Self Defense Made Simple

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Now, there are a lot of ladies on this here blog, and as a sensitive man, I know that ladies like to look out for themselves. So, I've cobble together some information that you might find useful. Guys, maybe you've gone a bit soft in your old age. This can help you too.

It's a dangerous world out there. A lot of people spend ridiculous sums going to crappy schools for self defense. You don't need a class unless you are training for rank OR very interested in a particular style of martial arts. Defending yourself is easy. Remember, the object of defense is to be defended, not to kick ass. Although, I'll put that as an option last. Rules:

1. Stay in good cardio shape. Whether you run from an assailant (always easier to buy new sneakers than a new intestine) or slug it out, if you have no wind in your lungs, you will pass out. Not good.

2. Always run, unless it's a gun. Exceptions: If you're unable to break free of a grab or is you're surrounded or cornered. This is why we need good cardio health. Run for lights, people, places. Get to a busy store or such.

3. People WILL help. The always say, "Don't yell for help." Bullshit. You'd be shocked how many people want to help.

4. If all else fails, give them what they want UNLESS they want to hurt you or physically take advantage of you.

5. Kicking ass is a great thing, but most of us cannot match a mugger or gang thug for intense violence, pain threshold etc. Remember, most assaults are commited by criminals. Most criminals have taken a lifetime of beatings. If you do confront, you need to understand that in all likelyhood, you're going to get hurt bad.

That being said, sometimes it's time to throw down. You don't need anything complicated. Usually, a set of car keys is all you'll need. A metal pen works well. Even eyeliner pencils.

If you have absolutely nothing on you, fingers work well.

Eyes - Always jab shit into eyes. First, it criples one of five senses. Two, it hurts like hell. Three, most people are NOT trained to overcome their reflexes. If you jad the eye, the hands will fly off you and up to they wound.

Mouth - Sounds weird, but gag reflex is powerful. This is best done with something besides a hand. You don't want to get bit. Assailants will often get too close. Their mouths are sometimes open, trying to gey more oxygen. Get something in their throat. Even spraying a mouth with something astringent, like perfume, can work.

Throat - It takes less force to crush someone's windpipe than it does to crash a beer can. Take the ardest thing you can find and aim for the adam's apple. Even a palm, fist or elbow will do.

Sternum - Just under the sternum, there's a soft spot. Slide your finger down the center of your chest until you feel where the bone ends. It might feel like a small button. Once again, right on that sport, very little pressure is needed. Car keys poked into this area do well. The biggest problem? Getting there. Oddly, people tend to defend that spot pretty well with no training whatsoever, soooooo....

Armpit - What? Uhuh. Any good shot into the armpit can be deadly. Realize, if you screw up, you're going to go to jail for a long long time. I won't go into the biology of it, but it's a bad place to get hit. Internal bleeding in that area is fatal. How do you get there? Well, this is when the assailent has arms out towards neck or shoulder. Come up underneath as hard as you can with whatever you can.

Things not to do:

DO NOT DROP TO THE GROUND! You are not a cage fighter. Many self defense classes teach women especially to fall down and use their legs. NO NO NO. The best use of legs is running. Stay on your feet and out of range.

NEVER THROW A KICK unless you are a highly trained martial artist. You want to stay up. Two legs on ground ready to run.

Don't struggle. Relax your muscles and make one decisive attempt to break free. You've got one chance, not fifteen little pointless chances. Save your energy for the one chance and for running.

Never go alone. Always go places with a few people if possible. Groups of three or more are much much much less likely to be victimized. There's easier targets out there for assailants.


Remember: everything you own is a weapon, but we're not looking to be a soldier here. The main focus is survival intact, with purse/wallet if at all possible.

The greatest lesson is humility. You are not a superhero. Don't act like one. Run first. Humans are designed to run. We can all do it well. Most of us suck at fighting, even when trained to blackbelt or higher. Streetfights are not like movies, or 'karate' class. Unhurt = WIN.