(Yet Another) Five Women The Angry Piper Would Totally Do The Sex With (Besides Toyi)

Monday, December 03, 2007

1. Mimi Rogers
She was once married to Tom Cruise. She is no longer married to him. Since then, Tom has been married twice: first to Nicole Kidman and now, Katie Holmes. In case you needed it, here is further proof that Tom Cruise is a fucking whackbag.



2. Sophie Marceau
Once named “The Woman Most Men want to Sleep With” in her native France. Not very hard to see why.

3. Famke Janssen
Look at this picture. Just look at it. If I still need to explain myself, I cannot help you. You obviously love cock.

4. Catherine Bell
However, not even her incredible hotness can entice me to watch JAG.

5. Jennifer Tilly

Yes. For exactly the reasons you think.

Bonus: Queen Latifah
Is anyone who knows me at all surprised by this?

Five (More) Women The Angry Piper Would Totally Do The Sex With (Besides Toyita)

Thursday, November 08, 2007

In case you missed my September post, here's a link. I've been thinking about it since then, and I've come up with five more future candidates for post-traumatic stress disorder. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Lili Taylor: She made honorable mention last time (no doubt she's very proud of that), but I just saw Factotum and was reminded how incredibly hot she is, so she's officially on the list this time around. Only trouble is, she somewhat resembles Eve (but without the huge tits), and the thought of doing anything remotely sexual with Eve fills me with...icky.

2. Salma Hayek: Speaking of tits, I sure love this picture. I can't believe I forgot about her the first time around.

3. Amy Winehouse: To all the guys out there, I ask you: Could you just imagine?

4. Iron Chef Cat Cora: Oh, hell yes. And she's way sexier than Mario Batali.

5. P J Harvey: Probably the only woman Malach and I would fight over, like Kirk and Spock in "Amok Time", complete with dramatic music and sharp, pointy sticks. More than anyone else on either list, I FUCKING LOVE THIS WOMAN.

Those who know me may be shocked by the exclusion of any big girls. You may ask: is it possible The Angry Piper is changing his tastes? Fuck no. I'm still all about the big girls. But there are very few famous big girls, and fewer still that are attractive.

And don't worry, Toyi: you're still my rock & roll fantasy.