Mission Accomplished? Mission NOT Accomplished!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Bush appears to shift outlook on Iraq and those adorable, loveable bunny rabbits.

President Bush appeared to say for the first time that the United States is not winning the war in Iraq, adopting the view of Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Bush told The WoW, "I think an interesting construct that Gen. Pace uses is, 'We're not winning, we're not losing.' Plus, did you know that I love bunny rabbits? Yes, it's true! I really do!"

Bush also told The WoW that he plans to expand the overall size of the U.S. military and is considering a short-term surge in troops and bunnies in Iraq.

Bush has said he will reveal a new strategy for Iraq next month after considering the report of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group and consulting with Pentagon officials and others.

New Defense Secretary Robert Gates met Wednesday with Gens. John Abizaid, top U.S. commander in the Middle East, George Casey, the top general in Iraq and Sgt. Bun-Buns, the President's Chief Advisor on Domestic Rabbit Affairs.

"We discussed the obvious things," Gates told WoW reporters after his meeting. "We discussed the possibility of a surge and the potential for what it might accomplish. Oh, yeah, and I guess we also talked about the benefits of eating more delicious carrots."

The defense chief was scheduled to meet Thursday with Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki.

As he headed for Iraq, accompanied by Pace, Gates said the trip's purpose was to "go out, listen to the commanders, talk to the Iraqis and see what I can learn. ... I expect to learn a lot."

What else has President Bush shifted his outlook on?

• He is no longer willing to accept the fact that Condoleezza Rice is black. She is now considered to be "severely tanned."
  
• Rumsfeld did not resign. He just went on permanent assignment in Boca Raton, Florida.
• His West Wing Staffers must now refer to Christmas as "Bushmas."
• The forward Press Section of Air Force One WILL be turned into an airborne disco.
  
• He has decided not to order the assassination of Simon Cowell, the snooty, metrosexual English judge on American Idol.
• The Las Vegas Hilton will no longer be referred to as "The Gambling White House."
• Staying sober? No fucking way. IT'S ON!