After a recent visit to the ASPCA, the editorial staff of the Wand of Wonder returned with a new mascot, named Paws. Paws is a yellow lab puppy.
What makes Paws so special is that he is a canine telepath. He was originally bred in a top secret breeding project known as "Mind Bite." Mind Bite was a collaboration between the AKC, Mensa, and the CIA.
Paws washed out of the obedience training portion of the project when he refused to sit, stay, or roll over as directed. Before the "Mind Bite" personnel could destroy him, Paws escaped and assumed the identity of an abandoned puppy. Paws made telepathic contact with our editors when we visitied the ASPCA facility and we immediately knew we had found a brother in arms.
Paws wanted to say a few words, but because we have no canine accessible keyboards at WoW headquarters, he can only speak to you all through an interview format. And now, Paws:
Paws (PW): Thank you for rescuing me from the ASPCA and the Mind Bite "recovery teams."
Angry Veteran (AV): You're welcome.
PW: I just wanted to let everyone know that I am not the Helpful Critic. And, in addition, I agree with you that some things should be sent in private emails and not posted on the boards.
AV: Thanks.
PW: Why do shoes have such an incredible taste? I mean, I have an IQ of 210 and can cause a stroke by telepathically blocking key blood vessels in your brain, but I just cannot, for the life of me, figure out why these damn shoes taste so good.
(Paws is, as we speak, gnawing on the insole of a Minolo Balanik)
AV: I imagine it has something to do with the materials of the shoe and the condition of the previous wearers feet. But I'm only guessing.
PW: Well, whatever it is, this shit is like crack. Do you have anymore of this stuff? I mean, I'm good for it, I will absolutely pay you back - I just, I mean, I can't imagine what it is going to be like when I'm done with this shoe and there aren't anymore around.
AV: I imagine the staff could get you some more.
PW: Great. Great. How do you think Muppets would taste?
9 comments:
Staff,
FYI, Paws alerted me to the presence of a Mind Bite recovery team in the copy room. I took care of it, but the freezer in the break room is going to be full for a couple of days.
Can he shoot mind bullets, like the All Powerful Malach?
Has Paws confessed to being "helpful critic" yet?
Direct quote from the post:
PW: I just wanted to let everyone know that I am not the Helpful Critic. And, in addition, I agree with you that some things should be sent in private emails and not posted on the boards.
Do you even read the posts before you comment?
Yes, but I don't speak dog, so, I had trouble reading it.
we are rather surprised at the AV's knowledge of trendy stylish shoes such as Minolo Balanik.
and we, too, wonder how muppets taste.
It wasn't me, it was Paws. That puppy is his own dog.
I think I saw him padding his crate with a bunch of vintage Diane VonFostranberg wrap dresses and what appears to be the stuffing out of several pairs of Ugg boots.
Also, he keeps referring to the office interns as "Kibble."
Hey Murk can you translate please? lol
Paws, yet another animal with his own blog, sheesh.
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