The Angry Piper: Behind the Bag

Sunday, January 28, 2007

NEWSBOYS EXCLUSIVE

Newsboys has fought like kittens to bring you the following Insider Exlusive!!!! We've penetrated the clouded depths of The Angry Piper's past.

Our story begins in Scotland. A weary mother of five boys makes a difficult decision and sells three of the boys for a chicken head. One boy goes into a monestary. Another of the boys ends up working for a small time thug named Bob Merc in Cincinatti. And the last little boy went wee wee wee all the way home.

The boy at the monestary died during a botched robbery by Bob Merc and his gang. The second boy, nicknamed Hyper, fired the fatal shot. As his brother lay dying in his arms, Hyper vowed to honor his brother's dying words.

"Hyper," the dying brother monk brother rasped, "Avenge me. Avenge me and destroy Bob Merc and his gang from Cincinatti! Damn... them..." He breathed his second to last breath and then said, "And learn to play the bagpipes you git!" He breathed his last and died.

Bob Merc had fled Cincinatti for the shores of America. He hid out in a sleepy town called Westport. He cleverly changed his name and forged a doctorate and, from thence forth, was known as Dr. Robert J. Murk (AWESOME!!!).

Hyper became an angry boy. He played his pipes and dreamed of thrusting the chanter through the heart of Bob Merc from Cincinatti. He grew into and angry man. Some dude named Angryman sued him and so he changed his name to The Angry Piper (DUHHHHHH!!!!). He honed his skills in sarcasm, reading and puppetry to levels uncharted. Then, he set off for Cincinatti.

He realized he was going to need some help. On a six day lay-over in Boston, Piper read the phone book. Finall, he got to the yellow pages. After calling all major appliance stores and hounding all bookstores in the greater Boston area, he decided he needed psychological help. He thumbed over to the psychotherapy section and his eyes fell upon a face. He felt he knew the man instantly. It was freaking creepy, dude! He dialed the number and waited in breathless anticipation.

"Dr. Robert J. Murk (AWESOME) speaking," the voice on the line said.

"Hey? You that punk who runs that gang in Cincinatti?" Piper asked.

"Nope," Dr. Murk replied.

"Good," Piper said, relieved. "I need your help..."

to be continued....