Have you ever seen a piece of exercise equipment that was so useless and that made users look so ridiculous that you wonder why anyone would even bother inventing it?
On today's trip through the world of Amazon, there was an item on the front page that caught my eye. Okay, it only caught my eye because it was right next to the pictures that were trying to sell me lingerie, but my eye was caught regardless.
"Noooo," I laughed to myself in disbelief as I clicked the link, "They can't be serious."
They are. They actually want to sell me a ropeless jump rope. Yes, even Mozilla's spellchecker does not believe its figurative eyes. A jump rope that isn't a rope at all? Isn't that, you know, sort of like jumping? Yes, but with this your friends will know you spent so much money in an effort to get in shape! They say that it is to prevent tripping. Chances are if you didn't learn how to jump rope as a kid without tripping or if your hand-eye coordination is so off that your brain can't process "jump!," you have bigger problems on your hands.
The product feature list goes on to talk about how portable it is. Rope isn't portable? Rope manages to make it onto every wilderness survival "must-have" list, but carrying around a few feet is just so cumbersome. Mankind has been utilizing rope to do pretty much everything for centuries, but apparently it's fallen out of fashion because it fails to be flashy and expensive.
This thing is packaged with 3 DVD workouts. 3! If I were to make a DVD of a ropeless jump rope, it would contain:
•Slow jumping
•Fast jumping
•Double Dutch (for two lazy people and their stupid friend)
•Criss-Cross (For those who don't think they look stupid enough jumping up and down waving their hands about)
The rest would be a constant shot of my middle finger. They wouldn't notice, though, because once they hear the word "fast" they will turn the DVD off in fear of breaking a sweat.
And, finally, it's patented. Someone went through the trouble of making sure no one else would be "brilliant" enough to steal their idea.
The only use I can see for a ropeless jump rope is to prevent people from hanging themselves once they find out they spent money to jump up and down.
Proof That You Can Make People Pay for Something That Is Free
Thursday, June 28, 2007
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12 comments:
Now that's what I call marketing!
Whoever created this beauty deserves all the money he gets.
I bought about 20,000 of these and I'm going to sell them at a decent mark up when I go to the annual Wand of Wonder Fair.
I figure, what better place to find suckers?
Piper? Is that you?
I alos have thought about who invented Insurance man... is a bright idea to sell the "possibility".
yeah but Hojo is right, there are things that seem to be a bit ridiculous, that is something I have experience living here in US that is very interesting, there is so much garbage to sell and so much money to buy that everything that is blught ends up stock in a garage and displayed in a yard sale few years later still holding the stickers. Differently in 3rd world countries where people will buy what they need only and they would throuw it out only after is complitely useless, and you still will have people picking it up from the trash can eh eh
I don't hold too many trash but I do have a personal problem with paper .. man If you would know how much junk i get daily from American express... I had to get a super shreder, LETS STOP THE PAPER IMPERIALISM!!!
Sarcastic.
Hey, I got a whipless whip to sell you.
I've got some Bibles I can sell you.
I've got a bike
You can ride it if you like
It's got a Basket and a Bell that rings
And things that make it look good.
I'd let you have it if I could,
But I borrowed it.
From Syd Barrett?
INDEED!!!!!
Set your controls for the heart of the sun my boy!
Nice pick up. I love when the fish take the bait.
Watters or Barett?
Come to my Saturday morning kickboxing class and you will see a bunch of people jumping rope without the rope. Watch how much he sells!! Stupid yes but true.
Watters, I got to see his concert when he was in our neck of the woods.
It was amazing!
YPG,
Agreed. Body of work goes to Watters. Live Performance goes to Watters. Content and sheer talent, Watters.
Influence on music goes to Barett.
Gilmore gets all the money, the fucking thief. Great guitarist, but come on! Look at all the song credits for music and lyrics 99% Watters after Barett left.
I'm a huge Pink Flyod fan.
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