Now THIS Is Interesting

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I received an email from someone who wants to contribute to the Wand of Wonder. His name is Erotic Clown. I'll just post the email and see what you think:

Hey there buddy,

This ain't no span or nuthin. I been readin your blog with all the different people and I wondered how I sign up. So, I emails a coupla people and they say your one of the admins around here.

Let me explain why I want to join first. Look, I was a regular guy who occasionally dressed as a clown. You know, for kids parties and stuff. I needed money. Well one day I'm walkin down the street, late for little Joey's birthday party and some guy stops me.

"You a clown?" he asks.

"What da fuck's it look like to you? Yeah I'm a fuckin clown and I'm late." I sez.

"You got a dirty mouth for a clown," he sez, "I like that."

I starts walkin away when he says, "Whatever they're payin ya I'll double it if you'll fall face first into this banana cream pie and get up and make some squeaky ass clown noises." I turn around and dis guy ain't kiddin! He's got the pie right in front of him and a wad of twenties in his hand.

So, I sez, "What? all I gotta do is fall on my face in this pie and act all goofy and you'll give me five hundred bucks?"

"Make it a grand if you keep this between you and me. I'll give you my cell if you're good."

Alright, so I fall face first into the pie and jump up and start whooping. Woooo! Hee hee WOOOOOOOOHOOO!

"Mind if I juggle while you do that?" he asks. Now I made him promise he meant juggling his balls as in like not his cock or his nuts or nuthin. He sez yeah, so I sez okay. And this guy starts fuckin jugglin like a circus freak, with two bowling balls, three bowling pins and a fire stick. Dere I am whoopin it up and he's cheering me on like "Yeah. That's it. Don't stop. Yeah just like that." So I go into my pattented WEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEE and spin and finally we both fall to the pavement, exhausted. Quite a crowd had gathered and they clapped like freakin retarded seals!

So, he hands me a thousand bucks, I wipe the pie off my face, re apply my make up while he hands me a card with his number on it. "You were terrific. I got lots of friends interested too." he says, "And we pay top dollar for the seltzer in the face gag."

He winks and walks away. The crowd thins out. I realize I can still make it to little Joey's party about fifteen minutes late. As I'm walking this chick walks along with me. "I saw what you did back there. I want to rent you out for a, hmmmmm, party I guess you'd call it? No balloon animals or nothing freaky like that, just maybe a funny little car, a poodle and a few pies in the face. Call me." She hands me a friggin card too!

I went to little Joey's party and gave such a great performance that dis kids mom pays me double too. She kisses me on the cheek and asks, "Care to repeat that performance in private?" I had to admit, I was done performing for kids. That's just not my thing, you know? We hit the bedroom and I did the handstand, the nose honk and every funky piece of dirty clown shit this woman wanted and got paid another bonus.

So, now I'm an erotic clown.

I was thinking of getting a blog of my own, but it just kinda seems like it fit in here. Like family almost. What do you think?

Well, what do we think?