It’s official. I’ve got a scar. My face is permanently disfigured.
I blame Eve for this. After all, she bought me a razor that wasn’t sharp enough, so I had to switch to one that was—one that scarred me. Thanks to her, my dream of being an Abercrombie & Fitch model is now permanently shattered.
If I had a nickel for every time Eve has ruined my life, I could retire today.
Eve, you just suck.
Shaving Update
Monday, January 21, 2008
Posted by The Angry Piper at 9:35 AM
Labels: Angry Piper, Shaving, Shaving Mishaps
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9 comments:
Is Eve your "girlfriend from Niagara Falls?"
you should develop some physical affectations to go along with your facial scar. like carrying a cane, or rubbing your hands together all of the time. people wont even notice your busted up face.
Muahahaha my master plan has finally come to completion. I have plotted since I was 12 to once and for all ruin the Piper forever.
Whenever he is seen in public now he will be stared at and mocked because of his facial scar.
How can anyone live or be in public with a facial scar!
Victory is mine!
Dear Readers,
Do not be fooled by the Piper's words. Since childhood, he has yearned for a facial scar. The only thing he is really upset about is that the scar does not start about an inch above his right eyebrow and cut down all the way to his chin.
What he really wants is a "I was attacked with a Katana" scar. But now he must settle for an "I'm just an idiot who won't use an electric razor" scar.
Electric razor?
What????
Change your name to "Angry Epilady"
Cap: I don't get the joke. But no, Eve is not my girlfriend. I have known her for 23 years, and in that time I have not been there for her in even the most rudimentary way, even as a friend.
Once, when we were 16, we did sleep together. But all we did was sleep (or rather she did), despite her pathetic and vigorous attempts to couple with me. In the end, I shut her down. She retaliated by sleeping with her knee in my back, so that to this day my posture still sucks.
That was not the first time she ruined my life. Nor was it the last.
TM: If I didn't loathe facial hair so much, I would cultivate a twirly moustache that I could wax and sneer over.
AV: Electric razors are for gays. So no surprise you use one.
And as an aside, is anyone else totally fucking freaked out that Malach hasn't responded to this post yet? It's been up for four and a half hours!!!
Hey, you should of just cut off that big honking nose of yours and then you would be a model.
Hi, I am back lol
sorry to hear the AP.
It is a sad testament to your pathetic ineptitude that the one favor you could have done the world-- i.e. carving that useless head of your from your fat shoulders, was too much for you to manage.
Truly, your capacity for failure knows no bounds.
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