But first, a plug
Check out the new collaboration from Christopher Morris and Malach the Merciless, Meet The Heroes the webcomic.
Horton Hears a Who
So, Malach took the kiddos to see Horton Hears a Who this weekend. We were very excited to see the film, done by Blue Sky Studios who had brought you the Ice Age Movies, and Robots; both films I found thoroughly enjoyable.
Horton Hears a Who is about am an imaginative and naive elephant named Horton (Jim Carey), who while wading in a pool, hears a yelp from a speck of dust that flies by. Thinking there is family microscopic life on the speck, he places it on a clover to keep it safe. Little did he know, an entire city of beings lives on the speck in a city called Whoville (never clear if this is the same Whoville in the Grinch).
Horton comes into contact with with the Mayor of Whoville (Steve Carrell) and they decide that they need to keep Whoville safe. Every little thing in Nool, seems to effect Whoville (where most of the comedy comes from). Horton would move the speck to a small sheltered cave on the Mountains of Nool. Horton, is the only creature on in Nool who can hear the mayor (big elephant ears) and he is ridiculed by the other creatures of Nool, most especially the Sour Kangaroo (Carol Burnett) as crazy. Kangaroo attempts to embarrass Horton, and his crazy antics by taking the clover from him and crushing it.
The movie was cute, but that is really about it. Surprisingly, with both Blue Sky doing it, and cast members like Jim Carey, Steve Carrell, and Carol Burnett, the film was missing much of the comedy that previous Blue Sky outings had. Don't get me wrong, there was some comedy in it, but overall, the film seemed to focus much more on the cutesy and morality, than entertaining. The film really focused on believing in things you can't experience with your senses, and that everyone matters (Bah!). Even my kids, who normally sit through a movie pretty enraptured, got up a few times to get a snack during the showing.
The movie of course is based on the Dr. Suess classic, and they actually do a pretty good job of character development based on that short children's story. It is CGI created, and the animation is excellent; the film is definitely Suessian, from the characters, to the setting, only on steroids.
Don't get me wrong, the movie isn't all bad, or boring, it is just not something that I would be excited to see again. I got several chuckles out of it, and there were some interesting more adult oriented jokes (Whoville's version of MySpace, WhoSpace, was fun), I guess I just expected something on the lines of Ice Age, or Robots which were both better than this movie.
So, wait for it to come out on DVD.
A bonus review short - Justice League: The New Frontier
Now this was good. My son and I purchased it last weekend, and watched it. First, this animation is rated PG13, it features cartoon violence, and blood, and some adult themes. The film is an adaptation of the of the comic DC: The New Frontier.
Excellent film. It is set in the 1950's. You have all the 1950's versions of your DC Justice League favorites. In this setting of Anti-Superhero McCarthyism, the Korean War, and the Nuclear Age we are dropped. Superheroes are either working for the government or wanted vigilantes.
In this setting a supernatural threat to the world develops and Supers and humans have to work together to repel it forming the first Justice League.
The animation is extremely good, and stylized like the comic. The acting is exceptional. It is worth a rental of the DVD, especially if you are a fan of DC, and Bruce Timm's animated DC universe.
I am Malach and I killed Roger Ebert
Horton Hears a Who - A Movie Review
Fairies (Murk's Meme)
People do fairies. A fairy is anything intentionally taken into or put into another body by any means necessary. Fairies can be simple, complex, large, small, or fruity.
Many people abuse fairies for many reasons. Young people should not do fairies because they have a long life to live and they can't make bad choices too early. Some people are affected by people they know who are doing fairies. Fairies hurt everyone, not the person who does them.
I will decide not to do fairies in my life for my family and friends and so that I can live the best way possible. Peer pressure is also a reason why people do fairies.
Fairies have been a problem in America since they were invented. The government spends hard earned money fighting fairies. Sometimes people do them to escape their lives.
Some fairies actually help people, like softcore and wine parties or other light style sex parties. Hospitals sometimes get stolen from for fairies, and so do pharmacies. Wake up, America!
If you are doing fairies, there are a few places that can help. Tell a friend or adult, maybe a police man or your doctor and get help now before it's too late. You can live a healthy life if you stay the fuck away from fairies.
80s Style Gang Bangs
People do 80s Style Gang Bangs. An 80s Style Gang Bang is any substance intentionally taken into the body by any means necessary. 80s Style Gang Bangs can be simple 80s, Style, Gang, or Bangs.
Many people abuse 80s Style Gang Bangs for many reasons. Young people should not do 80s Style Gang Bangs because they have a long life to live and they can't make bad choices too early. Some people are affected by people they know who are doing 80s Style Gang Bangs. 80s Style Gang Bangs hurt everyone, not the person who does them.
I will decide not to do 80s Style Gang Bangs in my life for my family and friends and so that I can live the best way possible. Peer pressure is also a reason why people do 80s Style Gang Bangs.
80s Style Gang Bangs have been a problem in America since they were invented. The government spends hard earned money fighting 80s Style Gang Bangs. Sometimes people do them to escape their lives.
Some 80s Style Gang Bangs actually help people, like softcore and wine parties or other light style sex parties. Hospitals sometimes get stolen from for 80s Style Gang Bangs, and so do pharmacies. Wake up, America!
If you are doing 80s Style Gang Bangs, there are a few places that can help. Tell a friend or adult, maybe a police man or your doctor and get help now before it's too late. You can live a healthy life if you stay the fuck away from 80s Style Gang Bangs.
Drugs
People take drugs. A drug is any substance intentionally taken into the body by any means necessary. Drugs can be simple vitamins, coffee, asprin but usually stuff that gets you high.
Many people abuse drugs for many reasons. Young people should not take drugs because they have a long life to live and they can't make bad choices too early. Some people are affected by people they know who are taking drugs. Drugs hurt everyone, not the person who does them.
I will decide not to take drugs in my life for my family and friends and so that I can live the best way possible. Peer pressure is also a reason why people do drugs.
Drugs have been a problem in America since they were invented. The government spends hard earned money fighting drugs. Sometimes people do them to escape their lives.
Some drugs actually help people, like antibiotics and asprin or other drugs. Hospitals sometimes get stolen from for drugs, and so do pharmacies. Wake up, America!
If you are doing drugs, there are a few places that can help. Tell a friend or adult, maybe a police man or your doctor and get help now before it's too late. You can live a healthy life if you stay off drugs.
HELL YEAH!
Go Speed Racer GO!
I am Malach and this is about as "on balls" as it gets.
Watchmen, Book Review
Who Watches the Watchmen
Malach has just finished reading Watchmen
, yes, the 1986 groundbreaking comic mini series. While I have the originals in my collection, I wanted to read it again, having not read it since 1986, and being 14 years old. I remember enjoying it immensely, but with the upcoming movie, I wanted to reread it with adult eyes.Now, yes, this is a very critically acclaimed series, and an influence not only on modern comics, but modern movies and cinematography as well. To date it is also the only comic series to ever win a Hugo Award and was also voted to TIME Magazine's top 100 best English Novels since 1920.
So, I went out and bought the trade paperback. Wow! I quickly remembered reading it back then, but WOW, what an amazing piece of fiction. What an amazing visual feast for the eyes.
Written by Alan Moore, and Illustrated by Dave Gibbons (Colored by John Higgins), Watchmen is set in a alternate reality to our own world. It is 1985, in the midst of the Cold War (how I miss you), costumed vigilantes are real, and the Doomsday Clock moves ever closer to Midnight. It tells a story of a group of costumed heroes, past and present, and a mysterious murder of one of their own.
Superheroes are real, with a slight catch. Unlike most comics, no one has superpowers, save one, the rest are just normal people who decided to fight crime as anonymous costumed vigilantes. These are normal people with the typical issues, neuroses, and the failings of you or I. Superheroes have been around since the 1940's, and as they get older, younger people replace them or even take over their identities; that is until 1977, where the Keene Act made it illegal to be a costumed hero, unless your registered with the government. Most chose to retire, while some became government employees
The only hero with any power is Dr. Jon Osterman AKA Dr. Manhattan. Dr. Manhattan was accidentally locked in a nuclear testing device, he was apparently killed, only to reform as a blue skinned being with Godlike powers called Dr. Manhattan (he can manipulte matter down to the smallest atom, teleport instantly whereever he wants to, and sees time all at once). He of course comes to work for the US Government making him the ultimate weapon of the Cold War, giving the US a decisive advantage.
The US and the Soviet Union have edged ever closer to Nuclear War, but the presence of Dr. Manhattan keeps the Russian at bay, though dramatically accelerated the arms race. Richard Nixon has somehow remained in office since the 70's, manipulating the Constitution to give him an unprecedented 5th term. It is into this world that we are thrust, very close to our own.
Edward Blake, is a retired costumed hero known as Comedian (also a government employee, very instrumental to the way this world has developed). He is murdered violently thrown from a upper floor window at the very beginning of the book. This event sets in motion a mysterious far reaching conspiracy, that will eventually effect the entire world order. The last vigilante left operating illegally, Rorschach, begins to uncover this plot which he feels is a conspiracy to kill off costumed adventurers. And the story takes off from there.
Soon, Dr. Manhattan, disillusioned and disinterested by humanity and the world, and said to be causing cancer in the loved ones, abandons the Earth for Mars, which immediately causes the Soviets to invade Afghanistan, and immediately creates real palpable fear of nuclear armageddon. This is where the plots begins to twist, so I won't reveal more.
Character development is as good as any novel I have read, you get a good feel for these characters, their interest, quirks, and feelings. The godliness of Dr. Manhattan, the insanity of Rorschach, the calculating nerdiness Nite Owl, and overt sexuality but lack of self esteem of Silk Spectre . . . The dialogue is rich and realistic.
The comic book itself, it's layout and art, is a work of pure genius. While Dave Gibbons is not the best artist in the comics scene, the way he and John Higgins set up the panels is breathtaking. Done very minimalistic, four colors, slight shadings, and deep blacks, it evokes a mood of paranoia and hopelessness. It is also a homage to 1940's early comics. The repetitive nature of the symbols and icons throughout the work is amazing. Analyze the pages, as images, words, and phrases appear and reappear throughout out the book, the most famous being the bloodstained smiley face. Gibbons also illustrates it like a storyboard, it is more akin to watching a movie, that reading a comic book. He uses no thought balloons throughout the book, and prefers to show thought by character expression and body language. In addition he rarely show wide shots in any panel, instead shrinking the panel upon face, objects, and actions. He uses no actions lines, preferring to show action with a spray of blood, or flying of glass. There are also no onomatopoeic sound effects, very common is comic books.
They also as groups (Moore, Gibbons, and Higgins) do some really unique things. One is the comic within a comic plot device. Throughout the comic Watchmen, and young man is reading a pirate comic called The Black Freighter which as your read along with him, relates directly in sections with what is going on with the comic book, even to the point of trading narration and dialogue. In addition, every chapter (originally issues) is addended with a real few page of something going on the in the story, for example a excerpt from a book about his life as a costumed adventurer from the first Nite Owl, or the psychological evaluation of Rorschach, which helps fill in back story.
If you have never read a comic book, or haven't read one in a long time, pick this up, your will be pleasantly surprised. I honestly cannot wait for the movie, this book will translate well to movie, hopefully they do it right, it will be an AMAZING movie.
Are You Ready?
Murk and Malach for President in 2008! Now that we've put Polanski in a concrete and steel pillar in South Boston, the way is clear. We want change just like you do. Unlike our esteemed competition, we'll do more than say Yes We Can, or Shut Up Blackie, or 4 More Oil. We'll lay out a step by step plan.
1. You all elect us. It's a write in thing. You can still be a Democrat or a Republican and vote for us because the popular vote doesn't count anyways!!!
2. We win the popular vote and still don't get the Electoral votes and we lose.
3. Unlike Al Gore, we ignore the Electoral College and squat the White House. If they kick us out, we run the nation from The Palatial Mansion. Come on, you all want a leader who is actually two different people with no legitimate claim to power that dictates broad social reforms from a Palatial Mansion, don't you?
4. We immediately declare the election null and void, close down congress (the REAL problem with this country) and let the Supreme Court wildly interpret laws in ways which send money and hot supermodels to all our cohorts. And they'll do it too, because we'll fucking burn them if they don't.
5. We will change the national anthem to "We're Not Going To Take It" by Twisted Sister. We also kick out all religious people unless they convert to the People's Church, which will be run by Jim Jones' son (with Jesse D. holding a gun to his head and shouting "SAY IT! SAY IT!" even though he hasn't told him what to say).
6. We begin the wholesale cruel slaughter of all vegetables across the land for a huge feast. We force Coca Cola to bring back Coke Blak and then smash every last bottle of it.
7. We put more drugs in our schools. Wait, no. More books ABOUT drugs. No. Just some beanbags and a few Pink Floyd posters. The new educational mantra is "Wait! Just fucking think about THAT for a second!"
8. We give all pit bulls and talk show hosts sex changes and euthanize people on our Secret List.
9. We ALWAYS wash our hands before returning to work. No schmeg or dick cheese fouling up our laws...
10. We return to the Monroe Doctrine. Except our interpretation is "Take All Land and Property from Italy and Give It To Australia." Imagine the possibilities.
Feel free to submit other thing we could do to help this great nation great again even though it's a great nation now.
Jesus vs. Elliot Spitzer
Spitzer sued big companies who caused acid rain in New York. Jesus healed lepers. Because leprosy is no longer relevant, Point Spitzer.
Spitzer and Jesus - both jews. Push.
Jesus was a blue collar carpenter. Spitzer got an almost perfect score on his SAT's and graduated from Princeton and Harvard. Point Spitzer.
Spitzer pissed off crime families. Jesus pissed off the Romans. It would legitimately suck to have either angry with you, but the Romans are hardcore, so Point Jesus.
Spitzer was Attorney General and then elected Governor in a Landslide. Jesus was the unofficial king of the Jews and rumored to be the son of god. hmmm... I think since I know for a FACT that Spitzer really WAS attorney general and Governor, he gets the Point.
Spitzer used state funds to investigate a political rival. Jesus turned water into wine. Hands down, Jesus gets the Point.
Spitzer loves whores so much it was his downfall. Jesus hung out with that Mary Magdelene chick, who was an ex-whore, but the bible never mentioned any sexual activity. This is unegotiably Point Spitzer.
Spitzer's wife stood by him despite his indiscretions. Jesus' homies pretended not to even know him. What a bunch of assholes. Point Spitzer.
Spitzer-5
Jesus-2
I'm still not praying to either.
Jesus vs Dr. Martin Luther King
Nobody woshios Martin Luther King: Point, Jesus.
Jesus was a scruffy, unshowered radical: Point MLK
Christ was crucified because they said he thought he was the King of the Jew
and Martin also was a King: Push
Jesus wore robes and sandals: Point Dr. King
Dr. King gave sermans and so did Jesus. Push
Jesus deliberatelt went to his own death for his ideals: a whicked roght hook, score tha point.
Dr. King is daze.
Jesus follows uo nicely be making two fish and seven loaves into a feat for his foolowers
King is flaily wildy. He loks gassed and...
OH! Jesus went to his stanby move, he made another man come to life... and down goes King.
Buddha sends Jesus to a neitral corner and begins the count: One, two, three, four
Buddha raises the champs hands. Jesus has won!!!
Hey WoWees!
Look.
We're ramping up.
Our mighty leaders Malach and Captain Flak Paperpants are REALLY busting some tail to take this thing global. I'm just a loud fart that announces stuff with a disgusting fragrance so that all will have to admit there's a stink in town.
Malach is now a Hub. What does that mean? His blog is a daily read for many people and more and more Buckos are reading by the day. He loves putting his blog up every night and I check his blog every morning BEFORE I go to CNN. He puts a lot of time and energy and soul into it. You all know he does a lot for our community. Let's give back. I want Malach to win a real internet blog award. Could someone find out how we can do this?
Now, The Captain. Oh, he's just an entertainer, right? No. Capn Flak is our money man and our marketing guru. He's got a plan. Trust me and hang on. We're paying out about $500.00 a month to keep the Network (3rd Option Network, that is), up. Hey, it's self sustaining at this point and we all get this great fun for free. But did you know Capn Flak makes that possible? Also, he's got the countdown going. This summer, we're making another leap up. Can't say much now, but every year, The Third Option Media Network (that's all of you as well) gets bigger. This summer?
.....
Here's my advice to you all.
You are very creative, all of you. Work your ass off getting your portfolios ready. A new company is forming that might need you. GET READY FOR EVERYTHING.
My latest Home Improvement Project
My Stairway/Front Entrance
If you already read this on my blog, call me Dr. Murk. I recently remodeled my stairway/front entrance. It was in already rough shape. It is a recent stairways addition, and was put in to save room in the main house before the addition was added. To that end, the stairway is not particularly wide, and goes up almost spirally doing a complete 180 turn to get to the top of the upstairs hall.
Because of the that, I had to knock out a wall to get some furniture upstairs, and a few pieces of furniture caused cosmetic damage going up there. So we were left with this.
Now, if you look at the left side of this picture, that half wall went to the ceiling, and is what I ripped down. Also, the left part of the stairway was done in a 1960's style of drywall, while the right side (also the exterior wall) was done in horse hair lathe and plaster. You will notice the ugly brown paneling, which covered much of the house. The missing panels are from the move. The damaged ceiling is also from the move.
I know your wating with baited breath, here is the after from the same view, dont mind the ladder and tools: 
All I have left to do, is a couple of edges, and of course hang things on the wall, and replace the old light (lighting sale at Home Depot this weekend!). Can you say, Holy Crap what a difference? My parents haven’t seen any of it yet, so this should shock them. A couple of other views?
You can see a couple more views here (GOD I hate Blogger's image loading system).Yes, you see stripes.
So, what do you think. Should I not be a designer on one of those TLC Programs (someone has already pointed out I am not gay enough)? As you can see from the first pic, I had to essentially rebuild the wall to the left of the stairs. I liked the open look, so I kept it like that and made it more of a railing. I had to rip all the lathe and plaster down, reframe, resheetrock it, and then did all the moulding (the angles are interesting to try do, but I had an cool angle tool, and since I was painting, I filled any gaps with a patch). In addition, I put some moulding in to cover the damaged ceiling.
I hate paneling, and as stated, this house has a plethora of ugly brown paneling. So my first step was to rip that all down. Then I stripped 6+ plus layers of wall paper dating back to the late 1800’s, patched the walls, and fixed any holes. I then primed the whole thing, moulding included with Kilz. Kilz is by far the best primer and stain cover I have used and will only use that for this purpose.
As for the painting, a plugs first. I only use Behr paint. I do not skimp and buy cheap paint. Why Behr? It is more expensive and such, but it covers awesome, has supreme colorfastness, is easy to clean, and wears forever. Quality stuff. Worth the $25 a gallon.
The painting itself. I decided I want stripes. I did not want them to be overpowering though, I wanted subtle. It wasn’t hard to do, but it requred patience, and accuracy. Here’s what I did. I wanted green, I wanted light, and I wanted warm. I went to Home Depot, and picked two greens, both on warm side (more yellow than blue), and one a slight hue lighter than the other. Also to distinguish them, one was eggshell finish and the other was a satin gloss. It makes a interesting yet subtle effect on the wall that is impossible to pick up unless you see it live, the slight gloss difference. I also wanted to tie into the wall of the dining area, which attached to the wall, which is a bright yellow, a spring green accent, and a cream color.
How did I get the stripes neat and clean? Again, it was fairly easy though time consuming, and required accuracy. I have a large level that is 2′ long. I used it to measure 2′ for each stripe, and then using the level drew in straight pencil lines on the walls. I taped off the lines for one color first. I marked the areas I was going to color with an X. Here is the important part, make sure you are putting the tape down correctly, as you will only paint one color now. Your X’ed stripe, the tape should be out side of the line with X’ed area in the middle. I then painted one color, let it dry over night. Retaped the next day (doing the opposite tape job) and did the second color. Now, you will have some peeling and damage on the first color, but just use a straight edge and touch up, if you let it dry overnight, it shouldn't be too extensive. Your lines will be straight, but the lines of your house might not. It will be worse in a older house, not really a lot you can do about that unless you want to rebuild what your painting.
Now the trim and moulding, I wanted a similar paint to the moulding in the dining room, a deep red, but did not want red (red compliments green and would too much of a color bounce). I chose a greyish red/brown, more of a chocolate brown. I made that paint semi gloss, again, a visual contrast.
The whole effect rocks, the walls are very subtle, and moulding pops right out. It is one of my more favorite interior design pieces I have ever done. Again just a couple things to touch up.
Best part the whole project only cost about $150.
I am Malach, and I could work for you.
Let it fly, people...
Martin Luther King advocated non violent protest to bring about equality.
Jesus advocated loving your enemy.
If I promote these two suggestions, which one will bring about more negative comments from our community?
Gary Gygax RIP
Gary Gygax, whose name was no doubt mispronounced by most of his biggest fans when we were all kids, recently died at the age of 69. The geek community mourns.
The man was co inventor of D&D, sharing the role with Dave Arneson. His eccentricity resulted in a previously non existent hobby that became a source of entertainment for countless people. It has even warranted a story on CNN because there are likely a fair share of reporters there who also played RPGs.
It is not doubt that his actions have given us the current crop of more sophisticated computer games that actually require the player to take on a role and do something other than blow up meteors or alien space ships. (Though killing things and taking their stuff was always important).
He will be interred in a massive underground mausoleum, his tomb protected by deadly traps and improbably placed monsters. Visitors who wish to pay their respects are recommended to be of at least Level 8, and carry plenty of healing potions.
Thanks Gary.
Remember me?
I'm Dr. Robert J. Murk.
Fuck all y'all, first off, you self agrandizing pigshits. You've massaged your egos long enough by blogging, multi-blogging, opening fifteen facebook and myspace accounts, playing second life or runescape, personalizing your ringtones, TIVOing thing in Hi Def, petitioning for cleaner energy and pining for hybrid cars, proclaiming the death of your own country, religion, society and economy (all of which carried your whiny ass from infancy until you rebelled by dying your hair or getting a mowhawk). You are all talk and no substance. You read wikipedia and think you're educated. You quote puppet politicians and follow blind, nonsensical public agendaa and rally against shit you didn't even know existed.
Get off your ultra hypocritical ass and put some action behind your high minded rhetoric. What good do you add to society? What have you done to uplift your fellow human beings? You just bitch bitch bitch and joke and prod and mock. Yes, you, ya cowardly snit.
Already forming your witty written response? Ready with your list of detailed past activities that you might or might not have done?
Don't bother. I know you're full of shit if you even try. Responding to this will only prove you guilty of non action. No excuses anymore. Stop lying to yourself. Stop planning and waiting for the right time. It's almost over, kids. The end is now drawing nigh and this is your last chance.
There is one question that deserves asking. I brought this up, so it's only fair to say, "Well, what the hell has Dr. Murk done?"
8 years. 8 fucking years at a pay scale that wouldn't feed a college student. 8 years busting my ass for people with no thought of reward or even thanks. 8 years of enduring taunts, insults, threats and slander from the very people I help and the people I work for. I did it because I owed. I fucked up and I owed. No, this wasn't court mandated community service, it was self imposed because I thought maybe the rest of the world felt like I did that if you were given something in a time of need, you gave back when you could.
Debt repaid.
I'm done.
I look at our collective group of bright minds and I see... talkers. Great talkers. That's all. Self promoters. That's all we'll ever be here.
That's not enough.
Take the thousand retorts, responses, accusations, rebuttals and rebuffs and shove them back down your throat and choke on them.
Or, be a good human being, shut down your computer right now and help a real live person in real life who needs you right now.
Less and less...
Less and less...