Dreamweaver

Friday, May 12, 2006

The other morning I woke up before school to take a shower so I can get ladies at school. In my groggy stupor, I stumbled into the shower to find that the lazy fool that showered before me used up the soap, and didn't take the time to replace it. I swore to myself as I left the shower, dripping all over the floor to the cabinet. When I opened the cabinet, I screamed...

There's this new product out by Old Spice that is a "Hair and Body Wash." If your response to this was anywhere along the lines of "Waddafook?!" then we have more in common than you previously thought. Firstly, Old Spice? I always considered that as a product for old guys desperate to cover up the scent of their own decay (Murk, Malach). Secondly, hair and body? I've always been a fan of shampoo and body wash.

This product reeks of multi-tasking Communism. This product is not without its upsides, however. I used to always get weird looks from my parents when they caught my rubbing myself from head to toe while singing Disney tunes at the top of my lungs. Now I have a legitimate excuse: "It's hair and body wash, Mom!" Works every time. Now if only they'd invent hair and body bacon then my foremost rubbing dream could come true...

The bottom line: This product is GREAT! New horizons have opened since I've been saving that 6 seconds' time normally spent switching bottles. I feel so free. Your days are numbered, shampoo.

23 comments:

Christopher said...

Old guy???? How the fuck old are YOU? I'm less than twice twice your age I bet.

Oh, and Brut is the preferd musk of dirty old men. Hmmmmmph!

My husband uses that stuff. It doesn't smell like the "original" old spice. This new stuff actually smells good. =)

I use whatever scent smells sexiest at WalMart

AngryMan said...

Are you trying to get ladies at school, or get laid at school?

Hojo said...

What else do you do with ladies?

Torture, mutilate, and eat

Hojo said...

That comes after the laying, though.

Little known fact: Halle Berry's leg tastes like caviar.

That's just wrong, hojo. *gag*

Anonymous said...

Well goodness, caviar isn't that bad.
;)

Toyi said...

Cmon Hojo but you need to be carefull with that new plastic girl era, you will get suprises at dinnertime,lol

Plastic girls rule . . . they are always in the mood, as long as you have enough breathe in your lungs to blow them up.

The Angry Piper said...

trouble in paradise, Malach?

Toyi said...

oh well plastic girls will be always in the mood as longest you are looking at their plasticity budy, just ignore them and there you will have a boob kick on your face

Christopher said...

Radiohead sang a song about a fake plastic girl. She lookes like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing...

Anyways.

So, nobody wears Brut?

Her Green plastic watering can
For her fake chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans.
to get rid of itself.
And It Wears Her Out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out.

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyreneman
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
And It Wears Him Out, it wears him out
It wears him out, it wears him out.

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My Fake Plastic Love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run
And It Wears Me Out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could BE who you wanted
If I could BE who you wanted,
All the time, all the time.

Toyi said...

Okay Hojo so just be careful with the pins and the silicone, actually you have get smart when you pick, maybe a 115 pound girl will actually have 100 pound meat, so maybe you might have to strike twice in order to fulfil your need.

AngryMan said...

Hey, Murky-Murk, I am aware of your fondness for Gaellic Storm, and want to let you know that my folks are going to see them in Charleston. They are both pushing 50, so if you aren't old, then at the least, you like middle aged people music.

Hojo said...

I had some Brut once, but I had it for so long that I think it went stagnant or something, because it started to smell like pickle juice after a while.

Christopher said...

AngryMan.

Um... okay? So having good taste makes me old? I also make my own pizza and drink beer that costs $10.00 a six pack out of a glass. But I've been doing that since age five.

Hoji,

Naw, it didn't go bad. That's what it smells like normally. It's been known to make cats purr from two miles away. I've also heard it called "The Lube" because it really greases the joints!

AngryMan said...

Murky-Murk:
Actually, I have no room to talk. I like all kinds of ancient music. One band that I don't like, though, is Radiohead.
It's odd. I used to like them in college, but I just can't get into them anymore. I put in a sampler a buddy made for me that I hadn't listened to in a couple of years and it didn't do much. I guess we outgrew each other. I'll have to send them a dear john...

Tainted~Love said...

Try the "Snake Peel" from Axe ...mmmm ummmm! But yet that isn't shampoo either, just smells damn sexy!

You know, soap works just as well as shampoo.

Toyi said...

^ewuuu, have you tried regular soup on your hair? lol
I had to at some point during war in my country lol to keep it simple... "Is not the same result" lol

 
 
 
 
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