Smoke and Fire

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Many of you know me from my popular TV show "Dr. Murk Goes BING!"

But today I have a more serious role to play. I am here to express an alternate view of what it means to be a citizen of the world. This isn't about marching immigrants or soldiers in foreign lands, but a simple primer on how to present yourself to the world as a responsible, caring and above all, politically correct human being.

1. Always point out who's fault it is.

You see, it's not about right and wrong, it's about who's right and who's wrong! Why give solutions when you can just whine and turn an argument around?

2. Other people are evil. Remind everyone around you of this daily.

Every good citizen of the world is a whistle blower. The great part about this guideline is that there is a never ending stream of evil people out there to be angry with, most of which are Republican.

3. Meet solutions and dialogue with righteous (but not religious righteous) rage and indignation.

If you scream louder or write/type angrier, it makes you more right. See my blog for further details.

4. Never admit you're wrong.

If you admit a weakness in one area, it means your entire philosophy is weak.

5. Remember, it's okay if people suffer. Ignore it.

Unless of course, you have an axe to grind against the cause of the suffering. because, you know, it's more important to take shots at public officials you hate than to address complex problems with no singular cause like the political turmoil and exploitation in Africa, Asia and *gasp* the Middle East! Oh, man, we should have just left well enough alone on that one. Somalia was different. That was cool and they made a rocking movie about it. Oh, and Serbia and Afghanistan 1 were okay. In fact, the bad wars are always fought under Republicans. You know it! Sorry...

6. Did I say point out flaws, blame people and get real angry?

I did? Well, that's basically my only tactic here.

7. Love all of God's children.

Aw crap. I said God.

I hereby resign my World Citizenship. I fell for the oldest trick in the book... a faith based belief system. Anyone who believes in a loving God must be evil. There are NO DECENT AND MORAL FAITH BASED GOUPS OUT THERE! They don't ever aknowledge science and are therefore wrong. Even though most scientists will admit that science is quite fallible and makes tons of grave errors all the time, and has to real structure or guidance when it comes to responsible use of new applications of technology.

8. Kill Whitey.

9. Live like a Sultan, bitch like a gutter sweeper.

Works with the ladies. They want a man who stands for something, but they don't want to sleep with the roaches.

and most importantly...

10. Everyone who does not agree with you does so out of ignorance, pug headedness or outright brainwashing from some other source which seeks to enslave us.

In other words...

If you hate it so damn much, sit on your couch and watch Transformer's reruns until someone fixes it.

I am Murk and I wrote the book on thumbing my nose at society.

ps. Quit asking me for solutions. I've given all of you plenty. I'll give you a refresher via email if you want one, punks. hex2323@yahoo.com