Hump Day Jokes!!!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala ! What are you doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they burn a few. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard:"What's the matter with you?" The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!" So the koala looks down at him and says: "Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude ... how much water did you drink?!!"

~*~*~*~

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically? " The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically? " The boy replied, "Yes. Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two hookers and a homo."

~*~*~*~

Little Johnny said to his Aunt Tess, "My God, you're ugly, aren't you!"

His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. "You naughty boy!" she screamed, "How can you say to your aunt that she's ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you're sorry!"

Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, "Aunt Tess, I am sorry you're so ugly."

~wicked love WoWeeesss~