This was so neat I had to share ....
http://snowflakes.lookandfeel.com/
I made a million of them already! *giggles*
~wicked love~
Check This Out
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Check this out!!!
This is a very controversial Issue and has people in congress fighting yet Bush found the answer lol
Bush's Substantial Lie
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
....Today, our Idiot in Chief is going to make a ‘substantial’ statement on Iraq. Hmmmm.
Yesterday, the Idiot’s administration ‘tossed out’ the mantra that they have been using throughout the course of the war: “Stay the Course.”
In two weeks, the 2006 elections take place. All across the country, people will vote, and the voting machines will hopefully not be rigged.
These days, people overall are very displeased with the republican ‘leadership.’ People are not happy with the war in Iraq, with the troubled economy, with the ever-present threat of terrorism.
Now, I’m the first to point out that overall, people are stupid. I mean, hell, we’ve had the Idiot in office for 2 terms. How stupid can people be? But, does the Idiot really think this will work? Folks, do you see what he is trying to do?
Let me spell this one out for you. The Idiot’s administration is hoping to capitalize on the gullibility of the populace and get people back on their team. They do this every election with whatever ‘hot button’ item they can find. They used Gay Rights to win an election. They used Immigration to win an election. Now, as the war in Iraq is the biggest hot button around, Bush figures he can simply change the view of the republican agenda and win back voters. For years people have been telling them that this war was foolish, and its been ‘stay the course’ over and over again. Suddenly, we’re not going to stay the course anymore?
Please. How stupid do they think people are? Folks, they think your as stupid as the idiot in charge! Not that I can blame them, but we can’t let them be right. Don’t fall for this dis-information campaign. Nothing is going to change but some buzzwords. And its all so the republicans can hold on to our government and exploit as much as they possible can for 2 more years.
You watch. At 10:30 EST today, the Idiot will make his bold statement. Don’t fall for it.
Hump Day Jokes
A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
And finally, he cried, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down.
After a few moments, the song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River'."
*~*~*~*~*~*
A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.
The bartender looks at the guy and asks: "What's wrong with your turtle?"
"Not a thing," the man responds, this beat up turtle is faster than your dog!"
"Not a chance!", replies the barkeep.
"Okay then, says the guy... you take your dog and let him stand at one end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there."
So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees.
The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog.
Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall and says - "I WIN... Told you it'll be there before your dog!"
*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*
Winnie and Piglet walked in the forest.
Say, let's open a shop, said Winnie.
Great! But what will we sell? Honey?
No, that's exactly what we'll buy. We'll sell pork.
&
&
Eeyore walked in the forest and saw Piglet lying there without one leg and one eye...
Oh Piglet, what's happen to you, poor thing?
I bet Winnie one eye that he couldn't tear my leg off...
~not my best ...but oh well! Wicked Love to All~
Some Programing Notes
Must See TV.
So, I have been waiting for Heroes to dissapoint me or piss me off . . . I though when the whole "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World" crap started that would happen. I can tell you it has not. Every episode, is engaging, twisting, fun, mysterious, and exciting. It is now one of only 3 shows that is required viewing for me (the other two are Battlestar Galactica and Ultimate Fighter, I also try to catch Dr. Who whenever I can but the TV schedule seems to interfere with the kids going to bed, so I miss the first half hour.). You will not be dissappointed.
Last night I saw the documentary The World According to Sesame Street. Beautifully moving documentary on how Sesame Workshop has begin to develop versions of Sesame Street in other countries, produced in those countries, with those coutries cultures tied in. How in a country like South Africa, where 50% percent of the population have HIV/AIDS, that 40% of children have at least one parent who has died from HIV, they introduced an HIV+ Muppet, and in Bangladesh, how this show unites the different faiths, classes, and people. It was amazing to watch hundreds of people in front on one TV to watch the premiers of the Bagladesh version.
One for the kids. My kids are so excited about Class of 3000, so I am I. The brainchild behind this show is Andre 3000 Benjamin of the OutKast. My kids love the Outkast music, I think they are one of the best things in modern Hip Hop/Rap/R&B (BTW, Outkast is my featured artist in my blog for the next few days). The show is about a music teacher (Benjamin) who teaches music to a groups of racially diverse music students. I looks a lot of fun, the animation is very stylish, and the music sounds amazing.
Drew Bledsoe.
Well, there are a lot of Bledsoe haters here in New England. Many relish the fact he is once again being replaced by the younger QB. Drew has basically stated that he will retire if relegated to back up. Unfortunately Bledsoe lives under the shadow of Tom Brady around here, and that is a very hard thing to live up to. But give Bledsoe credit. Kraft, Parcells, and Bledsoe brought the Patriots out from the doldrums and the laughing stock of the NFL. Bledsoe is the second best QB to ever put on a Patriots jersey. I appreciated what he has done, and if not for Bledsoe, there is not 2001 Super Bowl.
Now, as I stated way back here: I just can't wait for Bledsoe's inevitable implosion .
I am Malach and I bring you llamas.
Dinosaurs explained
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Here you go morons.
Not only is this well thought out and logically, it is totally true.
Making the Piper's Ass famous . .
Tales of WoW. There a new one up all in the hissouse. Just Another Day at Dr. Murk's House.
The Return of Deja WoW for your face
And for kicks
I am Malach . . . Run Wonder Woman Run!
Helloween post #1: freaks in America!!!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Has anyone seen this yet? This is a great example of uncontrolled mental illness running rampant in America. WE NEED TO HELP OURSELVES!!!
Oh, M&M Show 12? Where art thou?
I found this image of Dr. Murk working in his
recording studio and it made me wonder...
WHERE IS THE FUCKING
PODCAST YOU PROMISED US!??!?!
DAMN! A Honkey Stole My Thetans!
What the Hell Does that Mean.
So here I am checking the stats for my website , and I delve into my favorite section . . . searchphrases. Now I get some weird search phrase, many having to do with Jesus, strange fetish porn, feces and such. Some of my favorites include:
what does it mean when i have black bugs in my stool?
Jesus having sex porn
jeter is a fag
smack my ass and call me charlie
Most of these can be logically understood . . . Stool Sample and Stool Sample Webcomics, JesusMan!, Fat Bug, and my Blog generate most of these weird search hits. Well today, this one knocked me off my chair:
DAMN! A Honkey Stole My Thetans!
Where did that come from? Man, wouldn't that be a good name for a TV program?
Speaking of TV Programs.
Cartoon Network has some interesting superhero ones. Beyond their awesome series Justice League (Unlimited) , which has been running for several years, and replays of both Ultimate Avengers movies, they have a new series, The Fantastic Four. Interesting, the series has gotten quite a bit better as the series has advanced. The characters have also developed to be a little less sterotypical, and the plots have become entertaining, almost typically F4. The series which I rated 6 out of 10 initially has worked it's way up to a 7.5 or 8.
Now this weekend, Saturday October 28th, CN will premiere Hell Boy at 9:30PM. Like the Ultimate Avengers, this is another straight to DVD release, but unlike Ultimate, it will first premiere in CN. It looks, the little that is available, very good. So catch it.
You have no idea my power!
WATCH AND UNDERSTAND!
I am Malach, aka Heck Boy who is popular on the Internet.
Lambs to the Slaughter
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Run from the Gun.
When the CRACK of the .50 caliber split the air, the Angry Veteran just happened to be looking at Spacefarmer; his usual look of derision suddenly changed to shock as the exit wound sprayed blood and organ all over poor Just Me. The spray of the exit wound went South, so the gunner must be north. Before he had consciously processed this information, AV was already in a full sprint to the South. The picnic was being held in a clearing with a tree line about 1500 meters to the north and about 1000 meters to the south.
One thousand meters - one klick. His only chance to survive was to run that one klick before the gunner could take him down. He ran a full sprint, bent at the waist to reduce his silhouette and keep from exposing his head. Just make it to the tree line. Even if he was injured, most body shots, with today’s technology, won't be fatal - just avoid the headshot. Get to the tree line without a headshot; then make it back to that logging road and call for help.
While everyone else panicked, Dr. Murk laughed out loud and began slowly walking to the northern tree line. He adjusted his hat and stroked his beard as he ambled forward. "Yes! Yes! That is the way my sweet little honey bear! Kill them if you can! Kill them all! YES! ALL!"
CRACK, slickslick
A second shot rung out. Pooh loved that smell; the smell of gunpowder. The smell of the first round that burns off the ever so light coat of oil that maintains the barrel in storage. The sound of a perfectly cared for bolt sliding in its tray. The feel of the bolt handle in his paw, pulling back and pushing forward with just the right amount of steady resistance. "Ahhhhh. So smooth. Do you see, Piglet, how they run just like mice? Except slower and with so much noise. Now you know why our home is such a peaceful and wonderful place. None of them. No Bloggers."
Choas Dragoon lay lifeless next to SpaceFarmer; their massive exit wounds played silent tribute to the power of the rifle and the marksmanship of the Pooh Bear.
CRACK, slickslick
AV was running at a full sprint. "Don't bring your shield, they said. It's going to be a nice friendly picnic, they said. Come and just relax and enjoy the party, they said. No one will ask you to read a book, they said." Luckily, he heard the third shot, so he knew it didn't hit him. Well, he knew it didn't kill him, anyway.
Just Me and Toyi had made the awful mistake of trying to help their two fallen fellow contributors. They had both rushed over and tried to stop the bleeding, but no application of pressure is going to help when your heart has been shot out of your chest. Both of them now lie lifeless on the comrades they were trying to save.
"Two-fer!" Pooh exclaimed as he looked up from the scope and reloaded. He turned and explained to Piglet; "I got two of them with one shot! They just lined themselves right up on top of the first two. Tell me this isn't more fun than PoohSticks!"
Pooh settled back down and lined up his next shot. He had a dead bead on the back of some oblivious fool, but before he could squeeze the trigger a skirt came into his view. Piglet saw Pooh snap his own neck back and vomit over the right side of the rifle stock. That had been no skirt; it was a kilt. And when the wind lifted it up and filled the scope with its awful contents, even the battle scarred Pooh could not keep his hunny down.
Wiping the bile from his lips, Pooh returned his focus. “That will leave a mental scar” he murmured to himself.
CRACK, slickslick
Malach’s exposed buttocks went limp as he fell onto the vinyl mat. A pool of blood slowly poured out off the shiny polystyrene and into the thirsty prairie grass. The grass would be well watered today.
CRACK
Hojo now had a posthumous appreciation for the quality of Canadian military equipment. Pooh, however, knew that his 5 round magazine was empty and it was time to reload. In a smooth, easy motion, Pooh slid the release with his right paw and pulled the empty clip out with his left paw. A fresh clip was taped upside down to the spent one, so he simply turned it upside down and pushed the fresh clip back up into the LRSW. 5 more rounds of AMAX Match .50 cal was ready to go.
slickslick
“We believe the sniper is over there,” the Helpful Critic pointed out.
CRACK, slickslick
CRACK, slickslick
“It’s not polite to point,” Pooh cautioned as the Helpful Critic was sprayed across the lawn chairs they had brought.
“I can’t see anything much from here” said Piglet. “All I can see are the ones up and the ones down” Piglet announced with a frown. “Look in the box – you’ll see a little scope, like this one, but on a small tripod; go ahead and take it out. It’s a spotter’s scope – you’ll like it. And while you’re in there, be a great friend and get me some more of these double taped magazines. The ones with the blue tape, not the red tape.”
CRACK, slickslick
Otis Serungis said about as much in death as he did in life.
CRACK, slickslick
“What, I thought I already did this guy?” Captain Flak Paperpants lost his head for the final time.
CRACK
Dr. Jen would find no pill to cure this ill. Someone else would be picking up a shift at the Pharmacy this week.
Piglet handed Pooh a fresh double magazine and it was loaded while Piglet set up his spotter’s scope.
slickslick
“Oh! I see! I SEE!” squealed Piglet. “LOOK! There is a big green shiny one that’s almost made it to the trees! Pooh – what’s this little red number in the corner?”
“The spotter scope has a built in laser range finder. That number is the distance in meters to the target. What number on the green one?”
“It says 1230, wait, 1240, wait, 1250…”
“Got it.”
CRACK, slickslick
Dr. Mantodea, well, this currently inhabited clone body, exploded like a water balloon full of jello. He was going to be pissed when he woke up in clone body 12 back in the lab.
“YES! NICE shot! Well placed!” shouted Dr. Murk as he looked back and admired the scene of mass slaughter – especially the spectacular shot on Mantodea. “What are you doing?!” Angry Piper yelled out; his mind finally clear of the alcoholic haze.
“Exactly what I want to be doing. You have escaped one of my death traps for the last time.” Dr. Murk tilted his head ever so slightly in the AP’s direction and gave, what the AP thought, was a slight bow. The full realization of what was happening, and who was responsible, hit the Angry Piper the same time the bullet did.
CRACK, slickslick
Murk watched as a mixture of blood and Guinness poured from Piper’s belly. A look of disbelief, and then shock washed over Piper’s face as he dropped to his knees. He reached both his hands out, as if to try to strangle Murk, but the vision of Murk became blurry, faded, and then black. The Piper was no more.
Dr. Murk’s laughter could be heard in between the authoritative CRACK of gunfire and the sickly slickslick sound of a bolt sliding back and forth over the next few minutes as Crumb, Fury, Shimmer Love, YPG, AutoC, and Palmer all fell to the deadly aim of Winnie the Pooh. One could hear the small, precious voice of Piglet calling out directions and ranges as the last of the contributors left in the field were cut down.
Vultures began to circle high in the sky as Dr. Murk approached the grassy knoll where Pooh and Piglet lay. Piglet was picking up the large brass casings and diligently stacking them in the box. Pooh would be hand packing fresh rounds tonight.
“Well done my hunny suckle friend! Well done! I am not one who is easily impressed, but you, sir, have the brilliance of a true master. You are an artist, and I, a well satisfied patron.”
“Blood makes the grass grow,” Pooh said as he brushed off his shirt and stood up. “But it doesn’t pay the bills. The bounty is as we discussed.”
“Oh yes, and worth every drop” Murk assured him; and handed him a key.
The logging road was desolate, the vehicles of the contributors all there, empty, right where they were left. But there was one delivery truck there that wasn’t there before. The Angry Veteran approached it, looking for traps. Satisfied that there were none, he went around back and saw the back doors were padlocked.
Then, the AV noticed something else. Quiet. The gunshots had stopped. He quickly went over to his star spangled red, white, and blue Harley Davidson and reached into the saddlebag. There, by the compass, was his crowbar.
Popping the padlock off, AV unlatched the cargo doors and swung them open. The cargo hold of the delivery truck was full of clay jars marked “Hunny” with one of the “N’s” written backward.
“MURK!” AV screamed to no one who could hear.
AV waited and sure enough, Dr. Murk came into the clearing of the logging road.
“I see you enjoyed our little picnic more than everyone else” Murk said with a grin and tone of self congratulation.
“You are a sick, sick man. You almost got me killed back there – what the hell was that all about?”
“They all began to bore me. Their posts, they did not please me. I have assembled a new crew of contributors. For consistency sake, I shall assign the internet personas of all the dead contributors to this new crew. To the casual reader of the WoW, there will be no disruption. It was just a long needed pruning, old boy.”
“What about me? You almost got me killed!”
“Well, we both know, if you aren’t fit enough to survive one little sniper ambush, you certainly aren’t worth the payroll, are you. The contract specifically states that I may test you at any time without warning.”
“You just make sure the checks keep coming.” AV was about to continue, when he heard the soft “whopwhopwhop” of a low flying helicopter in the distance.
“Another test” AV asked.
“Oh no!” Murk chuckled; this is our ride home. “You don’t’ think I’m actually going to sit through an entire drive all the way home, do you. Please.”
Sure enough, a small black helicopter landed in the clearing. “You take too long, fat man!” Mrs. Dr. Murk screamed over the whirling rotor blades and motioned for the both of them to get in. Murk strapped himself into the co-pilot seat and AV took his position on the door gun.
A cooler full of Diet Coke and Coke Blak was tied down to the floor, and slices of apple pie were ready to eat.
"I love pie," Murk smiled through a mouth full of crust and baked fruit.
Kate Winslet Finds Herself 'Fascinating '.
Newsboys News Agency
London England
In a recent interview with Newsboys News Agency, Kate Winslet summed up her acting career in two words, 'utterly unstopable'. The girl from Titanic, Winslet is set to be the voice of Juliet in in the animated joint of Miramax Studios and Sir Elton John's Rocket Pictures, Gnomeo and Juliet.
"It's true," Winslet said, in her over done British accent, "I'm stunning. Quite fabulous, in fact. Right. Now then, now then!"
Winslet's agent, Poof Doc MeGregory Allen Smith-Waddel, admits, "She has really nice tits." MeGregory Allen Smith-Waddel also contends that her portrayal of Juliet is 'refreshing', 'complex' and 'moody to a fault', but that he adores her bosoms and hopes to make lots of money and to one day touch her.
"I'm the reason Leonardo DiCaprio is gay, " Winslet confesses. "After me, there were no women for him. I discarded him and continued on with my career. Fascinating."
Winslet is best known for her roles in Hideous Kinky and Flushed Away, but her fans complain that critics never recognize her less well known, but horribly fantastic roles in Titanic and Fining Neverland.
"It's utter rubbish," said Santa Peppers Moneo, vice president of the Kate Winslet fan club, which Winslet herself runs from her own bathroom on Sundays. "Kate is future-r-r-rific. It's total bullshit and we refuse to accept this award." Moneo was later hospitalized for minor burns, but was released and placed on suicide watch.
"I can't even watch me sometimes," Winslet said, sobbing, "Do you know how difficult it is to see me in the mirror every morning? How can I live up to my own reflection every day? How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?"
When asked about her future plans, Winslet could only say that they are "enormously important and life altering" and that she intend to "crank up the super stunning dynamo of amazement that is me. Purrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
Why no posts yesterday?
Huh?
Well Blogger went Kablooey for most of yesterday, sorry. It is up today. I noticed the Angry Veteran has a draft waitng to be published . . . it is interesting and funny. AV, copy, delete it and make a new post so it will appear above this one.
For you Orbit fans.
CO:TCG.com is starting to develop. It is going to be a fun long term project, perhaps a bit of a recreation of Cartoon Orbit, a bit MySpace thrown in, article about online games, perhaps a unique game, and more. I am working with Chris, the brains behind the Massive Cartoon Orbit Archival Project. I believe our goal is host his site at CO:TCG for free, were started last night by loading over 9000 orbit .swf images onto the site. Stay tuned.
I am Malach signing off!
Stool Sample is proud to present . .
Friday, October 20, 2006
The Reading Room
Our new hosted fiction directory. It is now up. Along with the long running, but little update Lying . . . is two new series. Choatic Thoughts presents the fiction and fanfics of our own Choas Dragoon. Already up is his X Men fanfic Armageddon. Additionally, and relatively soon (maybe tonight) the Tales of WoW will be up, reprinting the classic stories of the WoW by the Angry Piper. Follow my feed for updates.
UPDATE AND EDIT
Tales of WoW is now loaded. I put up the WoW Family Picnic, parts one and two, as I feel this is a good intro to the characters, the rest to come at a later date!
I am Malach and that was just the Mother of all quickies, but I got a second wind.
No Picnic: Trespass on the Hundred Acre Wood
"Oh, bother" said Pooh as he watched the very strange picnic that was taking place right here in a favorite field in the Hundred Acre Wood.
Piglet stood by his side and wondered aloud: "How do they not notice the fires they started and all our small animal friends they have scared away?"
"Bloggers" said Pooh, "Bloggers don't notice anything but hit counts" and a very sad, determined look washed over his normally smiling face. Piglet noticed the change on Pooh's face and decided to imitate it - so as to fit in. "What can we do" he asked in an oh so serious voice.
"The only thing we can do; unless we want all of hundred acre wood to be overrun by more of them. You know how Owl keeps the wood from being overrun by mice? That's how."
Piglet was confused. He gave a tug and pulled on Pooh's shirt and whispered, even though no one else was around to hear. "How are you going to swoop down and gobble them up? You don't have wings like Owl and those Bloggers are too big for your mouth. Look at that one - he must be as big as a hundred jars of honey!"
Piglet was right, of course. "You are right, of course." But swooping and eating wasn't what Pooh had meant. "But I wasn't meaning to swoop down and eat them." With this, Piglet was extremely confused; Pooh had just said he was going to be like Owl.
"What I mean, Piglet, is that like Owl ends the threat of the mice, I will end the threat of the Bloggers."
Minutes later, Pooh was returning to the grassy knoll that had a clear view of the "picnic." Piglet was anxious to find out what Pooh had in the long box he was carrying. The two lay down in the tall grass and Pooh opened the box. Piglet had never seen anything like it.
"What - what is it?" Piglet was confounded.
"It's a gift from a friend in the Canadian Military" (Pooh thought back to an old friend, but wasn't sharing his thoughts with Piglet.) "It's a Long Range Sniper Weapon ("LRSW") and was adopted by Canadian Forces from the McMillan Brothers .50-cal. Tactical Anti-Material Sniper Rifle System in April of 2000. The LRSW is modified for Canadian Army use with a movable cheek piece and shortened bipods, and is fitted with a 16x Leupold optical sight. See, the cheek piece and the bipods are perfectly adjusted for me." Pooh smiled widely.
"What! Where did you get such a thing? How do you know how to use it? What is going on Pooh?!" Piglet was very upset.
"I told you, a friend gave it to me. And of course I know how to use it. Haven't you noticed, Piglet, that there are never any hunters or poachers here in Hundred Acre Wood? Why do you think that is?" Pooh's eyes glinted and then relaxed as he pressed his brow to the optical sight.
"These Bloggers, they're even worse." The big soft pad of Pooh's finger rested gently on the trigger. His breathing was slow and regulated, so that his chest would not rise or fall and disturb his 1500 meter shot. A soft steady pull and a piercing CRACK echoed through the field as birds took to flight and a body fell.
The hot, empty, .50 caliber brass ejected smoothly as Pooh pulled back the bolt and loaded another round into the chamber (slickslick). This time, as he looked through the sight, he saw Bloggers running, screaming, and looking around in bewilderment. Except for one, who seemed too busy sitting and rocking back and forth on a vinyl mat. He would be next.
Pooh grinned. "It's a very special day for us in the Hundred Acre Wood."
Oh I think its too late for me lol
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Hey check this out lol extra small sizes well why is this so funny to me? well I've always been a slim girl, most of my father's side family have extra high metabolism and so we tend to be skinny.
Acording to TV images, I had the Idea that US girls were very slim, yet in ES I had no trouble finding cloth of my size (short but) cause after all in CA you walk a lot and people tend to be within a reasonable size, just to tell you that the biggest bra in ES is a 38C despite the over sizes you find here in US.
Well then I was told that I was coming to US, I thought YEAH!!! That will end the short leg issue, because that was something I had to deal big time on ES, pants fits me but they are short..
I come here and by my surprice things were backwards, I had the biggest trouble ever finding my size, finally I walked into a GAP store and found jeans that fitted right (Including the long leg issue) I was like WOW YEAH BABY, the jeans cost me $40, oh I was devastated cause I made numbers and realized that with $40 I could eat an entire month in ES lol well I got home, my brother was with me, family says "so did you find jeans?" I said "yes well at least I have a butt that I am always proud of you know", my cousing pulls them out and laughs "AHAHAHAHAH size zero AHAHAHAH, the entire family laughs, I said well it'll have to do lol but I admit that I hated that only expensive stores had my size, I complitely hated it, few months later I come very happy and say eh eh I am not size Zero anymore lol my cousing ask so what size are you now? I said I am Size 1... he goes AHAHAH she went from size zero to size 1 AHAHAH, after few years I have gained some muscle playing soccer and I have gone up few more sizes... but I was just reading this article and I think.. uhm this is a little late for me, but yeah I mean WHO WILL FIT INTO THESE CLOTH, I mean? o-0
The WoW Family Picnic: Part the Second
When we last left our intrepid WowWees, they were all assembled at a picnic, enjoying the food, conversation and company, when lo and behold, their idyllic retreat was interrupted most shockingly by the theatrical arrival of the man known only as…Crumb! Crumb points his accusatory finger at The Angry Piper like a rigid member, accusing him most heinously of being a complete fraud!
(Oh, and Hobbs von Wackamole was brutally killed. Whatever.)
Crumb: As I began to state in the previous post, you, “Angry Piper”, are nothing more than a pretender! A player! An actor! You, sir, are the tom-fool and the merry-andrew! The harlequin and scaramouche!
~Fury~: Scara-what?
Dr. Murk: Scaramouche. A character from the Commedia Dell’Arte. Also featured in the book of the same title by Rafael Sabatini—
Angry Veteran: I never read that.
Dr. Murk: —and in the song Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen.
Just Me: Wow. You’re a smart fella.
Dr. Murk: It’s called a PhD, you goddamn beatnik.
Crumb: Silence! I am telling you morons that in real life, The Angry Piper is nothing like he pretends to be online!
Shimmer-Love: Pfauugh! I just realized I hate mustard! So what about the Piper not being who he is online: that’s kinda the whole point, isn’t it?
Dr. Jen: Well, he’s not completely different…
Angry Veteran: He’s much worse.
Toyita: And yet I steel love heem, Senhor.
~Fury~: I can barely stand his company.
A rock, thrown from somewhere, hits the Angry Piper in the head.
Angry Piper: Ouch! Jesus! Who threw that?!!
Mrs. Dr. Murk: (unseen) Hate you, Angry Pipah!!!!
Crumb: Fools! He pretends to be Scottish!
Dr. Murk: No, he doesn’t. He keeps telling us he’s Irish. We just ignore him.
Angry Veteran: I can tell you he likes books much more than people. And he is Irish. I can vouch for that.
Crumb: Not as Irish as me. Erin go Bragh! Cead Mile Failte!!! Brits out of Ireland! 26+6=1!!! Get out ye Black & Tans!!!! See?!!! I can name any Pogues tune in one fucking note!!! I‘m so goddamn Irish, every shit I take is green and stamped with a shamrock and Arthur Guinness’s signature!!!!
Choas Dragoon: You should see a doctor about that. Seriously.
Dr. Jen: Don’t look at me.
Crumb: He probably doesn’t even play the bagpipes!
~Fury~: Actually, he does.
Crumb: Look at him! He’s not even angry!!!
Angry Piper: True. I’m fairly indifferent to this whole conversation. Could you hurry this up? (looks at Toyita) I’m about to seal the deal here.
Toyita: Si. Hurry up, crazy shouting man.
Shimmer-Love: I’d call you more cynical than angry.
Angry Piper: Thanks, hot stuff. When I’m done rocking this chica’s world you’re next on my list.
Shimmer-Love: Can’t wait.
Crumb: He only wears a kilt because he thinks it’s a skirt, and he’s a big fairy!
There is murmuring assent.
Malach: Well, I’ve been saying that for years.
Dr. Mantodea: Look, Crumb, the point is that none of us (except Malach) are exactly as we are in real life. For example, I do not truly look like a mantis. I wish I did, because I would be better looking, but I don’t.
Angry Veteran: I don’t dress like Captain America (in public). And I don’t work as a lackey for a shadowy organization or an eccentric billionaire.
Dr. Murk: (loudly) Of course he doesn’t! That would be ridiculous! Ahem…while we’re on the subject…my facial hair is fake. There. I said it.
Just Me: And Dr. Murk’s wife isn’t really a cold-blooded Asian assassin.
Dr. Murk: Actually, that part’s true. As any of you who have eaten the apple pie will soon discover. Hope none of you made any evening plans.
YPG: Still want some pie?
AutoC: Nope.
Helpful Critic: We are far from helpful. And we don’t think Hobbs von Wackamole is really an old man. One need only look at his corpse— wait a moment…where did he go? He must have lived and made his escape while we were talking!
Cap’n Flak Paperpants: HELL YEAH!!!
Angry Piper: Son of a BITCH!!!! You’re on borrowed time, Hobbs!! BORROWED TIME!!!!!
Dr. Jen: Well, I AM a doctor. Really.
Palmer: And I do love feet.
Just Me: If I may say something…
Choas Dragoon: Pfauugh!! I just realized I hate your foot wine!
Just Me: Whatever. I didn't really make it. I just remembered I don't drink. Anyway, I think that having an Internet persona allows us the freedom to say and do things we would not normally do, and have fun while we’re at it. You see? Look at the Angry Piper over there…he and Toyi seem madly in love. Yet in real life, Toyita is nowhere near plump enough to satisfy the Angry Piper’s big girl fetish, and he is nowhere near moral and religious enough to satisfy her…um…religion fetish.
Angry Piper: True. But it doesn’t stop me from romancing Toyi by singing like Tony Bennett… (singing)
You know I’d go from rags to riches…
If you would only say you’d care…
And though my pockets may be empty…
I’d be a millionaire…
Hojo: Wow. That even sounded terrible just reading it.
Toyita: I survived a war. I can deal with hees horrible seenging.
Suddenly, Malach stands up, brushing a multitude of foodstuffs from his clothing, and clears his throat.
Malach: I have something to say…
Angry Veteran: Think he’s going to sing “Prepare Ye the Way of the Lord” again?
Dr.Murk: Don’t worry. He ate the pie. He won’t get halfway through it.
Malach: The Wand of Wonder is a multi contributor freeform blog. Contributers range in different personalities, political leanings, ethinicities, and religious ideals. Like a Wand of Wonder, you never know what will come out.
(soft orchestral music begins to play)
When I first hatched the idea for the WoW, I envisioned a place where intelligent and creative people could all come to share ideas and philosophies without fear of repression, judgment or censorship; where our combined creativity would be a force the likes of which the Internet has never seen!
(music builds)
Instead, I got all of you.
Despite this, we get an insane amount of traffic. Every day, new people arrive and see the Wand of Wonder for the first time. We are growing, much like the Angry Piper's gut and self-hatred.
(music builds)
And it does not matter if at the WoW we wear different faces than our true faces. It does not matter that we, for the most part, do not know each other in the flesh. All that matters is we continue to be productive. That we inspire others to join our forum and contribute. And that all of you—and in time, many more—will continue to arrive, bowls empty and waiting to be filled, like Oliver Twist, saying, “Please, sir, may I have some more?”
Angry Veteran: I never read that.
Otis Serungis: Anyone else notice Malach got way more eloquent all of a sudden?
Malach: The Angry Piper, for all his flaws (and there are far too many to list here), fulfills a role at the WoW. As soon as I remember what it is, I’ll let you know. Yes, he may be hideous to look upon. Yes, he may enjoy “Sharon Stoning” us way too much in that kilt. And yes, he is most likely not all he claims to be. But…he is our Angry Piper, and we love him.
(Music ends. There is much applause)
Dr. Mantodea: Speak for yourself. I hate the fucker.
Just Me: Just what is your problem with the Piper, anyway, Crumb?
YPG: Yes. It is bad karma to be so upset.
AutoC: You will be reborn carrying the burden of your envy. And now I must go and contemplate my navel.
Just Me: Why all the negative energy?
Crumb: (sobbing) He…he….he has a much cooler name than me!!!!!!!
Hojo: True. “Crumb” doesn’t exactly conjure images of greatness.
Malach: It does not matter. Pathetic though your name may be, you are welcome here. Now come, Crumb, wipe away your tears and join the WoW fold. Embrace me.
Crumb: Isn’t that kind of gay? You’re wearing assless chaps.
Malach: Yes. It is.
---end---
Art Shell leading Raiders to perfect season!
There is always an excitement in the air when a team starts off the season with a perfect record. At week six in the regualr season, the citizens of Raider Nation are feeling that excitement.
It's true, thanks to Art Shell and his unbelieveable team, the Raiders are at a perfect 0-5 start to the season. No game has been spoiled by a victory; and it looks like Shell is going to be able to make it last all season long.
Some fans don't want to "jinx" the propsects of a perfect season by "talking about it" - so few Raider faithful were willing to talk about what is surely on everyone's mind. This type of superstition is not uncommon in sports, so it can certainly be respected.
Just know that there are many of us out there who are rooting for you to have your perfect season. Go Raiders!
Billy F'n Buckner
The Mood of Red Sox Nation.
We are coming upon the 20th anniversary of one of the most heartbreaking moments ever in Boston sports history. The 20th anniversary of this
If you have a heart condition or homicidal/suicidal tendencies view at your own risk. This was probably the highlight/lowlight of the Curse of the Bambino. A rolling grounder, that a high school player could field to lose game six, and game you were one out away to winning the Series . . .
This play has been analyzed and over analyzed, and yes, Schiraldi has as much blame for this as Buckner, but Buckner has become the symbol. Buckner, with is busted ankles, and average glove, should not have been in there, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Well, their is some new information brought to light by ESPN's Page 2. Evidently, after reviewing some pictures of Buckner for a 20th anniversary article about the play, someone noticed something. A picture of Buckner leaving the field, after the play, glove removed from his hand . .
That's right my fellow Nation Members. He was wearing a Cub's batting glove on his fielding hand under his glove. He was doubly cursed. Read more on Page 2's Uni Watch.
I am Malach and Bill Buckner, I forgive you (2004 has made us soft).
Armageddon
A fanfiction by Choas
We know not of the year. All time was discarded during the Revolution. All we know is that the rebels won. This all happened before I was born. 5 years to the date of the elimination of the old government.
The Revolution was started by one man, the one who we thought was powerless after that battle over the Leech. He fooled us all, we thought he was powerless after a great coup de grace that left his army scattered and dismayed. At first they were right. He was left powerless, his vast powers depleted. But he recovered, and his powers grew to unfathomable levels. He has been called the reincarnation of Hitler. But unlike Hitler, he had succeeded in his mass genocide. He has always believed his race was dominant. And from what he accomplished, he has unmistakably proven his belief. The lord of all that is live and dead is named………………………………………………………...….Magneto.
My father was a mighty general of Magneto’s army. I’ve never known is human name, but his mutant name is known by everyone, he’s almost infamous as Magneto himself. He is the Juggernaut. His mutant power is that he is invulnerable of the body.He could not be harmed or even feel pain. His momentum in battle made him impossible to beat physically in anyway. He could get no sickness. He did not age and he donned a helmet that made his mind invulnerable too and was created by Magneto himself. He could ricochet a rocket and be completely unharmed, but his confidence and ego grew to levels larger than Magneto’s powers. There was no surprise, he was the rebel’s hero. He had become royalty. And so had I. Magneto had no children, so my father was next in line. But he was killed in his sleep when I was 3. He had became so arrogant, that he no longer worn his helmet, and was assassinated by a member of a group to bring down Magneto. They were stopped hours after his death.
My mutant powers aren’t all that powerful. They are more convenient than anything. I have complete control of an alternate dimension that is a complete void. With a simple push or slap of my hand, I can teleport anything to the void, and it stays there till I make a backhand notion, then anything I want comes out of the vast void. I of course have many things in there, and I myself can go into the void. When in the void, if I push my way out, then I can teleport anywhere known to my knowledge. I’m a general now of the army, which basically means I do nothing all day, except boss around everyone and get a gigantic salary. I do wish for some excitement. Only if the X-Men could be resurrected somehow. But they are gone and will never come back………………………………….
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