It's been nine months (this upcoming Friday) since I've had any alcohol. I had a ten year binge drinking problem. It got seriously bad the last three years.
Funny enough, I don't have cravings. But I miss certain things. I miss the first hour of relief and forgetfulness. I've found that meditation helps with that. Also I'm on Zoloft (100 milligrams). It's a wonder drug. Sure, it's not a cure all and who knows, maybe ten years down the line, they'll find some sort of horrible consequences from long term use. Who cares? It helps me to manage the hamster running the wheel of worry in my head. I'll take my chances and sue the pharmacutical companies in that case.
But the one thing I miss most is mixing drinks. So, I've been mixing my own cool non alcoholic drinks. One of my favorites is loosely based on a Mohito. I call it a Light Murk Perk.
Take fresh mint leaves and crush them in a well chilled glass.
Add ice.
Add one half of flavored seltzer water (whatever flavor interest you have).
Add one half Green Tea.
Stir...
And BAM! Delicious and has some EGCG, which is a powerful anti-oxidant. I make it in a giant one liter glass. Light Murk Perk (awesome).
or
Try a Dark Murk Perk:
One Half EXTRA STRONG coffee
Granulated sugar to taste
A hint of dark brown sugar
Mix with one half cream or milk
Pour over ice
Another triumph! Costs about 1/3 the price of the canned cold coffee drinks or those specialty coffee shoppe iced coffees and tastes a hell of a lot better!
I have many others. Most interestingly, you can make flavored water or flavored seltzer. Get some good healthy juice you like. Add a lot of ice and water and/or setzer. Add juice to your tsste. Why pay twice as much for Sobe Life Water, Gatorade Propel, or any of those other flavored waters that have become so popular?
Advantages: much cheaper, fun to make, completely customizable, and saves you from having to recycle plastic bottles.
Disadvantages: Is a tiny bit time consuming, takes experimentation to find what you like, not portable unless you wash and reuse plastic bottles or have a good travel mug (I hate travel mugs, but that's another rant altogether).
So, try a Light Murk Perk or Dark Murk Perk TODAY! Okay, it's a bit late at the writing of this, so I'll give you until tomorrow might.
This has been a Murk Health Moment. Enjoy life and be well.
Murk
Drinks Anyone?
I Will Not Kill
Just to clarify. I have no intention of killing anyone, cursing anyone or 'taking' anyone. Several WoWees have expressed concern over this matter.
They will be getting a Bene Gesserit punishment meant to teach a lesson. They will all be left standing, intact and still sane... but wiser.
Murk
What Really Happened: A Tale of the WoW
Last week I was in a local Starbuck’s, waiting in line for a ridiculously overpriced coffee. I really hate Starbuck’s, partially because their coffee tastes like three hundred year-old skunk taint, partially because they charge you an arm and a leg for their shitty coffee, and partially because pretentious Bohemian fucks like to sit in there all day drinking said coffee while reading Nietszche, chatting on their cell phones and writing plays that will never get produced. Plus, they all stare at me in my kilt.
Anyway, I was standing in line, admiring the badonkadonk ass of the size 18 “Vampira” goth chick in front of me, when all of a sudden, I heard a voice from beyond the grave:
“How difficult is it to get a godforsaken cup of coffee the way I ordered it, you ignorant cow?!! I said two—TWO—sugars. That means two teaspoons of sugar, not two bags of sugar. Do it again!” There followed the unmistakable sound of a cup of coffee being violently hurled, followed by a shriek from the counter girl.
I craned my neck around the woman in front of me, straining to see who could be the source of such a venomous diatribe. A man stood at the counter, all but hidden behind the several other patrons of the coffee shop that had arrived before me. I could only see the back of his head, but upon that head sat a very familiar bowler hat.
Surely, it couldn’t be!
I watched him for several minutes, watched as the hapless Starbuck’s counter girl was forced to make and re-make his coffee while enduring insults to her intelligence, body type, gender and breeding, until she could take it no longer. She fled, crying, with discarded coffee flowing from her apron and hair like rain. A new member of the counter staff fearfully made the customer a new cup to his specifications. At long last the customer took a sip of his coffee and did not return it as a projectile.
“Better,” he said. Then he turned around, and our eyes met.
“Ah, Piper,” said Dr. Murk, for it was unmistakably he, “How’s it hangin’, brother?”
“Murk!” I exclaimed.
“Keep it down, you insufferable poltroon. Can’t you see I’m trying to maintain a low profile?”
Murk wore a white T-shirt with the words “HERE'S THE BEEF” printed upon it in block letters. A large arrow pointed downward, indicating “The Beef” was located in his shorts, which were festooned with a garish Hawaiian print. A pair of orange crocs and argyle knee socks completed his outfit.
“But…you’re dead!” I said.
Murk didn’t bother to dignify my statement with a response. He brought his coffee cup to his nose and inhaled deeply. “Fresh-brewed java. It arouses me like nothing else, save the jasmine scent of my wife’s hair.”
“Is she here?” I looked around fearfully.
“Thankfully, no," Murk replied. "Christ, but that bitch gets on my nerves sometimes. Now, come, let’s sit down before you embarrass yourself further. Over here should suffice.”
We moved go to a nearby high table, where moments before a skinny, bespectacled über-geek sat typing on a small laptop. The laptop was still there, but its owner had stepped outside, where he was loudly chatting on a cell phone, hoping others would notice how important he was. Murk reached out and gave the laptop a shove. It shattered on the floor with a resounding crash. He sat down and watched me awkwardly mount the tall chair in my kilt, an expression of wry amusement on his face.
“You have to tell me what happened,” I whispered harshly. “Everyone thinks you’re dead!”
“Stop whispering harshly,” said Murk. “We’re in a Starbuck’s. Everyone in here is busy trying desperately to be more tragically hip than everyone else. There’s enough Emo angst floating around in this pathetic commercial shitpile to cover whatever we say, even if our conversation were audible above this horrendous Norah Jones CD.”
“Fine. What happened?”
Dr. Murk tore open a packet of “Sugar in the Raw” and poured it into his mouth. He sucked the sugar for several seconds before answering me.
“All right, Piper, it was like this: after the ambush at the WoW, I realized the bullet that was meant for me hit Cyrus instead. When he went down, I knew I was going to be blamed for it, so I fled and went underground. I knew I would be safe if I could just make it back to Coney.”
My eyes narrowed. Murk continued: “It was rough going for a while, even with Swan as War Chief after Cleon got aced; first Ajax got pinched, then The Lizzies almost took my nuts off, then I had to hide from the Turnbull ACs—and all the while, the lights of the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island were like a beacon promising salvation, if only I could get there—“
“For fuck’s sake!” I blurted. “That’s The Warriors, Murk!”
“The what, now?”
“The Warriors. You know, ‘Warriors, come out to playeee’. The fucking Warriors, Murk— a classic gang film from 1979!”
“Never heard of it. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. All you need to know is that I decided to lay low for a while. Closed up the palatial estate, signed the S. S. Murk-errific over to that costumed fool the Angry Veteran, dismissed the Barrys; gave up all the trappings of wealth.”
“What about Mrs. Dr. Murk?” I asked.“You mean you abandoned her, too?
“Hell, no. Her I kept. I mean, the things she does to me in bed are absolutely incredible.”
“That’s great, Murk,” I said, hoping not to hear more.
“Her carnal skills and sexual appetites are legendary.”
“Swell,” I said.
“She does this thing with some rubber tubing and a yak pelt that’s just—“
“Yeah, ok. I get it.”
“And when she puts on the SCUBA gear—“
“Christ, Murk! I said I get it! Spare me the sordid tales of your sexcapades!”
Murk poured more sugar into his mouth, sucking noisily. He stared at me in silence.
“My dick is bigger than yours, you know,” he said at last.
I sighed. “So, how long is this “laying low” bullshit going to go on?”
“Until I’m ready to return. Speaking of which, here comes our table’s previous occupant.”
Our ponytailed predecessor came over to the table, took one look at his destroyed computer and screamed. “My laptop!” he wailed. “What the hell did you do to it?”
“It fell,” replied Murk. “Sorry about that.”
“You assholes! All my work is ruined! My novel is destroyed!”
“Let me guess,” said Murk, “you come here to this public venue to toil away on your “novel”, because there are too many distractions in your parents’ basement, where you live.”
“How did you—“
“It’s a work-in-progress of “erotic horror”, in which vampire women, bondage and nuns feature prominently; no doubt the same puerile fantasies that fuel the frantic masturbatory urgings of your flaccid member while you sit upon your toilet, dreading the inevitable jiggle of the doorknob that heralds your mother’s untimely entrance into the bathroom.”
“You can’t know—“
“Oh, please,” Murk continued. “I can see your pathetic life laid out like a road map. You’ve seen Star Wars more than thirty times. Your favorite “author” is Anne Rice. You bought prosthetic fangs, but stopped wearing them because you once bit through your lip by accident. You own at least one replica sword and at least one pair of leather pants. And I would say it’s been no more than six hours since your last foray into the World of Warcraft, where your online girlfriend (at least you hope it’s a girl) meets you every night for awkward and frequently-misspelled cybersex.”
The man’s lip quivered. He burst into loud, wracking sobs and ran out of the store, leaving the remnants of his laptop behind.
Murk smiled. “Looks like it’s turning out to be a good day after all. As for me, don’t worry, Piper. I’ll be around. I am forever the gadfly, the mosquito in your tent that you just can’t kill. I am Prometheus; I brought fire to the losers over at the WoW, and now my liver is torn out daily by vultures, only to regenerate before the next dawn.”
“I don’t think that last analogy really works well," I said.
“Silence!” said Murk. “Where would the WoW be without me? I provoke responses; I urge people to action. Like so.”
Murk reached over the table and emptied his still-very-hot coffee into my lap. I screamed in pain and leapt up from the table. “What the fuck?!!”
“See? I wanted you gone, and now you have vacated your chair.”
“Jesus, this hurts!”
“Yes, I imagine so. Well, I must be running along. Don’t tell anyone I’m alive, now. It’d ruin the surprise.”
I told him I wouldn’t.
Is there help for self help books?
So...I have been reading the book, "The Secret". If anyone has seen lately, "The Secret" recently came under fire for it's apparent lack of respect and supposed twisting of information.
Quite frankly, I think people get what they get from it. I certainly didn't get any ideas to have any disrespect. But then, that is me. What about the rest of the world?
So my husband and I got on the topic of self-help books. His bitch is that a majority of self-help books out there are merely designed to only help one person; the author. He feels that basically the advice given is designed to make people think they are getting some useful information but in the end, it's only filling up the pocket book of the author. Case in point: diet fads.
On the other hand, I have read quite a few self-help books and found them to be VERY useful tools. Well...allow me to re-phrase that. I've read quite a few spiritual books that were in the self-help section of the book store, and found them to be very useful. My case and point: ANYTHING FROM THE DALHI LAMA!
So yesterday, I got the idea that perhaps the reason why self-help books aren't helping is because people have a misconception of how to help themselves or how to receive the help they may need to improve themselves and/or their lives. And then I thought, "Hey! I could write a self-help book!"
Judging from my husband's response.......I'd quickly fall into the family of thieves that he portrays those authors to be.
What do guys think about self-help books? Do they work? Or are they crap?
There's a really good story over at my blog.
I hate to plug, but any of you who are spiritual people, no matter what religion or deity you follow, should read The Tale of Jerry.
This is not a plug to drive up traffic. I'm not about that. I just want all of you to read it, consider it, and maybe comment on it.
Why didn't I just post it here? It's very long for one and I know already that it would be burried and forgotten in two ours. That's the only criticism I have of the WoW. I wish it had a better articles list. It's great that everyone posts, but it's soooo tough to keep up with the changes! LOL!
Christopher
Religious intolerance breeds hatred
Look....I'm not one to sit and preach about religion nor to protest religion. I'm not a holy roller or an uber devout anything. Being fanatical about anything scares me.
So then....imagine what happened when I watched Jesus Camp last night? For the first time in awhile, I was left with the sensation of wanting to puke violently. As I watched this movie, featuring three children, I began to increasingly feel bile crawl from my belly and into my mouth. I was flabbergasted, floored and just utterly stunned by the lack of intelligence as well as lack of respect for all things sacred! It was like.....waiting for something WACO (TX) to happen.
And these poor kids......their eyes were cold, their demeanor was jumpy and mechanical......I have never seen anything like it.
Anyway.....For those who have not seen the movie, let me break it down for you....via Wiki.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jesus Camp is a documentary about the "Kids On Fire School of Ministry," a charismatic Christian summer camp located just outside Devils Lake, North Dakota and run by Becky Fischer and her ministry, Kids in Ministry International. The film focuses on three children who attended the camp in the summer of 2005--Levi, Rachael, and Tory (Victoria). The film cuts between footage of the camp and a children's prayer conference held just prior to the camp at Christ Triumphant Church, a large charismatic church in Lee's Summit, Missouri; a suburb of Kansas City.
All three children, despite their youth, are very devout charismatic Christians. Levi, who has ambitions of being a pastor, has already preached several sermons at his father's church, Rock of Ages Church in St. Robert, Missouri. He is homeschooled (as are many of the campers), and learns physical science from a book that attempts to reconcile the creationist account with scientific principles. He is also taught that global warming is a non-issue and that it is political propaganda. At the camp, he preaches a sermon in which he declares that his generation is key to Jesus's coming back. Rachael, who also attends Levi's church (her father is assistant pastor), is seen praying over a bowling ball early in the film, and frequently passes Christian tracts (including some by Jack Chick) to people she meets. She doesn't think very highly of non-charismatic churches (or "dead churches," as she calls them), feeling they aren't "churches that God likes to go to." Tory is a member of the children's praise dance team at Christ Triumphant Church. She frequently dances to Christian heavy metal music, and feels uncomfortable about "dancing for the flesh." She also doesn't think very highly of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.
At the camp, Fischer stresses the need for children to purify themselves in order to be part of the "army of God." She strongly believes that children need to be in the forefront of turning America toward conservative Christian values. She also feels that Christians need to focus on training kids since "the enemy" are focused on training theirs.
Becky Fischer, directer of the Kids On Fire School of Ministry
In one scene shot at Christ Triumphant Church, Lou Engle, the chief "prophet" (a term not used in the film) for Harvest International Ministries (the "apostolic network" with which both the church and Fischer's ministry are affiliated--an affiliation not advertised in the film) and founder of the Justice House of Prayer, preaches a message urging children to join the fight to end abortion in America. He prays for George W. Bush to have the strength to appoint "righteous judges" who will overturn Roe v. Wade. By the end of the sermon, the children are chanting, "Righteous judges! Righteous judges!" In another, a woman brings a life-sized cutout of Bush to the front of the church, and has the children stretch their hands toward him. Some media reports misinterpreted this as "worshipping" the president, but the children were actually "praying over him." Indeed, the woman clearly says to "pray for" and "speak a blessing to" Bush. Stretching hands toward someone is a derivative of laying hands on someone, which is a very common practice in Pentecostal and charismatic churches.
There is also a scene at New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado, where Levi and his family go on vacation to hear its renowned pastor, Ted Haggard (who has a Monday morning call with President Bush every week). Less than two months after the release of the film, Haggard became embroiled in a high-profile scandal involving, among other things, homosexual prostitution. Afterward, Levi, Rachael and their families take part in a Justice House of Prayer rally held by Engle in front of the U.S. Supreme Court.
Additionally, there is a debate between Fischer and Mike Papantonio (an attorney and a radio talk-show host for Air America Radio's Ring of Fire).
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
First off, these kids are being severly brainwashed. I am TOTALLY apposed to anyone who brainwashes children. It's one thing to lead a child to Jesus (or any religion/faith) but they aren't leading the lamb into the field of the shepherd here. They're using Jesus' name to create a sadistic world with their political and religious motives fully vested into the minds of children.....little children.
Can you imagine training (militantly) children to go up to strangers and ask them if they know where they are going when they die? Yes...a little girl did this and then accused the folks of being Muslim......without even asking them what they were or what their beliefs were. She just assumed. WTF?!?!?!
Folks, you need to be aware that there are some severe fundamentalists out there who want to remove your right to the freedom of religion as well as your freedom of choice. Be very cautious of this and DO NOT LET IT IN TO OUR POLITICAL SYSTEM! Separation of church and state must remain. Morals are important but thrusting religious motivations is not. Just ask Jesus.
Posting this all over.
I am Malach and this will be a new t-shirt in about 20 minutes
Who is Dr. Romurc?
A man claiming to be my dead brother attacked Malach verbally on his guiliani post. I am reposting those comments here (malach was too busy). I need your opinions. You've all read his stuff... is this possible?
The copy past thingy didn't leave line breaks so, if this is too tough to read, just go to the original post.
Okay, smart ass. Pick a candidate. You never have and never will because all you do is bitch about social services being cut.Fine. The government is NOT being responsible with our social security, our tax and our medicare money.You blame and blame and blame, but you only go after high profile, conservative tardets with this. The ENTIRE government cares very little about people in difficult situations...Democrats, Republicans. Look that the cars they drive, their houses, their paid vacations, their salaries.Why do you think they constantly go at each other like rabid dogs with these slander stories (both parties guilty)?They are distracting you. Both parties agree to fight in public so we will blame the leaders and not notice the lobbyists, senators, representatives, judges, cabinet members, campaign managers ALL spending OUR tax money on themselves.The leaders get paid the big bucks to be hated distracto-bots so that no one wonders where billion dollar budget money actually goes to:The jerks on both sides of the aisle line their pockets and laugh at us.
Dr. Romurc further states:And I laugh at you too. Come get me. I hear you now know where to look?Come get me and I'll fucking beat you and your new bitch boy pal senseless, you fucking weak minded, self promoting dork!In fact, you put everyone down. Why have so many people stopped posting here? You.Your posts are ling, self congratulatory puke and you think you know everything about everything and tell everyone what to do!When I was here, that was my job and people came in DROVES to read me bitch slap fuckos like you and SpaceFarmer/Flakpant and Idiot Veteran. I always did like hojo, though and had a secret crush on Toyi, just me, Tainted Love and every other female that had the balls to stand up to me.Am I dead? Fuck you and fuck no. You had access to all my sites and blogs, tried desperately to kill me with your fake martial arts during that hoaxed podcast you set up (which I have and am going to release to PROVE you were behind this whole thing Malach). You even turned my little brother Chris against me and dragged his innocent soul into your sordid games.But I'm still alive bitch, and I serve up revenge very cold and play my hand very slowly...You'll pay and you know it. I just want you to live in fear of my vengeance for a year or so. When I come back, you'll see.YOU'LL ALL FUCKING SEE!!!In fact, repost this comment as a warning to all under the heading "Who is Dr. Romurc?"
I need to know. If he's alive, Malach and I are in trouble. They guy had Chewbacca in the picture we got!!! I didn't buy it at first, but...
15 year old kid performs surgery
And he doesn't even have a degree or a permit!
His parents made him do it despite the fact that they are both docters.
This is what happens when parents want their children to over perform.
Read the whole story there
http://in.news.yahoo.com/070621/210/6h822.html
I'm sure our young Doogie Howser's parents won't be smiling for long.
Hump Day Joke...
The man replied,"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
Green party for 2008?
I have been spending some time researching the politicians running for the 2008 presidency.
Oh soooo very......Scary. What this nation has to offer in the political arena is hideous and there are some serious fucking freaks out there. I was becoming hesitant to vote at all....but then I found this one person who's from the Green Party.
Kent Mesplay.
He has some fairly decent ideas on how to approach some of the nations biggest topics. Being that I lean toward "TREE HUGGER" and walk around bare-footed all day......his green ideas seem to be economically responsible as well as environmentally sound. Also being that I like some of the ideas that socialist economies (such as France) implore, the idea of creating a united health care system where all Americans are responsible for, is probably a very good means to reform our nations outrageous medical system....something that he also promotes.
Anyway...I thought I'd put this out there for other's to view and get your opinion on......
Oh...and then there was this sweet find.......
Extremists scare me.
Is Dr. Murk truly dead?
There has been speculation . .
The 10 Commandments of Driving
Thouest shall not raiseth Middle Finger . . .
The Vatican has just released a document called the Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road, also known as the 10 Commandments of driving. I list for you below.
1. You shall not kill.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
10. Feel responsible toward others.
They also suggest doing things like reciting the rosary while you drive. I don't know about you, but I would find that VERY distracting.
I am Malach and commandment number 11 is: Keep your windsheild clean, or the Angry Piper will clean it for you.
Enter the Dragon
Me Piper
Kick talk time
For those who walk a white black line
The man stands erect,
Like a Penis Engish Teacher
And demands the answer he made for himself.
Do the strings hold him?
Is the windshield clean?
Let him clean it
for you,
My dear.
Let the sweet sax whisper in your ear.
You're already too close to get near.
Have some carrorts,
Octopusface!
A laugh filled with fear,
But is it me or he that is afraid of the other?
Well, let's just find out,
and show me the other side of the kilt Brother!
There's a light...
And someone is still awake.
Dear Malach...
Mal, my old friend, you and I have known each other a long time in every way but the Biblical sense. You are truly one of my best friends. And as such, I feel I can speak to you in a direct and no-nonsense manner that will efficiently convey my feelings to you with no dissembling whatsoever.
I hate your irritating habit of adding music to webpages. I fucking hate it. And every time I visit a fucking web page awash with the fetid stench your music-blasting spoor, I begin to hate you.
Yes, I know it is a small matter to simply hit the stop button on my browser to cease your embedded music files from polluting my ears, but in some cases it is not enough.
For example-- Take the post below me: one of your witty YouTube findings you wish to share with us. Jesus Christ: the Musical. At first glance, it would seem to be something funny,as blasphemy is always funny. Well, maybe not to Toyi, but to the rest of us it is. So I clicked it. And while it loaded, I found myself not laughing, but gritting my teeth in rage as I could not determine whether Jesus was dancing and singing to Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" or Led Zeppelin's "Ramble On", as both were playing at the same fucking time.
So, I did what anyone who was annoyed would do. I swore. Then I clicked my stop button, but the Son of Man continued to cavort and prance to a maddening mishmash of musical merde, a Zeppelin/Gaynor cacophony which they must surely play in the 9th circle of Hell. If the demon sultan Azathoth writhes blindly to the horrid music of the spheres, that's the stuff he has on his IPod.
By now I was beyond pissed off. I was ignoring Christ's revelry, desperately clicking my stop button, to no avail. And then I found the source of the music, this post of yours. Why, Malach, do you subject us all to your (admittedly varied and unique) taste in music? Make it interactive. As in those people who want to listen can click on it. Don't make us all listen to it, especially when there's much better content available, like Jesus Christ: the Musical. Which I found hilarious, once I realized he was singing "I Will Survive."
Don't make me kill you.
Some Random Shizzknuckles
First and Foremost.
Happy Father's Day to all the WoWees with little rugrats, but especially the Angry Piper and his 75 illegitimates. Illegit, Illegit to quit!
I though some of you might find this entertaining.
And a Plug.
I finally got the new Wraith (4.6) finished and loaded, and promptly put it on hiatus. For mor information on that see my blog about it.
I am Malach and I will survive.
Toyita's Whisper
Toyita's Whisper
I saw it.
It was a blood red moon.
The stars perched around it
as God had asked them to.
Nothing moved.
But then...
A wind stirred the leaves
On the ground,
And I heard HIS Voice!
So I was reading the Bible at work the other day . .
And I realized I went about this marriage thing all wrong.
Deuteronomy 21:11- 13: 11 And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife; 12 Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; 13 And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.
So now my question is should I get a annulment and do it right?
I am Malach and I read the Bible
For TL
She caught the foul breath
of fancy fake romannce,
Like Cake with butter cream icing
filled with curds and whey.
Suddenly the Ringmaster
burned her face
Her mask had melted
into form true.
The Disk Jockey Rocks Run DMC
The geek pole turns the turn tables
And She Dances until she's the only one they
notice as her dress becomes less
and less.
The lights pop, drop and fade to deep blue.
Mother Ocean has arrived.
An interesting little resource
Malach is good at finding these things.
And as we all know, Malach found Feedburner 3 years ago, and now Google gone an bought it. Well jump on this bandwagon while it's small. If you go over to Malach's MySpace, you hear some music. Now if you refresh the screen you hear a different tune . . .
Scroll down Malach's MySpace to just before the comments, and under the Zazzle Panel. You see a interactive player, that has music picked out by Malach, and yes all the buttons work. This is provider by Project Playlist. Basically they give you unlimited 100 song playlists for free, and then give you the code to post them where ever you would like.
Now here's the kicker, unlike other services that do this, they don't make you load up your own music, they search the web and find the music you are looking for, and as you can tell by my playlist they can find some obscure music. Here's a typical search. Now, you get a ton of listings, the more popular the artist, the more listings. Each listing allows you to play the song to see if it is still functioning, and then load it onto your playlist with a couple of clicks.
Thanks to Malach's wife for finding this and pointing it out. And while you on Malach's playlist check out the Danger Mouse version of Jay-Z's 99 Problems mashed up with The Beatles Helter Skelter.
And guess, what I just found out you can load the fugger on Blogger.
I am Malach and I got 99 problems and a bitch is one
Me, me...me
Okay here a picture of me, just ideal to post here at the wow, it was taken the day of my Bellydancing performance.
BE PREPARED!!!!!!!!
A Poem Again
Mons
In the earth it feels warm.
It is dark like the heavy blankets we use in winter.
When the ugly realization comes
That we are underground,
But not dead,
We crack.
Dig if you can.
Dig quickly and fearlessly.
You will remain in the earth.
And all of these things we cannot change.
for AV
Quote of the Month
"A sane man obeys the moment.
An insane man marks the moment and moves on."
Peter Hambur
Hump Day Jokes ...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ever wonder why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?
~Hump Day Love for All~
My Performance
Hey, I just wanted to share with you. I always loved Middle East dances, and I had sort of selftaught for a while because I just love it very much.
I had the chance to sign up for a bellydancing class on Spring so today I will be Performing on the finalization of the class period.
So I had to get my Bellydancer custome lol My mother made it for me.
So wish me luck lol
A Poem
Eagles
A Symbol of a World
Terrible
And cold hangs still
In a ring of trees.
White Lilies Red Roses Blue Sky
Surrounded by Green:
The color first used
To make Our Boys invisible.
And then enters a girl
Lost because of a War.
She finds herself here in the Circle of Glory.
Her Faith, Hope, and Charity running low,
She slows and becomes a perfect statue.
for RKD
The truth is.....
I've decided to be a political cunt. I have a few short words for everyone's consideration....
"The first truth is that the liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to a point where it becomes stronger than their democratic state itself. That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or by any other controlling private power."
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
AN EXAMPLE: The oil industry has their hands and billions of dollars tied into every country for it's best interest of earning more money. Our own President's main interest is in oil and the money it produces into his accounts. Right before our very eyes is a private company who has it's hand in everything and we're less of a democratic nation for it. If you don't believe in the oil industry's power to influence leaders, look at Sudan. We must take down the private industries who pride themselves in running countries for the sake of their financial betterment. They have no right to determine how any goverment should be ran when they have no real interest in any country's people or it's environment.
VOTE AGAINST FACISM IN AMERICA.
I am "just me" and I promote the ending of facism in America. I approve this message!
Blease!
Wait, I meant please. Sorry to double post, but there's a very important announcement. Please read as it concerns you all. Okay, it is on my blog but it is an exlusive (for now) until word spreads.
What's The Wow Buzzing About Now?
Tropical islands with land mines. That's right! The Angry Veteran has a new cause. Remember all those islands the damn goldfish tending, sandal wearing, emperor woshiping stable boy murderers made us die for in W W Two? Well, 'accidentally', some right wing high school dropouts left a whole bunch of land mines behind and it's ruining the AV's vacation, what with all the flesh and blood splattering in his highball.
So, I urge you as fellow Wowzers to put your bucket where your leak is and write to your duly appointed representative and bitch a blue streak. None of us wants an eyeball daquari. That is all.
Chris
Obsession
As many of you know, I entered the world of straight razor shaving about two months ago. You can read about it on my blog, if you're so inclined. But what began as an interest has now become an obsession.
The top razor is my Dovo, my current shaving razor. The bottom three are my latest acquisitions. The first is a Wade & Butcher 6/8” spike point, which I found at a yard sale for $5.00, cleaned up with Maas metal polish, and plan on honing to perfection as soon as I get a stone. It’s pretty sharp already, but not ready to caress my cheek just yet. Plus, it needs to be sanitized. I imagine this will tell me how it feels to shave with an axe.
The next one down is another Wade & Butcher, the same size as my Dovo, 5/8”. This one cost me $20.00 at a local antiques shop. The blade needs to be polished, obviously, and although it’s sharp, the jeweler’s loupe I bought (yes, I bought a jeweler’s loupe for exactly this reason) reveals it to have a few nicks in the blade that will have to be ground out on the stone before it gets anywhere near my face. Good thing I'm buying my honing stone tomorrow.
Last but not least, I bought the bottom one at another antiques shop for $35.00. It’s from the HMC Cutlery Company of New Bedford, Massachusetts, which is pretty local to me. Despite this, I never heard of HMC Cutlery, so before I bought the razor I took my question to the forums. I was told HMC razors hone up real nice and are good shavers, but not much is known about the company. This razor dates from the 1940’s or so. Because of the local collectibility, I felt like I should buy it. It’s thinner than my Dovo, probably ½” or 3/8”, so shaving with it is going to be precise.
Shaving now takes me half an hour to 45 minutes, as opposed to when I could do a lap on my face with the Mach 3 in about one-tenth the time. It’s quite relaxing. But for the occasions when I just don’t have the time for a proper straight razor shave, I bought these babies. The first is a Vintage Gem Single Edge. It shaves ok. The second is a Gillette Doube-Edge. I shaved with it this morning, and it shaves so smooth I couldn't feel the friction on my face. Which is kinda scary, actually, when you think about it.
Tomorrow I get my Norton 4000/8000 grit stone, after which I plan on honing my straights to vorpal-weapon sharpness.
More Secret Films of WoWees
More of the Angry Piper and Hobbs von Wackamole
Many of you know, after the Piper and Hobbs ended there 15 year homoerotic relationship, they became sworn enemies. Well the other night, they met in secret to see who was the most powerful. Malach snuck in and took this film of their titanic meeting.
I am Malach and that looked painful
Why I Live in New England
Don’t think The Angry Piper can cook? Well, you’re wrong. I’m about to bust out one of my all-time favorite recipes for summer. I made it last night, in fact.
We’re spoiled here in New England. We have the best seafood in the country, hands-down. Sure—you folks in the Pacific Northwest have your geoducks, your Alaskan king crab and your salmon. You folks on the Gulf Coast have your grouper, shrimp and crawfish. Doesn’t matter. New England is the place to be if you want really great seafood. Our fish form the elite snobbery of the culinary world.
You still arguing? Two words for you, snapperhead: “Maine Lobster”. Bam!
Now, I’m really spoiled, because not only do I live in New England, I happen to live next to the biggest commercial fishing port in the United States. Growing up, I was half-jokingly referred to as “The Seagull” by my father; because like my namesake, I would descend upon any tasty seafood and devour it noisily, as well as aggressively defend my prize against any and all who would seek to share. (Of course, seagulls will eat pretty much anything, so it wasn’t really a flattering or cool name, but whatever.) In fact, there are only two things in the entire ocean I do not care for: octopus and oysters. Octopus is a popular dish in the mostly Portuguese community where I live; yet despite having eaten it many different ways I just can’t like it. It’s a texture thing. Oysters, to me, taste and look and feel like snot. I had my first oyster in an outdoor café in Paris, while gazing at the Eiffel Tower at night. It was a Hemingway moment—until I gagged and hawked that vile oyster onto the sidewalk, much to the disgust and chagrin of the (predominantly French) café patrons.
But on to the recipe, which requires another kind of shellfish: the lowly mussel.
I love mussels. They’re plentiful year-round, cheap as hell, and quick and easy to cook. And they taste awesome, especially if you follow the recipe below. I know about 10 different ways to make mussels, but this recipe is my favorite.
Start with two lbs. of mussels. Although that sounds like a lot, remember most of the mussels’ weight is in their shells, which you don’t eat. I prefer Prince Edward Island mussels, if available, because they’re smaller and more flavorful, but any mussels will do. The mussels should smell faintly of the ocean. Don’t be a choad and buy mussels that are dry and stink like the docks at low tide.
As any of you who have read my blog know, The Angry Piper hates facial hair, and mussels are no exception. Clean and de-beard the mussels by scrubbing their shells with a stiff brush. Then THROW AWAY any mussels that don’t close when you smack the shells with the back of a knife; these are dead. There are many things you don’t want to get in this life, and trust me, shellfish poisoning is high on the list. Unless, of course, you enjoy uncontrollable vomiting and shitting. Then, by all means, cook and eat the dead ones.
Next, melt half a stick of butter in a stock pot or deep saucepan that’s large enough to accommodate all your mussels. Sauté at least 6 cloves of freshly-chopped garlic (I use more), until it’s soft. Next, add 1 cup of cherry tomatoes, sliced in half, and one bell pepper, also finely sliced, and cook for 2 minutes or so. Add 1 tsp. of garlic powder, 1 tsp. of dried red pepper flakes, and 1 Tbsp. of pepper juice (skim the top liquid of a jar of crushed red pepper). Stir well, and cook until the pan is very hot (about 1-2 minutes).
Next, add your mussels and give them a good stir to coat them with the sauce. Cover and simmer for about 3-4 minutes, until the shells open. Then add ½ cup or so of good white wine—don’t be a loser and use shitty supermarket cooking wine or your mussels will taste like it. Make sure you wait until the shells open so the mussels best take the flavor of the wine. Stir them again and cover, cooking them for another 2 minutes or so until they’re falling out of their shells.
To serve: ladle a generous portion into a bowl and cover with the sauce. Throw out any mussels that didn’t open (see “uncontrollable vomiting and shitting”, above). Serve with crusty bread to mop up all the juices, and compliment the meal with a bottle of the cold, white wine of your choice (I prefer Sauvignon Blanc) or a light beer (like Corona). I’ve been known to put away 2 lbs. of mussels (and a couple of bottles of wine) by myself, so if you have a lot of guests, increase the recipe.
I make this about once a week in the summer. It would be a great dish to make for an outdoor get-together at Dr. Murk’s palatial estate.
Too bad he’s dead.
Yes Jesus love me - AND YOU
JesusMan is sooooo way cool. Just ask Malach how cool he is.
But yesterday, my husband stumbled upon something that I'm not sure Malach even owns....
Inspirational Jesus Sports Figurines :)
There are a few pages that you can choose from, a nice wide range from baseball (AND ballet) all the way down to tennis, and they're nicely priced for giving. *inserts super big cheez-grin here*
Now, in case you were wondering where the hell my husband found this really awesome link, I'll tell you. He found it at Richard Fortus' site under links where you can also find out what kind of David Bowie you are.
Cheers!
Go Green MuthaFuggers!
Compact Flurescent Lights.
Since April, Malach has been gradually replacing all the lights in his home, with compact flourescent lights, both the spiral kind and the globe kind. Yes, they are way more expensive that regular light bulbs, but Wal-Mart has a pretty good deal on them. Three packs for $8 - 9, plus they have a 5 year warranty, and claim to save you up to $40 a year a bulb in costs, in addition reducing your home pollution signature. At this point I have all but 6 lights replaced, the issue I am have with the ones not replaced in finding bulbs that fit inside the fixture.
So, now I can compare my electricy expenditures. Comparing April of '06 to April of '07 there is a difference of 72KWH and May of '06 to May of '07 a differnce of 44 KWH. So for the period of April-May from past 2 years I have saved 116KWH. That is a saving's of almost $14 for that 2 month period. That extrapolated out over the year is almost $84. Now, this is only a 2 month period and I do have some caveats to this. First I live in New England, and my heat expends more electricity than it does gas, so in early spring, I might be using more heat (Example my entire winter of gas expenses was only $720, but my electricity was close to $1300, and yes NStar is a bit over priced, but there is no other option) which is the main difference between April of last year and April of '07. I also have central air, which I rarely use so my electricty somtimes goes up in August. My house has also recently had the windows, roof, siding, and insulation done (2005). Finally, I have been slowly buying the bulbs, basically 1 package per week, so at this point in June, my light bulb project is 95% complete, where in April and May it was anywhere from 0 to 90% complete. I will keep you updated on how this goes, but so far, so good.
Some Plugs.
First, after a ton of requests, and broken links in various softball forums, I have reposted Malach's Slow Pitch Softball Primer here at Third Option Media (TOM). It is located here. I am in the process of redesigning TOM, so there will be a live link there sooner or later.
Also Malach has a new Zazzle Store. He will be putting together some Wand of Wonder products also. In addition you might not be able to see all of Malach products as some are rated PG13 and R and you must register and verify your age to see them.
I am Malach and the Angry Piper is sexy in a lace kilt.
Hump Day Jokes...
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings. It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her "you have the nicest breasts". She says "thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you". He replies "I would pay you $10 just to see one of them". She thinks for a minute and decides to do it. He says "Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw....I will give you another $10 if you show me both at the same time". She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
For Toyi ...with love:
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
~hump day love~
STUPID CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you have any idea of what time is it right now??? is quarter to 2am, the animal control patrol just left. A "STUPID CAT" got in the house somehow, all I know is that I found it inside my bedroom laying on my bed, I came back from my church;I turned on the light and the cat jumped under my bed... at the begining I tried to pull it out myself but then I just shut the door and left it in until the rest of my family arrived, soooo we called animal control, by the time they got here the "STUPID CAT" had pooo and pee inside and left my room stinky as hell. STUPID CAT lol gave me a new load of work for tomorrow, now I will have to spend at least half of day washing my blankets and moving out my furniture to get reid of that awful smell and worst.. I will have to sleep in the cauch. (At least the floor wasn't carpeted at some point will be easier to clean I guess).
STUPID CATS!!!!!
I have seen that cat outside the house all the time but we could never figure out who the owner was (still we have no clue) but the Animal Control Patrol said they will keep the cat for 7 days otherwise they will give it in adoption.
Please support Amnesty International in helping the Darfur Region
John Lennon Cover "Working Class Hero" performed by Green Day.
Profits from the album "Instant Karma" go to Amnesty International for support efforts in the Darfur region. Please support the efforts in ridding this region of it's genocide.
Namaste
Another post for the Piper
I am Malach and I am shocked the Piper has never seen Liquid Sky. When you finally do, make sure you have plenty of hallucinogens available.
Spammer is arrested
Who-hoo!! Stupid (but smart) spammer who allegedly lived a lavish life-style and was stealing websites, money and identities was arrested yesterday!!
Robert Alan Soloway is accused of using networks of compromised "zombie" computers to send out millions upon millions of spam e-mails.
"He's one of the top 10 spammers in the world," said Tim Cranton, a Microsoft Corp. lawyer who is senior director of the company's Worldwide Internet Safety Programs. "He's a huge problem for our customers. This is a very good day."
Click the title for the complete spammmer-ific story!
*does a happy dance*
Hump Day Jokes
~*~*~*~*~
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am." "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Blissful dreams, a Coke and a smile!
So.....I usually write about my personal crap on MY BLOG but today...I wanted to share some of my personal thoughts and stuff here.
Dreams
I had a dream about Jesus.....AGAIN. The first time was rather powerful and it freaked me out but it's been about three years since then. I wasn't really expecting to have another one let alone the first one.
When I spoke to my my mom about it last night, she said, "Well it says in the bible that we're suppose to do that so...."
What was I dreaming? Good question! I was dreaming that I was in a church and Toyi (I really don't know why her) was talking about "healing hands" or "The laying of hands" among the congregation and the group was electric with this debate. Then I heard a male voice behind me with such clarity that it I made a special note of it in my sleep, "....louder and clearer above all voices...." was my thinking. I listened to it as it told me that to heal him (not really sure who but I assumed my husband), I need to lay my hands upon his chest and pray to HIM.....pray to Jesus. Now, I recall trying to listen to what the other people were saying and then hearing Jesus say to me (still behind me), "Do you want me to stop?" Of course I replied, "NO". So He repeated Himself to me and then I turned to look upon the most beautiful face ever. But.....strangely....He had sky blue eyes.
So...why would I type something like this onto a very public blog? I want input!I want suggestions, ideas and I want to start a conversation about the mysteries that so many of us take for granted. I want to hear what your thoughts are. Let's hear it folks.....
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Coke
Today, I was blog surfing and found this person voicing their opinion on Coke turning their headquarters in Atlanta, GA into a more GREEN environment. By making the $3M investment to do so, they will save an annual amount of $1M/year. Talk about a quick investment return.
But what makes this story so much fun is where I found it. *giggles* I found it at TREEHUGGER.COM!!! Can you believe it?? THERE IS A TREEHUGGER.COM!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!
And a smile
For those who would like some ideas on how you can add more environmental friendly solutions into your life, you can visit this link at Tree Hugger!
This is a Sad Day in Angry Piper history . . .
Why?
Yesterday, one of the Angry Piper's biggest heroes, Charles Nelson Reilly died. His effeminate attitude and flamboyant dress, inspired Piper to be the person he is today. CNR taught the Piper that it was OK to be different, and OK to where women's clothing, back during his formative years watching The Match Game. This is to help Piper grieve.
I am Malach and The Angry Piper is a BLANK.
The Curse of Len Bias
The Celtics are Cursed.
I am totally convinced, with his dying breath, Len Bias cursed the Boston Celtics. Bias was supposed to be the savior of this franchise, a guy that would extened Larry Bird and Kevin McChale's career. A player that was compared with Micheal Jordan. Of course he died from a cocaine overdose 48 hours after being drafted in 1986. The year before they won their last Championship, one of 16 won over the course of 30 years.
After Bias's death, the Celtics competed for a few more years, winning divisions, but would never regain their glory. Then in 1993 Reggie Lewis suddenly passed away. And it all really started to go down hill. From 94 - 2001 they only made the playoffs once. And in the past 7 years, they went to the Conference finals, but got worse every year since then.
The Old Boston Garden, and all it's little leprechans are gone, we had to sit through the fiasco of the Rick Pitino years, the ML Carr years. In 1997, they had the best chance at winning the NBA's draft lottery. Their odds were augmented even further by a 1996 with Dallas in exchange for the Mavericks 1st round pick in 1997 which gave the Celtics a second lottery pick and more chances to win the coveted first pick. Additionally, one of the odds-on favorites to win the lottery would have been the Vancouver Grizzlies, a recent expansion team. The Grizzlies, however, were ineligible for the first overall pick as part of their terms of entering the league. Even with all the odds in their favor, the San Antonio Spurs won the lottery and selected Tim Duncan first overall in the 1997 NBA Draft, who would go on to lead his team to three championships.
And then some of the picks they traded, the old Celtics they never did this: Chauncey Billups, Joe Johnson, Ron Mercer, Kenny Anderson; imagine a Celtics teams with Johnson, Pierce, Jefferson, Billups, and Tim Duncan. I suppose were lucky Pierce is not dead after getting stabbed 11 times 2000, in which he came close to death.
And now this draft fiasco. . . .
I am Malach and Lucky is no longer lucky and a little adivce, watch for a brawl in tonight's Yankees/Sox game after another dirty play by A-Rod.
Hump Day Jokes
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself. She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Truth in Advertising
I have decided that since tomorrow is officially the first day of my summer vacation, I should stay up a little later than usual in some sort of celebratory gesture. I neglected, however, that Sunday night television sucks. After a short burst of Arrested Development (which I still hold to be the best show on television) I decided to find something to watch.
I've never seen the show Cheaters. I could tell from the first time I heard the title that it was a show about cheating and it was probably something that would not tickle my proverbial fancy. I flipped through the channels and I saw the last 30 seconds or so of Cheaters before a commercial break. I was right - the show is about infidelity and it doesn't interest me. The first commercial of the break, however, did.
Those crazy "CALL FOR PHONE SEX LOL" commercials are standard late night programming fare. They actually preceded television, and commercials for dirty phone calls could be heard after FDR's fireside chats in the 1940s. I was not surprised to see such a commercial in the rotation, seeing as how it is after midnight, which seems to be the official time to be in the mood to talk to hot singles in my area. I was very surprised to see a commercial like this come on after a show called Cheaters.
"Aha!" I yelled, pointing at the TV as the commercial began, "so that's how it works!" You see, the show Cheaters was created to oust, well, cheaters. To have a reality show that tracks cheaters, you have to have a couple in which one member is unfaithful. To be unfaithful, you must first be tempted. You see, I would be very surprised to find that the dirty phone sex people even had to pay for that advertising space. They're basically saying "Hey, want to talk to local singles and make an appearance on the show you were just watching?" The fine folks at Cheaters would be crazy to force people to pay to create potential cheaters. It's the most brilliant advertisement campaign I've ever seen!
Something to Kick Death's Ass
and something more
Malach saw both these bands together in 1992 and got his ass kicked in the pit. It was fun.
Just because Hojo loved it the same way I do "DEATH"
Oh wow alive they have pretty much the same quality they share in their recorded work, uhhmm only Chuck's voice is a little more lower in recording and higher alive I see, but I love the fact that he does all the masterpeaces of the band. uhh those fingers are very cool. eh eh The only bad thing is that alive he didn't play that delicious Classic guitar solo at the end of the song, but still cool.
Crystal Mountain - Symbolic
Lack of Comprehension
THis was one of the few videos from "Death" that played on MTV Headbangers.
Go, Go Jerry Go, Go, Go, Jerry Be Good!
Why Jerry Remy is the best color annoucer in the world.
This was in between yesterday's double headers. Remy and Don Orsillo announcing.
I am Malach and I am a RemDawg fanatic!
In Honor to one of the greatest Death Metal founders
Chuck Schuldiner
A cuty wasn't he? May 13, 67- Dec 13, 2001. He lead on of my favorite Death Metal bands. RIP.
Chump Day Joke (classics)
There once was a farmer. He was a dairy farmer and he loved his cows. Above all tho the other cows, he loved his Purple Cow the best.
One morning he awoke feeling upset and tired. he realized he had lost his love for his cows and it made him sad. He figured a vacation was just what he needed. So, he put an ad in the paper for a cow sitter. After many disappointing interviews, one promising young man seemed to stand out. He was fond of cows and seemed especially fond of the Purple Cow. The farmer hired him immediately and packed for his vacation.
Upon his return, he was eager to see all his cows again, especially his Purple Cow. As he crested the hill he saw his cows and the cow siter, but not his beloved Purple cow.
He asked the man. "Where is my Purple Cow?"
The man looked about confused and said, "Well, I'll be! She was right there just a minute ago and she must have gone off."
Sorry for the double post!
But I need to egt my blog going and I want y'all to respond so, here's a poem by yours truly also on my blog, just so you kno what going on there. You can also check the Hill TV Feed for updates. Enjoy:
We saw the lamppost and screamed.
“What news from the West,” it said,
“You’ll have no rest and your friends
Are all clotted cream.”
“Am I insane,”
Said he,
Said I..
“This door you have opened
Will never be closed.”
The image of the Hawk,
The Eagle,
The Wolf and other beasts unnamed.
What sense could it make?
It could sense not unmake,
And we were still awake.
What did it mean?
Oh, Lamppost fair!
Oh, Provider of light!
Oh, Sin upon Sin!
“We’ve entered too far to get in,”
Said I.
We embraced the embrace of the face.
Not a kiss, but with two hands on one face.
Two eyes at two eyes and the touch
Seemed improper but tempered with warmth.
“Is that you in there?” I called.
There was no response.
There was empty space
In the folds of skin massaged by rough palms,
It was the greatest mistake we had made.
So great was our fall that we undid time.
A lie.
I lied but unknowingly.
We opened a simple box
And found a field where
Dead men walk and chastise us.
Why the Light? Why?
Why not a coin or a tree to cut down?
Why not a sly flitter
Or a scent or a sound?
Why is a lamppost here?
And now the Angry Piper can die happy
They are making a sequel to his favorite movie.
And the WoW has an exclusive preview!
I am Malach, and your heart will go on.
In the beginning of the real ocean adventure
Speaking of being adrift on the open sea.....
We have whales in our port. Humpback Whales! They are suppose to be passing the San Francisco Bay as they head towards Alaska for the Summer but instead, smelt the horrific stench of a skunk that Angry Veteran had on the S.S. Whatever-the-hell-Murk-named-it and detoured toward my city. They swam 90 miles inland and are currently swimming circles in the Port of Sacramento.
Officials are urging folks to remain away from the water's edges due to sound disturbances confusing the mom and her calf more however, being that they are literally 5 miles from my house, I'm thinking of going to go see if I can get some pics.
For those who cannot wait, you can click this link for our local news station.
Adrift: A Tale of the WoW
The scene: an iceberg, roughly 50 ft, in diameter, adrift on a mostly calm ocean. Three women, one man, one man dressed like a woman and a huge insect are the iceberg’s current occupants.
Angry Piper (AP): Well, this sucks.
Just Me (JM): Sure does. How the hell did we get here, anyway?
Tainted-Love (TL): Beats me. One minute I was making a list of all the reasons I hate mustard, and the next: Poof! Here we are.
Toyita (T): Eet ees horrible. Nothing to see for miles and miles. Hold me, Senhor Piper.
AP: Sure, babe.
Malach (M): I’ll tell you why we’re here. It’s because we’re the only ones who post to the WoW anymore. Everyone else reads but rarely posts. (Speaking of reading, read Fat Bug.)
Dr. Mantodea (DM): How the fuck does that get us on an iceberg in the middle of nowhere?
M: Well, you see…the way I figure it, the iceberg is one of those metaphor things…
TL: Huh?
M: You know…the iceberg is the WoW. And we’re the only thing keeping it afloat. (Read Jesusman!)
DM: (Gestures towards the Angry Piper) You telling me that fat piece of shit is actually helping us stay above the water? Not likely, assbag.
M: You’re quite hostile.
DM: Fuck you. This is just about the worst day of my life, aside from the whole turning into a bug thing. Me, stuck on an iceberg with you five douche-nozzles. Maybe I should just drown myself.
AP: Sounds like a plan, bug-boy. Let me help.
JM: Wait, guys…don’t you think we should be trying to find a way off this iceberg, instead of getting into a dick-waving contest?
TL: Actually, I’d watch a dick-waving contest…
AP: At least I still have a dick. The bug has been sexless for years.
T: Let’s hold hands. I say we pray. God will help us.
DM: Congratulations, Toyi. You’ve just guaranteed you’ll be the first person I’m going to kill and eat.
M: I think we’re stuck here until more people post regularly.
AP: Then…uh…maybe we should start, you know…pairing off.
T: Pairing off?
AP: You know…finding mates. Three girls…three…uh…make that two guys and a freak of nature.
DM: Fuck you.
M: I can’t have sex with anyone else. My wife will absolutely kill me for even considering it.
DM: OK. Who wants me, then? I’m not fussy.
T: …
JM: …
TL: …
DM: That’s just great. Screw you all.
AP: You can’t blame them. What do they have to look forward to? Revolting sex that ends with you eating their heads. And did I fail to mention you have no dick?
DM: (To JM and TL) I hope you get Hepatitis and die. Piper has it, you know.
AP: I do not! You’re just pissed off because I get three hot ladies all to myself.
JM: Umm…actually… (looks at TL)
TL: We’re way more into each other.
AP: Figures. I guess it’s for the best. I can only disappoint one woman at a time.
T: And that woman ees me! Arrrrrriba!!!
M: I wish I could sit down, but my bum will stick to the ice.
DM: Serves you right for wearing those assless chaps. And you call me the freak of nature. Put some fucking pants on.
M: NEVER!
TL: Wait…is that a boat???
JM: Oh, my goddess! It IS!
T: Eet ees huge! Like the Piper’s manly parts!
DM: Oh, for fuck’s sake.
AP: Jealousy is an ugly thing, Mantis.
DM: So’s your mother.
M: It’s coming this way!
TL: Is that…
JM: Can it be???
M: It’s the S.S. Murk-errific!!!
DM: But Dr. Murk is dead…isn’t he?
A large harpoon thunks into the ice, dragging the iceberg towards the colossal ship. Suddenly, a brightly-colored figure appears over the rail of the boat, brandishing a star-spangled shield.
Angry Veteran (AV): Ahoy there!!!
M: It’s the Angry Veteran! We’re rescued!
DM: Thank Christ. This was already getting old.
JM: How did you get this swell boat, AV?
AV: Murk willed it to me. It’s mine now. I’d change the name to the S.S. Family Values, but it’s bad luck to change the name of a boat.
TL: With Murk dead, guess you’re out of a job, huh?
AV: Not exactly…
DM: Fascinating. Can we get the fuck out of here now?
AV: Sure. Climb aboard, all.
They all scramble up the ladder. The Angry Piper is last. Some might think this is for chivalry’s sake, but in truth he was hoping to see up the girls’ skirts. Instead, he comes face-to-face with the Angry Veteran at the top of the ladder.
AV: Sorry. Boat’s full.
AP: What? Stop screwing around. It’s a huge boat.
AV: Right. You can’t come on. Murk wouldn’t have wanted it.
AP: Murk’s dead. Now let me on!
AV: No. Besides, I work for someone else now, and he doesn’t want you aboard either.
AP: Get the fuck out of my way or so help me…
The Angry Veteran slams his star-spangled shield into the Angry Piper’s face, dislodging him from the ladder. He falls 30 feet, landing on the hard ice below sprawled in his kilt, his dangly unmentionables in full view.
AP: Ouch.
DM: Wow. He is huge.
AV: Hey Piper!! My new boss, Hobbs von Wackamole, sends his love and says, and I quote: “I’m back, bitch!” I’m also supposed to give you something. Wait a sec!
The Angry Veteran disappears below decks, returning after a few minutes holding a box at arms length. He drops the box overboard, where it shatters on the ice, dislodging a very irate skunk.
AV: Have fun making friends! AV...out!