Three old Ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude, also, had a stroke.
Tilly, being the oldest, and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
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A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her
two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the
entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....nice
children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
===============================================
Hump Day Jokes!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Posted by Captain Flak Paperpants at 10:59 AM
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21 comments:
Boo Boo Boo, Booo Boooo! Just kidding of course! Loved the picture, your such a natural. ~wicked love~
;)
Someone sent me the jokes and I couldn't resist posting them.
Cool beans ...just don't let it happen again! ~grins~
Your a biter
Everyone! Look at me! I'm an attention whore! I can't let another contributor have her own schtick! I have to be better than everyone! I'm an ass!
-The Captain
LMFAO!
Everyone! Look at me! I'm an attention whore! I can't let another contributor have her own schtick! I have to be better than everyone! I'm an ass!
ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE! ATTENTION WHORE!
I'm not sorry.
is that last one supposed to be a joke?
Nope. It's supposed to be an insult to women everywhere. HAHAHAHHAHA SUCKER!
i can't believe you got laid twice!!!
HA
i've wanted to say that to so many people!
The Siren
A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy going down the sidewalk in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet.
The wagon is being pulled by his dog and cat. The fire-fighter walks out to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he says admiringly.
"Thanks, Mr. Fireman," the boy says.
The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the wagon to his dog's collar and to the cat's nuts.
"Little Partner," the firefighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little boy replies, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren!
Cap'n is a greater attention whore than John Mark Carr.
HELL YEAH I AM!
I eat pieces of attention whore like him for breakfast.
I don't see YOU surrounded by Thai authorities hanging on your every word.
I don't see YOU on CNN.
I don't see Nancy Grace talking about YOU.
Amateur. Wannabee. Poser.
Go finger your father you rotten kiddie fucker.
an insult? do you consider yourself an insult? o-0 how low self steem.
What?
What what?
Who in the what now?
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