Stick it to the Man

Sunday, September 24, 2006

It was a dark and stormy evening yesterday. I had just finished mowing my grandparents' lawn before the rain came, and I was making my way back home on foot, because there are no cars in Louisiana and my air boat was in the shop. As I got out onto the main road I saw a man lying on the pavement, groaning as he reached out to me.

I ran towards the man, and as I approached him I saw, in slow-motion, a Papa John's pizza delivery man speeding by. I could hear myself screaming "Oh my God, that's Kenny Rogers!" before the car hit him. I lay there, weeping over Kenny's body, when the most prolific thought of my young life occurred to me:

Pizza is sexist. It's true. Think about all of the pizza companies. Papa John's, Little Caesar's, and in my area we have such testosterone-laden pizza companies as Johnny's Pizza and Mr. Gatti's. Even the big ones like Pizza Hut and Domino's make no mention of women, making them effectively neutral. Women have toiled for years for equality, only to live in a country where we are forced to eat misogynist pizza.

Do not get me wrong, I am no feminist. To me the only excuse for a burned bra is leaning a little too far over the stove in an attempt to stir the gravy. I just would like to eat a pizza that was made by a woman for once. It's cold, hard fact that men cannot cook, which means every pizza I've ever eaten has been sub-par. Please, ladies, make me pizza!

^The above statement, even the story, is completely true. Well, maybe not the bra part, but I digress. I can only speak from the perspective of someone from my area, though so if any of you WoWees know of a feminine named pizza store, please tell me so I can have peace. Fight the power, WoWees.