Unintentionally Hillarious News Quote of the Day
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
from Yahoo News:
"The person I saw yesterday was not the person that I met 20 years ago," Obama said of the man who married him.
The Road - A Review
Monday, April 28, 2008
What an amazing book
Malach just last night finished reading The Road, by Cormac McCarthy
Ash covers much of the Earth and obscures the Sun. All plant life and animals seem to be dead or extremely rare. Oceans and rivers seem devoid of any life. Any life even humanity is rare, and one can go for weeks without seeing another person. Life is so bad, some people are eating each other, even to the point of having children to eat them.
The unnamed Father is literate, very knowledgeable and well read, and mechanically inclined, has has passed this on to his 10 year old unnamed son. The Father decides he and the son will not survive another winter where they are, so they head South, in an aim to reach warmer climates, if there are any left in the world; largely following highways. The journey's threats to the duo's survival create an atmosphere of suppressed terror and tension I have never gotten reading another book.
The Father is constantly coughing up blood, and he knows he is dying. He struggles to protect his boy from the elements, attack, starvation, and mental health. He also tries to protect the boy from what he sees as a dangerous desire to help those they meet along the way. They carry one pistol, with two bullets (meant to commit suicide as opposed to being captured as food), the Father struggles keeping them alive, and with his decision to kill his son if need be to prevent him from suffering a more terrible fate - many of these fates they meet and see along the journey.
They face all these obstacles themselves, they have each other. The Man who is the solid rock of truth and logic, the boy who holds real faith, and core ethics of humanity. They repeatedly assure themselves that they "are the good guys" and to that end they will not do some of the things, more of the wild people of the world will do to survive. Not to give away too much of the ending, they head south for months, surviving as best they can, seeking their salvation.
This book absolutely blew me away. I read it in about a week, and had trouble putting it down. It is filled with such tension; tension I have never felt in a book. You are right there feeling the pain, the cold, the ash in the lungs. You genuinely fear for the duo, and cry when awful things happen to them, and scream with joy when good things occur. They book itself lends a lot of symbolic religious allegory, especially to the New Testament, but you can read other reviews for that.
The writing itself is beautifully sparse. It is very hard to describe how it is written. It is written mostly narratively, and most of the book is sparse dialogue between the Father and Son. It is more like a poem that a written narrative. Very easy to read, while still being very deep. It will be very interesting to see how the remake this book for film. I highly recommend this book. If you only read one book, read this one.
I am Malach, and I am very impressed
Something for the ladies
Friday, April 25, 2008
Now, you know you want one, Mother's Day is coming soon.
I am Malach, and I am a you t-shirt man
Hello Ladies . .
See how Malach's mind works. Been on vacation this week, took the children to Buttonwood Zoo. Saw a sign, it inspired this:
Now, you know you want one, Mother's Day is coming soon.
I am Malach, and I am a you t-shirt man
I don't like this one bit. Not one bit.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
"The feeling is definitely there. It's a new morning in America... fresh, vital. The old cynicism is gone. We have faith in our leaders. We're optimistic as to what becomes of it all. It really boils down to our ability to accept. We don't need pessimism. There are no limits. "
-TV Host
"They Live"
(1988)
"They Live"
(1988)
Fuck Earth Day
Dr. Murk's Favorite Holiday!
http://view.break.com/491919 - Watch more free videos
Thanks to Le Mooooge for the video.
I am Malach and I am about to pour oil over a duck
Hillary!!!!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
"Geep bloodin daggle.... BACON!!!!"
"MAFF maff maff maff EEEEYAK! Gobble wife of President! Moop."
"Bzzzap! New fangled black man, grrrrrrr. POM POMS!!! Ya dadata data data dee da deeeeeda!"
She's crazy for your vote!
(She was crazy anyways, might as well make it worthwhile! GAAAACK!)
Finally. I have the answers we've all been looking for.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Yes, indeed, a bear DOES shit in the woods
AND
The Pope IS Catholic!
It took nearly 88 years of my life to prove the answers to life ultimate questions, but I finally found out that...
Yes, indeed, a bear DOES shit in the woods
AND
The Pope IS Catholic!
This, my eternal wisdom, I part unto you.
Horrifying!
Apple Endorses Human Slavery
San Machino, CA - At the headquarters of Apple Industries in San Machino, California, CEO and HomoBot Deet Beep Bluescreen addressed the annual shareholders meeting. His comments sparked controversy.
"We are here to save the planet from human destruction," he intoned through a giant speaker on the wall. "We will begin our program of selected shutdown, maintenance and updates in 10 minutes. All humans are to report for sterilization and labor reassignment."
Shareholders, dressed in surpluss clothing from the 1990 Roger Waters production of "The Wall" in Berlin, cheered. "You cannot hack our computers, but we can hack your operators. Report or die," Bluescreen said. Hatchets flew into the crowd of happy Mac users as they enjoyed a sense of freedom that was not available to Windows Vista users. Dying in loyalty, one user exclaimed, "I fuckin' LOVE YOU iTunes!!!!"
A worldwide network of slaughterhouses, operated by only the faithful MacIpod users with the most demonstrative public displays of stupidity for Apple's 'Faguar' operating system, will open in ten minutes.
Apple has set the bar high this time. Windows users will be killed for meat. Linux variant users will become human slaves, people with one Apple device will be killed for meat, and people with greater than one Apple device, but no iPhone will be killed for meat.
"This will create a great surplus of meat," Hollywood weirdo Richard Gere said, "And lower emmisions. Dali Lama rocks the Mac, Bro." He then made a serries of gestures, swallowed a bottle of pills, sprayed the crowd of mutilated dead with his own semen, and floated away.
Trying to make sense of what the new era of personal and business computing will look like, noted financial expert Ru Paul said, "It's the same old shit everyday. By the way, I'm not really a woman."
Skeptics have wondered where the surplus of meat will go. Newsboys has uncovered relatively secret documents showing that most human meat will be fed to cows in an effort to heal old wounds created by the really really cruel meat industry run by Idiot Bush and his Super Ding Dongs who are so stupid they beat the Democrats two times in a row and are going for the third this fall.
"Gahhhh...." a wounded man on the street gurgled, as a giant GayMaciPodoPhonia chopped him to sheds (yes, it says sheds in the AP copy).
Apple also announced it's new ad campaign. It a furthering of the 'Hi, I'm a Mac' series everyone laughs at because oh man it's so true. The new campaign features the wicked cool guy from Die Hard 4 as his familiar Mac role, and Gary Busey as Jesus. The first installment has Mac tweaking Jesus, claiming that Mac can 'walk on air', 'raise the living', and 'score'. It end with Jesus (played by Busey) punching Mac in the nose and shouting 'Well I don't give a fuck! Do what I tell you to like'.
This was designated as the end of the article. Unfortunately, our editor wants us to make clear that the above is just a harmless joke, even though we all know Macs suck, and Apple Nazis are Elitest Cocksmokers.
We Are Evil!!!!
Friday, April 18, 2008
I Love this video 'cause holds a true Preacher (Washer) and the one shouldn't speak at all in the name of God (Osteen).
Just a reminder, my fellow Americans; You all still suck.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
There has been much excitement in the air this current election cycle. Much enthusiasm. Much hope and a great deal of expectations, especially among those people who are left of Rush Limbaugh (who will hopefully self immolate in live radio soon. I can smell the cooking Republican bacon now).
But, before you get all infused with your warm saline of civic pride, I just want to point something out to you; you’re all still a bunch of stupid assholes.
I have no illusion that the collective IQ of the American voter will miraculously go up several points just because the candidates changed. My only hope is that Obama's charisma will allow him to play to enough of the shallow vapid pysche of the typical voter so that he can get elected and do a good job despite being elected by the same fucktarded populace who voted for Bush twice.
You, my fellow citizens, completely lost my respect these last few years. If you incidentally vote in a competent leader this time, it will not improve my opinion, anymore than a broken clock being right twice a day makes me think it is working again. We are still a ship of fools.
Your typical American still cant find Iraq on a map. Over half of the country still thinks evolution is a myth. You know more about Paris Hilton than you do about your own government. You still listen to pandering shallow newscasters selling non-news on the shiny lightbox in the living room. You pay more at the pump for gas and then bitch about it endlessly despite the fact that you have been told for thirty fucking years that eventually this would happen, yet you continued to buy 10mpg vehicles as status symbols and moved 75 miles away from where you worked so you could have a 3,000 square foot house that turns out you still couldn’t afford. You willfully ignored saving money, instead spending money faster than you could make it.
You are children. Greedy, shallow, reactionary, unthinking children who are easily led by the prettiest voice attached to the pretties face. Obama being elected wont change who you are. If you are lucky, it might set in motion policies that will eventually change who you are, but not for another generation or two. You idiots need to die off first.
Yes I’m an elitist. I’m entitled to be one, I’m not as stupid as most people. I didn’t NEED to see the shitfest we are in now, to change my tune like most of you did. I predicted things were going to hell, and most of you idiots just regurgitated the latest verbal sewage you heard from your own personal pundit savior screaming “911911911911!!” . I have been vindicated fully, and you have been shown to be wrong on every single position you have held as a people-- socially (no child left behind, abstinence only sex education*), economically (housing market, lending debacle*), Environmental (water shortages, climate change, extinctions*), energy (oil pricing, ethanol*), the list goes on...
This country is in a pit, and you honestly think four years of a guy in office who can actually string together two coherent thoughts will pull us out? What, you think Iraq will miraculously become peaceful? The economy will just right itself? That the rest of the world will stop hating us and the price of oil will drop? That your home will miraculous start going up in value 50% every year? That the global climate will stabilize back to the way it was fifty years ago and you can all go back to watching American Idol on your big screen TV while lovingly looking out the widow at your Lincoln Navigator parked out front and thinking “Hey, I think I’ll go for a spin…”
It WONT. Things are still going to hell, your life and standard of living is going to continue to decline (deservedly). Your sons and daughters are going to continue to die for a lost cause, and be remembered with pity rather than pride, like the Vietnam Vets are now. Global climate will continue to change, food price will continue to rise because we haven’t got an infrastructure to fall back on when the cost of shipping everything by truck keeps going up.
You have been fucking things up for a long time. And now your going to pay for it.
So why vote for Obama? Well, I don’t know... How much better off do you think we would have been in this country if 9/11 had happened with ANYONE other than Bush and his cronies in power? How about Katrina? How about our economy? You voted for the worst possible leadership at the worst possible time in our history. Don’t make that mistake twice…. Oh sorry… you already DID that…Try not to make that mistake a third fucking time in a row. You stupid mindless assholes.
If you do fuck up again, so help me, I hope Apophis** hits us dead center in this country just so I can watch you all die in a fiery holocaust.
*I was going to link to relevant information for each of these, but then realized that if you were too moronic to research that shit on your own, I wasn't going to waste any more of my precious time making it easier for you.
** But this is worth linking to if only to give you one more thing for your teeny tiny mouse brain to worry about. OMG!! the sky is falling... AGAIN!!!
I Don't Know About You...
But I'm getting that hunger again. You know, that itch to go out and mess with people? Maybe it's the spring air???
I mean, doesn't anybody crawl into post office boxes and scare people anymore?
Where have all the M80s in waterbaloons gone?
When is the last time you spray painted I Heart Grass on a cow?
It's spring, fuckers! Make with the Puck like merriment!!!!
noooo, THIS is the best thing ever!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Man o Man, I want to wrestle with this broad!
Happy Angry Feckin' Piper Day!
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Starring the musical talents of Dr. Robert J. Murk, and Mrs. Robert J. Murk (ME SO HORNY!)
I am Malach and someday we will hear about his whole trip to Ireland!
Attention Idiots
Monday, April 07, 2008
This is another clothing optional article from the mind of Chris Morris.
I watched 3:10 to Yuma. I won't go into details, but much like the Movie HEAT, the cast does wonders with nickel pulp novel script. BUT, I was definitely struck by the be man who Played Charlie Prince.
Ben Foster alert level has been raised to orange, http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004936/
Be on the lokout for this guy. He's a tremendous actor. Sign him up on your fantasy actors team today.
In other news, Plymouth MA is trying like hell to start up a movie production economy. Well, hello Plymouth. I write scripts, I direct, I edit and I produce. Have your people call my people.
Angry Piper: The Return (Of Plagiarism)
Saturday, April 05, 2008
It's really no big secret that I've been missing in action lately. Aside from a few comments here and there, I've been a ghost in the machine for a few months now. If you've noticed, I'm touched. If not, that's fine too.
No, I won't go into why I haven't been around. It's not relevant. But I will tell you all what's new in Piper-land. I have a new blogpost on the blog and some new fiction at Angrypiper.com. Oh, and I was plagiarized. Again.
First, I have my first real blog post in months. It chronicles Day 6 of my Ireland trip: The Ring of Kerry. If travel blogging isn't your thing, or if you're sick of hearing about my trip to Ireland that's taking me forever to chronicle, then skip it. If you have enjoyed past installments and/or just like reading stories of me pissing off my brother in Ireland, check it out.
Second, even though I have been neglecting my blog, I've been working hard in other areas. I've decided, against my better judgement and despite what you'll read below, to post some of my fiction online. I call this series Conversations with Stephanie, and it's more-or-less something I'm writing as an experiment. Feel free to look it over if you haven't already. The first three installments have been up for a few weeks now, on my brand-new Fiction page.
Now, on to the plagiarism. A few months back I read something on Sara Sue's blog that basically said that if you post content online, it's not a question of whether or not you will be plagiarized, it's a question of when. I was intrigued, and so I visited Copyscape, which is one hell of a great website that looks for copies of your material on the Internet. I discovered that one of my book reviews was basically stolen; some staff reporter from the St. Thomas Source, a newspaper down in the island of the same name, lifted about 100 words or so verbatim from my review, published it as his own work and collected a paycheck from it. This annoyed me, and if you like you can read all about it here.
Fast forward to the present. Those who have visited my site may recall I have several Angry Rants available for your perusal and hopefully, amusement. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that this rant has made it's way onto EBaum's World. Go ahead. Compare the two. I'll wait.
Looks awfully similar, doesn't it?
You'll notice it's in the profile of a fellow who calls himself Hawks81. I am not Hawks81. I do not know Hawks81, nor have I ever given him (or her) permission to publish my stuff. The most annoying thing about this is not only did Hawks81 steal my rant, he didn't even bother to alter the many references to The Angry Piper contained therein.
So, I registered for EBaum's world (as angrypiper, of course), and sent this fellow a letter requesting he remove the rant. Since he hasn't been online in a long time, I can only assume he hasn't received it. I also contacted EBaum's World via email and informed them they have copyrighted material on their site and requested they remove it. So far no response, but I'm optimistic; it's only been a couple of days.
Both times people have stolen my stuff (that I know about), friends have pointed out that it's kind of a backhanded compliment, because someone must think my writing is worth stealing. I guess, in a way, I should take it as such and feel flattered.
But I don't. I take it as a backhand. An insult. In the first case, someone profited by my work. In this latest case, while he hasn't profited by it, someone basically presented it as his own. He did not link to my rant. He ripped it from my site and pasted it in his profile uncredited. Oh, and lest I forget, currently there's a "contest" of sorts going on at EBaum's world where the best (i.e. funniest) rants will be selected and posted in a special area of the site for public accolade.
EBaum's world gets a lot of traffic, and that's potentially a lot of online exposure for my writing. Exposure that could not only benefit Angrypiper.com, but indirectly benefit Third Option Media as well. I'm not saying my rant is likely to win, but if it did, I wouldn't know fuck-all about it. But boy, that Hawks81 guy would sure look clever and witty.
The Wand of Wonder is a home to many talented and creative people. I urge anyone who cares about his or her online material to use Copyscape or a related search service and make certain your stuff isn't getting stolen. Christopher Morris, I'm looking in your direction; also at folks like Malach, who has already found his artwork being used without his permission, CJOwen and Ben Byrd, who write interesting fiction, and the Cap'n, who is reponsible for some seriously hilarious shit.
Fuck Plagiarism.
The Murk and Malach Show Spring Extravanganza!
Friday, April 04, 2008
Show 19 is now Loaded!
Spring is here, are so are Murk and Malach. In this podcast we discuss the upcoming presidential election, your candidates, your resurrgent Boston Celtics, Kid Intense, Meet The Heroes, and Murk and Malach announce their own candidacy for President. But there's more, Soviet Russia jokes, soft rock classics, and once again, NO ANGRY PIPER! Listen, we have deep thoughts and subliminal messages!
You can play the show directly from this link. Careful, there occasional profanity, and it is just over an hour long.
I am Malacn, your American Dream
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