It has come to my attention that the Piper has been involved in a terrible shaving/masturbation accident that has resulted in all of his fingers and penis being cut off. Sadly, due to the very cheap health care plan that he was forced to sign up for under the new Mass Healthcare law, he was required to go to a New Bedford hospital to get them reattached. The doctors there accidentally mixed up the appropriate locations for all eleven digits during the operation.
Since his recovery, no one has been able to persuade him to come out of his room and actually start posting something on his website again because he is too busy obsessively sucking his new "thumb".
Our thoughts and prayers are with him, and we hope he overcomes his latest tribulation and pulls himself together to actually do something with his life again.
Hopefully, the Astroglide I poured all over the new vibrating keyboard I bought for him will make the transition easier.
We can only hope.
Sad News About the Angry Piper.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Posted by Dr. Mantodea at 11:21 PM
Labels: Angry Piper, Offbeat News, You Suck
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7 comments:
I expected a joke along the lines of, "Sadly, he now has trouble raising his middle finger."
Wow, St. Luke's screwed that up, or the GNB Heath Center and Clinic?
oh my!!! he didn't pass the test!!!
lol
He now owns every videogame controller that has the "rumble" feature.
And just WILL NOT stop picking his nose.
At least I never have to buy a giant foam finger at any sports events ever again.
I just think of Toyi for a few seconds and I'm good to go.
I will have to get a mind eraser at the local STAPLES...
Or hire the professional services of Malach's mind bullets.
o-0
This seems to me to be in error.
Isn't the Piper busy sucking his pinky finger now???
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