NEWSBOYS - BREAKING NEWS!

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Executive Decision Maker Toy used to make actual Executive Decision

NEWSBOYS: (New York) Senior Executive J. Daniel Goldsheim, III who currently acts as COO and a member of the Board of Directors for the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) recently decided to outsource a 3.2 million dollar customer service contract to an overseas vendor based solely on the results given to him by an executive decision maker toy he was given at a recent trade show.

"You know, I was having a hard time making the decision myself to outsource these jobs. I was getting conflicting data from the project leads and other team members so finally I figured, hey, what the hell, I'll ask my executive decision maker / paperweight that I got at the American Accounting Association Show in Anaheim. At first, it told me to "pass the buck," but I couldn't do that. On the second spin, it said "yes" and that was that. Decision made!"

Mr. Goldsheim's spin decision will mean the outsourcing of 750 jobs that could have gone to workers in the United States. However, this will result in an estimated savings of $25,000,000 over the course of the next 10 years. Board members and NYSE Senior Officers have applauded his decision and have asked that he hook them up with the same toy the next time he swings by the StockFox booth.

Mr. Goldsheim further indicated to Newsboys reporters that he is considering using his executive decision maker to make the tough calls on information technology enhancements, product roadmaps, corporate communications, advertising campaigns and improvements to the NYSE facilities.

Although when asked about submitting a picture to Newsboys to accompany this article, he replied by spinning his toy and telling reporters that he will have to "sit on it."