Come to us Jeffy!
I am Malach and I know for a fact that Family Circus is the Piper's favorite comic strip.
Hump Day Jokes
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The brunette says, "Oh sure.....but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees off, she steps into ladies' teebox and gets hit in the head with his drive. She is pronounced D.O.A. and taken to the morgue.
The coroner calls him in and says, "She definitely died from a blow to the head caused by the golf ball. But the only thing we can't understand is why was there a golf ball in her rectum?"
"Oh," he replies, "that must have been my mulligan."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father ""Daddy, what are they doing?""
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, ""Daddy, what are you doing?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he he kicks a chicken. Next, we walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.
Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?"
"Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any sausage."
Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, "Should I tell him now, or do you want to?"
~Hump Day Love for All~
A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.....for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The brunette says, "Oh sure.....but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees off, she steps into ladies' teebox and gets hit in the head with his drive. She is pronounced D.O.A. and taken to the morgue.
The coroner calls him in and says, "She definitely died from a blow to the head caused by the golf ball. But the only thing we can't understand is why was there a golf ball in her rectum?"
"Oh," he replies, "that must have been my mulligan."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father ""Daddy, what are they doing?""
The father says, ""Making a puppy."" So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, ""Daddy, what are you doing?"
" The father replies, ""Making a baby.""
The little boy says, ""Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he he kicks a chicken. Next, we walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.
Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?"
"Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any sausage."
Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, "Should I tell him now, or do you want to?"
~Hump Day Love for All~
BvB Blogger Battle
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Look
The reason is:
Our hits go up when people slap at each other, but we'd rather cut the useless trash talking to get our message out.
Solution? A seperate Blog to vent issues, discuss heinous acts and take shots at other people's WoW post...
"Oh! That's so negative!"
Modern psychology suggests that expressing even angry motions creates a bond, and allows us to be more accepting. The prededing statment has not been verified.
Let's do it! Go the the new blog and sign up. I'll send you the invite. You are all prequalified.
As an aside, just for those new or clueless people, I only blog to improve my rhetoris and arguing skills. I believe in absulutely nothing. Fire back hard, but don't ever take it personal.
Dumb Blonde Jokes - Video Edition
Monday, August 27, 2007
I am Malach and like, I believe that South Africa, is like a suburb of Macon, GA.
Some request and more begging for money
Sunday, August 26, 2007
and
And now I beg for you money
First I need to thank you for the generous donations you have given me for the upcoming Special Olympics Fundraiser I am helping to sponsor. But I got a new charity. If you’ll notice to there is a First Giving widget with in this blog entry. Donating to that will help raise money for a special cause. It will sponsor my wife’s walk team for the Community Autism Resources Hearts and Hands Walk-A-Thon. This in turn helps programing in South Eastern MA for persons with autism, like my sister-in-law.
I am Malach and I am just loaded with charitable causes
Requested T-Shirts!
and
And now I beg for you money
First I need to thank you for the generous donations you have given me for the upcoming Special Olympics Fundraiser I am helping to sponsor. But I got a new charity. If you’ll notice to there is a First Giving widget with in this blog entry. Donating to that will help raise money for a special cause. It will sponsor my wife’s walk team for the Community Autism Resources Hearts and Hands Walk-A-Thon. This in turn helps programing in South Eastern MA for persons with autism, like my sister-in-law.
I am Malach and I am just loaded with charitable causes
Hill Clint
Saturday, August 25, 2007
That idiot Hillary Clinton is in the news again. She believes a terrorist attack will help the GOP (those are the Republicans).
OMG! SU! WTF?
This is why women, specifically Hill Clinty, should not be President. Only a silly woman would connect a terrorist attack to her own suffering. She should have added, "How come this always happens to me? Every time a terrorist kills someone, I lose voters!" Real freaking bright.
Here are Murk's top 11 reasons a woman should never be president.
1. Every month, the secret service would think she got shot in the privates.
2. She'd turn the White House into the gay Pink House with stupid lace curtains.
3. Other leaders could kidnap her and set a trap until a real man freed her.
4. Women are dumb.
5. Men are freaking so smart, dude.
6. A woman President would spend all her time gossiping with the wives of other leaders instead of running the country and doing the damn laundry.
7. Women. Hahahahaha. That's funny.
8. A woman President would resign like fifteen times because it's too hard and then complain when someone else does it right.
9. All women are crazy hypochondriacs. We'd have to get the "Presidential Illness of the Day" from CNN. Idiots.
10. Feminine hygine products strewn about the lawn. Not going to help our image.
11. Carter and Kennedy. We already had 2 women Presidents and how'd that work out?
Bonus: Hillary already had her turn for 8 years.
Murk.
Hump Day Jokes
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Things Only In America
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
~Hump Day Love~
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Things Only In America
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
~Hump Day Love~
REVEALED: Palmer
Palmer is a mystery . . .
But Malach has sources, and they have found all you need to know about the man. One of the West Coast buckos sent me this picture, and a little but of a biography:
He refuses all help, and mumbles something about "Ginny". He can be found around the city, with his sign, and his little gimmick of being a "honest bum". I reality he spends the money on discount movie houses, hentai, sleeping at nerd conventions (like ComicCon) and his pickle smoking habit.
He is also known for his tagphrase: "Avenge Me!" which he frequently screams in crowded areas, and then runs off down a back alley humming music from Ladyhawke.
If you see Palmer, please call the locale mental health services. Consider his armed and dangerous, and he is not afraid to distract you with his Dance of Hanging Genitalia.
So, there you have it, the real Palmer.
I am Malach and now you know.
The Nut Bag
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I want a party with a giant nut bag.
Almonds of Cyanide flavor,
Walnuts to crush,
Brazil nuts to choke on.
Forever the nut bag
And sandwiches too.
Dancing to rhythms from space
Eating cashews and peanuts,
Pecan and others
More dangerous to follow.
The nut bag St Nick had
On old Yuletide Eve,
Like Jesus incarnate,
Giving whiskey to all.
The nut bag so pure and brilliant
It makes my teeth hurt.
Confusing little nut bag
The chipmunks are scared of you.
My party with nut bags
Will waken the neighbors,
Those useless third graders
With middle aged bodies.
I'll sing of my nut bag
In loud angry verses,
'Til blue lights come flashing
My lullaby home.
Politics....only better
Monday, August 20, 2007
Australian Senator Discusses Oil Spill - Watch more free videos
Superbad: A Review
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Jonah Hill: Seth
Michael Cera: Evan
Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Fogell / McLovin
Bill Hader: Officer Slater
Seth Rogen: Officer Michaels
Martha MacIsaac: Becca
Emma Stone: Jules
Scott Gerbacia: Jesse
Superbad is the newest comedy produced by Judd Apatow and written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg. Like most teen comedies, this is a coming of age movie. But what's different about this movie is that the dialogue sounds like it would come out of the typical high school student. And the actors themselves make everything seem more natural. Jonah Hill and Michael Cera play well off each other as the movies man characters Seth and Evan (respectively, and which are based off the writers). However, what this movie is probably going to be most famous for is it's second tier character of Fogell aka McLoving played by newcomer Christopher Mintz-Plasse. All in all this movie was great with endless laughter from everyone in the theater and it's worth the $7.50 that I spent on it....and the other $7.50 on the concession stand.
The Best: All the scenes with McLovin
The Worst: Could've gave us a little bit more closure in the ending
Grade: A
Cast:
Jonah Hill: Seth
Michael Cera: Evan
Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Fogell / McLovin
Bill Hader: Officer Slater
Seth Rogen: Officer Michaels
Martha MacIsaac: Becca
Emma Stone: Jules
Aviva: Nicola
Scott Gerbacia: Jesse
Movie run time: 114 Minutes
And is rated R for pervasive crude and sexual content, strong language, drinking, some drug use and a fantasy/comic violent image - all involving teens.
So you think you can play softball part II
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Let Malach teach you how
I am Malach the best thing to softball since sliced bread
So you think you can play softball?
Friday, August 17, 2007
For the Local Buckos of the Greater New Bedford Area
Sandlot Softball and RubberSuit Studios is presenting a slow pitch softball tournament fundraiser to benefit MA Special Olympics.
WHEN: Saturday September 22nd and Sunday September 23rd, and possibly September 29th and 30th as well. Rain Dates: 29th and 30th.
WHO: Any group of men (18+) that consider themselves a softball team.
WHERE: Cushman Park in Fairhaven (parking via Main St. and Green St.)
HOW TO ENTER: Mail completed registration form along with the entry fee to Darren Fleurent @ 1030 Shelburne St. New Bedford, MA. 02745 (Registration forms are located here)
- Registration is due Friday Sept. 14th. Tentative Schedules will then be mailed to the team captain on Monday Sept. 17th.
- Entry Fee is $20.00 per player. As team captain please collect this money from your team and get a money order or make out a check payable to SOMA – Greater New Bedford. Please do not mail cash in case of the mail getting lost. (if you risk mailing money we are not responsible if it is lost in the mail)
- Teams can register day of tournament, however, entry fee for teams day of will be $25.00 per player.
- Teams must have 10 players registered via preregistration. Teams that preregister may register additional players (up to 5 additional) on the day of the tournament @ $20.00 per player.
- You may also register as a individual player and we will put you on a team.
AWARDS: TBD. Remember that this tournament is all about having fun, pride, and raising money for Special Olympics. But we’ll see what we can do for awards.
TOURNAMENT RULES
- Wooden SOFTBALL bats will be used, if you are in need of wooden softball bats for this tournament please order them. They can be found at http://www.directsports.com/, click on the “slow pitch bat” link on the left and scroll all the way down. Bats are VERY reasonably priced at $19.95 per bat. Order them at least one week in advance to ensure they arrive in time. We recommend ordering at least 2 bats of different sizes to give your team options. ($5.00 per player will buy 2 or 3 bats).
- There will be no umpires. The catcher calls balls and strikes. Any pitch that hits the mat or plate is a strike. The 1st base coach makes the safe/out calls at 1st base and homeplate. The 3rd base coach makes the safe/out calls at 2nd and 3rd base.
- There is a 6 – 12 foot arch rule. This will be monitored by the scorekeepers.
- Steel cleats will not be allowed.
- There will be no infield or batting practice prior to games.
- Teams can start with 9 players. Catchers WILL NOT be provided by the opposing team if there are only 9 players to start.
- The home team shall be determined by a pregame coin flip.
- A volunteer will be the official scorekeeper for each game.
- Each game will run 7 innings. There MAY be a time limit in forced to ensure all games are played. If so, games will not last any longer than 1 hour and 15 minutes. No inning shall start after the 1 hour mark unless the game is tied.
- A 10 run mercy rule after 5 innings and a 15 run mercy rule after 4 innings will be in effect for all games.
- All batters will start with a 1 ball and 1 strike count (no extra foul balls).
- Absolutely no refunds shall be made under any circumstances – unless the tournament is cancelled completely. In that event, checks will be mailed to the team captain with 10 days of cancellation.
Rules are a combination of Special Olympics Unified rules and Sandlot Softball Rules
ABOUT GREATER NEW BEDFORD SPECIAL OLYMPICS
Thank you so much for your participation in this softball tournament fundraiser. The Greater New Bedford Special Olympics Program is always grateful for community involvement in fundraising. The Greater New Bedford Special Olympics Program has been in existence for over 20 years. The approximately 175 athletes and coaches compete in a variety of sports activities all year round.
Athletes in the Greater New Bedford area currently participates in 5 different sports including: Ten Pin Bowling, Basketball, Track & Field, Swimming, and Softball. This year we look forward to possibly adding two more sports to the mix: Volleyball and Soccer. Each year it costs over $10,000.00 just to provide the bare minimum of transportation and tournament fees to our athletes. All of which we as a local program are responsible for raising. Extras such as uniforms and sports equipment are often not purchased due to lack of funds.
The program primarily consists of adults with intellectual and physical disabilities. Most of the athletes live either independently or in a group home situation with little to no family involvement. Fund raising can be a difficult and daunting prospect; and for most of our athletes, asking them to pay their own fees or for their own uniforms is an impossibility. That is why this tournament is so important. Hopefully it will be a fun way to raise funds for a very worthwhile cause. Thank you again for your participation!
Malach and two of Malach's teams will be there, The Kombucha Mushroom People, and my SO Unfied Team, The New Beford Rangers. Hope to see you there.
Additionally, since many of you don't live in the area, or don't want to participate in a Softball tournament, I have set up a KMP Team donation button for you, all proceed will go to Special Olympics from the KMP team, click button in side bar.
EDIT: There is a page on my site with all the information including contact info. It is located here.
Hump Day Jokes ...
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' "Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went.
Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went.
The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he didn't know what to go as. He wrote to a fancy dress company and asked for a recommendation. The reply came back saying that he could go as a monk because of his bald head. He replied angrily saying that they were just being rude about his bald head.
The company apologized and wrote back saying that he could go as a pirate, his bald head could be covered by the hat and his wooden leg would complement the outfit. He replied angrily saying they were just being rude about his wooden leg.
A few days later he received a parcel with a note. In the parcel was a pot of sticky toffee and the note said smear the toffee over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court. The judge called in duck number one and said, "What where you doing in the pond after midnight?"
"I was blowing bubbles." The judge then called in duck number two and asked him the same question. "Judge, I was blowing bubbles."
He then called in duck number three and said, "So let me guess —— you were blowing bubbles too?"
"No, I'm Bubbles."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish.
The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' "Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went.
Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went.
The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he didn't know what to go as. He wrote to a fancy dress company and asked for a recommendation. The reply came back saying that he could go as a monk because of his bald head. He replied angrily saying that they were just being rude about his bald head.
The company apologized and wrote back saying that he could go as a pirate, his bald head could be covered by the hat and his wooden leg would complement the outfit. He replied angrily saying they were just being rude about his wooden leg.
A few days later he received a parcel with a note. In the parcel was a pot of sticky toffee and the note said smear the toffee over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court. The judge called in duck number one and said, "What where you doing in the pond after midnight?"
"I was blowing bubbles." The judge then called in duck number two and asked him the same question. "Judge, I was blowing bubbles."
He then called in duck number three and said, "So let me guess —— you were blowing bubbles too?"
"No, I'm Bubbles."
~hump day lovin~
The Traveller
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
A Book Review
Malach has just finished reading The Traveller
First I want to talk a bit about Twelve Hawks and the mystery surrounding the author. Very reclusive; supposedly Twelve Hawks and his editor have never met. They communicate via the Internet, and a untraceable satellite phone, using a voice scrambler. No photograph of him has been seen by the public, and the only biographical information on him is based on four sources.
- A 2005 USA Today article
- A 2005 interview in SFF World
- A 2006 interview published in Germany in Titel Magazine
- A small tidbit in a 2007 Daily Telegraph article
Random House's biography for the longest time only stated Twelve Hawks "lived off the grid" (a term we will explore a bit more in this article), and has recently been replaced by the line "John Twelve Hawks is the author of the New York Times bestseller, "The Traveler."
Theories abound about who Twelve Hawks really is, some are interesting, Malach has his own. some have been recently discredited. One thing is know, Twelve Hawks is a pseudonym and he is not an American Indian.
Much of the "information" about him has come from interviews. In one, Twelve Hawks made the statement when asked if the situation in Iraq was "Hell", Twelve Hawks relied Hell was more "like Lebanon in the '70's", a remark that suggests he was at least old enough to have some intelligent thought about that, putting him in his 40's or 50's or even older.
Twelve Hawks has also stated he grew up in a sort of commune, learned writing from stealing books from a restricted University Library, drives a 15 year old car, and does not own a television. His road agent has stated Twelve Hawks lives in London, LA, and New York, and by his writing he shows some familiarity with these cities. Twelve Hawks also states he does not plan in going public with his identity.
Some of the more popular rumors and theories about Twelve Hawks. According to someone who knows someone from Random House. Twelve Hawks has a serious physical disability and prefers to remain out of the public eye. This has lead to the theory that he is Stephen Hawking. Interesting thought; Hawking has world travel experience, can write, and would have some thought of some of the science involved in this book. Interesting though, Hawking has never shied away from the public eye, and has never hidden his disability; in fact he is a huge proponent of the rights of the disabled. There are theories that he is another published author, some of the more popular guesses are Michael Cunningham, Craig Strete, Kage Barker, and Dan Brown. The Brown one has recently been denied by Twelve Hawks (personally I don't see it either, Twelve Hawks is a much better writer). Also having not read any of those writers, so I really can't give an opinion.
Malach's theory is that Twelve Hawks is William Gibson. Why? Read something by both of them. Their writing style is very similar. In addition, they explore many of the same concepts.
OK, what about the book?
The Traveller is set in a contemporary alternative reality. Elements of magic and technology interweave with a dystopian modern day 1984. The World and it's population are overseen by a secret organization bent on creating a perfect society, perfectly controlled by technology, the Internet, media, surveillance and a police state. This organization is called the Tabula, and over the centuries have infiltrated much of the world's governments, and businesses, creating a culture of fear and naitivity. This group is opposed by people who have realized what is going on, and have chosen to "live off the grid", the world wide blanket of surveillance and control. The Tabula in bent on destroying these groups, specific certain people called Travellers. Travellers are people who can project their "light" (Souls) into other dimensions and realms. From these realms they bring back information (free will, living off the grid, living off the land) that is against the society created by the Tabula . Travellers over the centuries have become great leaders of men: holy men, prophets, genius, and change society for the better. The Tabula sees them as dangerous subversives and are bent on destroying them, which they have over the centuries. Harlequins and sword protectors of the Travellers, lonely fighting machines, who's only purpose in life in to protect the Traveller.
Both Travellers and Harlequins, being systematically wiped out, only number a few as we come to the modern era. Maya is a Harlequin from birth, abandoning that life to attempt to live a normal citizen. The daughter of a famous German Harlequin, she is thrust into the midst of this war on her father's last wish. She is asked to find and defend the two last remaining known Travellers, and travels to the States to do so. While there, she uncovers a massive plot by the Tabula, to use one of the travellers to contact, and perhaps eventually cross over to the other realms.
The plot is well written, has some really nice twists, and the character development is excellent. And overall feeling of paranoia and mystery is carried through the novel, and several ideas of free will, anti-technology, and religion are also explored in the novel. The book has a very interesting Buddhist cosmology to it, and it a excellent mix of fantasy, sci-fi, magic and cyberpunk.
This will easily translate to the big screen and reportedly the movie rights have already been sold. Can't wait to read the next installment.
I am Malach and I can read.
Kick The Paranoia
After reading this, I have decided to up my paranoia and conspiracy theory quotient.
So, are the MASONS responsible for the New World Order?
Is the King of France a pygmie?
Aliens. Nuff said.
Here's your "Tag"
Monday, August 13, 2007
Like I have time for that kind of shit, people. C'mon.
Anyway, Here's Dick on why going into Iraq would be a bad idea (circa 1994)
Life Is: Voton the Conqueror
Sharp. I will make this stone sharp. I will make this stone sharp for my family and for Nod, almighty firey chariot of the heavens. I will have a sharp stone to remove the heads and limbs of my enemies. he sharp stone will bite at the heels of my warriors as they run into battle. The sharp stone will conquer.
The hunt is over. We must hunt men now. Those villages there, there and there. They will have food. They've hunted well. We will hunt them, my brothers. We will take their food and feed our own. What match is the stick for the sharp stone? We are not boars and hart. We are men. Men set traps. Men attack. Men are guided by visions.
We will put mud on our faces and skins over our heads. He will howl like this and frighten them. The sight of their own red blood will frighten them. Our women will wait for those who flee. Our women will set their sharp stickis in the ground and catch those who run in the thorns of madness. We will dot our faces in blood.
Men who feel pain will not go. We will test each man, then give him a weapon or send him with the women. We will drink from the root and see visions. Our visions will guide us. The sharp stone will clear the way. We will have food for the cold season. We will grow strong and take other villages. We will take their women and children and kill their men. If they have fire, we will add it to ours.
Nod willing, every man will have his own village before the planting season. Every man will have his own village of workers and women. We will be safe and well fed. Every village will be ours. Every man our family. We will be the only hunters.
Sharp stone, make this so.
Videos of the Piper's Vacation in Ireland
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Another Malach exclusive.
Yeah, the Piper said he was going with his brother and old man, but you and I both know that was just a code phrase. It was really him and Hobbs, frolicing in the Irish countryside, and this video proves it.
I am Malach and I got a harem and I don't share'em
Dr. Mantodea is a Book-Thievin' Sonofabitch!
In other news, I'm back from Ireland.
Look for updates soon on my blog. I'll have lots to say.
SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE
Flash Gordon
Shame on the Sci Fi Network for making a new Flash Gordon Series. Don't you realize you will NEVER be able to compete with this:
I am Malach, and he will save everyone of us
Hump Day Jokes
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
~*~*~*~*~*~
A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
~*~*~*~*~*~
A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and ran inside.
Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks.
He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said... ''Meow". "Just cats," he thought.
He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said... ''Woof'". "Just dogs," he thought.
As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack he said... ''Potatoes!''
~hump day love for all~
Life Is: The Town Drunk
I'm a cold morning song away from freezing and so I need money. Shelterfood coffee free and easy to get maybe a shower today. No shower. No hot water. No coffee. Just food. Fine. Need some money.
Oh cute when you and your daughter cross the street more human than me. I can take it. I was in the war but that was years ago and maybe I wasn't who knows I'm not telling you anyways. Raining. A shower after all. Two dollars, thank you sir, God bless you. A cup of coffee now. No need to rush I have all day and coffee will help the headache I already have cigarettes. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. They never look at me like I'm invisible. Maybe I can do anything. No one looks at me. How'd you know to step over me without looking?
Fat bastard. I could make ten suits out of his. You eat everyday fat boy? I'll eat you for dinner if you don't put down your phone and stop laughing at me inside you asshole. Get a job?
"Call Jenny Craig." Oh shit. Of course he can see me. No one else looks but here he comes and he's ten times bigger than me I'd hate to spill my coffee run. Ha! Look at the fatboy chase me. I can still run. My head is splitting but I can run from him or the cops and dentists. You heard me. Dentists come and take you off the street to practice at the local clinic only they don't ask and you have to run.
Five dollars thank you ma'am God bless you you fucking make up counter. Two more dollars. I love the park. I love my naked foot all bloody and green. Move to the bandstand and maybe catch a nap but leave the sign out no there's a dog. I hate dogs. Lay in the sun on the grass and sing my cold cold morning song with the dirty words and have a talk with officer Brown again about my singing and the families with their kids and ten dollars, well God bless you officer Brown and I will use it for food I promise. A good man officer Brown when he's not dragging you to the carpet and twisting your arm into his shiney freaking handcuffs smelling of Lectric Shave Aqua Velva.
No that's quite enough God bless you sir. It's lunch time already at the office. No time to eat. Lunch is served and ten dollars and God bless you and it's steak and cheese and a limo ride uptown and a shower and a new home. No it's a bottle of whatever's on sale. Oh! Fine by me fine by me. The world is my house how romantic. Perhaps a trip to the lue and retire to the den for the special cigarette.
Winter is dark early and there's no barrel fire tonight because the cops are running things and I can't seem to get warm. The shelter's not serving because of the booze and we're all out in the cold again so it's off to the steam tunnels. I'll let you have the other half of that funny cigarette with me and we'll split your bottle and eat the rest of this sandwich where did I get that from again?
My ribs are sharper than the ground I wonder. Never been afraid of being alone so go on if you're going to stay up and take the bottle it's yours anyway I think I'm tired. What a great sleep it is to dream but I rarely do except when I'm dry and exhausted which is never and always so I hardly dream ever. It's warm but not safe here who cares I'm tired and no one will make any of this go away that east but my shoe. I don't want to lose my one good shoe.
OK, I think I fixed the T-Shirt thing
Friday, August 03, 2007
The back says: The Wand of Wonder, where you find THE TRUTH in media.
As and added bonus, I also made this one:
The back on this one says: Wikipedia has determined this t-shirt is not relevant and a candidate for swift deletion.
Enjoy those.
I am Malach, and you smell; wanna take a shower together.
Let see
I had to redo the WoW t-shirt becuase Zazzle did not like Palmer or Linkmaster's avatars, do I removed them and added something related to them. I think this one will pass.
The back says: The Wand of Wonder, where you find THE TRUTH in media.
As and added bonus, I also made this one:
The back on this one says: Wikipedia has determined this t-shirt is not relevant and a candidate for swift deletion.
Enjoy those.
I am Malach, and you smell; wanna take a shower together.
New 'Meet the Heroes" post.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
And don't forget, if you haven't read the beginning, KEEP UP!
Link
I plug because I care and you'll like it. You will. Seriously. Just try it!
Hump Day Jokes
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary couldn't believe it!
He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?''
The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A man went over to his girl's place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets.
He presented her with three choices of condom -- gold, silver, or bronze.
"Silver," she said.
"Why not gold?"
"Because I want you to come second for once!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt. So he buys a new cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird.
"So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."
Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy.
"You're on," he said, "and since I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy!"
So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead.
After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little -- but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young fella. By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.
"Damn. That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."
~hump day love~
I'm Loving It!
After a hard day of armed robbery, I prefer Mc Donald's to any other fast food place (even Arby's). Let's face it: fast food has to be FAST. I gotta get away from the Po-Po, you know!
Mmmmmmmm, mmmmm. Nothing like a f*cking BIC MAC for the mac dad of stealing sh*t. I get a 20 piece chicken Mc Nugget, a few cheeseburgers and a soda. They have Coke. Not just the Coke you drink from a glass, but the kind you smoke... FROM A GLASS PIPE! Gimme dat f*cking clown burger! Mmmmmmmm mmmmmmm. Sure beats Arby's.
Say, I got an idea. I could ROB a Mc Donald's and then an Arby's, abandon a few kids in my car and go on a killing spree that would make the Angry Veteran blush.
Man, I'm loving it!
BREAKING NEWS
George W. Bush Uses Executive Power to Limit Congress:
President Bush has apparently used a little known Executive Power to limit Congress' ability to pass legislation until 2009. I'm sure you liberals will have a field day with this.
Read on:
Here's the link.
Now, this may not be such a bad thing. Congress has had way too much power as of late. Also, congress really does nothing. They're useless. Why not let the more imtelligent branch of the government take over.
You know what else would be cool? If the Supreme Court had costumes and nicknames. And met only at midnight in a clearing outside the suburbs of Baltimore. Freaking cool...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)