Yeah. It's That Important.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Seen the latest A-1 Steak Sauce commercial? Here's a synopsis.
Two well-dressed gentlemen sit at separate, yet very close tables in what's obviously a fine dining restaurant. They face the camera. A big, juicy hamburger is placed in front of the gentleman on the left. He immediately reaches for a bottle of A-1, and commences a liberal application of said condiment to the top of his burger.
"Excuse me," says the guy on the right, "A-1 on a hamburger?"
"Yeah," the guy on the left replies, obviously impressed with his own ingenuity.
"That's a good idea," says the guy on the right. "Do you mind if I borrow that for a minute?"
"Sure," says the guy on the left. He reaches for the bottle of A-1 to pass it to his new acquaintance. Meanwhile the guy on the right takes the hamburger and eats it, leaving the guy on the left holding the bottle, feeling awkward, and looking silly. Plus, he's short a hamburger.

Let me tell you how this little scenario would change if I were the guy on the left. If I--out of the goodness ofmy heart and an earnest desire to pass on the joys of A-1 Steak Sauce--turned around and found this pompous fuck eating my hamburger, I would stand up and break my chair over his fucking head. I would smash the A-1 bottle against the side of the table and stick the jagged edge into his fucking neck. I'd probably ram his face into the table a few times, then drag his ass out of the restaurant by his hair and curb-stomp the gray-haired fucker so he wouldn't be eating any hamburgers--or any solid food, for that matter--for a long fucking time. Then I'd pick him up by his balls and throw him through the nearest windshield.

No one's gonna make me look silly.