Mmahh, mmahh, I'm John Kerry! Please listen to me!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Kerry calls Bush refusal of dialogue with Iran, Syria "a mistake," but no one really cares what Kerry says.

CAIRO, Egypt -- A disgruntled Sen. John Kerry, on a Mideast tour taking him to Damascus for talks with President Bashar Assad, told The WoW on Friday that the Bush administration's rejection of dialogue with Syria and Iran to try to calm Iraq is a mistake.

The WoW replied by asking "I'm sorry, who is this?"

Kerry's trip is the latest in a growing tussle between the White House and Congress over the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group, a pizza-eating bipartisan panel of undergraduate students from Bridgewater State College that called for talks with Iran and Syria to, like, OMG, win their help in stabilizing war-torn Iraq.

The grudge-carrying Massachusetts Democrat said his visit to Syria was "a fact-finding mission" to explore "what might or might not affect behavior with respect to Hezbollah, Lebanon, Israel and Iraq, where in each of those cases Syria is playing a role."

The Bush administration replied by stating that "no one really gives a crap about Mr. Pouty Pouty Long Face anymore. We won. He didn't. End of story."

Kerry said he was "willing" to go to Iran for talks but had no current plans to do so. Iran replied by saying that they had no idea who Sen. Kerry was and wondered if they were supposed to care about his opinions at all.

What else is Senator Kerry willing to do to get noticed on the political scene?

• Hold up a cardboard sign in front of The Capital Building that says: "Will Work For Sympathy!"
• Go back to his regular job playing "Lurch" on The Addams Family.
• Beg, and I mean BEG for your attention.
• Strongly consider self-immolation.
• Like totally go snowboarding in New Hampshire, dude.
• Video tape having sex with Paris Hilton, leak tape to press.
• Tell all American children that there is no Santa Claus.
  
• Go to North Korea and bitch slap Kim Jong Ill.
• Host the new reality show "Swift Boating with Mr. K"
• Kill wife, deny it later.