Zangief Back With Vengeance!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Hello Amerikanskis!

So many things to tell, Zangief not know where to start! Zangief back at last from long World Tour of Street Fighters! Zangief fight Rubber Band Man Dhalsim. Zangief stretch him out long and thin like linguini noodle then use him as jump rope. Don’t worry about Dhalsim. He bleed a little, but he bounce back. Zangief wad him up in ball when done.
Get it? Zangief make joke!
Even though Zangief lose to Ken’s Flaming Dragon Punch (again), Zangief get some mad bitches, yo! Zangief knock boots with many Street Fighter groupies. They bleed a little when Zangief done, but they ok.
The other day Zangief go to Zangief’s friend Malach the Merciless’s house with Zangief’s other friend The Angry Piper. Angry Piper say he want to pay Malach a surprise visit, and Zangief love surprises! Zangief and Angry Piper find Malach in small building behind Malach’s house. Malach call it his “art studio”. Angry Piper knock on door. “Open up,” say Angry Piper.
“Uh…who’s there?” Malach’s voice come from behind door. He squeak like female mouse.
“It’s me, Piper,” say Angry Piper.
“Oh…uh…hold on a minute,” say Malach. Zangief tired of waiting, so Zangief grab doors and pull them open. Zangief tear doors off hinges by accident! “Surprise!” Zangief yell.
Inside, Zangief find out Malach is true artist! Malach hard at work painting three naked men! All three scream in fear of Zangief and try to climb over couch, but all are covered with slippery oil and fall down in big pile on floor like Keystone Cops!
“Ho Ho Ho!!!” Zangief laugh.
One of Malach’s naked friends poke head up from behind couch. “Holy shit—it looks like the Russian has a huge papaya down his shorts!” he say.
“Oh, Christ,” say Angry Piper. Then naked men giggle like girls. Zangief consider giving them all Spinning Piledriver, but that might damage Malach’s painting, so Zangief decide not to.
“Why didn’t you call first?” Malach scream at Angry Piper.
“Because, Malach,” say Zangief, “Angry Piper want to surprise Malach!”
“Surprise,” Angry Piper say, not sounding excited at all. He cover eyes with hands. “Uh, maybe we should leave Malach alone with the Pet Shop Boys here, Zangief.”
Just then Zangief see something very cool. Zangief see bullwhip sitting on chair, and think of American hero Indiana Jones, who is really just ripoff of old Russian hero Slomensk Petrovitch! Zangief grab bullwhip and almost drop it, handle so greasy! Then Zangief pretend he is Slomensk Petrovitch and start whipping like crazy! Malach’s naked friends try to run away, but they so oily all they do is fall down over and over. One even start crying. It so funny!
“Ho Ho Ho!!!” Zangief laugh again.
Soon Zangief lose grip on bullwhip and wipe greasy hand on chest hair. Malach’s naked friends slip and slide out the door.
“Please don’t tell anyone about this!” Malach beg Piper and Zangief.
“Okeydoke!” Zangief give Malach thumbs-up sign.
“Whatever,” Angry Piper say. He still covering eyes.
Zangief think Malach not want to reveal naked masterpiece painting until it finished, so Zangief not tell anyone. After all, Zangief love surprises!