It's not over until the nasty dictator hangs.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Hussein execution imminent, lawyer says

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Saddam Hussein could be hanged as early as Saturday, one of the former Iraqi dictator's lawyers told The WoW on Friday.

"Different sources" said the death sentence would be carried out Saturday morning, defense attorney Najib al-Nuaimi said from Doha, Qatar.

"I think the Americans will accompany him onto the execution stage and I think they will have a pre-recorded film that will be released [Saturday] evening if they carry out the sentence in the day," he said. "I have been told that the American's are flying in Ozzy Osbourne to sing 'No More Tears' as Saddam's sentence is carried out."

Hussein's chief lawyer Khalil al-Dulaimi said U.S. officials asked him on Friday to collect Hussein's belongings.

"The American side has just called me and asked me to either send someone to pick up the personal effects of Saddam Hussein and his [half] brother Barzan al-Tikriti, to give them an address to which they can send them, or to provide an Ebay account under which they can be auctioned off," al-Dulaimi said.

Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki said Friday that nothing will stop or delay the execution, according to Iraqi national television.

There will be "no reviews or delays in the execution of the criminal Saddam," al-Maliki told The WoW by telephone on Friday.

The former Iraqi dictator remained in U.S. custody Friday and has not been handed over to Iraq authorities for execution, according to Iraqi Deputy Justice Minister Bosho Ibrahim.

What else is on deck for Uncle Saddam?

• A reunion with his infamous homosexual lover: Satan.
• His final meal: a week old chicken McNugget Happy Meal with apple slices and a chocolate milk force-fed to him while listening to extremely loud Barry Manilow Disco Remixes.
  
• The Last Rites to be "administered" by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
• No reach around. No lube. No kidding.
• You know, the usual: a slap to the face, an ice pick to the ear, an acetylene torch to the balls. Pretty standard stuff, really.
  
• Repeated viewings of the L. Ron Hubbard classic "Battlefield Earth."
  
• Well, there is not going to be 72 virgins waiting for him in heaven. That much is certain.