Kate Winslet Finds Herself 'Fascinating '.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Newsboys News Agency
London England

In a recent interview with Newsboys News Agency, Kate Winslet summed up her acting career in two words, 'utterly unstopable'. The girl from Titanic, Winslet is set to be the voice of Juliet in in the animated joint of Miramax Studios and Sir Elton John's Rocket Pictures, Gnomeo and Juliet.

"It's true," Winslet said, in her over done British accent, "I'm stunning. Quite fabulous, in fact. Right. Now then, now then!"

Winslet's agent, Poof Doc MeGregory Allen Smith-Waddel, admits, "She has really nice tits." MeGregory Allen Smith-Waddel also contends that her portrayal of Juliet is 'refreshing', 'complex' and 'moody to a fault', but that he adores her bosoms and hopes to make lots of money and to one day touch her.

"I'm the reason Leonardo DiCaprio is gay, " Winslet confesses. "After me, there were no women for him. I discarded him and continued on with my career. Fascinating."

Winslet is best known for her roles in Hideous Kinky and Flushed Away, but her fans complain that critics never recognize her less well known, but horribly fantastic roles in Titanic and Fining Neverland.

"It's utter rubbish," said Santa Peppers Moneo, vice president of the Kate Winslet fan club, which Winslet herself runs from her own bathroom on Sundays. "Kate is future-r-r-rific. It's total bullshit and we refuse to accept this award." Moneo was later hospitalized for minor burns, but was released and placed on suicide watch.

"I can't even watch me sometimes," Winslet said, sobbing, "Do you know how difficult it is to see me in the mirror every morning? How can I live up to my own reflection every day? How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?"

When asked about her future plans, Winslet could only say that they are "enormously important and life altering" and that she intend to "crank up the super stunning dynamo of amazement that is me. Purrrrrrrrrrrrrr."