No Picnic: Trespass on the Hundred Acre Wood

Friday, October 20, 2006

"Oh, bother" said Pooh as he watched the very strange picnic that was taking place right here in a favorite field in the Hundred Acre Wood.

Piglet stood by his side and wondered aloud: "How do they not notice the fires they started and all our small animal friends they have scared away?"

"Bloggers" said Pooh, "Bloggers don't notice anything but hit counts" and a very sad, determined look washed over his normally smiling face. Piglet noticed the change on Pooh's face and decided to imitate it - so as to fit in. "What can we do" he asked in an oh so serious voice.

"The only thing we can do; unless we want all of hundred acre wood to be overrun by more of them. You know how Owl keeps the wood from being overrun by mice? That's how."

Piglet was confused. He gave a tug and pulled on Pooh's shirt and whispered, even though no one else was around to hear. "How are you going to swoop down and gobble them up? You don't have wings like Owl and those Bloggers are too big for your mouth. Look at that one - he must be as big as a hundred jars of honey!"

Piglet was right, of course. "You are right, of course." But swooping and eating wasn't what Pooh had meant. "But I wasn't meaning to swoop down and eat them." With this, Piglet was extremely confused; Pooh had just said he was going to be like Owl.

"What I mean, Piglet, is that like Owl ends the threat of the mice, I will end the threat of the Bloggers."

Minutes later, Pooh was returning to the grassy knoll that had a clear view of the "picnic." Piglet was anxious to find out what Pooh had in the long box he was carrying. The two lay down in the tall grass and Pooh opened the box. Piglet had never seen anything like it.

"What - what is it?" Piglet was confounded.

"It's a gift from a friend in the Canadian Military" (Pooh thought back to an old friend, but wasn't sharing his thoughts with Piglet.) "It's a Long Range Sniper Weapon ("LRSW") and was adopted by Canadian Forces from the McMillan Brothers .50-cal. Tactical Anti-Material Sniper Rifle System in April of 2000. The LRSW is modified for Canadian Army use with a movable cheek piece and shortened bipods, and is fitted with a 16x Leupold optical sight. See, the cheek piece and the bipods are perfectly adjusted for me." Pooh smiled widely.

"What! Where did you get such a thing? How do you know how to use it? What is going on Pooh?!" Piglet was very upset.

"I told you, a friend gave it to me. And of course I know how to use it. Haven't you noticed, Piglet, that there are never any hunters or poachers here in Hundred Acre Wood? Why do you think that is?" Pooh's eyes glinted and then relaxed as he pressed his brow to the optical sight.

"These Bloggers, they're even worse." The big soft pad of Pooh's finger rested gently on the trigger. His breathing was slow and regulated, so that his chest would not rise or fall and disturb his 1500 meter shot. A soft steady pull and a piercing CRACK echoed through the field as birds took to flight and a body fell.

The hot, empty, .50 caliber brass ejected smoothly as Pooh pulled back the bolt and loaded another round into the chamber (slickslick). This time, as he looked through the sight, he saw Bloggers running, screaming, and looking around in bewilderment. Except for one, who seemed too busy sitting and rocking back and forth on a vinyl mat. He would be next.

Pooh grinned. "It's a very special day for us in the Hundred Acre Wood."