Just a reminder, my fellow Americans; You all still suck.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

There has been much excitement in the air this current election cycle. Much enthusiasm. Much hope and a great deal of expectations, especially among those people who are left of Rush Limbaugh (who will hopefully self immolate in live radio soon. I can smell the cooking Republican bacon now).

But, before you get all infused with your warm saline of civic pride, I just want to point something out to you; you’re all still a bunch of stupid assholes.

I have no illusion that the collective IQ of the American voter will miraculously go up several points just because the candidates changed. My only hope is that Obama's charisma will allow him to play to enough of the shallow vapid pysche of the typical voter so that he can get elected and do a good job despite being elected by the same fucktarded populace who voted for Bush twice.
You, my fellow citizens, completely lost my respect these last few years. If you incidentally vote in a competent leader this time, it will not improve my opinion, anymore than a broken clock being right twice a day makes me think it is working again. We are still a ship of fools.

Your typical American still cant find Iraq on a map. Over half of the country still thinks evolution is a myth. You know more about Paris Hilton than you do about your own government. You still listen to pandering shallow newscasters selling non-news on the shiny lightbox in the living room. You pay more at the pump for gas and then bitch about it endlessly despite the fact that you have been told for thirty fucking years that eventually this would happen, yet you continued to buy 10mpg vehicles as status symbols and moved 75 miles away from where you worked so you could have a 3,000 square foot house that turns out you still couldn’t afford. You willfully ignored saving money, instead spending money faster than you could make it.

You are children. Greedy, shallow, reactionary, unthinking children who are easily led by the prettiest voice attached to the pretties face. Obama being elected wont change who you are. If you are lucky, it might set in motion policies that will eventually change who you are, but not for another generation or two. You idiots need to die off first.

Yes I’m an elitist. I’m entitled to be one, I’m not as stupid as most people. I didn’t NEED to see the shitfest we are in now, to change my tune like most of you did. I predicted things were going to hell, and most of you idiots just regurgitated the latest verbal sewage you heard from your own personal pundit savior screaming “911911911911!!” . I have been vindicated fully, and you have been shown to be wrong on every single position you have held as a people-- socially (no child left behind, abstinence only sex education*), economically (housing market, lending debacle*), Environmental (water shortages, climate change, extinctions*), energy (oil pricing, ethanol*), the list goes on...

This country is in a pit, and you honestly think four years of a guy in office who can actually string together two coherent thoughts will pull us out? What, you think Iraq will miraculously become peaceful? The economy will just right itself? That the rest of the world will stop hating us and the price of oil will drop? That your home will miraculous start going up in value 50% every year? That the global climate will stabilize back to the way it was fifty years ago and you can all go back to watching American Idol on your big screen TV while lovingly looking out the widow at your Lincoln Navigator parked out front and thinking “Hey, I think I’ll go for a spin…”

It WONT. Things are still going to hell, your life and standard of living is going to continue to decline (deservedly). Your sons and daughters are going to continue to die for a lost cause, and be remembered with pity rather than pride, like the Vietnam Vets are now. Global climate will continue to change, food price will continue to rise because we haven’t got an infrastructure to fall back on when the cost of shipping everything by truck keeps going up.

You have been fucking things up for a long time. And now your going to pay for it.

So why vote for Obama? Well, I don’t know... How much better off do you think we would have been in this country if 9/11 had happened with ANYONE other than Bush and his cronies in power? How about Katrina? How about our economy? You voted for the worst possible leadership at the worst possible time in our history. Don’t make that mistake twice…. Oh sorry… you already DID that…Try not to make that mistake a third fucking time in a row. You stupid mindless assholes.

If you do fuck up again, so help me, I hope Apophis** hits us dead center in this country just so I can watch you all die in a fiery holocaust.



*I was going to link to relevant information for each of these, but then realized that if you were too moronic to research that shit on your own, I wasn't going to waste any more of my precious time making it easier for you.

** But this is worth linking to if only to give you one more thing for your teeny tiny mouse brain to worry about. OMG!! the sky is falling... AGAIN!!!