Parrot Hump Day Jokes

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"

Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!" To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"

*~*~*

A preacher is buying a parrot. "Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

~*~*~

A drunk is driving with his parrot through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"I've been to the pub," slurs the parrot and the drunk smiles.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few.

"He did all right," the parrot says and the drunk smiles.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the parrot. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

~wicked love to those who want it and for those who don't ....kiss my ass~