Ask any Christian adult, and most will tell you that they went through an era during which they were, as I believe most of them put it, "away from the church." It always happens right about the time that I am in right now (late high school) and ends somewhere in the mid-twenties, usually due to some crisis. Anyway, I always refused to acknowledge that something like that could ever happen to me. I always though my faith was too strong to be broken, too strong for doubt. The truth is, WoWees, I was wrong...
The truth is, the older I get, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more knowledge and wisdom become parts of my life. My secular brain conflicts my sectarian heart, my thoughts impede my instinct, and my knowledge interferes with my faith. I am, my friends, away from the church.
Another part of it is experience. As I get older I am able to more easily recognize corruption, greed, and hypocrisy. I see in the house of God the very things that these people are teaching against. Racism, greed, jealousy, hatred, hypocrisy; these are commonplace within the hearts of this people out of church, but in the church they are perfect angels. I am sick of people wearing the mask of social acceptance. I am tired of one person's religious face giving me guidance and inspiration and their other face dragging me down. Now that I have observed these things I feel unsafe in church, like I have lost what I once thought was my only escape from sin. It's time I got away.
Don't get me wrong, I still believe in God; nothing can change that. I have personally experienced too much evidence of His existence to all-out deny Him now. I'm not going to turn into a drug addict or creepy sexual deviant (I'm looking at you, Murk). I still have morals and I still have values, and you can hopefully say months from now that I am still the same old Hojo. I just need some time to myself. I need time to study my own religious beliefs without some group or other attempting to indoctrinate me. I need independence from any sort of organized religion for a while so I can use my knowledge, wisdom, and observational skills to learn what I think is right.
Perhaps it is the church I am attending. Maybe another Catholic church would give me a moment's respite. Perhaps it is Catholicism; maybe I'd be more comfortable as a Buddhist, a Baptist, a Jew. I don't know, but until further notice I consider myself "indie Christian."
So, WoWees, you have just read a foray into my heart and soul. I don't do this often; I like to keep things lighthearted and witty. I normally use my writings as an escape from my burdens, not necessarily an emphasis on them. Don't worry, though, I have a post in the works that is certainly going to revert to the lighter side.
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Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Posted by Hojo at 8:28 PM
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11 comments:
You sound like me
Let me correct you in something, the 1st lie a Christian can do to self, is to think we are angels, well I wish I could tell you I am a Christian and an angel but reality is different, I am Christian and I am no angel, the only thing that make me different than regular people is that I have faith in something I don't see... but generally I have lot of knowledge about good but the level of practice is low than what I really know about it.
I know perfectly why I get criticized a lot as "The perfect one" but no I am not, you could easily get the sense because I am telling you what to do in certain situation (Cause I know it) but it doesn't mean that I do it (Maybe I try my best) but never ever is perfect. If you knew me in person you get a better idea of what I am, and you can even tell sometimes in my writing too... I get angry, I get emotional & can get on any stage... yet because I am Christian people expect me to be perfect, and don't think it the wrong way, is not that Christian believe they are angels themselves maybe a 50% but people that is non-Christian also expect them to be 50%.
Welcome to the club, Hojo.
WoW our first spammer, we must be getting popular, your full frontals sucked and it's porn, off to editing!
It seems the more I write, Malach, the more I become a younger version of you. The more I become a younger version of you, the more frightened I get.
Toyi: I know no one's perfect, but it seems like these people acknowledge that they are bigots but make no effort to change that. I think religion should be an attempt at bettering yourself, and these people aren't even trying.
And even then, the least they could do is be true to themselves. They shouldn't try to act like angels for an hour a week but revert to sin for the rest. My respect is earned by being true to one's self. It's ridiculous to wear the mask.
Religion shouldn't exist I will better say, cause religion is distorsion.
Congratulations, and welcome to agnosticism.
Everyone just wants to be Malach. I know I do.
oh please no offense!!
Hojo, I commend you for recognizing the "church" for what it really is. Human. The problem lies with the fact that most of the organization will not truly ackowledge what they really are. They want to pretend to be better than everyone else when in reality they aren't. That's not the point of this comment though. I would implore you to not make my mistake. Don't overanalyze your faith. Don't let yourself become so jaded and bitter about the humanity in Christianity that you don't know if you'll ever be able to reconcile those differences. I love you man. You should know who this is.
I am the paradigm.
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