Good Stuff
So, Malach who has a plethora of Best Buy gift certificates, went out and purchased Batman: Gotham Knight (BGK) and watched it last night. BGK is a direct to video 6 episode interrelated animated films; a Batman anthology, in the vein of the Animatrix. They are set between the events of the feature length movies, Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.
The shorts are written by a collection of well known American comic book writers, screenwriters, and television writers: Josh Olson, David Goyer, Brian Azzarello, Greg Rucka, Jordan Goldberg and Alan Burnett. Each of the 6 shorts is individually written by one of the writers, but relates to the whole; the first couple years of Batman's career. As each short has a different writing style, they also have a different animation style, each directed and animated by a popular anime director: Shojiro Nishimi, Futoshi Higashide, Hiroshi Morioka, Yasuhiro Aoki, Toshiyuki Kubooka, and Jong-Sik Nam (Yeah Wikipedia is racist against the Japanese, no articles on these directors). Bruce Timm of course is the executive producer, and BGX retains his influence and additionally the talents of Kevin Conroy and many of the original voices actors from The DC Animated Universe. It is rated PG-13, for stylized violence, and has some pretty gory, though cartoony, violence in parts, including a decapitation, and realistic depiction of unanesthesitized surgery.
The 6 stories trace Batman's first year or two as the caped crusader, taking off right from a few months after Batman Begins. He battles the likes of Killer Croc and The Scarecrow; Gotham's ultra violent gangs and criminal underground; explores much of his psychological makeup (why he does what he does, and the crazy edge he rides and a costumed vigilante); explores his pre-Batman training through effective flashbacks; and finally fights off Deadshot. Much of the hour plus explores Batman and Bruce Wayne, what made him and why he does it. The animation style is pretty amazing, and yes, it has some anime elements to it, but not so overpowering that the Angry Piper will hate it. It is more in the highly detailed vein of Akira, Spirited Away, or Cowboy BeBop than say something like Naruto or or the cheesy anime rip off they did for Teen Titans. The animation is impressive, breathtaking in places. The fluid movements, the stylization, and especially Gotham.
The short films do an excellent job of establishing what Batman is, if you had never known what Batman was, these films would immediately get you started. The intro film, not part of the 6, does an very interesting job of describing how Batman is perceived from the eyes of 4 kids. Each has seen Batman fighting and unnamed robber, and each perceives him in a different way, while perfectly describing Batman's image. One of the middle films, has Batman deep in the Gotham sewers, severely injured, and bleeding profusely, attempting to make it back to the surface, where of course Alfred is waiting, fighting off pain and unconsciousness, and continually flashes back to his early training with a Fakir woman.
While for some, it might miss what they are looking for . . . classic Batman vs. Villain of the Week battles, true Batman fans, especially fans of Batman: The Animated Series, and the current The Batman, will love these films as much of the influence on the character provided by these "cartoons" is felt in this and the current feature films.
Malach gives it 3 out of 4 Rubbersuitheads, and be careful with this one around children.
I am Malach, The Batman
Batman: Gotham Knight, a review
The Secret of Life
This guy I knew took thirty hits of acid one night. I had to babysit him for a few hours. During the course of his ordeal, I had to leave because he seemed to be getting violent and no one else was around.
His friends found him a few hours later, naked, hiding in a closet waiting to ambush them. He thought they had the Secret of Life. They had to restain him for a while. After this, he kept asking them, "What do I do now? What do I do now?"
He and I were decent friends up until that night. He remembered me leaving him in the midst of a bad trip. He never quite spoke to me again.
Whatever happened between the time I left and the time his friends found him was rather profound. I can only imagine what time dialation and hallucination is like when you've been left in the dark for a couple of hours. Somewhere in that gap between me and them, he saw what we all fear. He came to know a fact that none of us wants to know, because on the surface it seems so empty and tragic we can't accept it.
Accepting a fact such as this is easy compared to accepting the Secret of Life, even though it would seem easy enough if I put the thought out there.
ROYTERS
Come on over to ROYTERS guys.
Here are some of the recent posts:
1) Republicans upset with McCain's Common Sense Positions
2) Weekend News Brief (about China Olympics) and
3) Jesse Helms Dead
GO OVER AND READ THE POSTS!
The return of the Search Phrase Gremlins
It's Back!
Now that Third Option Media has built up a number of blogs, articles, and such, we now have the return of the Search Phrases! Beyond the obvious and most popular which either have to do with slow pitch softball or cures for high blood pressure (there are hundreds of those), we got these funny ones too. Enjoy the ride of hilarity!
- how to defeat sin in the airship
- toyi naked in eden
- mr. fantastic mary jane watson hentai
- [jod] super smash kung fu panda radio helicopter
- zangief gay parade
- wife loves wand
- vigilante for hire new bedford massachusetts
- vampire bite cock
- tripping off skittles
- son and mother hump like mad
- people with high blood pressure does really get angry easily
- obama is a lieing sack of shit
- no-you-idiots it's-tony-blair!
- lara logan's feet pics
- john mcain eats babies
- dana bash and horse face
- cat cora's tits
- cannot focus very well high blood pressure
- is astroglide flammable
- i hate choas dragoon
- random junk i can get high on
- why can i only remember things that have happened a few hours ago
- vampires vs cock
- explain evil heart
- i always wonder if i should give the ass or the crotch
- naked families
And that is only from the past week
I am Malach, your New Bedford Vigilante
My thoughts on the secret of life
Ahhhh my beloved brother(s) and sister(s). How I have missed you . I know.....you haven't missed me. But believe me, I have certainly missed all of you. And there are new faces here who haven't yet met me but I say to you, I miss you too.
Even though I do not have very much strength, I wanted to respond to Murk's call. I apologize for the lengthy delay in getting to this.....but my time is valuable and I tend to use it in other ways as of late.
The Secret
So, Murk says he holds the secret to life. Well good friends, I say this: The secret to life isn't "The Secret". I've read the book and it's pretty much another person stealing the ideas of greater minds. Tacky if you ask me. Don't get me wrong. The idea behind it is actually important in many ways but the reality of the actual book....it's a scam. If you want to read a book that isn't a scam, I suggest "The Four Agreements".
What is the secret? I know what the secret is and it's for you to figure it out on your own. I'm not trying to be arrogant or rude, it's just part of the truth. You see, I can tell you the secret and then you would say, "Bullshit. That can't be the secret." Well, it wouldn't be unless you've lived it and came to that answer on your own. (Wow - I sound like Murk. YUCK!)
But here is a hint: It's bigger than the ocean. Okay - Another clue: Part of the secret is it has to do with your attitude. No, this isn't a hippy-bug-eater-notion. It's one of the truths.
The meaning of life.....well....the meaning of life is the same as the secret from one degree to another. The secret is the meaning and the meaning is the secret. You can't know one without the other. You don't have to believe that and I invite you to challenge the notion.
Why am I being so cryptic? Because my truth is not your truth and your truth may only hold half of mine. It isn't necessarily "what" we believe but how we come to the conclusion of the belief. It's the "how".......oops...I revealed another clue. But even with that said, how we reach the answers may take longer for some than for others. Some may never know while others simply meander blissfully content with their knowledge. Oh but believe me, there are many who believe the lie without allowing room for growth and those are the ones that I worry about. If you do not allow for an openness, than you are starving yourself from spiritual fruits that are meant to nourish you. Damn - another clue.
Murk also invited doubters. Murk could never get doubt from me. It isn't in my nature to doubt that which I know to be true. And as Murk also said, I do not have hard evidence of my knowledge in which to debate anyone however, I can still debate a person and lead them to their own truth. Or I could simply invade your mind and change it for you. That was a joke.
Indeed Murk, Malach and Spacefarmer have worked many years on their valuable project and I for one can attest to it. My hope is that one day their project will spring forward and gain the recognition it deserves. I also hope that it will become the beacon that they have sought to make it and that people will flow there to find guidance for their journey. Some of you may be thinking, "Seriously? Are you talking about the same people??" Yes. Without a doubt, my friends, they are more than they seem and I know them to be very generous in their hearts as well as in their souls. (Oh - did I just ruin that for you guys?) Perhaps one day, I will be able to provide more assistance on that project but until then, I can only contribute what little time I have here.
It is a long road...finding the answers. But I believe that it will come and now I invite you dwellers of the blogsphere to seek it out. What is the secret to life? What is the meaning of it all? Come tell us what you find and enjoy your journey.
I hold the secret to life and so do you.
Marvel casts its web in the most unlikely of places.
(click to view full size)The Last Five Enlightenments
Asked once to ponder the meaning of life, I summed up the point of the human experience as best I could:
The meaning of life is learning to suffer and die in a dignified way.
It sounds bleak.
Unfortunately, anyone seeking the meaning of life must prepare to suffer and eventually die. Anyone dumb enough to ask someone else the meaning of life deserves a bleak answer.
Truthfully, there is a very different way of aproaching life.
Again, unfortunately, it's not what people in search of meaning want to here. So, I've decided to keep the Secret to Life. First, it's not a cure for life's woes. Second, you'd have to reach the same conclusion as I have on your own to believe in it. Last, I have no proof or logical arguement for it and I know people love to debate.
This is silly. Why is Murk saying he has the Secret to Life on this useless blog?
Well, I want to invite doubt. For close to five years Malach, Spacefarmer and I have labored on this internet project. Others have labored in secret. Others have helped without knowing the full design.
You have all helped by reading and posting.
Now, as my present to all of you, I'd like to say...
I have the Secret of Life and you don't.
Unpaid Sports Guys
You all need to start heading over the sports blog. I just started a conversation about what it is that makes tennis great. You will enjoy it very much. It has something for everybody, including non-sports people.
Death and Friendship
I will call my friend J., because that is the letter her first name starts with, and because I would hate for her to one day Google herself and discover this post, as it would no doubt cause her to grieve all over again. J. comes from a Lebanese family, and prior to coming to America, she lived in Venezuela for most of her childhood. She arrived in this country when we were both in the fifth grade. At the time she spoke no English, only Arabic and Spanish. We were classmates from fifth grade all the way through college.
Last week, J’s mother and aunt died in a car accident. J’s mother was driving. Her sister, J’s aunt, was in the passenger seat. Their car was struck by a dump truck at an intersection on a very bright and sunny morning, the kind of sun that shines so bright it turns your windshield into a golden blur. They both died of their injuries at a local hospital not much later.
I haven’t seen J. since her wedding about 12 years ago. She moved to California soon afterwards and has since divorced. It would have been nice to see her under less horrible circumstances, as we were always good friends. We live very separate lives and—like many friends separated by years and distance—we drifted apart. Aside from some occasional thoughts and good memories, I doubt either one of us crossed the other’s mind very often. I didn’t even have her phone number.
J., her brother and younger sister all now live in Los Angeles, so they had to fly to the East Coast to make arrangements for their mother’s (and aunt’s) burial. I went to the wake on Sunday night. Predictably, J. was an emotional wreck. So was her younger sister. Her brother, the middle child, was doing a pretty good job of holding everything together, although he also was obviously grieving. J’s father, a man I only remember meeting twice, looked the same as he did on both occasions—very distant and not really part of anything.
While standing in the line that filed past the open casket, I realized I didn’t know my friend’s mother very well. I would certainly have recognized her if I had seen her alive and well somewhere, and she would have known who I was. We would have passed kind words together. I would have said hello, and asked after J. and her other children. She would have smiled and asked about me and about my mother. But I didn’t know her. Not really. And as I knelt before her casket, pretending to pray but really only giving a respectful silence, I wondered about this woman who I knew only through her children. What sacrifices did she make in life? What stories would she never tell? What dreams did she have that ever came true? What made her happy? What made her who she was?
I stood up and turned to the family. J’s father was first. I shook his hand and muttered the usual “Very sorry for your loss.” He shook my hand woodenly. I have no doubt he had no idea who I was. And then I was standing before J.
I think if I live a very long time indeed, I will never forget the look on her face when she saw me standing there.
Right before she collapsed into my arms, J. looked grateful. There really is no better word to describe it. She tried to say something but couldn’t. She was so overwhelmed and so touched that I was there. Not because I'm such a great guy. But because I think that after 12 years away, she never expected to see anyone who was there only for her. And as she held onto me, shaking and sobbing while her family looked on, I could only pat her back and whisper how sorry I was, over and over again—the first words I spoke to my friend in a dozen years. I felt utterly useless. I felt that “I’m sorry” has to be the emptiest sentence ever invented, because it didn’t begin to describe how I felt. In that moment, I would have done anything in the world for her. Anything at all, if it would only ease her pain and stop her tears.
But I couldn’t do anything. No one could.
I went and sat amid the mourners. I listened to whispered inanities about the details of the accident, the sad tragedy of it all, the injustice of a family left without a mother. And I watched my friend grieve from across the room.
I only saw one other person there that I knew, and that happened to be my oldest friend in the world, H. I say oldest, not best; although H and I went to nursery school together, we aren’t close and rarely see each other, and when we do it’s never by design. Unlike me, H. had stayed in touch with J. over the years. While I sat in the viewing room with H, I realized I had nothing to say to her. Not because of our surroundings, and not because we didn’t try. Because years and moments are wedges between souls. I simply no longer knew H, and on some level, I no longer cared about her the way I used to. Seeing her in different circumstances would have been nice. But it wouldn’t have made the awkwardness any easier.
Would it have been the same if it was another funeral, and it was J. sitting next to me? Would I have felt uncomfortable because J. would have been another friend from the past who I no longer knew? I don't know.
J. came over and sat for a while with us. She held our hands and begged me to stay in touch, and I told her I left my address in the sympathy book. I'm not sure if or when I will hear from her again, but I hope I do.
Movie Review: Carnie Wilson's War
Carnie Wilson's War
By Dr. Murk
Carnie Wilson: Fat
So, I went to Vinnie's Video to rent a movie. I was looking for that new one about how Carnie Wilson ate the Russian Army in Afghanistan. I asked Vinnie, because I could not find it. I looked in the drama, heavy chicks, and porno sections ( seeing Angry Piper in the drama section, crying while he looked at the cover of The Cider House Rules).
So, Vinnie says, "It ain't in yet."
I says, "When's it coming in?"
He says, "You gotta hold on for one more day."
"But I got this movie review to do," I says.
"Hold on, indeed, chums!" The Angry Piper burst in between us. "I know about this movie which you speak. I have... seen it." We gaped in agony. No. Surprise? Yes. That's it.
"Well, old friend," I said, "It seems that we have crossed paths after a long time at just this moment for a reason."
"You mean since we crossed paths in the drama section a few minutes ago?" he asked.
"Indeed," I said. "Say, why were you crying anyways?"
"Oh," he said with a wistful smile, "I was caught by a sad memory of when I once knew a young girl such as seen in that movie. Beautiful. Striking Asian features. She smashed all of my bottles of Cider and made me walk on the glass."
"Sounds like my wife," I said.
"It was," he said. "Anywho, no. No I cannot help you write this review. My affection for Carnie would taint... taint... mmmmmm... Carlie taint... ahem. Um, it would bring the full love and devotion for Carlie into the light of day. Plus, I hav this whole date with destiny tonight."
"No problem," I said.
"FATHER!!!!" he shouted, "THE SLEEPER HAS AWOKEN!!!!!" He ran headlong through the display window, into route six traffic, took a few bumps from the cars and trucks and rolled into an open sewer pipe.
So, I'm going to review the movie without his help and without the movie.
First off, this movie is heavy. It's full of delicious fun. The camera work is a feast for the eyes. Get the large popcorn because it's a big big movie. You have to see it wide screen. I give it two tons up.
The End.
ROYTERS
I want you all to know that ROYTERS has become its own blog. Yes, that’s right, there is now a ROYTERS blog. It is over at Wordpress and I have a full staff of crackheads journalists acting like they are working hard to bring you the news we feel like making up. I will be posting my ROYTERS pieces here and at the new blog since this is where it all began, but all the other posts from the other contributors will be posted at the ROYTERS blog. I should have my first post finished shortly and up in the next day or so. Come on over to the new blog, and bring your friends dead or alive.
A Small Victory
Recently, I posted about how some douche was ripping of my content and posting it on eBaum's World as his own. For the full story, go here.
I am happy to say that eBaum's World has removed the content from their site. It took a long time and there was zero communication from them (or the thief) despite repeated emails, but in the end, they did it.
Plagiarism really sucks. Thanks, eBaum's World.
Gore’s Endorsement A Surprise
ROYTERS –
Al Gore’s recent endorsement of Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) came as quite a surprise to the media and to political experts. Most pundits predicted that Gore would sit this election cycle out, but not only did he get involved, he endorsed a Democrat.
“I can tell you, no one expected the fiercely Republican Gore to get involved in this thing,” said Chris Matthews while measuring the desk on the set of Meet The Press, “Gore has been a pretty staunch Republican throughout his life. He only became a Democrat for about eight years or so when he was Vice-President, but he returned to the GOP after that, only leaving for a few days to endorse Howard Dean in 2004. If Obama can get a hardcore Republican like Gore to endorse him, then it really says something about his ability to bridge partisan divides.”
Most political experts tend to agree with Matthews. “This is a huge story, no two ways about it,” said Chuck Todd of MSNBC, who was measuring Tim Russert’s office, “When the media learned that Mr. Republican Al Gore was going to back Obama, CNN had no choice but to air the endorsement live and NBC just had to make it the number one story the following morning on the Today Show. Had Gore just been a regular Democrat, we wouldn’t have spent any time on it, but Gore’s more than that. He’s been the bridge that’s united the country on key issues like border control, the War on Terror, and civil liberties. This endorsement, coming from a bipartisan guy like Gore, is going to give Obama a tremendous edge. Oh, uh, can you hand me that trash can? I gotta throw out some of this Bills stuff.”
It is not yet clear whether Gore’s endorsement will pull independents and Republicans back to the Democratic fold. A recent poll indicated that 95% of American voters were not surprised that a Democrat endorsed another Democrat and that it will not affect their decision to vote for or against Obama in the fall. When asked about the poll, Gore was surprised people believed he was a Democrat. “I think I’ve pretty well established my Republican credentials. Sure, I ran for President twice as a Democrat and have been involved in every Democratic campaign since 1988, but that doesn’t mean I’m a Democrat. Just because you’re involved in the Democratic Party for a while doesn’t mean that you’re not a Republican. People are just misinformed about this issue, we’ll get it straightened out.”
Regardless of whether people learn the truth about Gore’s politics, it is clear that Gore helped Obama answer his critics by proving that Obama has the ability to unite different political elements of the country. The road to victory just got a little easier for Sen. Obama, and he has bipartisan Al Gore to thank for that.
Tequilla Mockingbird: Useless Netslut or Overcompensating Loser
Here's a religious rant for you sweetheart.
There's a woman poster on here who likes to make snide comments to everyone except her internet chat boyfriend who shall remain nameless. No, no one told me who was having cyber sex with you, honey. It was quite obvious. No, I'm not jealous. I have all I can handle in real life.
I live my life in the world and come here occasionally to manage a service for some of my friends. So, that's what I intend to do. I've asked for people to contribute some slightly longer, less google search oriented stuff.
I've also come to ask people like Tequilla Mockingbird to shut the fuck up about their own fake (and pathetic, even when fake) lives.
Now, put the doll down before you behead it, darling. I'm a fictional character myself. I am much hated by many people. But, I'm not real and I'm not a wanna be home wrecker.
Why have I chosen you as my adversary? Why not? The Angry Veteran is to gay for his liberal life, the Piper is too scared to match wits and Malach is too dumb. You are a silly slut, but maybe you can be a worthy match.
As for religious rants, yes, Toyi and YPG are free to do battle. At least religion matters more than your pre-menopausal libido.
I argue politics mostly and only hit up religion when people are judgemental. Or, in your case, just fucking mental. What meds are you on, btw hon? I want to avoid them.
So, have at it, you moistened cock wipe.
Congress Alters First Amendment; Stops Russert Coverage
ROYTERS –
Congress acted swiftly to rush through legislation to make a minor change to the First Amendment. States held online conventions and quickly ratified the change. The new First Amendment is now governing law and reads:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
However, nothing shall limit the power of Congress to prevent excess news coverage of Tim Russert’s death.
Congress responded to the change and passed a law preventing any further news coverage regarding Russert. Congress took the unprecedented action in response to a swell of public outcry regarding NBC’s extensive coverage of the death of Tim Russert. MSNBC and NBC have been devoting nearly 45 minutes of every broadcast hour to Russert’s death, despite the fact that Russert was not a world leader, political figure, or Britney Spears’ crotch. “Was it really necessary to devote all of Friday to Tim Russert’s death? Was it appropriate to have news anchors start crying all the time? Did the media totally lose their objectivity on this one? We didn’t give this much coverage to Gerald Ford, for Christ’s sake,” complained a media critic who spoke on the condition of anonymity, fearing that criticizing anything Russert-related may result in expulsion from the news media for ideological crimes, “I’ve never been one to accuse the media of exploiting coverage, but images of Mary Matalin and James Carville crying on the set of Meet the Press come pretty close. This level of coverage should only be reserved for celebrity trips to rehab.”
The change to the First Amendment have left many former strict-constructionists and First Amendment protectors having to explain their sudden change in course. “Look, I’ve fought hard against attempts to change the First Amendment for a long time,” said Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), “I’ve resisted the urge to introduce an anti-flag-burning Amendment and I’ve fought against restrictions on donations to political campaigns, but enough is enough. If I have to hear one more thing about Tim and his dad, I’m going to lose it. He wrote a book about how much he loved his dad; it’s wonderful and touching until you HEAR IT FOR THE EIGHT THOUSANDTH TIME! The media’s been playing this non-stop since Friday and it has to end. If this keeps up, I’ll have to turn off my TV and read a book. You’d think Russert was Anna Nicole Smith or something.”
“While I generally think that Mitch McConnell is a total douchebag, he’s right on this, enough is enough,” commented Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI), “I mean, good Lord, is it absolutely necessary to devote the Saturday edition of The Today Show to Russert dying and to have it hosted by Matt Lauer? The tribute on Meet the Press was completely appropriate, but did Lauer really need to interview Russert’s kid on Monday? Does MSNBC really need to keep replaying it? You all know that I voted against the PATRIOT Act out of concerns for its intrusions on personal freedoms, but I don’t think that this sort of non-stop coverage is the kind of thing that our Constitution was meant to protect. Also, my Iowa colleagues’ houses are under water. Do you think that the media could take some of its precious time to talk about that? And, hey, by the way, what ever ended up happening to that disputed election in Zimbabwe? Is that even a country anymore?”
NBC is greatly troubled by the recent course of action. “There goes our 58 Days of Tim: One Day For Every Year of his Heroic Life!” said Chris Matthews, “What do they expect us to cover? I mean, a celebrity’s not in trouble or dead, American Idol is over until next year, and there’s no hurricane. Even worse, we don’t have an international crisis or a threat to national security. Wait, I vaguely remember somethig about a war in one of those camel jockey countries. Can I get a fact-check on that?”
Learn To Resurect the Dead (blog)
A grave illness is infecting this blog. The ammount of one line, picture based crap and you tube shlep is ruining readership.
I invite you of creative minds to resurect the blog by please trying to post creative or thought prevoking articles. Humor. Longer posts about relevant topics. Entertaining posts with words.
We can all find images and you tube clips on our own now.
I beg the creative among you, indeed I challenge you to bring fresh life to this blog. Get some fiction, or comedy or insightful commentary up and promote your work here as well as at your own blogs. Cross post. Link to here. Invite blog buddies to read.
Our readership has dropped and our writing has dropped off.
I won't throw angst or acussations. We're all in this. We want to be heard, so make something you would want others to see, think about and ponder.
A plea from a hard working company man.
Yours Truly
Dr. Robert J. Murk
Yeah. It's That Important.
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Seen the latest A-1 Steak Sauce commercial? Here's a synopsis.
Two well-dressed gentlemen sit at separate, yet very close tables in what's obviously a fine dining restaurant. They face the camera. A big, juicy hamburger is placed in front of the gentleman on the left. He immediately reaches for a bottle of A-1, and commences a liberal application of said condiment to the top of his burger.
"Excuse me," says the guy on the right, "A-1 on a hamburger?"
"Yeah," the guy on the left replies, obviously impressed with his own ingenuity.
"That's a good idea," says the guy on the right. "Do you mind if I borrow that for a minute?"
"Sure," says the guy on the left. He reaches for the bottle of A-1 to pass it to his new acquaintance. Meanwhile the guy on the right takes the hamburger and eats it, leaving the guy on the left holding the bottle, feeling awkward, and looking silly. Plus, he's short a hamburger.
Let me tell you how this little scenario would change if I were the guy on the left. If I--out of the goodness ofmy heart and an earnest desire to pass on the joys of A-1 Steak Sauce--turned around and found this pompous fuck eating my hamburger, I would stand up and break my chair over his fucking head. I would smash the A-1 bottle against the side of the table and stick the jagged edge into his fucking neck. I'd probably ram his face into the table a few times, then drag his ass out of the restaurant by his hair and curb-stomp the gray-haired fucker so he wouldn't be eating any hamburgers--or any solid food, for that matter--for a long fucking time. Then I'd pick him up by his balls and throw him through the nearest windshield.
No one's gonna make me look silly.
Kung Fu Panda - A WoW movie review
The Wu-Xi Finger Hold
Malach, the wife and the kiddos went to see Kung Fu Panda yesterday, and I must say, it was excellent. It was thoroughly enjoyed by the 5 year old daughter, the 6 year old son, and my wife and I who are both in our 30's.
The film is by Dreamworks Animation, and stars Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Seth Rogen, Jackie Chan, David Cross, and Al Swearengen. It is rated PG, mostly for intensely animated Martial Arts scenes (which frackin' rocked). The film is CGI animated, and well done, and stylized.
The Plot revolves around a Panda named Po (Jack Black) who works in his father's (who is a goose) noodle shop. He is a Kung Fu fanatic, and fan boy, who dreams of someday becoming a Kung Fu master, though his father wants to raise him up in the noodle business and have him take over the shop. The local Kung Fu master, a tortoise named Oogway, has a premonition that and old student of his protege Sifu (Hoffman), and now most evil Kung fFu master snow leopard Tai Lung (Al Swearengen) will escape from prison and reign terror upon their valley once more.
Oogway orders a ceremony so a might Dragon Warrior can be chosen to defeat Tai Lung. Everyone assumes it is one of the members of the Furious Five, Sifu's best students (Jolie as Tigress, Chan as Monkey, Rogen as Mantis, Liu as Viper, and Cross as Crane). As the students show off their skills to the assembled crowd, Po who got accidentally got locked out of the ceremony, tries increasing foolhardy was to gain entrance, finally doing that and landing directly in front of Master Oogway as he is pointing out who the Dragon Warrior will be, making Po the Dragon Warrior. Of course everyone assumes it is an accident, and wise old Oogway states "there are no accidents".
Sifu is stuck training a overweight noodle vendor with no Kung Fu experience, and despite his protests, and those of Po's, Oogway does not change his mind. Sifu attempts to get Po to quit, but no matter what physical and mental tortures and humiliations he puts him through Po refuse to quit, and the fan boy is him actually enjoys living in the Kung Fu world, even with the beatings.
Tai Lung as per the prophecy escapes, and heads to the valley to seek his revenge, and claim the Dragon Scroll (with untold universal power). Oogway then passes away (Ascends to Nirvana) leaving a final request that Sifu train Po. Sifu and Po are both at a loss to do this. Meanwhile, the Furious Five are defeated and almost killed in a battle with Tai Lung.
No more spoilers from here, the movie goes another hour after this.
Wonderfully acted, and animated, the movie is very funny for both adults and kids, and has some killer Martial Arts scenes. It plays very much in the style of those old 70's Kung Fu movies, Bruce Lee, and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. I would highly recommend taking a child to this movie if you don't want to go as creepy adult. I would also recommend this to the Angry Piper, it is right up his alley.
The Opening title sequence is pretty amazing and ground breaking. They are a hand drawn, vividley colored dream sequence, that has been stylized to somewhat resembly Chinese Shadow Puppetry. It also harkens stylistically to anime like Samurai Champloo or Afro Samurai.
Kung Fu Panda gets 3 1/2 Rubbersuit Masks out of 4 for kids and 3 out of 4 for adults.
As and added bonus to this review, click me to hear Cee-Lo Brown and Jack Black doing Kung Fu Fighting.
I am Malach and I am Kung Fu Fighting
How talented is the Angry Piper
Well Check this out
Here is the Piper with his "life partner" Hobbs von Wackamole playing the flute.
Amazing now, outdoes there first video with them and the guitar!
I am Malach and I bring the truth!
Zangief Blog Again!!!
Hello Americanskis!
Good news! Due to overwhelming response to first post, The Great Zangief is back for second installment of blog that sweep nation! Is good, no?
Zangief not always fighting in tournaments. Some days even Zangief relax. The other day, Zangief kick it with Zangief’s friend The Angry Piper. Angry Piper dress in skirt like female and squeeze wooden octopus that make noise that hurt Zangief’s ears, but Zangief like him anyway. Angry Piper take Zangief to Chinatown in Boston. Zangief very excited and think Angry Piper take Zangief to visit communist Chinese comrade Fei Long, but Angry Piper only want to show Zangief favorite place to purchase pornography. Angry Piper say he only go there on special occasions, but when we walk in, American shopkeep say “Hello, Angry Piper!” which make Zangief think Angry Piper maybe lie to Zangief about how often he go to porn store.
Looking at porn make Zangief very hungry, so Angry Piper offer to buy Zangief lunch at fine American McDonald’s restaurant. Zangief step up to counter and order, but annoying American teenage female pretend not to understand Zangief’s accent, so Zangief remove her from behind counter and give her Spinning Piledriver. After that, everyone want to help Zangief and ordering easy as borscht!
Zangief want to go back for fifth helping. “Jesus Christ!” say Zangief’s friend Angry Piper. “I just spent four hundred bucks on big girl porn! Cut me some slack, dude!” Zangief laugh and punch Angry Piper in arm. Zangief hear snap and Angry Piper scream and cry like female, but after a while he ok. While Piper crying and making spectacle of self, Zangief see familiar pair of American buttocks through McDonald’s window. “Look, Angry Piper!” Zangief say. “It is Malach the Merciless! He go into building across street!”
Angry Piper stare at building across street. “You’re kidding.” he say.
“Nyet,”say Zangief. “Malach go in there just now. Zangief recognize Malach’s buttocks anywhere. They white like Siberian snow.” Zangief and Angry Piper walk across street. Angry Piper look at building and shake head. Building name make no sense to Zangief. “What is ‘Ramrod’?” Zangief ask Angry Piper.
“It’s…uh…the thing they used to load guns with a long time ago. No way I’m going in there. This place is gayer than a Depeche Mode video.” He so funny. Zangief pick him up by neck like chicken and carry him inside, where we find Malach dancing with men. Most wear no shirt like Zangief. Many hairy, but Zangief hairiest one of all.
“Sweet merciful crap!” Malach say when he see Zangief and Angry Piper. He almost start crying, so happy he is to see us! One of Malach’s friends smile at Zangief. He have manly beard and moustache but dress like American Love Boat Captain Stubing. “You’re a big bear, aren’t you?” Malach’s friend say to Zangief. Zangief think maybe Captain Stubing with moustache is idiot.
Zangief not bear, but Zangief say he know many bears. Zangief wrestle with them all the time. Some bears give Zangief scars. “That sounds incredibly kinky. Count me in!” say Malach’s friend Captain Stubing. Zangief consider breaking his arms, but decide not to.
“Let’s go dance, big fella,” say another of Malach’s friends. He pull Zangief by arm until Zangief go with him. Angry Piper stay with Malach, who look just like Zangief’s cousin Ivan look when KGB come to door looking for him.
Dance floor must be small, because many of Malach’s friends dance very close to Zangief. Zangief do the dance where Zangief close eyes and spins arms like helicopter. It very fun. When Zangief open eyes, everyone lying on ground twisted in funny shapes. No one moving. They must copy Zangief dance, and Zangief tire them out!
Is good to have friends, no?
My Old Man
I wrote the Bible once. Looked down at that damn book and copied every word I read. I said I wrote the Bible and I mean it. And if you think God wrote the Bible, you wrong. Man wrote it down like that and it never had to be done by God cause a man had some paper and indigo or something and set man to do it.
I'm not the author, nothing. I said for God to Damn something and the teacher she says go on copy that Bible til my finger fall off. Hey, I had a plan and I left school that day and told myself the only way I'm gonna fix what I done is to do what teacher say and copy the whole damn Bible and that'd make no school for me anymore, right? So I did it.
It took me half my life with pasting pages and fixing spelling and getting a dictionary and I found out one thing. A man can write the Bible with his own hands in maybe a half a life if you figure a life at eighty years, and given time for meals and sleep and paying the bills which somehow always got paid, and I ain't so sure it was all on the level but I come out of writing that damn Bible owing nobody nothing except a few thank yous for a glass of water here and there and food and such.
This whole world kept on going while I did my work and I heard of wars and killings and gangs. Some group of kids get drugs and a few guns and a city stands still for a bit, just as I finished. I worked hard to write this Bible the right way on good paper with my best script, and when my hand hurt sometimes I'd just stop and run some cold water over it. Then I'd get going again.
Hell, it was work and I'm a good Christian man, but I made some mistakes and learned writing the Good Word the hard way. Oh, I'll tell you. I learned them names and numbers and the peoples and the songs and the praises and the Prophets and a Temple where Lord lived and died and lived again and then left, saying he coming back someday soon. Sometimes the stories make me so mad at God and He the One created me and I'm so confused as to why He has to hurt us so bad to see if we love Him, but that's a mean old thought you shouldn't think about your Lord.
I wrote down every sin God seen his people do and sometimes I start crying cause I don't know any better way to live than this. I ask Him take away all the sin and I give up all my wants and lets all be friends, but the Bible it keeps saying we're bad and, oh, how we can't see what we do to one another. There's wars and killings and false promises. There's so much hurt in that Book I nearly died of sadness at how hard we all are to ourselves.
But there's this one part I really liked which made the whole damn thing work and it's at the worst part when the poor Son is dying and his mama's watching him and he tells her to look at her new son and this boy he tells him that now he's got a mama because the Son is dying and I stopped writing at that moment.
I think.
Jesus dying, gives his mama a new son and his young friend a new mama.
I tell you, I finished writing that Bible with my own hand but I was sure I understood something that I might have missed if I didn't take my teacher so literal. That Man's last concern was for his mama and his friend, maybe his brother. That's when it got to me that man HAD to be God.
Yeah. I finished writing that Bible by hand, and I ain't seen much of what others got to see while living, but maybe I got something for my trouble that they might have missed.
Sex and the City a review
No way
You don't really think Malach went to see that tripe do you? Of course not, with the Celtics Game (BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA!) last night and Battlestar Galactica winding down it's season, I had no need to see Sarah Jessica Parker's dog face on a 20' screen.
The Empire Hyundai Strikes Back
Another complaint about Rick Torres and Empire Hyundai in the comments section. Bears reprinting.
Company DetailsLocation: Fall River, MAFounders: Richard R. Torres, 41
Website: www.empirehyundai.com
Year Started: January 2000
Initial Investment: $200K
Turned a Profit: 2000
First Million: 2002
2002 Sales: $18.4M
2006 Sales: $60.7MNumber of Employees:
Day 1: 9
2006: 85
2007: 111*
Anonymous said...
I visited Empire Hyundai on Saturday, June 30th, 2007 to inquire about a Hyundai Accent and here is my experience: They advertised in the Pro Jo on Wednesday of that week about a Hyundai Accent. "Carol" was there to greet me when I arrived. After taking my contact info (she wanted my SS# too if you can believe that!) she acted ignorant about the advertisement and we proceeded to have a nonsensical discussion about what I wanted. When I told her I wanted the Hyundai Accent advertised, she kept on trying to ask me what features I wanted in this vehicle. I finally told her that I had the ad in my car, that there was a vehicle stock number listed in the ad, and that I had called earlier to confirm that the car was still available. I had to go out to the car and actually produce the ad. She took the newspaper to the backroom (I never got it back) and 15-20 minutes later (everything seems to take forever...) she comes back to the showroom dangling a set of keys that has a tag on it that matches the stock number in the ad. Great, I think, we're getting somewhere. Nope. She insists on taking me out to some remote lot where there are similar Hyundai Accents, some at the same sticker price, although the one she showed me was a standard transmission vehicle worth $1000 less. She kept mentioning that this vehicle had no power mirrors, no this or that, didn't I really want those features? I just stated that I came there to test drive the car in the ad. She goes back into the backroom leaving me outside with this vehicle and comes back 15 minutes later claiming that they can't "find" the vehicle advertised in the paper. MMmmm - she just showed me the keys with the stock number tag on it. Then she says we can take a vehicle and drive over to their sister location in some other City, because that must be where the advertised vehicle is! So much time has gone by that I now must return home to get my son to his job and when I tell her this, she wants me to take her in one of the Empire cars (Accent?) to go do this chore in Westport. And then, she needs to disappear again! So I go back to my car and take off. She has the nerve to call my cell phone and home phone trying to get me to come back! Then I get an email from Empire. Let me tell you, Empire Hyundai is the epitome of immoral questionable (illegal?) practices.
I would never ever do business with this company under any circumstances.
Use the business info above and bad press these creeps out of town.
HOLEEEE FRACK!
I just wet myself
Cause Palmer showed me this:
I am going to go masturbate now
I am Malach, and that was SERIOUSLY on Balls.
Dear John Barack McCain Obama
Dear Sir,
One of you will be our next president, and their are a ton of issues to face. The most pressing issues is this countries economy: the prices of consumer goods, the mortgage crisis, and general cost of living.
Malach is not poor, in fact, he is far above what the poverty level is for a family of four. I am not wealthy either, my wife and I don't even bring home a six figure salary combined. I am a married man, with a mortgage, a car payment, and two children, your typical tax paying, voting American.
Here is the problem. Over the past year, it has become a struggle to live a decent life. Between the cost of daily living, monthly bills, and my mortgage there is little left to save, or even use for fun. Many of you know Malach was effected by the Sub Prime Mortgage Crisis. Well needless to say this threw my own personal financial health into disarray. But I persevered. In that time though, the price of gas has essentially gone up almost 400%, which in turn has raised the prices of food and other products. My winter gas bill, went up almost 25% per month. To top it off, both me and the wife have jobs that require driving (I do around 400 miles a month for work).
Then you go to a store to buy groceries, and a bill that cost $120 six months ago, now costs $180. It is almost as if that extra $500 transferred from my mortgage to my living expenses, and I am a very frugal guy. My Health Insurance keep going up 5 - 7% while my pay only 3%.
I know this is not only effecting me, I see it everyday at work, and more and more affluent people come in seeking help with bills, mortgages and such. I even have friends, who make double what I do, having financial issues too.
Something has to change, I am afraid New Deal style sweeping changes need to be made. And I don't mind tightening my belt a bit, but what I do mind in deciding between paying my car, and going grocery shopping, cause I can no longer do both. I love my job, and I suppose I could try and find a higher paying one, or get another one, but why? How is that fair?
Sincerely,
John Q. Public.
Zangief's Blog!
The great Zangief have good news! Zangief ran into good friend Malach the Merciless at parade. He holding flag with many colors, like rainbow. Malach march with many other men dressed in feathers, like birds. Some wear dress like female. It very funny!
Malach pretend not to see Zangief, but Zangief wait until end of parade and find Malach. He not hard to find because he wearing pants that show buttock cheeks, and he run away from Zangief. “Malach, you old so-and-so!” say Zangief, “Come, embrace Zangief as brother!” Zangief grab Malach and hug him like bear.
“Jesus Christ, you’re killing me!” Malach say.
“Not Jesus, Malach! Zangief!” Zangief say. Then Zangief laugh. Ho Ho Ho!! Like Santa.
Malach try to say something else, but he turning blue, so Zangief let him go. He bleed a little, but he ok.
Malach’s friend say “Hellooooo, nurse!” to Zangief. Zangief not know what that means, but is pretty sure it is insult, and anyway he touch Zangief’s chest hair, so Zangief give him backhand like female and Malach and Zangief alone again.
Zangief pick Malach up from ground, where he collapse from happiness at seeing old friend. “It been long time since Zangief and Malach together,” Zangief say. “How is Superstar wife and little babushkas? Send to them Zangief’s love.”
“Uh, sure,” say Malach. “Listen, Zangief, don’t mention you saw me here, ok?”
Zangief laugh. “Is Malach’s secret? Then OK, I say nothing.” But Zangief know Malach show buttock cheeks to attract female other than Superstar. Is nice to know that female find American man attractive for reason besides citizenship.
“I knew I’d find you here,” say voice from behind Zangief. Zangief turn and see Dr. Murk! But Murk not look at Zangief. He look at Malach. Malach look embarrassed to see Murk.
“Hello, Dr. Murk!” say Zangief. Zangief know Dr. Murk from therapy. Zangief see Dr. Murk for feelings of inadequacy stemming from repeated beatdowns at hands of Ken Masters, American Champion Street Fighter. Every time Zangief try to grab Ken for Spinning Piledriver or Final Atomic Buster, Ken hit Zangief with Dragon Punch. It hurt a lot, especially when Zangief catch on fire. But Dr. Murk make Zangief understand that Zangief is pretty special, anyway.
“Hello Zangief,” say Dr. Murk. Zangief clap Dr.Murk on back. He bleed a little, but he ok.
“And hello, smoking hot Asian wife of Zangief’s friend Dr. Murk,” Zangief say.
“Hello, Zangief,” smoking hot Asian wife of Dr. Murk say. She very hot. Like Chun-Li but not annoying. Not like Zangief’s wife at all. Zangief trade tractor for wife long time ago. It bad trade. Tractor still plow, but not wife.
“So, Malach,” Dr. Murk say when he stop bleeding from mouth, “care to explain why you’re marching in the Gay Pride Parade?”
“I’m not,” Malach say very fast. “I’m just talking to my good friend Zangief about the Wand of Wonder.”
“Then why are you wearing leather assless chaps?” say smoking hot Asian wife of Zangief’s friend Dr. Murk.
“I, uh…I always wear these,” Malach say.
“It’s true. He does.” Dr. Murk say.
“What is Wand of Wonder?” Zangief say. And rest is history!
So now the good news Zangief promise. Dr. Murk say Malach will host anything, so now Wand of Wonder is home to Zangief’s Blog!
Is good, no? Now Zangief can write about street fights he win and pottery classes he take, and write about good times with friends like Malach and Dr. Murk!
But now Zangief must go destroy rubber band man Dhalsim.
Dasvidaniya!
Sorry for the Interruption
It's Christopher Morris here with a consumer complaint. I would ask that you post this on your blogs or send via email, even though it is a local issue.
First, the good. That's a sentence fragment, but who cares. The Hyundai Motor Company makes an awesome line of cars. They are super reliable, have a great 100,000 mile drivetrain warantee with a great extended warantee to boot for a small sum. They work hard to get the financing at a great rate and easy payments. Their dealers are typical high pressure, negitiate until your teeth hurt salesmen, but come on! That's half the fun. AND their service departments are superior. The fight for warrantee work and give you a loaner car and call every day with updates.
Now, the bad news. Rick Torres Empire Hyundai:
Company DetailsLocation: Fall River, MAFounders: Richard R. Torres, 41
Website: www.empirehyundai.com
Year Started: January 2000
Initial Investment: $200K
Turned a Profit: 2000
First Million: 2002
2002 Sales: $18.4M
2006 Sales: $60.7MNumber of Employees:
Day 1: 9
2006: 85
2007: 111*
Awesome company. Great service department, initially. Four years ago, the let go of some of the service managers and installed a few real hard asses. We fought tooth and nail. Then, when we had a drivetrain problem and a ball joint problem, they tried to screw us.
Background. My father has worked in the automotive service industry for 30 years, with Goodyear, Getty, Moe's Alignment senter (owner, operator) and for Henney's Towing and repair and Glassman Auto (one of the most respected car dealerships and repair facilities in all of the Bristol Area. I had Glassman do the 60,000 mile madatory replacement of the timing belt, water pump and tensioners. ALL Hyundai Certified parts, with an ASE certified mechanic and a full itemization. Their reputation is known in three states as a quality shop.
So, a year later a few problems pop up. We take it to RICK TORRES EMPIRE HYUNDAI. Jeff White, the service manager, is reasonably sure it's all warantee work, but promises to call if there are any problems. Without written consent, he takes the car apart (not even necessary) claims the timing belt is mangled and it's going to cost $450.00, no warantee, to fix.
Hold on, I say. You did not authorize this.
Well, I've got your car in pieces in my bay right now. It will cost you just as much to put it all back to gether, but feel free to take it somewhere else.
Me: when can you have it fixed?
One week.
Oh? So, how are you going to get it out of the bay?
It's going to sit there until you agree to pay or my guy puts it together and we get paid for his time.
Me: My father works at Glassman auto. They replace the timing belt, the water pump and the tensioner. So, they screwed up?
Yes.
Okay, my brother in law works for a dealership and he could shede a little light on this. I want all the parts you take out.
I can't give those to you.
By law, you have to.
No, they have to go to warantee to ensure that we did the right work.
The job you said wasn't under warantee, you said.
It's half under warantee.
I want my my guys to look at the parts before then. They have all the records and they'll see about this.
Well, it's going to cost you that much either way.
So, you've got me over barrel here. This is like blackmail.
I'm just doing my job.
Look, I've been around car repair long enough. You're lying.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Who can I talk to about this?
No one. I'm the manager here.
I'll hand it to JEFF WHITE, he never raised his voice and made me sound like a cranky old man.
Fearing for my car, I apologized and told him to do the work. I even said my stress level was too high and I should not be taking it out on him and that he was doing his job. Which, I didn't tell him, was swindling people.
I did my research and had a few phone calls made to RICK TORRES HYUNDAI.
SHOCK! It all magically got covered under warantee. THEN, they'd stolen money from the car. Yes, we'd left it there on purpose. The last straw.
Facts.
1. NO repair shop can touch your car without a written good faith estimate and cannot proceed beyond that estimate without another written consent.
2. The cannot charge you labor for any work they innitiate to investigate a problem.
3. No company in their right mind ties up a service bay with a car 'totally taken apart' for nine days. They had to put it back together to get it out of the bay to work on other cars.
4. They have no right to lock your car in a gated lock if they have done no repairs, unless they are willing to release it with a signature of receit.
I was blackmailed, lied to and meant to feel very stressed out AND had to kiss the ass of a lying worm of a service manager just to save my car.
Lastly, they dumped motor oil on parts of the engine to make it smoke and smell to try and get us to come in for a supposed oil leak. Nice try.
Customer service cannot get either manager on the phone to resolve this. I want an admission of the lying and blackmail, reprocussions for JEFF WHITE and a watchdog on their ass, like the Mass Better Business Bureau.
They pull this crap with old ladies and women and executives with no car knowledge.
Advice:
Go with your gut. If the price jumps without warning, refuse and ask to take the car immediately with no service charge.
Keep spotless records.
Always ask for parts that were taken out and double check with another shop if you suspect foul play.
SPEAK UP! Squeaky wheel gets the grease. We got our warantee work for $50.00 (on a $600.0 bill).
They are NEVER authorized to do work without an itemized estimate signed by you and cannot ecceed it with another signed release.
If you get screwed, fight back and threaten bad press. Call the local channels scam busters, the papers and blog and email. Bad press will force their hand.
Don't let them badger you. Get your research lined up and call a reputable shop and ask question. It helps to offer the new shop all your following business if they can help.
PLEASE post this or link it or whatever you can do.
Hyundai is a great company. Their service department is excellent, but many LIKE RICK TORRES EMPIRE HYUNDAI's service department are looking to scam.
I invite Rick Torres, his General Manager (not his service manager) to contact me at eliasdolon@charter.net understand, that's not my real name for privacy issues on the net, but I'll feel free to tell you who I am and explain further in a rational way what happened.
cc www.empirehyundai.com
Too soon?
malignant brain tumor located?
Back… and to the left.
Back… and to the left.
(special thanks to Cap'n Flak for coming up with this jem)
The 'Gief Speaks!!!!
Zangief thinks you should, too.Ironman, a review
I AM IRON MAN!
Malach took the kids to see Iron Man this weekend, and I must say kuods to a job well done. My kids are 6 and 5, a boy and a girl, and they both loved it. It is rated PG-13, but neither child had any issue with that (I am not even sure why it was rated that).
The movie itself is a adaptation of the comic book series Iron Man, and out of all the comic book films, this one is perhaps the most accurate depiction of any comic book hero in movie form. While not right in line with the comics, the changes they make, even moving Tony Stark out of Manhattan to the West Coast works. The plot is well written, with an excellent balance of dialogue, character development, and of course action. The casting was absolutely perfect. Robert Downey Jr.(RDJ) plays a role he was born to play in alcoholic playboy Tony Stark; Jeff Bridges, who always plays amazing villains, takes Obadiah Stane to a new level of nastiness; and even Gwyneth Paltrow plays Pepper Potts, and the unrequited sexual chemistry between her and RDJ is perfect for both roles. SPOILERS TO FOLLOW
The plot revolves around billionaire military industrialist playboy Tony Stark. Stark had inherited his father's business Stark Industries, and using his mechanical genius, creates some of the most powerful weapons is the world. Stark, while a genius, is a hard drinking, womanizing partier, and the day to day operation are run by his father's partner Obidiah Stane. Stark heads to Afghanistan to show off a new weapon, the Jericho cluster bomb. After his successful showing, he heads back to the airport in a military convoy, which is attacked by a Terrorist Organization called (foreshadow) The Ten Rings; all are killed except for Stark.
An unconscious Stark is taken captive in grave condition. As fate would have it, he is put in captivity with a Dr. Ho Yinsin, who creates a device that he embeds in Stark's chest that prevents the shrapnel in his chest from reaching his heart and killing him. Stark immediately improves upon the device, which was run by car battery hook up to work on it own power source, Stark invented arc power source. Yinsin and Stark become friendly, and Yinsin begins to show Stark the errors of his lifestyle.
The Ten Rings terrorists, demand Stark make them their own version of the Jericho missile, Stark agrees, but secretly designs his first crude Iron Man armor instead, and uses it to escape captivity, though Yinsin is killed in the ensuing battle.
Stark returns to the US a changed man, immediately announces Stark Industries would no longer produce weapons, which upsets Stane. Stane tells Stark to take some time off and reconsider what he said. Meanwhile Stane start working the board of directors against Stark.
Stark goes into seclusion, design a better power supply for the device keeping him alive, and then begins designing his second version of the power armor he used to escape. He also finds out, that Stark Industries has been supplying Ten Rings with Stark weapons technology under the direction of Stane.
Faced with this realization he dons the armor and sets out of right the wrongs his company has done. Stane who is working with Ten Rings, receives the broken up pieces of of Stark's old original armor, and sets about Stark Industries to create a series of armored soldiers which he calls Iron Mongers. And you can see where the rest of the story heads.
Ironman of course comes into battle with Stane, now in the first Iron Monger costumes. Titanic battle, and with the help of Pepper Potts (and a early SHIELD), they defeat Iron Monger, and Stane is killed in the process.
A cover story is created by SHIELD, of course Stark does not follow it, and reveals he is Ironman at the end of the movie . . . credits roll. But is doesn't end there. After the credits are finished, there is a final scene. Stark returns home to find Nick Fury (played by Samuel L. Jackson) waiting for him. Fury tells Stark, he is not the only one like him, and they need to discuss "The Avengers Initiative" and the movie ends, obviously open for sequels. Their is quite the buzz about Jackson playing Fury; Fury is traditionally a white Clint Eastwood looking fellow (Except for his Ultimates incarnation, which is based on Jackson's look). It has to be better the 1998's version of Nick Fury played by David Hasselhoff. END SPOILERS
Iron Man, while not Citizen Kane was still a very fun, excellent movie, one of the best of the comic genre I have seen. My kids loved it too. It gets 4 1/2 out of 5 rubbersuit masks!
this is totally brand new and hot
impatient man is coming to your town and will dazzle your entire family with his lack of ettiquete and youl be super impressed at how quickly and slopily he does his work very quickly so that he can speed home and eat quickly so he can watch all his tivo shows on fast forward while checking email and porking some fatchick called beataputoonia while the marching band saves the world from flying mis sized sedans of foreign origin which cost too much and provide very little in the way of added security against market volatility and uv rays from the sun which crosses the sky only to set plunging us all into hated darkness and fitful sleep with the bad bad boogie dreams of a bright tomorrow when we'll all eat astronaut food in floating cars.
Thank You, Idiots.
Food for thought...
The federal government is sending each and every one of us a rebate check.
If we spend it at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
If we spend it on gasoline, the money will go to the Arabs.
If we purchase a computer it will go to India .
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car, it will go to Japan.
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan, and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep the money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes, weed, beer and tattoos since these are the only products still produced in the USA .
New Web Series: CHOAS DRAGOON!!!
My name is Choas and this is my adventures. When I was five years old, I saw my first Final Fantasy Video Game. It made me want to be and angry knight who betrayed the main character. So, I watched wrestling.
Then, there came the internet. I joined a wrestling forum and a Final Fantasy forum and a cartoon formum. I made the best of it. I misspelled my name. I wanted to type CHAOS DRAGOON. I knew what a DRAGOON was because in Final Fantasy 3 one of the characters was an angry knight who betrayed the main character, just like me. He was called a DRAGOOOOON. Unfortunately, is misspelled CHAOS. Then, I became CHOAS DRAGOON!!!!!
Da da data da ta dadadadad ta da! Ta da! Dee da da da da daaaaaa!
That's my CHOAS TRIUMPH MARCH THEME SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I quickly told losers how it is. No, I did not misspell my name. I like CHOAS better. Then some guy made fun of me by saying my mane meant 'your ass dragon', like I was a hot gay knight who betrays the main character, which is cool, but I'm not gay. I'd do a chick in the ass, but not some dude. CHOAS is all man and ain't a gay guy, but gay guys are okay and some give killer back rubs.
Yo, then I found UFC like fifteen years AFTER it started and I pretended to be a fan since it started even though I was like 2 years old when it started because I'm like ten years old now. After watching UFC I feel like a badass. I just know that after I watch that I could do the same thing to any motherfucker who looks at me sidewise because I have a daemon avatar and a high school diploma.
Other people's stuff sucks, and so one day I decided to make fun of Dick Bigman because I'm so smart and UFC has made me strong and smart. When a fight gets rough, I take it to the ground, kid!!!!!! CHOAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS DRAGOON!
So Malach said this blog sucks, so to make it better I figure I'd post about how how BAD this stuff sucks. Now, I wrote a UFC article too. Talk about being an angry knight who betrays the main character!!!! I ROCK!!!!!!
My favorite UFC character is The UNDERTAKER!!!! because he is like a Dragoon who betrays the main character angrily.
So, be hardcore and drop it like it's hot and watch UFC, keep playing Final Fantasy and don't read Dick Bigman cuz sex jokes aren't funny, they're immature. I bet Randy Cochure from UFC would agree. Yo! Keep it real, pop your collar and YO! CHOAS!!!!!
Dragoon's Betting Odds: UFC 84
First off, this my first post here in along while, so I have to settle business.
1. Sorry Malach, but I won't being doing the Dick Biggma review I promised due to lack of interest of the that shitty webcomic and the tool that writes up the gold that is one interchangeable sex induendo after another.
2. Dick Biggman is horrible.
Now to the actual article of mine:
UFC 84:
Very good sounding fight, but probably won't last long enough to keep my interest longer than 'That guy got knocked the fuck out!'.
Betting Odds: Sherk defeats Penn by TKO at 2:10 of the 1st round.
It will be back and forth for a bit, then Sherk rocks Penn to the floor, mounts, then rains down blows to the face for the Belt.
Light Heavyweight bout: Tito Ortiz vs. Lyoto Machida
Will easily be fight of the night. Lyoto will dominated first 2 rounds with stand-up mostly with the first round and ground game during the second. Tito will still look great during the whole fight and will make a strong come back in the 3rd. With an early rocking of Lyota to the floor, Tito plays with the ground, trying for the mount with trying to pass guard and good hit from top. Eventually takes back, but the crafty Lyoto will get out of the position and will get stood up with very little on the clock. Lyoto safely waits till the end of the round with Tito looking back in his prime.
Betting Odds: Machida defeats Ortiz by Unanimous decision (29-28 from all 3 judges).
Light Heavyweight bout: Wanderlei Silva vs. Keith Jardine
After this fight, you will fell like Wanderlei Silva should retire before he gets murdered in the ring again. Keith Jardine won't get the TKO. He will get the knockout that puts Silva on the mat with no ground'n'pound needed. Silva will defend against the punches till the beginning of the 2nd, but his knockout will be brutal and will easily top the Sherk's TKO.
Betting Odds: Jardine defeats Silva by KO at :55 of the 2nd round
2 for 1 Special: Round out the rest of the Main card
Light Heavyweight bout: Thiago Silva vs. Antonio Mendes
Light Heavyweight bout: Wilson Gouveia vs. Goran Reljic
The only fighter out of this bunch I have even seen is Silva, so this assessment will be all guesswork to see if I can 5-for-5.
Betting Odds: Silva defeats Mendes & Reljic defeats Gouveia
Respond through comments or, if you wished to be ridiculed mercilessly by me, respond with a full post on your picks.
Common Ground
Being a demon means you have to deal with all sorts of people, but almost every one of my clients had a very good reason for striking a bargain with Satan and selling their soul into eternal torment, so I try not to be too judgmental. Besides, when you’re #1 on Dick Cheney’s speed dial like I am, having to talk with some of the other nutjobs who wander through occasionally almost seems like a vacation.
That’s not to say that the guy I call “Sammy” is a complete nutjob- let’s just say he’s really, really REALLY intense. So when Sammy called me this morning and said he needed to talk I was more than happy to click my hooves together and re-embody myself in- well, to be safe, I’d better not say exactly where. Sammy handed me a letter that appeared to have been typed on an old Smith Corona manual typewriter.
“I’d like you to deliver that to another one of your clients,” he told me, “Sorry about the typos”.
I glanced at the letter, which was addressed to Hillary Clinton. I shrugged.
“OK, I’m going to be seeing her this weekend anyway, she needs some ‘favors’ for next week’s primaries. Can I read it?”
Sammy smiled. “I’d like you to,” he said. “Just make sure it’s ok, as you say.”
I sat down, put on my reading glasses, and read it-
I stopped and looked up.
Dear Mrs. Clinton,
I have justredread that you have come out in support of Candidate McCain’s proposal to do away with the 18 cent Federal Gas Tax. As you know (because all American econimists say so) even though suspending this tax will only save the average American driver about ## $25 this summer, it will also cripple much-ndedneeded repairs on America’s roads and bridges, and it will make Americans drive more and make them even more dependint on Middle Eastern oil. Of course, every dollar that goes to Middle Eastern oil also goes to fund terrorist groups that are killing Americans in Iraq and elsewhere. For all these reasons, I was surpriseed that you would support such a proposal simply in order to win more votes.
“Are you sure you want to send this?” I asked Sammy.
He nodded. “I just have to add a final sentence and sign it. You will deliver it?”
I assured him I would, so he took the letter and typed out his final sentence and signed-
Although your husband was a cockroach-eating infidel, I think you’re a real hottsie-tottsie, and you have my full support! I’m enclosing an Al Quaeda lapel in, and hope you’ll wear it proudly.I took the letter, stuffed it in my pocket, and wiped a little tear out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t help it, it’s so sweet when my clients can find common ground.
Your friend,
Osama bin Laden
The Wand of Suck
Obama
Wow, how scared is Republican Party of Barack Obama? This entire garbage about Rev. Wright and his "influence" on Obama is way overplayed. I am even hearing these neo con media guys promoting Hillary, they now they can beat her.
Seriously, this is not important, it is typical political bullshit. If we are going to label Obama as broken because of this relationship, we should list every Catholic as broken for continuing to support a religion that hid sex abusers and pedophiles. You need to go after the Bush family and 40 year relationship with the bin Laden family. Or how about John McCain and he hatred for the Vietnamese because of they years he spent as a POW; yeah you like that jump of assumption, don't you. It is the same jump one makes about Obama and Wright.
How about Malach and his love of Gangsta Rap. Or Toyi her love of Death Metal. Please do not make Hillary the candidate for the Democratic Party, you will lose.
The Wand of Suck
This blog sucks, I am renaming it The Wand of Suck unless you can prove me otherwise. What happened to the Rants? What happened to the Tales of WoW? What happened to the funny editorials? Biographical stories of life? The reviews of movies and books. This place sucks. IT SUCKS!!! It it has become a self indulgent place of idiocy. It no longer meets my approval!
I am Malach and I am partly to blame.