can find a good chunk of reality in each one. A nice, sizeable schmere of a$sf*cking that all of us, the little people, receive on a daily basis. And the real fun about it is, you never notice how much you’re getting screwed until you start paying attention to the screwballs.
Its all about the distractions, people. I for one am as guilty as just about anyone. Slugging down a few beers every night to dull the pain of awareness, the pain in my rear-end that makes me walk as funny as Malach at a cowboy convention. The pain of awareness coupled with the inability to enact change. Mmmm, soothing distractions. Flip on the television, and it’ll all go away. Watch a bad episode of Heroes, indulge in a mediocre episode of Fringe, laugh at the abuse dished out by Gordon Ramsay. Dream of fame with the boys of Entourage. Fantasize about a whole new world by getting Lost, and a whole new enemy, with a whole new secret agenda of a$sf*cking. Now, granted, some of this content of entertainment is worthwhile, its intelligent, it makes you think. I support that, in moderation (the distractions, that is). But, as I’ve heard it somewhere before, the world is the wool pulled over our eyes, the ballgag in our mouths, and the table we’re bent over on.
Celebrity seems the best distraction of our days. Just a bunch of other people who get paid to distract us, and get paid a lot, and the next thing, we’re not obsessed with their work of distraction. Now their lives become our entertainment. Hell, they don’t even need to get paid anymore – just pick a random bunch of suckers and put their lives up for public disdain. Americans go mad for it, read their people, E, PerezHilton. Drool over the pain and dismay of others, in order to dull the pain of our own. All the while, we could be dissecting the lives of those people we ‘elected’ to run the world we live in. Put them under the microscope and really see what the hell they’re up to. See if they’re worth the money we gave them, pay them. Find out exactly how many counts of societal rape each one is guilty of.
And like I said, I’m as guilty as the next guy. I was smart, I was less distracted, I was aware. And I’ve slipped back. I get involved in political debates, and find myself feeling stupid. I don’t know as much as I used to. I haven’t paid enough attention. And I’m waking up again. The pain isn’t nearly as dulled by the beers and wine, the tv and movies. I’m getting more and more pissed off. And I think we all need to do it. Stop being distracted. And, on top of that, stop being myopic and self-involved. Dammit, we’ve got a million causes to choose from, and each cause has a million different groups working on it. And yet nothing gets solved. I think it’s time to show what a real New World Order can be. Because, I’ll tell you know, we’re getting raped again.
Which brings me to my actual point. I want to that Just Me for her post, because it woke up a part of me that’s been napping for a bit. And it reminded me of something I saw, not too long ago. And I thought, hmm, how convenient.
So, let’s talk about FEMA. As JustMe covered, FEMA has the power to take control. COMPLETE control over any domestic area where unrest is occurring. They’ve got their concentration camps already set up. They’re ready for us to go nuts. Hmmm, ready……..OK. Here’s my little nugget of news for you all.
READ THIS
This little nugget was sent to me on September 24, 2008, by one of my agents in the field, and I found it an interesting little read. For the first time since the Civil War, US Troops have been have been deployed within the US. That’s right, right here in the good ol homeland. This type of deployment has been prohibited in the US since the Civil War, and I quote: (the only exceptions being that the National Guard and Coast Guard are exempted, and use of the military on an emergency ad hoc basis is permitted, such as what happened after Hurricane Katrina). And this may not be temporary. Please, read the article. It’s a little eye opening.
Then, consider this. In just the last week or two, our financial systems have gone INSANE. Just bloody nuts. People are freaking out everywhere. Interestingly enough, we aren’t really hearing about this in the news, but people are committing suicide and murder left and right. And suddenly, a few minor articles pop up about how the financial crisis is, in fact, driving people crazy. Please, take a quick look at these two articles that came up yesterday.
On Comcast
On CNN
Those on high are beginning to wonder when this lovely powder keg of a nation is going to go pop. Now, just ponder, if you will, how convenient it is that a nice little military brigade has been deployed within the US border. How lucky it is that we have FEMA and its little camps. And start to think how much of a surprise this financial crisis was. Was it? Or, is this just another piece of the puzzle, of the plan. Is this just another fabulous example of the damnation of the people brought on by those in charge. Are we getting A$sf*cked again, against our will?
You tell me.
On the fence with chaos and anarchy
So......"just me" (that would be me) is not a conspiracy theorist. In fact, she thinks conspiracy theorists are quack jobs. But "just me" has stumbled upon something that she could not resist reading more of and what she read was right up there with Christopher's fictional masterpieces....or so she initially thought.
So what did she find? Well....aliens (called grays and reptilians), psychic warfare, brain-washing (Clockwork Orange style), the true nature of the NSA, FEMA's agenda, The NWO, The Illuminati, Satanic Worship, The dark side of the Freemasons, The truth about chom-trails, sylphs, how hydrogen peroxide can heal you, and much more.
So what's the big deal then? For those old enough to recall, it reminded me eerily of "Red Dawn vs Terminator", only in this case the enemy isn't the Soviet or the Computers but our own Government.
But what does "just me's" weird quak-job findings mean? Well, ordinarily, she'd say, "nothing". But seeing as how there were several points of interest that directly coincide with our current economic climate as well as moral decline, she's saying, "it means something".
Take the FEMA report. Apparently, over the course of several decades, FEMA has been given a great deal of authority to take over any area that is experiencing a "crisis". Most think of crisis as being a natural catastrophe, however it also includes financial upheaval, political unrest due to war and rioting for whatever reason. FEMA is also being investigated for their "black-ops missions" that include spending billions for building secret underground bunkers where supposedly select government officials would be escorted to continue their governance in the event of unrepairable damage to the current law and order. Hmmmm.....sounds like "Terminator 3" type stuff. But anyway, based upon my connection of dots, if the current US financial decline and/or disapproval of the current status of the country were to create an angry public that began an uprising against the current government system, the President has the ability to sign 10 pages that would allow FEMA to seize control of any and all parts of the US to do as they will to secure the continuance of the government and the Congress would not have the ability to change that decision or review the decision for 6 months. Do you know what can happen in 6 months?? Why does FEMA have that ability? Interesting. I thought that "the people of the US" ran the government...not the other way around.
The NWO (New World Order) - Supposedly there is this vast underground belief that the United Nations is actually working to create a "NEW WORLD ORDER". Okay...so....what? So......the problem isn't the one world order but that supposedly the New World Order works a lot like the Da Vinci Code....many layers upon layers of religious influence in the political arena to bring about the end of days. YEAH........we all need the coming of Christ to move much quicker, don't we? Oh but wait! There's more! So, in an effort to do this, the CIA is actually running drugs all over the world to create chemical dependence and confusion among the masses. There are children being abducted, tested for their psychic abilities, then traumatized and re-trained to be these unsuspecting patsies to do the bidding of the NSA. Illuminati are doing satanic rituals on young children to gain power and control. The UN and the grays are working for the reptilians in an effort to conquer the Earth based in New Mexico and Brittan.
Oh...did I mention that the reptilians are cloning people? Yeah. Cloning really important people and or shape-shifting into important people so as to pass as human and do the their own bidding. Why??? Because humans are the only sentient beings with the power to "create" utilizing the power of thought. Hmmmmmmm........
Blue bloods - People who are type O negative have some reason to be concerned. Apparently those who are Type O negative are linked genetically to a superior race of human beings that have astounding psychic and paranormal abilities. The reptilians and the UN want you!
Well.....okay......what are my thoughts on this really? After a full day of reading some of the most bizarre things ever, I felt really uneasy. It wasn't like walking through a fun house and coming out nervously (yet hilariously) shaken by the effects. No. It was like watching a snuff film for the very first time and wishing you hadn't seen that there are such terrors in the world. I pondered on it a great deal, shared my finding with a few people, and even read the Bible. I'm not comforted. Why? Because the more I researched outside of this website what was being said, the more evidence I found to substantiate what was being said; minus the info on "Project Oak Tree" and very little was confirmed for "Project Mannequin". I find little comfort because of the fact that there are many things that we don't really know or understand and that it is very easy to keep us all distracted while a select few do things we could hardly fathom. I'm not comforted because it's all right there.......in Revelations. Oh don't get me wrong...my sister touted that whole, "If you believe in Jesus, you have nothing to worry about" bit.......but uhm....what about everything leading up to that particular event? There WILL be suffering. There WILL be a war. It's not a picture that many can grasp nor ideally, WANT to grasp. Ignorance is bliss after all.
I'm on the fence folks..........I want to know if there is a person who can talk me down. I'm waiting to see if anyone responds to my putting forth information that may or may not be real. I want to push that button and see what happens....will it buzz? Will it ring? Will it doing nothing? Will the WoW be the next place for X-File fans go to get their juicy information? Will it be where the dragons (not the Draconians) unite?
Before you go to the website, take time to pray for your soul and the souls of all those who would appose the NWO. Pray that you'll be able to sleep when it's all said and done. Pray for rain and the natural balance of manna to be restored. Pray that "they" never find you.
What hotter than Sarah Palin?
Tina Fey and Sarah Palin!
I am Malach and that was ON BALLS
How to survive the collapse of the World Economy.
The Bailout did not pass!
What did Malach tell you? He outlined his bail-out plan at ROYTERS but did all those jerks in Congress and the White House didn't listen? Read it, it was a foolproof plan! Call your Congressman, there might still be some time!
So now, Malach brings you the end of the world as you know it, but I feel fine. Before the internet goes off the air, read this. Before they fire up that Death Machine the Large Haldron Collider, read this. It is Mad Max time, and Malach, who has seen all the movies and watches all the survival shows, he has a plan.
First, get some guns, use the last of your money to buy an arsenal, and make sure you overstock the bullets, cause a few years from now you gonna wish you had more bullets. Next armor, make you own from leather biker outfits and football equipment. Go here, and print out everthing you would need to know about emergency and first aid. Finally soup up a car and mount weapons on it, your gonna do a lot of travelling.
You will want to avoid cities, and head for Wal-Mart first, they got all your supplies. Keep a large supply of water purifiers, canteen, jerky and such. THUNDERDOME IS COMING! Be prepared, you might have to eat you family, surprise them when they sleep, they will never no what hit them. NOW IS THE TIME TO PANIC! Money will mean nothing once the world goes to shit, but now it will mean everything. Don't pay any bills, a year from now it won't matter.
Now if you are one of those religions types, you reveling in your glory. "See it was in the Bible", finally after 2000 years, it finally relates to the text for onces, but you be dead rotting in the ground, walk Malach will be stalking the countryside, finding happiness in the flowers of the fields and he blows away some mutant with a sawed off shotgun.
Now is the time to learn magic . . . someone out there knows all the secrets, beat it out of them! That old man down the street, he is a rich wizard, get him before he gets you. Soon R'yleh will rise, and our souls will be devoured!
Heed my advice little ones, the end is near!
I am Malach and I incite panic!
Zangief Back With Vengeance!
Hello Amerikanskis!
So many things to tell, Zangief not know where to start! Zangief back at last from long World Tour of Street Fighters! Zangief fight Rubber Band Man Dhalsim. Zangief stretch him out long and thin like linguini noodle then use him as jump rope. Don’t worry about Dhalsim. He bleed a little, but he bounce back. Zangief wad him up in ball when done.
Get it? Zangief make joke!
Even though Zangief lose to Ken’s Flaming Dragon Punch (again), Zangief get some mad bitches, yo! Zangief knock boots with many Street Fighter groupies. They bleed a little when Zangief done, but they ok.
The other day Zangief go to Zangief’s friend Malach the Merciless’s house with Zangief’s other friend The Angry Piper. Angry Piper say he want to pay Malach a surprise visit, and Zangief love surprises! Zangief and Angry Piper find Malach in small building behind Malach’s house. Malach call it his “art studio”. Angry Piper knock on door. “Open up,” say Angry Piper.
“Uh…who’s there?” Malach’s voice come from behind door. He squeak like female mouse.
“It’s me, Piper,” say Angry Piper.
“Oh…uh…hold on a minute,” say Malach. Zangief tired of waiting, so Zangief grab doors and pull them open. Zangief tear doors off hinges by accident! “Surprise!” Zangief yell.
Inside, Zangief find out Malach is true artist! Malach hard at work painting three naked men! All three scream in fear of Zangief and try to climb over couch, but all are covered with slippery oil and fall down in big pile on floor like Keystone Cops!
“Ho Ho Ho!!!” Zangief laugh.
One of Malach’s naked friends poke head up from behind couch. “Holy shit—it looks like the Russian has a huge papaya down his shorts!” he say.
“Oh, Christ,” say Angry Piper. Then naked men giggle like girls. Zangief consider giving them all Spinning Piledriver, but that might damage Malach’s painting, so Zangief decide not to.
“Why didn’t you call first?” Malach scream at Angry Piper.
“Because, Malach,” say Zangief, “Angry Piper want to surprise Malach!”
“Surprise,” Angry Piper say, not sounding excited at all. He cover eyes with hands. “Uh, maybe we should leave Malach alone with the Pet Shop Boys here, Zangief.”
Just then Zangief see something very cool. Zangief see bullwhip sitting on chair, and think of American hero Indiana Jones, who is really just ripoff of old Russian hero Slomensk Petrovitch! Zangief grab bullwhip and almost drop it, handle so greasy! Then Zangief pretend he is Slomensk Petrovitch and start whipping like crazy! Malach’s naked friends try to run away, but they so oily all they do is fall down over and over. One even start crying. It so funny!
“Ho Ho Ho!!!” Zangief laugh again.
Soon Zangief lose grip on bullwhip and wipe greasy hand on chest hair. Malach’s naked friends slip and slide out the door.
“Please don’t tell anyone about this!” Malach beg Piper and Zangief.
“Okeydoke!” Zangief give Malach thumbs-up sign.
“Whatever,” Angry Piper say. He still covering eyes.
Zangief think Malach not want to reveal naked masterpiece painting until it finished, so Zangief not tell anyone. After all, Zangief love surprises!
Hey Dubya, Bail My Ass Out
With Dubya poised to bail out poorly run companies to save the US economy (sounds like Dubya's previosu business life), Malach busted out his massive brain and has a better solution. Bail my ass out. You want to prevent a long term recession (what Hell has been going on the past 4 - 5 years anyway?)? What is our piss poor economy effecting the Upper half now? So now we need to do something about it?
Malach has a better plan, BEHOLD THE POWER OF MALACH . . . what would it take to bail out Malach? About $265K. That is much less that $700billion Dubya plans on spending. So that got Malach thinking. Instead of bailing out these companies why not bail out every American? There is an estimate 304Million Americans. 25% of those Americans are under 18 that leaves 228million Americans. Give each of them $250K, that comes out to $57trillion. What would happen then? Let see, the wife and I would both get $250K, we would pay off our debt, invest a large part of it, and maybe by some investment property, and of course go on a shopping spree: right back into the system. Most Americans would pay off their mortgages or BUY HOMES (wow, that would solve another problem), pay off their debt and then go on a spending spree. How much money would be put right back into the economy? If I had no debt (I don't use credit cards, my debt basically consist of a car loan, a mortgage, and a school loan), I would be pumping money into the economy like Gary Glitter pumps his man juice . . . well you know where I am going here.
So where we gonna get this all this money? Well the government deals with pretend money they don't have anyway. Hell, if the bail out is costing $700billion, and the Iraq War has cost us $600billion, you see where I am going here? Again that money would be tossed right back into the economy . . . Hey if were are going to practice socialist capitalism, lets go all the way. How about Universal Health Care?
Oh and John McCain. Suspending your Presidential Campaign? You do realize the President has to multi-task right?
So Malach is here outside the Capital Building trying to get in there to testify about his plan, but I keep getting stopped by guys in suits. Every so often a Congreeman goes buy and I get little words for conversation like "Thuderdome" and "Master Blaster". I'm scared, and now I have to wait until Spring to be destroyed by the Large Haldron Collider . .
I am Malach, and I WANT MY $250MILLION
The Heist- Day Two
So, Day Two of the largest robbery in human history didn't go especially well for Bouncing Ben Bernanke and Henry "The Hood" Paulson on Capitol Hill today, although it is looking more and more as if Congress may ignore the will of the American people and actually give the bastards on Wall Street their blackmail for screwing the economy. The Shrub is going to address the American people tonight and tell you all that this is an emergency- just like the invasion of Iraq was.
How do you know when GeorgeFuk is lying- ?? You all know the answer to that...
I urge everyone to write and call their congressman and tell them to "just say no".
John McCain, down nine points in the polls overnight, suddenly wants to stop Friday night's debate and have both presidential candidates suspend their campaigns. Huh? But he's not done- McCain says we need a "bi-partisan congressional committee" to negotiate a bail-out deal with the Treasury.
Well, excuse me, Senator McCain, but last time I checked we had a "bi-partisan" committee looking at the deal- it's called "Congress". What McCain really means is that it's easier to strong-arm 20 people than 435. Fuck you, Senator McCain.
Maybe what Congress needs is more bars. I know, I know, many Congressmen have a reputation for being "lit up", but apparently the English Parliament is even more dedicated in that regard. There are 17 bars in the House of Commons building, and if you want to get sense out of many parliamentarians you had better catch them before lunch. A correspondent on NPR told the following tale this week-
A well-known English politician, having had an especially "liquid" lunch, went to an official function afterwards and spotted a shapely figure in a wonderful, flowing purple gown. When he lurched over and asked for the next dance he was rebuffed-
"Firstly" said the object of his affection, "this is a diplomatic reception, not a dance party."
"Secondly, that is not a waltz, it is the Brazilian national anthem."
"And lastly," he was told coldly, "I am not some chorus girl, I am the Archbishop of San Paolo!"
Please, call your Congressperson again and tell them to "JUST SAY NO!"
UPDATE: There are nationwide protests Thursday. Please, for the sake of us all, and your children and grandchildren, we MUST say NO!!!
Tell Your Congressman-
Last Thursday Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson got Congressional leaders together and gave them a message- give Wall Street $700 Billion dollars now or the entire global economy will go belly up within a week.
Today he told Congress that unless we give Wall Street $700 Billion dollars now the American economy may suffer a recession.
Hmm- that's QUITE a change of story.
TELL YOUR CONGRESSMAN - JUST SAY NOOO!
TELL YOUR CONGRESSMAN - JUST SAY NOOO!
TELL YOUR CONGRESSMAN - JUST SAY NOOO!
TELL YOUR CONGRESSMAN - JUST SAY NOOO!
TELL YOUR CONGRESSMAN - JUST SAY NOOO!
Just Say NO!!!!!
Last Thursday Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson got Congressional leaders together and gave them a message- give Wall Street $700 Billion dollars now or the entire global economy will go belly up within a week.
Today he told Congress that unless we give Wall Street $700 Billion dollars now the American economy may suffer a recession.
Hmm- that's quite a change of story. and pardon me for pointing this out but, as far as the working person goes- we're ALREADY IN A FUCKING RECESSION.
I'm proud to present the following message from the American public to Treasury Secretary Paulson and all the Wall Streeters who are currently salivating at the thought of having $700 Billion taxpayer dollars to play around with, no strings attached-
Our Message:
Fat fucking chance. You guys have spent the last decade playing fast and loose with the rules, the economy, and even fundamental logic. You discovered that you could create new financial "instruments" faster than the government could regulate them, and then discovered that the government had no intention of even trying to. You discovered that you could make billions off the staid, boring old mortgage market by bundling mortgages, chopping and dicing them, and re-bundling them as "investment-grade" bonds, and then insinuating them into every sector of the economy so that the entire thing would be harder to unravel than the world's largest ball of rubber bands.
You let your street pushers, the mortgage brokers, know that you'd buy -anything- *wink* *wink* that they brought in. You bought those mortgages knowing that your pushers had lied to a bunch of the lendees, telling them that adjustable rate mortgages were actually fixed rate. You bought adjustable rate mortgages that you knew had been sold with the assurance (which you knew was worth nothing) that before the rate went up they could be re-financed at a lower rate, and then you bundled and sold those mortgages on the basis that they would give a rate of return based on the original, adjusted higher rates.
In other words, you and your minions, you and your street pushers, sliced and diced the mortgage market, the economy, and hundreds of thousands of home-owners, and you made billions and billions in profits for yourselves while you were doing it. And now, having brought the economy to the brink of collapse for your own selfish gain, you're threatening to push it over the edge of the cliff if we don't pay you not to.
So here's what we're going to do- first, you can have the fucking money, but there's a price to pay. To begin with, we now own you. We're not giving you money, we're buying you with it. You and your firms belong to us now.
Second- you're fired. All of you, from the top CEO to the last secretary. Ever hear of common responsibility? You have 24 hours to clean out your desks.
Third- those of you at the top, don't go too far, because you're going to be prosecuted for fraud. Your bank accounts, portfolios and property all now belong to the US taxpayer. You can't profit from a crime, remember? So everything you have belongs to us now. Don't worry, you won't need it- you're all going to spend the next 20 years in prison.
So, you think this is harsh, do you? Listen up, fuckheads- you're damned lucky that thousands of middle-class Americans are not descending on Wall Street right now with torches, burning your fancy-ass Republican banker's skyscrapers to the ground and pulling you out of the smoking debris so that we can beat you to death with manhole covers.
So show us a little fucking gratitude, fucktards!
Message over.
CALL OR EMAIL YOUR CONGRESSMAN NOW-
TELL THEM THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO PAY $2500 TO WALL STREET NEOCONS FOR THREATENING TO SEND OUR ECONOMY INTO THE DUMPER.
THIS IS THE BIGGEST FRAUD IN AMERICAN HISTORY.
TELL THEM NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Murk is Malach show is now up!
That's right, the Murk and Malach Show is back!
Murk and Malach present Show 20, The Murk and Malach MidSummer Nights Dream! In this show we discuss the 2008 Summer Olympics, Mixed Martial Arts, Spaniards, homosexuality, cheap wine. and once again NO ANGRY PIPER (well not really)! We get on a roll about movies, and read your letters. Listen to us wax poetically about politics, and a very special interview, someone who has been missing for a few years now. A fellow WoWee! IA! IA! CTHULHU FTHAGN! COME GET RACIST WITH US!
For a direct link to the mp3, click me!
I am Malach in the waiting room
Occasionally Saturday Night Live still brings it
I am Malach and I am trying to convince Tina Fey to make a McCain/Palin YouPorn Vid.
Sarah Palin Doesn't believe in Dinosaurs
Don't mind me buckos, just whoring myself out right here!
Sarah Palin Doesn't Believe in Dinosaurs!
by
Malach
Create a personalized tshirt online at Zazzle
Browse other United States T-Shirts
I am Malach and the internet makes me feel like a whore!
Hello, Birds 'R Us???
WASHINGTON—People calling a federal phone number to order duck stamps are instead greeted by a phone-sex line, due to a printing error the government says would be too expensive to correct.
The carrier card for the duck stamp transposes two numbers, so instead of listing 1-800-782-6724, it lists 1-800-872-6724. The first number spells out 1-800-STAMP24, while the second number spells out 1-800-TRAMP24.
People calling that second number are welcomed by "Intimate Connections" and enticed by a husky female voice to "talk only to the girls that turn you on," for $1.99 a minute.
Malach's 08' - 09' NFL Preview
It is back once again, I know you missed it.
Malach's 08' - 09' NFL preview is brought to you today by ROYTERS New Service your place for the news you need, and Branwe, the new fiction series from Christopher Morris. It is also brought to you today by Meet The Heroes.
Before we begin, I must invoke the name of Hastur the Unspeakable; Hastur will assist Malach in his domination of his Fantasy Football League, because no one knows Fantasy Football like the King in Yellow.
Right to it now, it will be a very interesting year, let's break it down by Divisions:
AFC EAST
The AFC East should once again be dominated by the New England Patriots. While there is some improvement in the rest of the division, only the Jets with their addition of an actually quarterback will be the only other team to finish in the playoff hunt. Miami is still a major work in progress, and when a pot smoking guy whose taken a couple years off is you main offensive weapon, you know you got problems. The Bills might surprise a few teams, but they are still no more than a .500 team. Now the Jets, even with a old Brett Favre they have a major improvement at quarterback from Spaghetti arm Chad Pennington, that alone might allow them to win around 10 games, but Favre has never played smashmouth style AFC Football, and he will probably toss a number of interceptions. As for the Patriots, they also have some issues. The loss of Asante Samuel will hurt, but the pickup of Deltha O'Neil will give them a playmaker they are sorely lacking in the secondary. The part that concerns me most is their O-Line, which has some major injuries to starters. Returning are Sammy Morris and the addition of Lamont Jordan should help with that though. The Patriots also have an every easy schedule. The final standings?
NE: 12 - 4
NYJ: 10 - 6
BUFF: 8 - 8
MIA: 6 - 10
AFC NORTH
Very interesting division with a number of teams that could challenge or fall flat. Pittsburgh is the cream of the crop in the division, not a ton of changes there, and Rothlisberger is now a season removed from that Hell Ride he had; and has become one of the best QB's in the league behind Brady and Manning. Hines Ward, though older is still a very good wide receiver, and Pitt has not lost really anything that important on a pretty impressive offence last year. Their defense as always will be tough and very physical. Cleveland is very interesting. I am not convinced Derek Andsersen is a long term answer for the Browns at QB, and I wonder how long before Brady Quinn begins to take the reins of this team. Look for a high flying attack like last year, and a slight stiffer defense. The Bengals, the NFL's Prison Team: again no defense, they will be in shoot outs the entire season, and until they get rid of Marvin Lewis, the won't go much farther than the first round of the playoffs. The Ravens? Their defense will keep them in most games, but with a new young QB, and age really starting to show, this could be a lost season for them.
PITT: 11 - 5
CLE: 10 - 6
CIN: 8 - 8
BAL: 7 - 9
AFC SOUTH
After the Colts, there is a real drop off in talent in this division. Indy might end up the best team in the AFC this year. Like Brady, Manning is coming off a strange injury, and they might start with a few hiccups. the loss of Jeff Saturday could be big at first, but the Colts should survive and take this division by a few games. Jacksonville is a bit of a puzzle. They have major O-Line issues, and with the way their offense runs, that could be very dangerous. They also couple of key losses on defense, but should still have the physical stingy defense of past seasons. It will also be interesting if they use shooting of Richard Collier as a rallying point. After that we have Houston and Tennessee. The Titans should take another step forward, and this is the time for Vince Young to make another leap. They are still the team no one likes to play, but they have to translate that into wins. Houston on the other hand, well it's Houston.
IND: 13 - 3
JAC: 10 - 6
TEN: 9 - 7
HOU: 3 - 13
AFC WEST
San Diego is the darling of the media right now, and addition last year of Chambers actual gave them a viable Wide Receiver, but I am not convinced. Yes, they will probably take the division a particularly weak division, but Phillip Rivers is the guy that would concern me, I am still not convinced. Addition Shawn Merriman is and idiot for trying to play on the injuries he has. As for the rest of the division, Denver is the only other team, and they only have a very slight chance to make the playoffs. KC might be the worst team in football, and the Raiders, the Raiders have a good defense, and that is it.
SD: 11 - 5
DEN: 9 - 7
OAK: 7 - 9
KC: 2 - 14
NFC EAST
This is gonna be fun to watch, you have 4 teams, all who are pretty good, all who could contend. Dallas is still the team to beat, even with the Giants Superbowl win. They have the most talent, and I hate to say this, Romo could turn into a elite level QB this year. Overall very talented team, with no real weaknesses beyond the head coach. Malach does predict that Wade Phillips won't be back next year, and depending on preformance might get fired halfway through. Dallas has a huge advantage playing in the weak NFC but they are hurt by playing in the toughest division in football. The Giants. It will be interesting to see if they can come off their Super Bowl win with out a let down. Eli Manning is still a questionmark, he needs to improve his interceptions for the Giants to come close sniffing the division title. Defense again should be very tough up front, and they should at least on paper challenge Dallas for the division. Philly is should be ready to resurface and win a number of games this year. McNabb finally seems to be healthy and Brian Westbrook has turned into a elite runnning back. There is still a lot of question of who the hell McNabb will be throwing too though. Unlike much of the rest of the NFL, Philly has a very good secondary, and a more questionable D-line, LB package. And finally we get the Redskins. Someone has to come in last in the division and Washington is the most likely, though they steadily improved last year. I like Jason Campbell, but he needs to turn the corner this year.
DAL: 11 - 5
NYG: 11 - 5
PHI: 10 - 6
WAS: 9 - 7
NFC NORTH
Wow, what a mediocre division . . . there is no impressive team, nor really bad team. Mediocrity. Yuck, I don't even have anything smart to say about it. Well maybe I do, the division winner probably won't deserve to make the playoffs.
DET: 9 - 7
MIN: 9 - 7
CHI: 8 - 8
GB: 7 - 9
NFC SOUTH
The Saints are easily the best team in this division and since Gustav did not blow away the Superdome they have a home field. The Saint's issue is defense, they will get into a lot of shootouts, most of them they will win. Beyond that Tampa Bay might put up a little stink, Carolina still doesn't have a QB, and the Falcons? I kind of fell bad for Matt Ryan, he gonna take a beating this year (yes, he will be the start by mid season).
NO: 11 - 5
TB: 9 - 7
CAR: 7 - 9
ATL: 3 - 13
NFC WEST
Like the South, Seattle is best team here, and should have no issue taking the division, beyond the Seahawks, you have a mediocre and old Rams team; a Cardinals team unwilling to turn the team over to Matt Leinart, but with some real talent; and 49ers team, the should be up and coming but still a few players away from making real noise.
SEA: 11 - 5
STL: 9 - 7
ARI: 8 - 8
SF: 6 - 10
As for a Superbowl winner, I gotta go with a pissed off Pats. Sorry rest of the world.
I am Malach, and I am usually right one on this preview.
Hey Geeks
Arkham Horror
One of the the triumverate of geeks, Malach, the Angry Piper, and Dr. Murk's Favorite game is Arkham Horror. And just to show how geeky we all are, I post this for my Geek Brothers. Images from the original version, circa 1987.
I figured you might enjoy those friends . . .
HaHaa!
The Eaton County sheriff's department said two women fled a Lansing-area TJ Maxx discount store after spraying a security guard with Mace.
A deputy found one of the women behind a trash compactor.
Deputies say the woman wouldn't say where the other woman was hiding.
Shortly afterward, authorities got a call about a woman trapped in the trash compactor.
Tyree Monique Tate of Delta Township was pulled from the machine by rescuers and taken to a hospital, where the 26-year-old later died.
Calling All Hos
Wand of Wonder is holding it's 12th annual Nappy Headed Ho contest. The rules are simple. Send us a picture showing your nappy headed ho activities and we'll post them with disturbing perverted comments and encourage the rest of the internet to self gratify to them.
Please, don't make this any more than it is. It's only our way of getting pictures of you naked.
Please send all hot pictures to hex2323@yahoo.com and all ugly pictures to Malach. Contest ends August 30th, midnight, to make it sound official. Winners will get embarassed, possibly arrested (we hope!).
Geordi LaForge: ADVENTURE!!! 3
Geordi couldn't sleep. He got out of bed and looked at the stars through Picard's bedroom window. Shame and guilt washed over him.
"Star light," he whispered, "Star bright. First star I see tonight."
"Geordi, come back to bed," Picard mumbled.
"Wish I may, wish I might," he sang.
"Do what the captain says, assmeat," Riker said, smoking a cigarette from the kitchen table. Geordi sighed. The slap of the phaser set to stun hit him like a Klingon prison movie. Riker leaned in, "You want me to taze you again, you pink boa wearing bitch? If it weren't for the Captain's ridiculous infatuation with you, I swear I'd fuck goat milk out of you."
Geordi held still as Riker pulled him close in a ball and started humming. Once Riker was asleep Geordi slipped away from him and said, "Have the wish I wish tonight."
Q appeared, "Hello, LaForge." Q said.
"What?" Geordi said.
"Lights," Q said, and the lights came on. "Don't worry about your precious crew mates, LaForge. I gave them... nyQuil!!!!"
"Wow!" Geordi breathed.
"Yes. I'm quite clever, but I don't like any of you," Q said.
"Is it true that you can do whatever you want?" Geordi asked.
"Listen, milk dud," Q said, "You don't question the Q Continuum. Don't. Just just. Gah. NO! No I can't, okay. I can't do anything I want."
"Seriously?" Geordi said, "That's not what I was told."
"You hear a lot, LaForge," Q said, "But now I must tell you something that may drive you insane. For all of my glorious mind bending powers, I can't check a simple warp drive."
Geordi's heart jumped. He told himself to play it cool, look like nothing just transpired. "Well," Geordi said, "I'm kinda handy at checking a warp drive..."
"Are you?" Q asked, smiling. "But how often do you check it?"
"At least once every fifteen seconds," Geordi said.
"I... am..." Q searched for the precise word, "Impressed. Come. Come work for me."
"Do you mean it?" Geordi screamed with glee.
"I do," Q said, "With one small hitch." Geordi frowned. There was always a hitch. "Kiss me," Q said, "Kiss me and the world of ward drive checking can be yours. Do it not, and you can go back to bed with your Captain."
The drew close. LaForge braced for impact.
The crew watched on in amazement. Geordi wished he was dead.
"So, dreaming about having sex with the Captain, AND Q," Riker said. "Ha. I knew you were a sausage salesman."
"Oh! Oh!" Picard said laughing, "This new 'dreamwatching' technology is priceless."
"Hey," Geordi protested, "I can't control my dreams."
"Rewind the kiss," Picard said, "Rewind it. Engage!" Geordi had suffered through the last three hours watching his dream in front of everybody. But, he laughed a little titter. The screen went dark.
There was an image of Deanna Troy. Then, an image of Geordi appeared behind her with scissors. The stabbing was vicious, and then he cut all her hair with the bloody implement, to boot. Everyone stopped laughing.
"Geordi," Troy whimpered after the shocking images. Geordi laughed.
"LOOKS LIKE I CHECKED OUT HER FUCKING WARP DRIVE, EH RIKER????" He screamed. "Has she found out about that E.D.? HUH? DICK SUCK WAAAAHHH BEETLES!"
"Mister Worf," Picard shouted, "Detain Mr. LaForge!"
"Not now," Warf said, "I have a headache."
To be continued....
Meet your Figureheads - The Angry Veteran
I have know him for 20 odd years
The Angry Veteran, we went to the same high school. We are friends. We were both in Drama. I know things. Exclusively for the WoW, a video the Angry Veteran did in 1989 to show off his "Rap Skills".
I am Malach, I am so proud of him
The Continuing Adventures of Geordi LaForge: Episode 2
"You're in sick bay," Dr. Crusher told him. "It seems space syphillis nearly killed you."
"Uh," Geordi groaned, "I have to go check the warp core."
"No no no," Dr. Crusher said, "You need your rest. Lt. Steve can handle the warp core."
"Lt. Steve?" Geordi said, "But he can't handle a kitten without it getting pregnant."
"Wesley," Dr. Crusher said, "Watch him." Wesley crusher strutted up to him.
"Yo, G-L-F, waddup!" He put his hand out. Geordi rolled over. "No love for your brotha man?"
"Wesley, you're not even black," Geordi said.
"You straight trippin' G," Wesley said. "Yo, whats da jibber jabber 'bout you and Warf hittin' skins in the pen?"
Geordi's communicator squeaked. "Goerdi," Captain Picard said, "I need you on the bridge, immediately."
"Captain, I'm stuck in sick bay with Wesley," Geordi said.
"Wesley?" The Captain shouted, "Yo, waddup, playa!"
"Yeah, JLP, belee dat!" Wesley hopped up on Geordi's bed and started dancing.
"Get down," Geordi yelled.
"Get down!" Wesley agreed. He danced like mad.
"Get down! Get down!" Picard agreed, "Go Geordi, it's yo birthday!"
"It's not my birth day, stop!" Geordi said.
"Stop," Picard shouted. Wesley stopped. "Hammer time!" Picard shouted.
"Data to LaForge," Data said over the communicator.
"Go ahead Data," Geordi said.
"Geordi," Data said, "I'm still having trouble with that repetative distraction I told you about."
Geordi sighed. "Data, look it's natural. We all go throw a phase like this..."
"It's been 122 1/2 days," Data said. "My android sythoskin is starting to wear off. I can see metal."
Geordi's communicator clicked. "Geordi," Picard said. "Are you coming up to the bridge or what? There's a bee in here."
"I'm in sick bay," Geordi said.
"A bee, Geordi," Picard said, "I'm frightened of them Geordi! Geordi! LaForge to the bridge with the bug spray. Geordi! Bees. Help. Help."
"Have Riker kill it," LaForge suggested.
"Fuck off, homo," Riker said in the background.
"Son of a bitch stung me!" Picard said. "Geordi, how long will it take to reach the planet of the bees? A few minutes?"
Wesley came back dressed in gangsta gear. "You gonna be the bitch in my new gang," Wesley said. Geordi kicked him in the nose, killing him instantly.
"Murderer," the computer said. "Red alert. Red alert."
Worf dashed into sick bay.
"Hmmmm," he said, eyeing LaForge, "This day is looking better already."
To be continued...