Hump Day Jokes ...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice. It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool.. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos-about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm telling ya man...you'll have all the babes you want!

The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning way, laughing, looking sick! Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now?"

"Dang it, Bubba!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in the front!"

~*~*~*~

Little Josh comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

His father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," Josh says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride. "Josh, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Josh says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."

*~*~*~*

One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."

He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.

Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"

Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

~wicked love~