The Continuing Adventures of Geordi LaForge

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Geordi checked the readouts from the warp core three times, just as he always did. Everything was normal. He'd done such a good job repairing it that it no longer required his attention. He checked the warp core again. His communicator twittered.

"Geordi," Captain Picard said.

"Yes Captain?" Geordi asked.

"What are you up to?" Picard asked.

"Checking the warp core," Geordi said.

"Mmmmhmmm," Picard purred, "Guess what I'm doing."

"I don't know Captain," Geordi said.

"Guess," Picard said.

"I, um," Geordi said, "I'm kinda busy."

"Guess, Geordi," Picard said, "That's an order."

"I don't know, reading?" Geordi guessed.

"Wrong," Picard said. Geordi sighed. He tapped a few harmless buttons on his display. He heard a loud, echoing fart come from his communicator. "Captain," he groaned.

"That's right," Picard said, "Pooping on the toilet. Blast."

"What now?" Geordi asked.

"I clogged it, Geordi," he said. "Geordi." His communicater twittered three times. "Geordi. Mr. LaForge to the can!"

"Captain," Geordi groaned.

"Geordi," the Captain said, "LaForge to my ass!" His communicator squeaked endlessly. "Geordi!"

Goedi LaForge was upset. He wanted to put a note in his log, but Troy (that nosey bitch) would find it. He sighed. His communicator chirped.

"Riker to LaForge," Riker said.

"Here, sir," Geordi said.

"We have a situation," Riker said gravely. "My food thingy is broken."

"You mean your moleculor synthesizer?" Geordi asked.

"The," Riker grunted, "The food thing. The fucking thing. LaForge, fix it now. We don't have a few minutes."

"Did you turn the power on?" LaForge asked. Silence. "Commander, did you try the power button?" Geordi heard a smashing sound.

"It's broke," Riker complained. Geordi heard more smashing. "It's not the power button. Someone fucked up the buttons. What is that smell?"

"Clog on deck 10," Geordi sighed.

"Captain shot off too many brown photon torpedoes again?" Riker asked. "Well, you're busy. I'll just starve, thanks old friend. Thanks a lot." Geordi's communicator clicked.

"Geordi!" the Captain said. "Zippers. Up or down to close?"

"It's velcro Captain," Geordi said.

"Velca-fuck-what?" the Captain shouted.

"Captain," Geordi said, "I have to go. I have to check the warp drive."

"Geordi," Troy's voice came from behind him. "I have some concerns about your latest painting. You were thinking of treason again."

"What?" Geordi asked.

"Five bars of gold plated latinum," she said. "Oh, and stop thinking about me naked. I'll ruin you."

"Geordi," Picard said.

"So hungry," Riker said.

"Look just shut up all of you!" Geordi yelled.

"Treason," Troy muttered into her communicator, "Told you so."

"I just want to check the warp drive," Geordi said. He heard a flush and splashing.

"Fuck," Picard yelled, "He's sabotaged my toilet!"

"He punch my food thingy several times," Riker said, followed by a crash. "He just broke the lamp with his mind."

"I've got his glasses," Troy said. Geordi was even blinder than normal. He felt a kick in the nuts. He passed out.

He awoke to the sound of grunting.

"Ah," Worf said. "You're awake. I like my prison bait squirmy."

to be continued....