Rise Up and Take Down!

Sunday, April 30, 2006

I have had many enemies, not really for legitimate reasons but simply because this is America and I can hate who I damn well please. I would now like to introduce you to one of my mortal enemies. My entire life is dedicated to taking this person down, whether it happens in this life or the next.

Yes, I'm talking, of course, about Alex Trebek. Just look at him. Those beady little eyes, that large forehead, that damn suit that he is never seen without. We have a hell of a problem on our hands.

I watch Jeopardy , or, as I like to call it, "reconnaissance," while doing my homework, and I can't help but notice that this guy's a total dick. He reads out the funny ("funny" is used subjectively, here) little category titles likes he wrote them himself, completely cockblocking the writers who thought up the things. Also, when the contestants fail to answer, he oh-so-smugly tells them the answer with that cheeky little bastard grin of his. I'll bet money that he didn't know the answer. Put down the answer sheet and fight like a man, Trebek.

I love when someone stays on that show long enough to win in about a week more than he makes in a year. Trebek starts to act like a total asshole around them, enviously trying to psyche them out with his forehead of doom. Up yours, Alex.

I have created an organization that I'd like all of you to join. It is called Citizens United Negating Trebek For Life And People's Safety (get it?). When we get big enough, we will start our campaign...