"The Worst Piece of Science Fiction ever".
Well, Malach has found the world famous story The Eye of Argon. I have not read it since being a teen, and hae just reread it. So bad it is good. It reads as poorly as the worst days of Friday Night Roll Playing.
With prose like:
The trek to Gorzom was forced upon Grignr when the soldiers of Crin were leashed upon him by a faithless concubine he had wooed. His scandalous activities throughout the Simarian city had unleashed throngs of havoc and uproar among it's refined patricians, leading them to tack a heavy reward over his head.
and
Eyeing a slender female crouched alone at a nearby bench, Grignr advanced wishing to wholesomely occupy his time. The flickering torches cast weird shafts of luminescence dancing over the half naked harlot of his choice, her stringy orchid twines of hair swaying gracefully over the lithe opaque nose, as she raised a half drained mug to her pale red lips.
Read all it's glory here, if you dare
I am Malach spilling you "crimson droplets of escaping life fluid" on a daily basis with my "lithe opaque nose".
The Eye of Argon
The Return of Minimum Security
We'd like to welcome you back to our forum.
I have revived our forum, Minimum Security, after a bunch of requests to do so. I made it easy on myself and decided to just reopen our old Invision Board which has been offline for about a year. If you were a member, your membership is still good, and if you were part of the old PHPBB board, join this one. This board is a pow wow for not only the WoW, but Third Option Media, Stool Sample, Hill-TV, and the Angry Piper.com. We are also offering board space to members of the WoW. Please contact me or Murk for that. Minimum Security is a lot of fun, I am revamping the board so give me a week or so to get it really slick. We have already had 3 or so people join today.
WoWees, we hope to see you there.
I know the truth about Piper and Hobbs.
Check out this undercover film of them the other day.
I am Malach If you leave, don't look back.
Hump Day Jokes....
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
~*~*~
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
~*~*~
Four nuns died simultaneously in a car crash and arrived at the pearly gates. St. Peter asked the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" "Yes, father," she replied, "I once touched a man's penis with the very tip of my finger." "Swish that offending finger in holy water," St. Peter instructed, "say a prayer begging forgiveness, and cross over into the promised land."
The second nun said, "Yes, father, I once touched a man's penis with my whole hand." St. Peter instructed this second offending girl to douse her entire hand in the holy water, say two prayers begging mercy, and proceed to heaven.
As nun #3 approached, nun #4 shoved her aside, "Father," she shouted, "if you expect me to gargle with that crap AFTER she dunks her ass in there, you've got another thing coming!"
One of the Top 10 Greatest Moments of my entire life.
Captain on the Bridge! (click for a larger image)
Today's Classic (yet real) News Headlines
- X-Men illustrator dies in Superman pajamas (CNN)
- Clerk swings machete to stop porn theft (CNN)
- A dip can bring a sea lion's nip (CNN)
- 3 goats found spray-painted, surrounded by porn (MSNBC)
Health: Breasts on a plane controversy (MSNBC)- IHOP eatery will stop carding customers for pancakes (MSNBC)
- Squirrel OK after fiery chimney surprise (Boston Globe)
- Pigeon enthusiasts gather for N.M. show (Boston Globe)
- First Transgendered Character Answers Your Questions (ABC)
- Pelosi's First Bowl (ABC)
- CIA Searches for PlayStation3 (ABC)
- Man Tried to Hide Guitar in Pants (ABC)
- All Shades of Black and Brown Are Beautiful (ABC)
Man why people need to get sooo sensitive?
The fact that we live in a free country and have issues like this flatters me.
I personally see more Satanic to go kill people elsewhere without knowing the real cause.
Classic Arcade Game Rediscovered!
Wicked awesome! Early this morning, I was finally able to download a shareware copy of the extremely rare HUNTIN' HOBBS' arcade extravaganza!
This is the game where you can choose to be either Angry Piper (The Hunter) or Hobbs Von Wackamole (The Hunted) and run around in a bland 2-D world!
When you play this killer 80's retro flashback classic, you'll find out that the WoWees are actually cheering on Piper's emotionally unbalanced wine fueled hunt fest!
(OR ARE THEY?!?!? Ooooooo!!!!)
Here's the Mail, it never fails . . .
It makes me want to wag my tail . .
Hello. Malach here. And I can hear you. You are asking, Malach, that guy from Blue's Clues, Steven Burns, what ever happened to him? I mean he left that show, left it with that ambigously airheaded giant (well giant compared to Steve) Joe. I miss Steve, Steve was fun, and almost subversive . . . Joe, Joe kinda sucks.
Well, Malach has heard your call, and done a bit of research. Steve Burns (contrary to internet rumor) is alive and well, and possibly bathing in right now Blue's Clues dough. Steve has become a musician, director, actor and kind of strange little psuedo alternative darling.
His Wiki page is an interesting indictment on what is wrong with Wikipedia. There is plenty of wrong and false information there, including the porn actor stuff (really imagine how much money someone could make if they had a copy of Steve in all his pornographic glory). Well evidently after leaving the pleasant company of Blue, Mailbox, and Mr. Salt, he started making music, hanging out with the Flaming Lips, and putting out a album called Songs for Dustmites.
So Malach, intrigued, moseyed over to Steve Burns website. (Yeah another celebrity with a pretty crappy website, Steve, contact me, I'll hook you up). Semi entertaining. Rarely updated. You can also listen to some of his songs off the Dustmites album. You can also get a nice pic or two of Steve. My favorite being the one at left. Methinks that Side Table Drawer would be none too happy with this haunted look. But she's a bit of a whiny bitch anyway.
Further intrigued Malach journeyed over to Steve's Myspace, or as Steve puts is "Ourspace" (he has this past, present, future Steve thing going, hey what ever works). Malach of course immediatley becomes his friend, even though Malach has more MySpace friends than him (Hey gotta help a brother out).
So, the music, it's not bad. If you are a Lips fan, you will like Steve's stuff, which has some obvious influence from. It is interesting, albeit, missing a few elements that might make it very good. Of course I am not a muscian, but I think I would like to hear Steve unleash his voice a bit more. I really liked the last song on the page Mighty Little Man which features a bit more voice.
So give Steve some love, he has given you and your kids tons of it.
More Kids Shows.
So Malach order a Pancake Mountain DVD. And I must say, the kids loved, I liked it, and would love to see more kids show like it. While it shares some things with The Electric Company, Banana Splits, Dance Party USA, and it is so much different. You need to check out some of the videos from their site to get a good feel for it. You can also go back to a earlier WoW article for a little of Ian MacKaye's Vowel Movement.
I am Malach and and I just figured out Blue's Clues, cause I'm really smart.
Moving is a pain
I presume most of you must have (not) been wondering where I've been. So I've decided to tell you. It's a tale of immense boredom that only
the truly pathetic moronwho has too much time on his hands will finish reading.
I, my WoW commrades, had to shift residence. But shifting is more than just moving all you belongings
from one home to another.
Sometimes you must (as in my case) shift from one state to the other!
Oh the pain!
1st we have to employ barely litrate worker to pack all of our stuff and then
send to off. Along the way several expensive items obviously get 'lost while
packing' and the worker are sure that 'it'll be in some box'
Then you must at times spend the rest of your last sad days at the home of
a fellow relative whose kid will annoy the life out of you but is too cute to me
angery at.
Several sad goodbyes and farewell parties later you're on a plane onwards
to an exciting new life.
So then I spent the fist few weeks of my exicting life in a mess room studying for an enterance
exam to get intoa school. Ofcourse since my dad works for the Navy (now as a Commodore) we were denied thefun of frantically searching for a hotel room to stay at before our
luggage arrived (5 days later than planned)
Surrounded by all the horrors of T.V, Internet and Music is guess I'm back
to the same routine I used to follow back in Bombay. yay.
1st day of school tommorow. Didn't/don't you just LOVE the sensation of
being stared at by everyone as you introduce youself in front of class? Bullies planning
when you 'get friendly' with you and girls giggling at the end of class about some obscure joke about how nervous you look, etc. etc.
Been there done that too many times now, I don't even feel a little intersted
about thinking how the 1st day will be like.
I feel like eating some cheese now for some reason.
Sports News
The United States Government has traded Donald Rumsfeld for North Korean Premier Pak Pong-ju and a minor politician to be named later. Rumsfeld and his agent issued a 'play me or trade me' ultimatum to the United States after being benched in favor of rookie Robert Gates, who has shown promise over the last year.
The U.S. frequently cited Rumsfeld's behavior as a distraction and he has been compared to Terrell Owens in his tendency to be a bad locker room influence.
North Korea is excited at the prospect of having an all pro Secretary of Defense and have cited his ability to play both offense and defense as illustrated by his orchestration of the Second Gulf War. "We wish to invade Belgium," said Kim Jong Il in a press conference, "And Rumsfeld is our guy. He has unique abilities and we believe he can incite a war against any nation for any reason at any time and get away with it." When asked if Rumsfeld's antics might be a distraction, Kim Jong Il responded, "What were we talking about again?"
President Bush refused to comment by saying "Hey, man. Rummy had good hands and was a smart smart smart smart smart smart guy who we liked a lot. We had to trade him. He was awesome! This Ping Pong-po dude's got some big pants to fill, but I think if we feed him some children, he'll fatten up and get tough enough to start a great war in somewhere sandy and warm, like Hawaii. I love that volcano they got there. And them women are naked under those grass skirts. Can you see me winking in my mind, eh? Naked. Now, hush up, my bath is getting colder than my glass of milk and cookies. Mamma crumbles them up into the milk, you know? Kinda streamlines the process. Say, that's a nice tie! Give it to me or you'll go to Gymto or somewhere we can hit ya real nice and solid, hear?"
Sources around the league don't expect much to change for either nation, noting that all countries are really run by a secret cabal headed by Charlton Heston and Bee Arthur's ghost.
Christmas Bells are Ringing!
Malach's guide? to holiday decorating.
So Malach has just finished decorating the house (Yes Malach is an XMas Maniac and immediatley puts the stuff up the weekend after Turkey Day, yes I was also first in the neighborhood to so so). Malach has been decorating numerous houses of varying style for several years. Malach likes to tastefully decorate his house, and does not go overboard, but it is only once are year, so have it. Now, this is less of a "how to decorate the house", and more of, the "secrets I have learned".
Malach has always used the cheap green garland, well last year (after season when it was half) he invested in some of the pine garland wire branches . . . well slap my ass and call me Charlie. I should of done this year ago. Yes it is like 100% more expensive per square foot, but it is so vastly superior . .
1. I look so much better
2. It has a 10 year life span, where the other crap I had to replace almost every year.
3. It is SO MUCH easier to sting up, and put up light with it. I stead of having to use zip ties every few feet, I only used a total of 4, and that was just to hid the plugs.
I figure the amouht I am saving on zip ties and replacing the old garland will save me big money in the long term.
In addition never by anything longer than a 100 light count on the mini lights. Anything longer burns out a fuse in on season, and I don't know about you, I can never get them to work again, and throw them out. The 100 count last forever.
Now, remember this, the couple days after XMas go to Wal-Mart, all this crap is like 50 - 75% off.
And don't forget what Xmas is all about!!!
Wanna hear something scary? NBC had the brilliant idea to make a live action version of this. Wanna see a sneak? Click me. And yes, that is Harvey Fierstein and the Heat Miser . . . .
I am Malach and I am here to make XMas easier for the masses.
Give Thanksgiving a Rest
I hate Thanksgiving. I don't even get the premise. Why should we celebrate the whites invading America and the beginning of the end of Native American culture? Isn't it pretty symbolic that we overeat the food that they gave us in the same way that we took advantage of their gift of land? Those poor Native Americans on their reservations have to sit idly by as we completely miss the meaning behind Thanksgiving.
Don't get me wrong, I love turkey, stuffing, potato salad, and sweet potato casserole...once! The following days are murder because we overeat on Thanksgiving. For the next whole week it looks like Thanksgiving sandwiches three times a day. I hate the American participation in cultural events and I hate that I have to digest whatever the heck is in stuffing for the next week.
So happy day-after, WoWees, and pass the mustard.
24 Hours Later
And Thanksgiving is still going strong.
Many of us travel and eat the yucky food of relatives on Thanksgiving. Here's a f*cking idea: DO IT YOUR WAY!!!
This weekend, steal all your favorite family recipes, get some friends and cook a smaller Thanksgiving feast for yourself. It's relatively easy, b*tches. That, and no annoying in laws and butt cracks spoiling the mood. Plus, if you put up your Christmas decorations and some light jazz, you can cook it by 2 pm, kick back and relax, and eat in a casual manner for all eternity.
Now, the Murk household is dry, but if you're into getting a little sh*tty, buy some nice wine and or beer and have a little late night party with your best buds and rock the house to some techno or whatever. It makes for a nice transition back to real life.
I say do it!!!
Murk
Enjoy More....
I think everyone needs to watch this short film. Only 6 minutes long, Mark Osborne takes you away to a fantastic little world, much like our own, where oppression is the key to success, and dreams take you everywhere. But where you end up may not be where you had envisioned. Please, enjoy More, and the beautiful song 'Elegia' by New Order.
Get Happy.
Look at the Baby I got delivered SWEET!!!
Uhh I got the "Classic white" Model with Gold hardwear, loved the Ebony but fingerprints are very noticible if you didn't have the chance to clean it up, & the "Fireburst" was cool but was $100 more expensive than the other models, color wasn't very remarkable anyways... well I am complitely satisfied with my mother's present so I think I no longer need a husband lol
Gibson Guitar!
So Close
The Kill Whitey Podcast is 80% complete and will be up by Sunday.
Hate will reign.
More from the "WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE" File
This proves that people are stupid.
I thank you for your time.
End of line.
Coming Soon
The WoW Webcomic . .
Based on the Tales of WoW, at Stool Sample Webcomics. And exclusively at the WoW, a sneak peak of some of the chracter designs.
How's that for anticipation.
I am Malach, and I'm stuck on you, I got feeling down deep in my soul, that I just can lose . . .
Hump Day Jokes ...
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
~*~*~*~
10 Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving but Aren't...
1. "Reach in and grab the gibblets."
2. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"
3. "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat!"
4. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."
5. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"
6. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"
7. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."
8. "It's cool whip time!"
9. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"
10. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.
~*~*~*~
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him out of ten million bucks; his bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an Occupational Benefit, and the reason he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything that he'd ever have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million bucks is hidden?
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about?" The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about?"
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeepers temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK, you win!" "The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says, you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"
(Don't ya just love lawyers!)
The State of the Nation..
...People are starving to death. Homelessness is rampant. Money is cut from federal programs to protect and help the underpriveledged. There is war. Deceipt. Theft. Murder. And in the middle of all this, I bring you the definition of frivolity. I bring you.....
I Did It!!
The big news of the day is this: First he did it, now he didn't do it... then he was going to write a book about how he would have done it... now he's back to "I didn't do it."
Yes, everybody's favorite homicidal former football player: O.J. Simpson. He was reported to be writing a BOOK called "If I Did It". Hello, Juice! We know you did it. This is about the worst stunt I can imagine.
But, thankfully, News Corp. announced today that they are canceling his book deal and TV Special. Sadly, no Brazilian-style crime walk-thrus for us! I really wish I could have turned on Fox and watched O.J. talking about "Hypothetically, I could have stabbed her repeatedly in this back alley... hypothetically."
Somebody shut O.J. back up! I was content without his mug in the news... now he's back. Please... go away... and don't kill anybody else.
That is all.
Horatio
Kosmo Kramer
I guess he is missing one more K in his name.
Check out this TMZ video of Michael Richards hissy fit that other night at The Laugh Factory. He went off on a heckler, used the n word pretty extensively, then zapped them all with Tazers.
Click for Video.
Perhaps he was having "flashbacks" to Andy Kaufman's appearance of Fridays. Or perhaps this is part of the ritual of being a 33rd degree Scottish Freemason (Cap'n can inform more about this). Of course perhaps this is just some practice for a eventual buddy movie with Mel Gibson.
I am Malach and it takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back.
Casino Royale
Ah. A new James Bond film. Feels like it was only yesterday that we saw a man from Scotland who donned a white dinner jacket and confronted a Dr. No. Yet this film is a restart of the franchise, like Batman Begins was. Known as Casino Royale, it's based on Iam Fleming's first Bond adventure of the same name. This reboot will stray away from the CGI laden films of the Brosnan era. It will do it's stunts "the old fashioned way" and I like it like that. It's gives it a new life into this old franchise despite it's popularity.
This film also marks the entrance of a new and blonder Bond played by Daniel Craig of Layer Cake film. He plays a more grittier Bond which was surrounded with controversy over the studio's choice. But I believe he pulled of this rold perfectly and made it his own. We also get the return Judi Dench's M, sadly no Money Penny (though a reference is made) or Q. I quite like this Bond, he relies more on skill like Timothy Dalton's films rather than Gadgets like Roger Moore's films which saw Bond in space.
Also in the cast is Eva Green as Bond girl Vesper Lynd and Caterina Murino as Solange another Bond girl who sadly meets a grizzly fate with a hammock. This film also marks the return of Felix Leiter as played by Jeffrey Wright. We last saw Felix in Licence to Kill being fed to sharks. And as Le Chiffre the main villain is Mads Mikkelsen who I never heard of. It's an action packed film worthy of the James Bond character and it won't disappoint with a somewhat humorous torture scene at the hands of the villain. With twists in the plot added to the mixture I give this movie a solid A. See it, you'll be glad you spent about 8 bucks.
Lower Your Expectations
Generous Investors Wanted
The Captain and I have teamed up once again to bring you another great investment opportunity!!!!
We are going to be making a Sudoku Book! Riding the wave of success Sudoku has had, we plan on licking the brain bending excitement up a few notches. Like FIFTEEN notches (Captain shouts over the phone as we consult).
We are going to find obscure recipes and list out the ingredients. Then, on a nine by nine SUPERGRID (I have to turn my volume down on my phone), we will place SOME of the ingredients, and the puzzled Sudoku Suckers will furrow their brows in concentration as they try to guess the remaining ingredients.
On the cover will be a picture of Warren Sapp, pointing you out and saying "I popped your Sudoku, BITCH!" and the whole thing will be wrapped in seaweed and it will throw a bowling ball through your windshield (what?). Hollywood is full of bees.
So, who wants in?
RENT a WoW review.
Malach is lucky . .
him and the wife got to see RENT the opening year with all the original cast. I found the play a powerful and moving voice for my generation. It touched your heart as it touched a nerve and dealt with issues usually not seen in big time theatre like AIDS, drug use, homelessness, and homosexuality. It was funny, riveting, and emotionally draining, and was a inspiration to me artistically.
RENT does have it problems, but overall, it is extremely good live.
The wife and I rented the 2005 Movie. It is something we have wanted to see for awhile a finally got the chance to see. The film was good, though not as good as the musical. There of course are some changes here and about the film as compared to the musical, mainly addtion of dialogue and cut of some songs. But overall, if you like the musical, you will like the film.
RENT is set in 1989 - 1990, in New York City's, Alphabet City. It centers around a group of artist and musicians struggling to survive in in the early 90's NYC, under the shadow of HIV/AIDS and Heroin. Much of the the peice is heavily influenced by Puccini's La bohème and has a lot of the that same feel and culture. It chronicles a year in the life of 8 friends as they struggle with addiction, AIDS, being poor, love, and their creative vision.
The music is also very good. Malach commands you to see it.
I am Malach and Oh lover I'll cover you.
Today's state of the Nation...
....so, you wanna see some police brutality? Do ya? I bet you do!
Well, there's enough video on here, so here is the link to this video.
Apparently, the short version of the story is, UCLA Library, computer lab. An Arab student couldn't produce his student ID or Library card when asked (they do random checks). So they asked him to leave, which he did not do immediately. The Community Service Office (whatever that means) who asked for it left, then came back shortly thereafter with campus police. The Arab student was in the process of leaving when they arrived.
They grabbed him, argued, and then began using a taser on him. Multiple times. They threatened other students with the Taser as well.
Well, here's the details of the article:
At around 11:30 p.m., CSOs asked a male student using a computer in the back of the room to leave when he was unable to produce a BruinCard during a random check. The student did not exit the building immediately.
The CSOs left, returning minutes later, and police officers arrived to escort the student out. By this time the student had begun to walk toward the door with his backpack when an officer approached him and grabbed his arm, at which point the student told the officer to let him go. A second officer then approached the student as well.
The student began to yell "get off me," repeating himself several times.
It was at this point that the officers shot the student with a Taser for the first time, causing him to fall to the floor and cry out in pain. The student also told the officers he had a medical condition.
UCPD officers confirmed that the man involved in the incident was a student, but did not give a name or any additional information about his identity.
Video shot from a student's camera phone captured the student yelling, "Here's your Patriot Act, here's your fucking abuse of power," while he struggled with the officers.
As the student was screaming, UCPD officers repeatedly told him to stand up and said "stop fighting us." The student did not stand up as the officers requested and they shot him with the Taser at least once more.
Here's the link to the full article.
And this is the state of the Nation today
A typical day at Malach's full time job.
As many of you know . .
Malach is the Director of Disability services for a large non profit. This is what my typical day is like.
Sometimes, it is more like this . . .
Ain't life grand.
I am Malach and you'll never find, another love like mine.
Hump Day Jokes ...
administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your
needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby
brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his
baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now." "Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
*~*~*~*
A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car.
"Go get help." he pleads. She replies, "I can't, I'm naked." He points to his shoe that was thrown
clear and says, "Cover your snatch with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies,
~*~*~*~
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the
prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.
Paganism
A requested article.
Here at the WoW, we aim to please, at least Malach does. Recently one of my favorite buckos has requested to hear about paganism and some of my opinions on it. So watch me work.
Paganism as a general term in this modern day refers mainly to any non Abrahamic based religions (Christianity, Judiasm, Islam). While some would include a number of very popular Eastern religions in this (IE Buddhims, Hinduism), that is always deabatable and based upon opinion.
The basic definiton of Pagan/Paganism connotes a broad sense of esoteric, naturalistic, polytheistic, and/or spiritualist practices that are out of the Abrahamic branch of religions. This is a very broad term and many Eytemologist avoid this generalization and prefer to sub-catergorize paganism into other smaller categories like animism, shamanism, polytheism, etc, etc. The range of "Pagan" religions is immense. Not including Eastern Religions everything from Old dead religions to modern Wicca are "Pagan" religions. Pagan which at one time was a very perjorative term like Heathen or Blasphemer, has become a very accepted term, and term used by self descibe pagans. There is also some debate whether Paganism includesAtheism and Agnosticism.
Paganism because of it's colorful range and history is broken up into several sub divisions:
Paleo-Paganism: Is a Pagan religion that has not been disrupted by culture and other religion. They have survived since their inception or were abadoned. For example Shito, Hinduism, and Celtic Polytheism which survive to this day, or the more familar Ancient Greek and Egyptian Religions which nor longer are forms of worship.
Meso-Paganism: These are Pagan religion that have been highly influenced by other relgions and cultures, but has been able to maintain a semblace of it's own worship. For example thing like the Native American religion or Voodoo.
Neo-Paganism: Is an attempt by modern man to reconnect and reconstruct ancient religion like Neo-Druidism and Wicca.
As for use of the term, Pagan and Paganism, one of my favorite websites, Religioustolerance.org has an excellent 7 item definition for it's modern use. I reprint it the items below:
1. Pagans consist of Wiccans and other Neopagans
2. Pagans are people to hate
3. Pagans are ancient polytheists
4. Pagans follow Aboriginal religions
5. Pagans are followers of non-Abrahamic religions
6. Pagans don't belong to any of the main religions of the world
7. Pagans are Atheists, Agnostics, Humanists, etc
You can read the entire article here.
So, know that you are confused, here is Malach's opinion. To me, you cannot be an Athiest and be a pagan. Pagans all believe is some type of higher power. Because of the numerous religions that can be applied as Pagan, it is kind of hard to give you an opinion on Paganism. In general Malach has the opinion that most religions teach us the same things.
1. Love and respect everyone you meet.
2. Respect the Earth.
3. Know there is something greater in the universe than you.
This goes for most Pagan religions. There are obviously some exceptions to this (Satanism being one of them), but to me, whether you are Wiccan, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Baha'i, or what ever, these are your basic tenets. Why are most people coverting to Paganism (if you look at some stats, Paganism is one of the fastest growing religions in some parts of the world)? Disillusionment, anger, and curiosity.
Wow.
Malach's website had almost 700 unique visitors yesturday which is the most visitors ever in one day by almost 200 visitors. I am getting massive links from two pretty popular site forums. The Internet Infidels and Something Awful (this one really surprised me). So thanks to who ever from there is sending me traffic.
I am Malach, and Who broke my heart? You did, you did.
Murk vs.The Podcast: YOU DECIDE
Ok, so we've all been paitently waiting for Dr. Robert J. Murk (awesome) to release the latest Murk & Malach Show podcast. It was supposed to be the "KILL WHITEY" podcast, and I, for one, was very excited about it.
However, in speaking with Mega Mix Master Murky yesterday, he told me that he simply can not work on it.
It's not a time factor, but a content issue. He said that the source recordings suck so bad that the podcast itself would end up being boring and silly. In short: it would be a complete fucking mess.
But, isn't that the whole idea?
After all, did you hear M&M Show #9 or Show #11? Now, those were... well, not their best work. OK, that's not fair... let's just say that they were good, but not great. (kind of like the show that I did with His Holy Roman Murkness. YIKES. That was some weird shit right there!) But, still, those shows were very entertaining, right? Right!
You know, it's hard to follow an act like Show #8.5... The Interview Show. That was the shiz-nitilly-shiz-nitz!
But, I think he CAN do it. In fact, I know he can!
I love The M&M Show!
So, I put it to you, Wowees... should Murk suck it up and release Show #12 - aka: "The Kill Whitey" Podcast?
Vote in the comments section now!
Hoax or Real?
You decide:
http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/4462/real_or_hoax1.swf
Realist Democrats
I think I may have found a political home with some of the new moderate Democrats who were just elected. It's certainly too early to tell yet. I consider myself a fiscal conservative and a social progressive, so I've never really felt at home in either party. The current administration has pushed me even further away from the Republican party as it morphed into both extremely fiscally reckless and socially conservative to the point of dogmatic.
Can the new Congress prove themselves to be Realist Democrats? Can they begin to undo the fiscal damage of the Bush administration? Can they find a bipartisan way out of Iraq? Can they begin to actually govern?
I hope so. I hope that we do not begin a cycle of "getting even" or "settling old scores" with the Administration and the Republican theocratic wing. I hope that we build alliances with the Republican fiscal conservative/individual libertarian wing and get this country back on course. We need responsible adults to work for us in D.C. - I hope the new crop of Realist Democrats is up to the job.
Good luck to us all.
MAAAAAAALAAAACH
Um yeah sorry about that but uh since there's this huge-ass scholarship program for this UC I really want to go into I'll have to invest all of my time in that instead of actually finishing the "Lying..." story. So, the chapters I tried to write are going to be reduced to a nice, meticulous little short story. Well actually I should say that I'm rewriting the previous story into a completely new, shorter story. A hah hah hah fuck sorry I know. ><"
But yeah, might as well bust it, huh? If you think it's stool sample quality (*snicker*), then by all means put it on. =)
------
If you were to look at him in a crowd, you'd find nothing remarkable about him. In a planet populated by billions, this is a common generalization, but in actuality this is a fitting description. The boy sported a simple t-shirt, faded paints, the smells evocative of his surburban life entrenched throughout the pockets of his clothing. Brown hair matted the creases in his forehead, bristles dotted his cheek, emerging ferns of his imminent manhood saying hello to the world. He carried along a plain black backpack as he headed towards his class, each step taken slowly, almost as if with thoughtful consideration. Everything about this boy seemed to give the impression that he was prone to flickers of brilliance, an assumption that actually betrayed his ability. Not to make him out to be a dunce, but he lacks a sense of himself, and like all people without an identity, he's merely another gear in the machine. School, sports, love, life, all in constant, sustained parameters; he never suffered from mind-jarring tensions or gut-punch lows, seemingly living an average, unremarkable life. There wasn't anything inherently flawed about him, which while on the surface would seem good, it never gave him an ambtion, the drive to become something more in any particular subject, and so he lived his life, without any real purpose, unless his purpose meant just being there.
When he gets home everyday, in his green volvo situated in the exact same space next to the curb, he performs a ritual, before diving into his real life. He'll pour himself a glass of water, letting exactly three ice-cubes welcome him home with a *plink* *plink* *plink*. Adorned above the fireplace, he laments over a portrait of a past family, happily basking in each other's warmth. Previous admiration of the figures in this caricature sicken him; they're just shadows of his memory, his brothers, each one retreating to college in pursuit of their lives, in the process dismantling his. He rests the ice-cubes in his mouth, swilling each around with his spittle before he spits them into the sink, where he will retreat to his room. This is where his day begins.
He reaches down toward his monolith of a computer tower, carresses the button as if in arousal of it, turning the computer on. Tapping his fingers expectantly, his eyes are replaced with exuberance, chasing away the placidness that haunts him daily. Windows loaded, he moves his hand fitfully to the mouse, ready to release the love he imprisons in his body. He's ready to confide his fear, love, sorrow, joy, pain, laughter... he's going to expose himself selflessly to her, splitting himself open so she can take in every single facet of his being.
The funny thing is, she's a total stranger.
Well, in a sense. They met each other in a cozy hovel seperated from the outside world, dim lighting illuminating their faces, conversation swelling the room with a sense of brotherhood. Catching each other's attention, they met through a mutual friend or two, awkwardly exchanging pleasantries. After a brief discussion, they sat themselves at another table, away from the group. And then, a spark, and they hit it off. Pretty soon they started meeting up with each other in this same place, day after day after day, until they had fitted themselves within the contours of each others being... Not feeling complete without the other, they decided to test-run a relationship, awkward giggles and brief smiles expressed on both sides. All of this would be perfectly normal if they hadn't met each other in a chat room: the bricks were pixels, the conversation text, the jokes ytmnd links, and finally, the complexity of emotions expressed so simply, the uplifting happiness and chemistry of enjoyment summarized in three simple letters. L-O-L.
Logging onto the internet message board both frequented, he saw that she was logged on. Immediately, he logged onto his instant messenger; to her, a seemingly inocuous coincidence that proved to be excellent, to him, a coldly-calculated move to make her talk to him, an opportunity acted upon with the efficiency of a stalker.
"Hey" he typed.
"Hey you" she responded back.
He cracked his knuckles, and began the fascade of his life. Fingers moving deftly across the keyboard, he maligned his daily life, turning something ordinary into extrodinary, making things out that aren't actually that way. It was a certain kind of art, like a pianist. A simple intro into his day, he plays the phrase that enthralls his audience. Next, comes the transition of the tulumptous descent into madness, the horrors of the school accentuated with sharp notes in minor key, making his plight almost palpable to the girl, the sentinals at his locker that intrude upon him. Awestruck, she finds herself wanting more, urging the artist to continue. He switches his tone, forte forte! Sweeping his fingers across the keys, fast notes followed with a faster theme, indicative of the swift retribution he brought down upon his antagonizers. The notes were banged, angrily, the plastic frame of his keyboard cracking, parroting the sounds his fists had made upon skulls in school that same day. And then, the crescendo! A daring tornado of notes, a rising platform, raising her to the height of her empathy as he details each and every single satisfying plea they made as he lost control. And then, the descending scale, the music becoming softer, gentler, poetically horrific, as every work should be. Blood had apparently fallen on his hands, at first a drop or two, then into a hazy mist he drunk on, immanently satisfied. Not knowing how to end his masterpiece, he decribed it as feeling like red-kool-aid, an abrupt thud, and the settling of sound.
On the other end, she gives off a smile, proud that her now-boyfriend, after going through ten years of oppression, finally stood up to his own colossus, knocking these pillars down and reveling in the ruins of his former antagonizers. Really though, she felt that a high-schooler, especially a junior, could only take so much bullshit before it engulfs him. She had learned from a television show that standing up for yourself was the right thing to do. Later that day, she learned that if you're yourself, everyone will like you.
Little did the boy know, he was in love with a ten-year old girl.
Little fingers typed back to him, giving him his love back.
-------------------
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.
See You in a Week
Assuming my plane doesn't hit the ground like a dart. Feel free to talk about me.
Comics, Comics, and more Comics!
Now everyone I have ever known, knows me as the "comic book" geek. Thankfully, I'm not that crazy like those Final Fantasy freaks who dress up like their favorite characters....some girls but that's not the point. This week I went to my local comic book shop. Browse through a few things and to my utter annoyance they brought back another comic book character from the dead! Jericho of Teen Titans fame. This year has seen a number of dead comic book characters coming back to life. Captain America's Bucky, and an alternate dimension Uncle Ben from Spider-Man. I can understand if it's an Elseworld or a What If? thing. But brining them back to the mainstream reality. That's like brining back the Berlin wall years after it's been torn down. Ah well, I leave you all with this!
New Stuff in the WoW Store
Right now only available in white.
We are feature two new t-shirts. Show your true political colors, with either our "Bleeding Heart Liberal" or "Fundamentalist Conservative" T-Shirt! You know you want 'em. Wear your Bleeding Heart in Texas, and the Conservative in Massachusetts! Buy one for your friends, your Political Reps (Imagine send Ted Kennedy the Conservative one in the mail). ONLY $14.49! Colors, mouspads, and other shiite coming soon!
I am Malach and you want to buy things.
Stealing the Angry Veteran's Thunder
From Fox News:
President G. W. Bush: "Now after a series of thoughtful conversations, Secretary Rumsfeld and I agreed that the time had come for new leadership at the Pentagon," Bush said in an East Room press conference scheduled Tuesday night after election returns showed an incoming Democratic House majority.
Translation: "I can no longer protect you, Don. You're screwed."
Summary: Thank Christ. Let's hope the next guy isn't as much of an incompetent asshole.
Well, There Goes Our Perfect Fundamentalist Christian State
Thanks to the Spendocrats and their big gay agenda, our perfect Christian unity is ruined forever. Our hopes of a supreme theocracy based on war and oil is ruined. You idiot liberal voters. Do you know what you've done? You've handed the keys to the kingdom to a bunch of acid dropping, free love, no moral having hippies. Good luck to you.
Hey, you all want to live in France, now you can. I should have known when they gave us that big statue in NY Harbor that the French would undermine us. Enjoy your ennui and your subtitled movies and picture books filled with bullwhips up people's asses. Go march in your lesbian parade for immigrants with mental illnesses. Free all the rapists and unlock your doors, America!!! It's a liberal ho-down and we'll all dance to Satan's sweet sweet music while our paychecks shrink to save the albino liver skunks.
The good news is:
Two years of a liberal congress drifting willy nilly and getting nothing done will practically ensure a conservative victory in 2008.
Enjoy your deviant orgy of sex in any position on the streets in broad daylight. Oh, and sell your stock in tissue companies because now all the Democratic Diaper Babies have nothing to cry about except for their own failures, which they will never aknowledge.
Now, we can look forward to a speedy withdrawal from Iraq and a swift and brilliant terrorist strike when we let down the drawbridge into our castle of freedom. When the paint starts peeling on your door, don't call me... I'll be somewhere high in the mountains with guns, Jesus and lost of food and cash.
I hope you all live long enough to regret your push for Pansy Power.
What, what the Hell happened last night!
WOW.
I have not seen this occur so radically in my politcal life. The last I can remember is the Anti-Carter sentiment at the end of the 70's, but I was too young to be politically active. The American people sent message. They hate the War in Iraq, they hate the untold spending this administration has done in things that no longer interest the American. They hate how the rest of the world views the US. They hate the fundamentalist stances on stem cell research. They hate the direction this country is going in immigration. They hate that they can't afford anything, and their health care cost are pushing them to bankruptcy.
Don Rumsfeld is in now resigining, he is the first scapegoat so far. Bush's new conferences is on right now, and he looks like a man that is running from a mob with pitchforks and torches. Democrat now control the House by wide margin, and form the looks of it, will also control the Sentate. It is going to come down to a neck and neck contest in VA, in which the Democratic candidate has a 6,000 vote lead. MO also there is a 3,000 vote difference with the Democrat with the slight advantage.
What happens now? Well the Bush Administration has made few friends, they no longer have the House to fund the War in Iraq. Obviously with Rumsfeld stepping down there will be a new direction. But can a lame duck mostly hated president work with a opposition congress. The rest of the world has some fears.
It was very interesting to flip between Fox News and CNN last night. It was like watching a the fans of the two opposing teams after a Superbowl. It was also fun to hear the ranting and raving on coservative talk shows this morning. Honestly, I think they are one of the main reasons the Republicans have lost all this power. This can go back to a few years ago, when the Democrats were high on the horse and lost touch with the American. Now it is the Republicans turn. As the Democrats were too busy courting the wacky liberal left during the Clinton Administration, the Republican were too busy courting the Evangelical Conservative Right, neither groups represents you typical American.
One very interesting thing, I think this election immediatlely make John McCain a very viable presidential candidate, he is a moderate to liberal Republican, very reprsentative of most Americans. He works well with both Republicans and Democrats (he is the Leiberman of the Republican Party). Malach is still puching it . . . . McCain/Obama '08!
Congratulations to Duval Patrick.
No matter what you think of the man (Honestly I can't wait to see what happens), you got to congratulate him. He is the first black governer of Massachusetts, and only the second in the US. MA, even though we are a state of Liberal Pinkos, hate to vote in Women and Blacks. We much perfer gays. This opens the door to shake the racism that has plagued this state for the past 50 years.
I am Malach and I am a left leaning Independent.
Hump Day Jokes ...
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train..But I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say..."All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
~*~*~*~*~*~
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl.
~*~*~*~*~
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
Capitalism at it's finest
BUY SOMETHING!
Not only is the new RubberSuit Studios T-Shirt Shop open, but it now has a sub catalogue . . . the Wand of Wonder Store. Now you can proudly display your love of the WoW. Multiple colors coming soon. In addition, I am working on a much requested Super Mega Pope-Atron shirt. Should be up soon.
GO VOTE.
You have until 8PM lazy bastards.
I am Malach and you can call me Daddy Warbucks.
This Just In...
I am AWSOME!
After serving my one week ban, I am even more determined to be completely obnoxious and insensitive. I pledge to bash all weenie liberal whiny baby pants and defeat their disjointed logic with taunts, silliness and my classic, inimitable brand of passive aggressive counterplay.
I will make you all eat your words and show you the bossy boss of all bosses which is still me, despite my SELF IMPOSED ban. What other man can be as great? I mean, I had the balls to ban myself, and then come back even stronger, LOUDER and, quite frankly, itchy.
BALLS! BULLOCKS I say to you. I will not be banned again. I will fight my own damn self if I have to stand on the international date line and kick my ass on two different days at once. FALL DOWN AND WORSHIP MY SPLENDA!!!
Tic Tac Toe. I win. Uno! Murk 129, losers 0.
Take that you fancy pants wanna be bloggers.
I voted all Republican across the board in 8 different precincts under false identities AND I voted for Devall Patrick while doing it. Name one other man that can vote for a Democrat as a Republican. Do it!!!
I flat out rock. It hurts so bad because I rock so hard all day and all of the night. Two points and the foul!!! Bahooo-hooohooooooooyip! Ding dang cha-chiggity wang chung a ding a long ling long!!!!!
Love that Murk, everyone. Love him. He's home.
Glitches at the Polls...
...All over the country, new voting machines are being used, much to the chagrin of those of us who demand a paper trail for all voting! And, surprise surprise, glitches are being reported everywhere, so much so that many polls are reverting to Paper Ballots. Lines are getting longer as record turn-outs are happening all over the country. I, of course, suspect sabotage. The Ruling Class gave out faulty machines (hello - Diebold makes the machines and are huge Bush supporters) to delay and disenfranchise voters everywhere. They want less votes to better ensure their rule. They've even resorted to some of the most embarrasing and immature tactics. See here, as a Republican, under the auspices of 'voting,' is actually pissing on a voting machine, causing malfunctions!
Is there anything they won't do?! Get out there and stop them! Vote, damn you!!!
Three things a Democratic Congress should do at once
Dear Madame Speaker Pelosi,
I hope Wednesday morning finds you as the incoming Speaker of the House. If it does, I ask you to immediately do three things; things that should have been done some time in the last six years but were ignored. These three laws go to the foundation of our Democracy: the credibility of the Vote.
1. Change Veteran's Day from November 11th to the First Tuesday of every November. The day we go out to vote should be a federal holiday; working people should have the ability to vote and not have to worry about missing work or a decrease in their pay that week.
2. Require all voting machines to produce and accurate written record that can be available for recounts if requested and mandatory random audits during each election. Your vote only counts if someone counts your vote.
3. Institute an Election Day Lottery. Sadly, Americans - many moderates - are turned off by the behavior of candidates, parties, and supporters. So much so, that they stay away from the poll booth. We need to institute a $1 million dollar lottery in each state for everyone who casts a vote. That should serve as enough of an incentive to counteract the apathy and disgust that our election seasons are routinely creating.
These three simple laws would make a great, positive impact on our Democracy and on the credibility of the Vote.
Please, Madame Speaker, do this for every voter.
Yours Truly,
The Angry Veteran
So you Mofos think you can dance?
You ain't got the moves.
Check out Murk and Malach cut a rug. You think that was good, check out these two dancing with the stars contenders.
Don't forget and vote.
Those of you who complain, now is the time to make a difference. Never say that your vote doesn't matter. Tomorrow buckos!
McCain and Obama.
Malach thinks these two should run as a ticket, they would be unstoppable. The question becomes who does what, but of course, Dick Cheney has shown how much power a VP can have. Perhaps Co-Presidents, that could be fun. The only better choice would be Murk and Malach.
Thanks to the Piper.
I now have all the links to post the rest of the Tales of WoW. And man, they are even funny the second and third time you read them.
Blogger Beta.
If you have yet to see it, it is awesome. It has all the bells and whistle including catagorizing blogs via catagories and posters. Unfortunately, for current bloggers it is invite only, and they are still working out the kinks of covert ftp hosted (this blog), multi-contributer (this blog), and large blogs (this blog). It will come but this will be one of the last ones converted. More features including customizing by drag and drop templating design and altering template colors, better image uploading. Hopefully summer of '07.
I am Malach, and I have never visited Racoon City.
Is this what you want?
Are these the people you want running your country? Old, white, out of touch men, raised in an era of inequality and oppression? Look at these old guys. Republicans and their followers. Do they know what is going on in your life? Do they speak for you? This is Bob Corker, Republican, hugging is fellow old white men. Fighting to ensure their rule. This is a caste system, and they are the ruling class. It is up to YOU to take the system back from them. And one thing you can do is VOTE!!!
Tomorrow, November 7, is voting day. Please make your voice heard and vote. If you have time, we urge you to go through your address book and remind friends, family and neighbors to vote as well. If we fail to exercise our right to vote, we lose the chance to have a say in who will represent us in Washington for the next two very important years. Pass it on.
Here is a list of Mas are registered and what your (shudder) party affiliation is.
Educate yourself on your ballot and get out to vote
You probably got a voter guide in the mail. Please read it. If you threw it out, please go to your state website (probably your Secretary of State's website) and read the online version.
Why? Because in addition to voting for your local, state, and federal representatives you are also going to be voting on a number of propositions or referendums; depending on what your state or locality calls them.
Sadly, most of the ads I see for the Propositions out here in California are not very informative. Several have been misleading. So, please figure out what you are voting on and talk to your friends. You might be surprised as to how many of your friends know only what has been put out in commercials.
I mean, unless you are voting on a Diebold machine. Then you can just press buttons at random and the machine will decide who you vote for.
A Wand of Wonder Review of Borat
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (hereby referred to as "Borat" or "the movie" because I don't feel like typing it more than once) is Sacha Baron Cohen's (Da Ali G Show, Talladega Nights) first starring role in a film. Featuring his character of the same name, Borat fills viewers with disgust, horror, hatred, and laughter at the same time, a blend that works surprisingly well.
If you have seen Cohen's Borat sketches before (a quick GooTube search will remedy that), then you know what to expect from his big-screen production. Borat is a Kazakhstani reporter who is constantly sent to America to gain insight on the American people and culture so the government of Kazakhstan can use his findings to make life in Kazakhstan better. Borat is a drastically exaggerated stereotype of the people of Kazakhstan, and Cohen, though Jewish himself, is consistently anti-Semitic in his portrayal of Borat. Borat contains enough anti-Semitic and anti-gyspy attitudes to make Hitler blush.
Cohen's conversational skill can, and should, be considered an art form. He is able to get anyone to say anything and then pin them so they are unable to repeal it. The satirical nature of this film would be impossible without Cohen's sheer conversational proficiency. Borat brings out the very worst sides of people effortlessly and almost innocently encourages people to be the filthy prejudiced morons that they hide from everyone around.
At first glance this movie seems to be a straightforward gross-out comedy, but upon a little afterthought it becomes so much more. Borat is the most pure form of satire available - A real character making people say things from their own minds. The movie conveys the aggressive attitudes of subway-going New Yorkers and the candid prejudice of the American South, Cohen's favored enemy, often without even the smallest bit of provocation. Borat manages to uncover the collective xenophobia of the United States by embarrassing everyone in front of millions of people.
The humor here is nothing short of disgusting. There are numerous scatological, sexual, and racial references. You will be offended, you will laugh, and you will hate yourself for laughing so hard. I felt very guilty after it was all over and the pain in my soul lingered for quite some time after.
The story is pretty straightforward, but I will not go into details because the funniest parts of the movie are the ones you don't see coming. The addition of an actual story in this movie is what gives it that extra boost and it keeps it from being an extended "best of" episode of Da Ali G Show. Though it is ludicrous and flimsy, the story gives the entire movie a drive, a purpose, a structure that keeps the movie from feeling scattered and anticlimactic. I was impressed that they added a story at all, and the fact that much of the movie pertained to that story made me like the movie that much more.
Borat is once again sent to America to interview its citizens so Kazakhstan can flourish. In his first night in the hotel he sees an episode of Baywatch, falls in love with Pamela Anderson, and sets off with his producer to find and marry her. His journey takes him through a gay pride parade, a southern etiquette dinner party, a yard sale, a Pentecostal service, and a night in a Jewish household, with numerous other events scattered in between. Overall the comedy is fresh and even when it falls flat Cohen seems to realize it and he does something completely off-the-wall to redeem himself. I can honestly say that I didn't stop laughing until well after the movie ended.
If you've heard anything about this movie then you have obviously heard about Borat's nude fight with his producer. I am assuming that I am not spoiling anything by referencing this as everyone else has spoiled it already. This scene is in no small part hilarious. You will cringe, you will look away, and when you think the worst is over, it gets even more horrific. How the two filmed this while keeping a straight face and any sliver of pride is beyond me, but it starts off funny and elevates to hysteria before it ends. You may think that you won't like it, but you will laugh even only if it is a natural denial of horror.
My only regret with this movie is that it has effectively killed the character ot Borat. With all of this exposure Cohen will never be able to elicit honest responses from the American people again. However, I'm fairly certain that Cohen's other character, Brüno, the flamboyant homosexual, will get a starring role in the future. Here's to hope.
If you've read this far then you shouldn't need much more encouragement. However, if you skipped this far to get to the stars, I'll sum it up with "go see this movie."
My score: 10/10 . Whether you like poop jokes and racism or not, you will laugh no matter what. Go see the movie today, but leave the kids at home. I'm convinced that I wasn't even supposed to see this movie, but I'm very glad I did.
A Letter, A Question, A Picture, A Plea!
To: His Impressive Holiness Sir Malach the Merciless, esq. and His Religious & Repentent Immenince Dr. Robert J. Murk (awesome),
Gentlemen, I am faced with a critical question this morning that I must put before you in hope that you provide an honest and prompt response.
It is a question of vital importance that no doubt will effect us all in more ways than I can possibly imagine.
Many of us, speaking on and offline, using a variety of channels, have asked and waited and wondered and... even prayed.
In your infinite wisdom, I am confident you can tell us the answer to the question that plagues us... plagues me, indeed, PLAGUES THE WORLD.
Where is the fucking M&M "KILL WHITEY" podcast? I mean, WTF?
I humbly and yet impatiently await your response.
Bloggingly Yours,
Captain B.J. "Flak" Paperpants
First Spacefarmer of the Royal WoW Fusiliers
Third Operational Infantry Media Command
Northen Massachusetts Divisional Headquarters
P.S.: Angry Veterinarian: am I still your pretty girl?
Winter Movie Season
It's winter here at the old Wand of Wonder, and that means the winter movie viewing season......and video game season but I'll leave that up to someone else. That means we get a whole slew of movies coming from the woodwork. Comedies such as Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, Let's Go To Prison, and Stranger than Fiction hit the scene. Action/Adventure/Dramas/Thrillers like Casino Royale, The Return, Deja Vu, Rocky Balboa, and the Pursuit of Happyness also hit theathers. Rounding it out are children films like the Santa Clause 3, Flushed Away, and Happy Feet also come to theaters.*
Stay tuned here at WOW while we review these fun movies! Hopefull old Howard Johnson will grace us with a review of Borat**. Also, start getting those credit cards out Christmas time is looming and with it comes a chilling expose on Christmas and other winter holidays through the eyes of a teenager while hit the "pages" of WOW. So stay tuned!
*Also worth mentioning are movies like Fast Food Nation, Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny, and For your Consideration.
**Surprisingly got in with ease to see Borat Senor Hojo, no guards or anything. Or maybe I just drugged the person selling the ticket.
2 Rants and a few plugs.
First, the plugs.
Malach has reopened his website store. I have made it much more navigable, easier to purchase crap, and added a second party to do t-shirts. After some research, Malach has abandoned his Cafe Press idea and went with 99dogs.com instead. Why, they offer items at much cheaper production rates, have a better markup for me, and I like their store much better, the store is live, but I am waiting for approval on the two Tees before the item appear. So while we are here, please post in comments what you would like to see for tees . . I am designing a few this week. Also anyone publishing comics through me, I will not use any of you characters for individual tees, but will use them is general Stool Sample Webcomics stuff. I would suggest, that if you want to sell tees, sign up for an account, make a store, and I will link everything to the store page.
Speaking of webcomics, I will be loading up some new ones from Space Ghost today. Palmer also intimated, he would be sending me a few too. Fat Bug is getting close.
Another plug? Most of the Angry Pipers Tales of WoW are now up. I am still looking for the others, any help would be appreciated.
MassHealth
MassHealth is the state MA statewide insurance for those who have no insurance, are disabled or unemployed. The Romney admnistraion has made some major changes to the free care part of MassHealth (ie the part for those Unemployed or Unisured). To break it down simply, they are now 4 insurance companies providing the medical insurance for MassHealth, everyone on it has to pay some type of premium, even if it is only $1 a month. CoPays are mostly free, the only exception is Emergencey Services.
Now for example, and family of 4 who falls in the up to $60,000 range who is uninsured, will get CommonHealth (the MassHealth program covering this) for $238 a month. This is nice, but here is my problem.
Basically, now, I could quit my full time job, do the webdesign I am doing, take my kids out of daycare, and pay the $238 a month, and make more money than I am now with the full time job. Sad no. What is really killing me right now is daycare. It is close to $800 a month, and that is with a federal subsidy.
So here is what I propose. MA, provide this insurance for everyone in the state. Have pay based upon their income. Employer will no longer have to carry health insurance, saving them a ton of money, then you have them pay into this program. This will cut costs dramtically for employers, raise salaries, and be a inviting place for employers to come have a business. Business could pay into a day care pool, so people like me don't have to worry about where the Hell I am going to get an extra $10,000 so I can work.
The AL Gold Glove at Short Stop.
OK, now we all realize I am huge Red Sox fan. Tell me this: HOW IN THE WORLD DID DERRICK JETER WIN THIS? Now don't get me wrong, Jeter is a great player and deserves MVP this year, but Gold Glove? Alex Gonzalez should not only have won this, but blown the competition way. Let compare shall we?
Jeter: 610 Catches, 214 Put Outs, 381 Assists 15 Errors, 81 Double Play, .975 Fielding %, 4.14 Range Factor, .810 Zone Rating. In 150 Games
Gonzalez: 475 Cathes, 163 Put Outs, 305 Assists, 7 Errors, 68 Double Plays, .985 Fielding %, 4.36 Range Factor, .863 Zone Rating in a 111 game.
Not even close.
I am Malach and I want your body
Reverend: "Meth fueled gay sex with a prostitute is great, but same sex marriage should be banned"
(CNN) In 2005, Time magazine put Reverend Ted Haggard on its list of the 25 most influential evangelical leaders, noting his participation in a weekly conference call with White House staffers and other religious leaders. He is currently campaigning for the Constitutional amendment to ban same sex marraige in Colorado.
Comment:
If you want to have meth fueled gay sex with a male prostitute, as far as I'm concerend, that's your own business. In addition, if you want to marry a same sex partner, that's also your own business. If you want to have meth fueled gay sex with your same sex married partner, again, also your own business.
It becomes news, however, when you are a complete and utter hypocrite. Rev. Ted is the paragon of what I hate about some people: hypocrisy. He's out there telling everybody that homosexuality and drug use are a sin and actively trying to deny civil rights to homosexuals. But there he is, away in his hotel room, getting high on meth and enjoying the tender touch of his favorite male prostitute.
Damn Ted, couldn't you just stick to the Big Jesus points on loving everyone and not judging others? Then you wouldn't be such a huge hypocrite. But no, you have to be the stereotype of "do what I say and not as I do." What a jerk.
I'm glad he stepped down and I hope he gets some serious help to come to grips with the fact that he is a gay man, and that gay men have the right to be loved and married. Stop being such a self loathing homosexual and ruining other people's lives.
Sorry had to post this.
For all you Ian MacKaye Fans.
Ian Mackaye, the founder and lead singer for Minor Threat, Fugazi, founder of Dischord Records is proud to present . . . VOWEL MOVEMENT!
Vowel Movement
Evidently this comes from Pancake Mountain, and alternative children's web show. DVD's can be bought via their site, and Amazon.
I am Malach, my kids loved the TMBG kids stuff, I am getting this.
What Dr. Murk has been up to while he's been "away"
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Wal-Mart is seeing red over a missing shipment of T.M.X. Elmo, a frontrunner for this year's hottest toy.
The world's largest retailer wants the missing Elmos back as soon as possible and declared that it will "do whatever it takes to ensure [Elmo] gets to shelves this holiday season."
Spokeswoman Jolanda Stewart said the shipment, containing more than 100 T.M.X. Elmo dolls, went missing on Oct. 31 en route to a Wal-Mart store in Bentonville, Ark.
Clearly, Dr. Murk simply found an opportunity to ruin Christmas for 100 families and couldn't pass up the opportunity. As a cover story to explain his abscence, he simply declared himself banned and left for his hideous mission in the midwest.
Murk!!!