Cap'n Flak's Book Club: Reviewing Titles for the Kids!

Monday, September 25, 2006

This is a classic! Originally written in the 1950's, I found this book at an antique store in Plymouth, MA. My son thinks it's hilarious and he regularly tells his mother to "make me some chicken nuggets, or I will give you a nice warm glass of PUNCH IN THE FACE."
Ha! Kids! They say the darndest things!

Oh, that poor Babar! He went on a trip to visit his family in Africa, and BLAMMO a poacher takes his fat ass OUT! Well, the moral of this book will teach your kids that life doesn't always turn out the way you thought it would. No shit, right? I always tell my kids that I thought I'd be President of the United States or a famous actor or whatever, but instead, their Mommy decided it was baby making time and, well the rest is depressing history. They usually cry themselves to sleep after reading this one. That's fine with me as long as their sleeping and I'm drinking!

I tend to read my kids this book when I am mad at my wife over some bullshit or whatever. Most of the time, I skip right to the "Mommy doesn't love you anymore" part, but every once in a while I read it all way through under the pretense that they better behave for Daddy will run off, find a hooker, get AIDS and die. And, they understand that's probably not a good thing. So, they learn something with this book too!
And that IS a good thing!

I'm a big believer in kids working as soon as they are able to do so. But, I'd rather my kids work at something that builds confidence and style as opposed to just sticking them in a Chinatown sweatshop and hoping they live long enough to bring home a paycheck that Daddy can use to put a new Flowmaster exhaust system on his Camaro.

Well, this one was better than Daddy Sucks Pole.

This one is my personal favorite. I mean, any book where a lonely albino elephant who has some serious gender issues hires a transvestite from "the wrong side of the Amazon" works for me. I won't even go into the stories about how my kids now approach women at the local grocery store and ask them "hey, you... how much?"
God, I LOVE AMERICA!