Oh, “Americans”, Please Shut the Fuck UP, Already

Sunday, May 28, 2006

So rather than just post comments to the wonderful, enlightened post that YPG showed us, I decided to respond to it in a more direct way. Mainly because i'm an asshole like that.

None of this is directed at YPG because he/she did not actually write the original post, they were just pasting it from another source. For this, we should be grateful, as it spares us from having to actually hang around forums where this kind of nonesense is frequent. I decided to duplicate the earlier post, (with some formatting fixes) so that I may pretend I have these mucus brains sitting across from me at a bar. The only thing missing is me, at the end of my conversation, breaking a heavy glass beer stein across their fucking faces.

Now keep in mind this may not even be REAL, it may be just one more of those internet trolls posted out there to get attention. These sentiments are real, though, I encounter them all the time, so I'll humor it and vent right back.

I've enhanced the original bullshit parts with red italics for ease of telling who is speaking. Though, you can also tell because I don't sound like I have Bill O'Reilly's hand stuck up my ass.

So here we go:

Will we still be the Country of choice and still be America if we continueto make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries thatcame to live in America because it is the Country of Choice?????? Think about it!

Think about it? You clearly ascribe to the “Do as I say, not as I do” philosophy on life, huh, bub?

All we have to say is, when will they do something about MY RIGHTS? I celebrate Christmas...........but because it isn't celebrated by everyone.............we can no! longer say Merry Christmas. Now it has to be Season'sGreetings.

Who? Who the hell is telling you that you can’t say Merry Christmas? Where the fuck are the laws on the books stating you can’t say those two words? Where? Who is currently serving time, or paying a fine for breaking the oppressive Politically Correct Act of 2006?

There aren’t any. What changes are being forced on you? Your just showing what a pansy ass whiny American you are by using the words FORCED to describe people asking you to maybe consider other language on occasion. You want to know what being forced is? Go to Iran, then you see what it means to be forced to do anything. You goddamn pussy.

It's not Christmas vacation, it's Winter Break. Isn't it amazing how thiswinter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday?

Winter Break, also corresponds to Hanukah, and the Solstice, and to Kwanzaa*, and New Years, and why the fuck do you even CARE!? It’s a break between classes in the winter! It has no religious role to play. I guess it isn’t a big enough gimmie that Christmas is a federal holiday, where everything is closed except for the 7-Eleven.

We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone,that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a problem withthat. This says it all! This is an editorial written by an American citizen, published in a Tampa newspaper. He did quite a job; didn't he? Read on, please!

Oh, well I guess the fact that he is an American citizen somehow means he is a fucking genius and so should be listened too, huh? Hey, guess what? I’m and American citizen too, so listen up cuz I have something I want you to read:

I’ll start by sniping at the sharp-as-a-marble points this flatlander tries to make.

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT.

I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However...... the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct! " crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.

The fact that you have used the term "politically correct" in the first paragraph shows that you are a stereotypical Politically Ignorant jackass. And I’m tired of hearing morons like you say how tired you are of being called to task for offending folks. Guess what, cum breath, people like you have been saying this shit forever. Maybe you’ll eventually catch on that the world doesn’t fucking revolve around your pitiful little life. Grow a Pair! If you’re tired of people being offended, tough shit! Either change your behavior or get used to being called an asshole, that’s how it works. If you’re so Goddamn sure of your rightness, then shut up and take it! The only thing you change when you bitch is, instead of just being called an asshole, now you’re called a whiney asshole.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who isseeking a better life by coming to America.

Translation: “I have no problem with immigrants, as long as they know their place”

Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here , need to understand. This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans...... we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions ofmen and women who have sought freedom.

You mean the struggles by blacks, women, Native Americans, Asians, Jews? All against the status quote than people like you tied to protect at the time? Or does your memory stop right after the Revolutionary War, when it was white men who were fighting for rights?

And what is this sovereignty shit? Like we are in danger of Canada and Mexico invading and taking away our land? What century do you live in? The one I live in is the one where the US is the undisputed superpower of the world.

Oh, I get it, you’re worried them damn swarthy spics are gonna turn our country brown, is that it?

We speak ENGLISH , not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese,Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!

Right because it isn’t like they aren’t doing that, or anything. Nah immigrants never try to learn English when they are here. But languages don’t just pop into your head out of whole cloth. I wouldn’t expect you to know this since you, like most Americans, probably only speak English. But you’re right, they aren’t very good at speaking English after being here a couple of years. I guess they could always enroll in all those free, high quality English classes offered in their own countries before they come over here, huh?

No one is endagering the English language, except our own President who can’t utter a single line without butchering it. And our own piss poor education system which turns out kids who can’t read at an 8th grade level.

Spanish and other language services are offered because of two reasons; one is free market economics, if you want to sell to people who are fluent in Spanish and not so fluent in English, then you offer them services in Spanish. The other reason is that it takes time to learn another language. So alternate language social programs are offered to bridge that gap and make it easier for them to assimilate.

I’m sure you, like most people with your juvenile opinion can’t appreciate this. Like I said, you probably don’t speak another language yourself. Most Americans like you are pitifully provincial and narrow minded when it comes to exploring anything outside your own fucking state let alone your precious God Blessed nation.

"In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some Christian, rightwing, political slogan.. We adopted this motto because Christian men andwomen.......on Christian principles............. founded this nation..... and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools.

Bullshit, the founders of this country, the ones who wrote the fucking constitution were not all what you would recognize as Christian, many were deists. If you actually read anything about them, you would know this, but like most Americans you have no working knowledge of your own country’s history. And I have news for you sunshine, the Christians who you are referring to, who first landed here, would not care much for your religion either, nor do I think you would welcome them into your flock, unless you’re a Puritan or a Calvinist. You can find out more about Deists, Puritans and Calvanists in these things called books.

And speaking of our motto tracing back to our forefathers; Our National Motto was not In God We Trust until 1956, you ignorant twat! From 1776 to 1955, it was “E Pluribus Unum”. The “In God We Trust” bullshit was adopted as our motto (as opposed to just being a slogan on our money**) for Cold War propaganda to show the world what difference there was between us and them there godless commies. Apparently, the fact that we didn’t (usually) shoot our citizens when they dissented wasn’t enough of a difference.

Since I already know you’re too uneducated to be able to translate it yourself, I’ll translate for you: “E Pluribus Unum” means “One From Many”. Think about that. But don’t think too hard, you might blow a gasket. You get bonus points back if you can at least name the language that it's in.

If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home.........because God is part of our culture.

Actually what is part of our culture is that your god doesn’t get forced down my throat by the state. It’s there in black and white.

The founders (remember them?) wrote it that way partially because you never know when your god has less votes. But mainly because historically, countries that are run by a state religion don’t turn out so good, and are not exactly big on individual liberty. Would you be so keen if the majority of Americans were Muslim and it was changed to in Allah we Trust? Think it can’t happen? Think your religion will be on top forever? You’re an idiot.

If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.

So let me get this straight, if you want to be a Free American™, you must shut up and not criticize the government, the flag or society? That’s a funny definition of freedom you have there sparky. I’m sure the founding fathers would be damn proud of you.

We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from.

What is this culture you speak of? I’ll tell you: Rampant consumerism. A Walmart on every block. Most employment being at service industry job. An epidemic of obesity. Poor education. Xenophobia. Mindless jingoism. Political apathy. Living in fear of the invisible enemy-of-the-decade, Complete ignorance about the world around you. A totally fad driven culture of “what’s hot this year?”

THAT is American culture in the year 2006. It isn’t self reliance, it isn’t truth, justice and apple pie. It isn’t any of that shit. You can find those admirable traits among the US population if you look, but it isn’t wide spread enough to be consider a national culture.

Oh wait, lets not forget the cornerstone of American culture: Constant BITCHING about how everything that goes wrong in this country is SOMEONE ELSES fucking fault! Up until last year it as the homosexuals, a few years before that it was the liberal elite, and a few years before that it was welfare mothers.

So now you’ve milked the homosexual menace (hah, hah) for all it’s worth, and you’ve grabbed the villain of the week; the illegal immigrant, no doubt plotting the downfall of our great nation while picking fucking lettuce in California or cleaning the restrooms at your office park in New York City.

This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so! But once you are done complaining....... whining..... . and griping....about our flag.......our pledge...... our national motto........or our way of life....I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other Great American Freedom...... THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

The only whining I’m seeing here if from people like you, who like the play the victim card whenever anything comes up that you don’t like. “Oh, why, oh, why are they oppressing my poor white-English-speaking-Christian-male culture!”

It is Time for America to Speak up

No, you mean it’s time for Americans who you agree with to speak up, because you have already stated that those "other people" who you are whining… and griping… about are not part of your America. I guess you just want everyone who wants things to be different to leave your country.

Well, that makes two of us. I want mouth breathers like you to stop dragging my country down with your unthinking mouth-shit. Please hop on the next plane out of here. You wont? Oh, well that sucks, now doesn't it?

No immigrant population has assimilated in the first generation, it always takes two or three generations for that to happen. If you knew anything about American history and the previous immigrant waves we have experienced, you would know that.

And yeah we have rights in the Constitution***, one of these rights is the freedom of speech, which allows people to voice their opinions that are contrary to your own. It also allows people like you to make and ass of themselves with talking point skimmed from Bill O’Reilly’s rants. It also allows someone like me to counter someone like you with a single phrase “Read A Fucking History Book!”

And there is this thing called social interaction, maybe you have heard about it. It goes like this:

You walk up to a woman and say “Merry Christmas!”

She then politely and says “I’m Muslim.” Which should have been obvious to you, due to her head-to-toe burkha.

Now, if you mother raised you right, then you say “Oh, I’m sorry, happy holiday’s.” But if you mother didn’t raise you right, maybe raised you in a fucking trailer park outside of Tampa, you can just beat your chest like Kong and say “Fuck you, bitch, I don’t gotta do nothin, I’m a ‘Merkin!” then walk away confident in your defense of this great nation's redneck values.

And what is with this American Pride shit? I don’t know about you, but I tend to only take pride in things that I have personally accomplished. The only thing most Proud Americans have accomplished is be born here. The next time you are ready to spout about your American pride, ask yourself this: What have you done to make this country the great thing that it is? You aren’t a great scientist, a mighty general, an agent for social change towards a more just society. (I know this, because those kinds of people don't talk like you do.) You didn’t fight in WW2. You’re just some smuck who works a meaningless job all day and comes home to watch American Idol, then you drink a beer, jerk off, and go to bed. Or maybe you’re some self-righteous loudmouth who writes diatribes on local newspapers in Tampa.

The next time you bitch about these immigrants, here’s a clue-by-four that I’ll hit you in the head with. These people, with minimal education, have traveled across great distances, in dangerous circumstances, with no money, to a country where they don’t speak the language, to work shit jobs, so that they can start a new life for themselves and their kids. That right there makes them more worthy of being an American than half the smucks I see ranting about how they are going to take away our culture, and our jobs.

You have all these mullet wearing assholes who were born in this, the richest country on the planet. But they jerked around in school so they got no education (despite the fact that it’s FREE here), and now are only qualified to clean toilets, and you want me to feel sorry for them, losing their job to some Mexican who never had any of those opportunities and comes over here to work? FUCK THEM!

I agree though, this country is threatened by myriad forces, not the least of which are willfully pig ignorant spoiled ass chest thumpers like you dragging us back to the 1950’s.

Some of us would like to change that, before we go the same way that other great nations have in the past when they got fat and lazy, and let those with money, but no brains, rule them. But the first step to making a change is admitting that your country isn’t a glowing paradise, and that it needs to change. And frankly, if the worst thing that happens in the next fifty years to this nation is we all start speaking Spanish, I’ll be happy.

Well.. happier. I’d be happy if I could round up all the stupid assholes like you and stick you in lab cages where I can try out some new shit I’ve been working on.



*Yeah, I know, Kwanza's a made up holiday, kind of like they all are, you shithead.

**"In God We Trust" was Introduced on the currency around the time of Civil War, so that wasn't our Founding Father's idea either, you jackass.

***Oh, and this constitution you peak of try reading it some time, here:
http://www.usconstitution.net/const.html

I know it’s long. Maybe you can do what Bush does and get someone else to break it down and “brief you on it.”


-With Love Always,
Dr. Mantodea