Wow I haven’t continued with my story lol, well I admit that I am very busy composing music and since I am doing all the string work It’s a bit more time demanding.
Well as war kept going; we were also growing up, we were living at granny’s house and sharing war experience, I missed my mother but it wasn’t clear on my head or heart this feeling I had, I didn’t miss her directly because was little time that I spent with her or at least my 3 years old memory didn’t allowed me to go back and miss what I couldn’t remember very well, all I knew was that there was an incomplete piece of me. Well not going too far I discovered what I was missing and still without putting a name to it, everything started going better and better, so what was the piece which started filling my emptiness? Oh it was called “Aunt Mary”. Aunt Mary lived in Granny’s house, she was born before my Dad (My Dad was the last one and the only boy of all my Granny’s kids) there was a young one after him but it didn’t make it to her 1st year of life (Martha), well Aunt Mary was very special, she was on her early 30’s and had a daughter who was 2 years younger than me and 1 year older than my little brother, as war issues went on and on and we all started sharing some “quality time” under our beds and locked in a bedroom, Aunt Mary became very close to us (brother and I), Her story is very sad and now that I am a grown up… understand a little better her life and why she “adopted us”(in figured sense), so…. Aunt Mary has had 2 more kids in the past; little cousins that we never had the pleasure to meet. Ralph was her 1st child…she had him on her early 20’s, Ralph grew up to his 9 years of life when a rare stomach decease touched him and took his life, by today Ralph would have been the older cousin of all of us & around late 40’s, after his death aunt Mary had another baby who also called him Ralph (honoring Ralph the 1st) but something bad happened to him too; at his 3 months of life, aunt Mary came to his Hammock on his regular noon knap and she found him dead, it was completely devastating for her, the autopsy declared that he died from a (SIDS) Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
My Dad told us that Ralph II funeral was very sad and special at the same time. Dad showed us a picture of a tiny white pigeon walking like 3 feet in front of the baby casket, Dad told us that he couldn’t ignore the little white pigeon walking all the way from the church to the Cemetery and took a picture of it. I though it was awesome and a great representation of a baby pureness.
To be Continued…..
Toyi's war experience, Chapter VIII
Go fly a kite!
I'm cool....you're not. Face it! That is just the way it is.
Okay...actually THIS guy is way cooler then all of us. His name is Ray Bethell and he is a Multiple Kite World Champion and World Record Holder.
What can I say? Some people are just meant to be cool.
Enjoy!
More Neato Digital Art
This time, I will post only hyperlinks so that I do not eat up too much space on The WoW.
Some of the images are updated and further refined versions of pieces I had previously posted. Most, however, are brand new.
Enjoy!
The Angry Piper: Behind the Bag
NEWSBOYS EXCLUSIVE
Newsboys has fought like kittens to bring you the following Insider Exlusive!!!! We've penetrated the clouded depths of The Angry Piper's past.
Our story begins in Scotland. A weary mother of five boys makes a difficult decision and sells three of the boys for a chicken head. One boy goes into a monestary. Another of the boys ends up working for a small time thug named Bob Merc in Cincinatti. And the last little boy went wee wee wee all the way home.
The boy at the monestary died during a botched robbery by Bob Merc and his gang. The second boy, nicknamed Hyper, fired the fatal shot. As his brother lay dying in his arms, Hyper vowed to honor his brother's dying words.
"Hyper," the dying brother monk brother rasped, "Avenge me. Avenge me and destroy Bob Merc and his gang from Cincinatti! Damn... them..." He breathed his second to last breath and then said, "And learn to play the bagpipes you git!" He breathed his last and died.
Bob Merc had fled Cincinatti for the shores of America. He hid out in a sleepy town called Westport. He cleverly changed his name and forged a doctorate and, from thence forth, was known as Dr. Robert J. Murk (AWESOME!!!).
Hyper became an angry boy. He played his pipes and dreamed of thrusting the chanter through the heart of Bob Merc from Cincinatti. He grew into and angry man. Some dude named Angryman sued him and so he changed his name to The Angry Piper (DUHHHHHH!!!!). He honed his skills in sarcasm, reading and puppetry to levels uncharted. Then, he set off for Cincinatti.
He realized he was going to need some help. On a six day lay-over in Boston, Piper read the phone book. Finall, he got to the yellow pages. After calling all major appliance stores and hounding all bookstores in the greater Boston area, he decided he needed psychological help. He thumbed over to the psychotherapy section and his eyes fell upon a face. He felt he knew the man instantly. It was freaking creepy, dude! He dialed the number and waited in breathless anticipation.
"Dr. Robert J. Murk (AWESOME) speaking," the voice on the line said.
"Hey? You that punk who runs that gang in Cincinatti?" Piper asked.
"Nope," Dr. Murk replied.
"Good," Piper said, relieved. "I need your help..."
to be continued....
Wikipedia, the new socialist system that does not work.
The Continuing Saga of Malach and the Wikinazis.
So, Malach had become a underground editor at Wikipedia. He was doing minor edits here and there of incorrect items, adding small sections to other articles, and creating a fun user page for himself. Malach also added three articles. One was a biography of Dr. Barry Prizant, another about the educational model he help develop. They both got deleted as "being in copyright violation" even after explaining to the Wikinazis that I made the websites, so I was plagerising my client.
Discouraged, Malach stopped editing, that is until about 2 weeks ago. While looking up some information on the 1984 Big Dan's Rapes Case, which occured in New Bedford, MA. So, where did I go? Wikipedia. They had some information on Big Dan's, only the information was contained in the article on the movies The Accused which was based on the case.
WHAT? Wikipedia did not have an article on one of the most infamous rape cases in this contry ever. A case that brought modern rape crime investigation into the public light? So, Malach being a local, decided to give it a shot, and write on himself. At the time Malach was only 11 or 12, so I used a number of old Providence Journal Article for assistance. Taking a cue from other Wikipedia articles, I basically used the article facts, and changed then so they were not plagerized, leaving out the articles opinion and editorial liscense. It was good, it had dates, names, sentences, things that occured in the city after the verdict, and a where are they now section.
Well, that also got deleted as being copyright infringement, Malach's user page was deleted and I was blocked. So Malach left a mesasage in his talk page, about the only thing I could edit. It stated:
And as the webdsigner for the above two sights (Prizant and SCERTS), I can get you the copyrighted wording that comes directly from Dr. Prizant, so essentailly I am copyright infringing upon myslef? What do you guys care though, doesn't matter, not that important anyway. As for the third article, is it not enough to change an article and site it? It just pisses me off, that this site has obscure rules, that are not enforced in a consistent manner, and differently by whatever editor has a certain rules stuck up his ass. I can rattle you off HUNDREDS of articles here that are vetbatim copies of websites and such (After this I list 25 wikiarticles and 25 websites the article were copied from, won't bore you with the details).
So, the next day Malach is mysteriously unblocked, and sent a personal message from one of the big wigs stating "I have been unblocked and am more than welcome resubmit those articles".
Wikipedia is socialism at it's worse. Socialism as a concept is amazing, but you add humans into it, and it screws the whole this up. This is what has happened to Wikipedia. "The free encyclopedia that anyone can edit" my ass. It is time for a revolution!
I am Malach and I am a Wikipedia user.
Some Plugs
Read 'em and Weep.
First, I am experimenting with a .php based RPG in our forums. When you link there if you look at the top right hand corner, there is a button for RPG Inferno. Unfortunately, I cannot get the complete script for it, which includes missions and quest, as it is not supported by Invision, so if you know of any others, give a buzz.
Also, The Stool Sample Reading Room is trying something. We are now publishing Tainted Love Erotic Stories (TLES). The first one is up, and more to come. Infortunately becuase of the mature nature of TLES, I have been unable to post a link at most of the forums I congregate. They are being written by two women, it is much less testorone oriented. And yes, you can iform me how much you mastubate to them in the forums.
I am Malach, hey afternoon delight.
SELL SOMETHING PEOPLE USE UP AND THROW AWAY...
...was the advice given to King Camp Gillette by his boss. Gillette was a 21 year old traveling salesman for a company that made cork lined bottle caps, and an aspiring inventor when the owner of the company, William Painter, gave him the secret to making a fortune.
"King, you are always inventing something. Why don't you concentrate on just one thing something like our cork bottle caps—something that people use once and throw away."
"But what?" King Gillette became obsessed with the idea of inventing something disposable. One morning in 1895 while shaving, in the days when shaving meant using a knife-like straight edged razor, he had a sudden burst of inspiration.
"As I stood there with the razor in my hand, my eyes resting on it as lightly as a bird settling down on its nest, the Gillette razor was born. In that moment I saw it all: they way the blade could be held in a holder; the idea of sharpening the 2 opposite edges on the thin piece of steel; the clamping plates, with a handle halfway between the 2 edges of the blade."
The beauty of the idea was that when the blades for his razor became dull they would simply be thrown away and the user would have to buy more.
King Gillette was living in Boston at the time and visited MIT to discuss his idea of putting a sharp edge on a thin piece of sheet metal with the metallurgists there. They told him his idea was impossible. It took him six years to find an engineer and inventor named William Nickerson who was able to find a way to do it.
Gillette and Nickerson began selling their safety razor in 1903. They named the company Gillette, after deciding that they probably couldn't sell a razor blade named Nickerson.
Gillette gave away millions of his razors, including shaving kits given away as bank promotions. He sold 3.5 million "Service Set" shaving kits to departing servicemen during World War I. When the boys came back from war, they were confirmed Gillette users.
King Gillette sold the razors dirt cheap. He became rich refilling them with his disposable blades.
One little twist to the story is that Gillette was a socialist who was against the system that made him wealthy. His great dream was to build a Utopia.
King Gillette planned to build a metropolis under a glass dome powered by Niagara Falls. He envisioned the entire United States population, 60 million at the time, living there in 100 million rooms served by vast dining halls. All production would be under the control of one company, the People's Corporation, with all residents working toward the common good.
He gave up on Niagara Falls as the site for his idea and later formed the World Corporation just prior to World War I with plans to build his Utopia in Arizona. He even asked Teddy Roosevelt to be president.
King Gillette never saw his dream for Utopia come true and his fortune was wiped out by the stock market crash of 1929. He died a frustrated man in 1932.
The Gillette company still survives, today, and we still use his invention and you can still make a fortune following the advice of Gillette's mentor: Sell something people use up, throw away, and need to buy more.
Plus, let's not forget that those fucking loser New England Patriots play in Gillette Stadium.
Fuckers.
Where are Hobbs and the Piper?
A exclusive video from the WoW.
It seems they have been into space as proof by this video
I am Malach and don't you ever covet my ice cream bar.
Hump Day Jokes...
A woman walks into a Texas accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
*~*~*~*
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
*~*~*~*
Last night, my girlfriend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
*~*~*~*
Sorry I missed last week’s Jokes, I was out of power for six days!!!
~wicked love~
The Captain's Neato Digital Art
The Road to No Where
The Symbol
Road to Nowhere
Cobalt Inferno
Humpity Day!
A joke? My God!
Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died.
When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Colts flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Peyton," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Peyton felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.
On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a Silver and blue sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Patriots logo flag, and in every window, a New England Patriots towel.
Peyton looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame." God said "So what's your point Peyton?" "Well, why does Tom Brady get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said: "Peyton, that's not Tom's house, it's mine."
Huh? Another Joke?
What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Aston Martin?
I don't have an Aston Martin in my garage!
You whiners shut up.
All I have had to hear the past few days, is whining Patriots fans about how the "system is broken" and how they were just one play away. C'mon guys, what are we, modern day Yankees fans? WHAT TEAM HAS HAD MORE SUCCESS OVER THE PAST 10 YEARS THAN THIS TEAM? Since 1996, the Patriots have been in 4 Superbowls and won 3 of them, won 7 AFC East Titles, and have a 113 - 65 record. Do you guy remember this team from the early 80's and the early 90's? A team that only had 1 win 1990 and 2 in 1992? The jokes of the NFL? This team will not only win the AFC East next year with a 13 - 3 record at minimum, they will also win the Super Bowl.
I am Malach, the calm voice leading you out of the storm.
I think we all know what we can expect from tonights State Of The Union Address.
I have a confession to make...
...it's my fault that the Patriots lost last night. Yes, it's true and I am not sorry. You see, on Friday night, I snuck into Gillette Stadium and placed a curse on the team.
Or perhaps it wasn't my curse?
Perhaps it was because I stole Bill Belichick's ball soap?
I guess we'll never know.
What were you arrested for?
I thought this was funny...so I tried it. *insert evil laugh here*
In quotes, on google, put your first name with "was arrested for" and hit enter.
Here is the list:
Just Me was arrested for:
possession of two ecstasy tablets (why?)
the murder of Ben Warren (who?)
welfare fraud (not even close)
not having an escort permit or a business license (Oh...uhm...yeah...my brothel)
DUI (but I don't drink!)
her husband's murder (what?!?!?!)
punching a girl in the face (That's a long story......)
Wow.....I had no idea I was so criminal!!
Enjoy!!
The Dining Room Remodel
Or As I Affectionantely Call It . .
The Room That Should of Only Taken 3 Days to Redo, if My Wife was not Paralyzed Room.
This one was was fun but a bit tiring. You see we started with this.
So the wife and I agreed upon a color scheme based upon and Indian/Kashmiri tea set we own, mostly her idea to begin with, I set up the color patterns. This leaves with this:
Wallpaper was stripped, 3 layers, the blue which was more modern, a 1970's colorful style, and a early 1900's paper. To my surprise there was early 1900's drywall, which was a huge plus if you have ever worked with your typical New Englad lathe and plaster. I wanted to rip the paneling down, but the wife won that battle and I must admit, it looks good painted (this crap is all over the house, so I get rip the rest down). A lost of intricate edging, but it was worth it.
Gone is the country look, and here is a post modern, interpretation. The color is very cool, and is not only Indian, it could easily pass for Mayan. No huge surprises in this one. It also goes good with our collection of foreign laterns.
I am Malach, and I should be a designer on trading spaces.
I might have held the Gatorade bucket up high...
...but Dr. Murk gets to keep Bill Belichick's stolen shower soap.
10 Things You Did Not Know About Malach
Or perhaps you did.
1. Malach has always enjoyed Chef Boyardee products, most especially Beef Ravioli. So much did he love his Chef, that as a child, he has a stuffed rabbit, that he named Rabi. It was short for Rabioli.
2. Prior to Malach getting married to his wife, he was engaged to another person (that is another long boring blog). If he married her, this person would now be his sister-in-law.
3. Malach has never worn a Rubbersuit in his life, but has worn a Mexican Wrestling Mask.
4. Malach not only eats liver, he enjoys it.
5. Malach is addicted to Pepsi. He can go a few days without one, but that is all. This is the fault of his ex-fiance'.
6. Malach rarely suffers insomnia. He has the secret to defeating it. He will sell it to you for 5 dollar US.
7. Malach predicts that the Patriots will beat the Colts and win their 4th Super Bowl in 6 years.
8. Malach has been banned or suspended from at least 15 forums.
9. Malach refers to his two children as "Gooba" and "Sassypants".
10. Malach has never been to a foreign country, not even Canada.
I am Malach, and I like to get to know you better.
Ten Things You Didn't Know About Cap'n Flak
- I usually refer to my two children as "Chunka & The Punk."
- My fundamental philosophy is based on a deep belief that I am not sorry and you are not that important.
- I have absolutely no tolerance for a dirty windshield and I have been known to smash and replace them from time to time.
When I get really, really hammered, Boxman comes out.
- I refer to my lawn tractor as a "Workbee" and my minivan as a "Federation Runabout."
- According to the State of New York, I am The Assman.
- Regardless of temperature, time or precipitation, I can start a camp fire. A nice BIG hot fire.
- I am convinced that Omega 3's will solve all of the worlds problems and bring universal harmony to life across the galaxy.
- My older brother was once forced to wear pink underwear and socks for several months while living in a tent in the middle of the Arizona desert.
- I love this crazy town!
That Statzis will rule the world
The Internet kills.
I know you missed it, Malach returns with some strange keyphrase used to find the WoW (of course after I dig through the 100's of "Saddam Hanging" keyphrases)!
guys with big hanging balls photos: That is the phrase that will lead anyone to all the Angry Piper's posts.
don't you hate that uncomfortable silence. why do we feel it's necessary to talk about bull in order to feel comfortable that's when you know you've found somebody really special. when you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share: This happens to be the Cap'n philosophy on life
diagram of a mantodea: Not sure about this one, maybe a science projest on bug dissections
treat sunday mud-butt: I am pretty sure this one refer's to Toyi
deputies handcuffs jason or bryan or kara or pat or dave or jay or bry or tom kicked out: Yeah, talk about a general search request
why is listening imporatnt in the police force: I don't know, you tell me
hojo clown: Yes, it's true
the wand of christ: Yet another JesusMan! idea from keyphrases.
plumbr tits: Speechless
murk saddam execution: That was supposed to be a secret
barack obama controversy swimming trunks: OK, I am gonna have to search this one too.
food posioning new year eve 2006 at the dallas stars game by bush beer: Personally, I have been poisoned by Cisco.
granny's funbags: If you have never experienced Granny's Funbags, you have never lived
how to defeat this robot thing at the calm lands close to gagazet on ff10 for ps2: You need to remove all you clothes and run around your neighborhood screaming "Hobbs Von Wackamole got me pregnant".
reche caldwell weirdo another planet: Could be true, have you seen his eyes
according to the fbi the most common hacker is probably sitting in the cubicle next to you right now. this is someone who gets to work early takes his or her turn cleaning out the office fridge tells funny stories at lunch and at some point makes av: Wrong the AV is a government agent.
And why not
The 10 most popular WoW article for 2007!
1. Full Saddam Hanging
2. Post Hanging Saddam
3. Kitchen Remodeling
4. The Cap'n Shitty Career Advice
5. The Death of Spacefarmer
6. Hitler Cats
7. Some more of Hobbs Paranoia
8. Happy Birthday Mel Gibson
9. Malach and Horatio's Mitt Romney War part I
10. The Ashley Treatment
I am Malach, don't you want me baby?
From the Angry Veteran
I have been asked to post this for the Angry Veteran:
Dear Friend,
You all know my long standing tradition to bash the Bush administration on national holidays. Unfortunately, thanks to the Bush administration and their racist agenda, MLK day is not a national holiday. Mr. Bush is a coke addle racist. I hate him. I hate him. He' so dumb. Listen to how dumb he is!
MLK worked tirelessly for civil rights. George Bush doesn't think before he speaks. He's so stupid. I hate him. Rumsfeld is out! HA HA! We finally have a democratic congress. Now we'll see some real change.
God doesn't exist. Faith is stupid. MLK would agree with this. We shall overcome... without a stupid faith based agenda popped on us by Bush and Cheney and Rice and other poo poo patriotic idiots who love God and killed MLK.
Dr. Mantodea agrees. Why can't we go back to the days of pure science, sodomy and Bill Clinton? Sodomy, folks! God sucks and faith is stupid. Malach agrees too and he's an authority on God. He knows exactly how futile belief in a divine being is. Man is God. Bush is dumb. MLK is dead.
I am the Angry Veteran. And I see a whole army of my countrymen ready to fight for freedom. Let gays get married. Freedom. I hate Bush. I love communism. I spit on the cross, the flag and MLK. I am anti-rich people. Rich people suck. I hate MLK. I hate God and I want my mommy.
The End.
Learning about the Crack Spider's Bitch
Please watch this informational video.
It just might help you understand the arachnid world a little bit better.
On behalf of spiders everywhere, especially in Canada, I thank you.
Malach, your mission, should you choose to accept it...
...is to find this video and post it on The WoW!
Dear San Diego Chargers Fans.
Things you learned by getting beat by the New England Patriots.
1. Riding the backs of steroid freaks will not give you an advantage (just ask the Panthers).
2. Never give Tom Brady and Bill Bellichick that many opportunities.
3. Lets see, that is 4 MVP's the Pats have knocked off? Don't come around here with no MVP's.
4. All you teams are the same "We're the better team" . . . heard it all before, then you whine after the game, even LT, who seems to be an exemplary man, went after Ellis Hobbs after the game.
This game all week remined me too much of the challenge the Pats needed to overcome for the first Superbowl. I predicted several days ago they would win on a Field Goal, the score 21 - 17. I was close.
Bring on the Colts, kind of fitting don't you think.
I am Malach f*ck yourself San Deigo.
The Bills Are Due
Newsboys - Boston MA
Leading U.S. economists report that the bills are now due. This revelation was quickly followed by the statement that "somebody gonna hafta pay them." Reaction on Wall Street was mixed. Many investors stood around, sort of making circles in the carpet with their feet while others averted their eyes.
"Apparently," Bud Schmock, lead analyst at Economic Guys said, "We have to pay for things. Phone. Electric. Heat. Water. Cable. Even Cell Phone. They want us to pay and they want us to pay soon."
Others were more optimistic. Gary Gnied, Captain of the Team Money Softball Team believes that "the bills will get paid. No need to worry. I get a paycheck this week and it should cover almost everything."
Newsboys does not share his optimism. It's so very cold in here.
'The Bills' were generated by companies that provided goods and services to many Americans last month and these 'Bills' are subtle messages to all of us that we owe these afore mentioned companies money for the goods and services they provided, as stated previously. We're not buying it.
We sent our crack team of Newsboys investigators to find out just what it is that we're paying for. A recent phone call from jail cleared up the haze of financial red tape, and Newsboys is now convinced that someone must have made a mistake. We would also like to insist that we already paid those bills and that the proverbial check is in the metaphorical mail, assholes. Aren't they supposed to stop calling after nine at night?
Anyways, we're pretty sure the bills are due and somebody needs to pay them. We just don't want to be the one footing the bill for this orgy of consumer irresponsibility that the rest of you have handed down to us. Am I still blinking?
Help a Brother Out
I'm enrolled in a sociology class this semester, and today we were assigned our first project. We have to ask 100 people a question to get the results:
Have you tried alcohol? Sipping and Communion do not count.
If so, at what age did you have your first drink?
I'm calling all the WoWees to weigh in on this thing. You do not have to give your name, but I do need for you to answer honestly.
Thank you for all of your help.
Guess what?
I wanted to be more lame then Captain Poopy Pants.......of course....the problem that I encountered was that I couldn't post the actual items HERE. @#%$^^*&*&&$#$%@#$!@
Curse you damn, Poopy Pants!
Enjoy these links...............
The Internet is for Porn
The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
Nike 666 or Just Kill It
Light a Candle..
....Today, the world lost a great thinker.
Robert Anton Wilson, the author of numerous books that I love and the Captain never finished, such as the Illuminatus! Trilogy, Schroedinger's Cat, Reality is What You Can Get Away With, and many more, passed on to another realm today.
He will be missed.
Left Behind: Eternal Forces (Seriously?)
So......
I received an e-mail from a Pagan Forum regarding a newspaper article on a video game called, "Left Behind: Eternal Forces". Now it didn't occur to me immediately but this game is based on the "Left Behind" book series.....to the extreme.
Since there are gamers here, I wanted to get their opinion on this as well everyone else's. Here's the article -
"Stanislaus County, CA (AUP) - When Al Queda flew two planes into the
World Trade Center it left a dark gloom over New York City, but that
gloom wasn't half as bad as the dark and dismal representation
displayed by the game "Left Behind: Eternal Forces". The game,
released in December 2005, is a strategy game that sets the
apocalyptic stage for a war between good and evil. The gaming
community boasts, "The object of the game is to convert heathens,
Muslims or Jews; if they don't come over to your side, you can kill
them."
The Left Behind game, as well as the Left Behind book series and the
Holy Bible, teaches that a very REAL war is coming and it is just
around the corner. The game further teaches how to recruit militia
and gives guidance on various other militant strategies. Not unlike
Al Queda, it teaches players that there are rewards for them in
heaven if only they can gain enough spirit points to get there. It
also teaches that there is only one side that one can choose and
win.
Will Hatfield, President of The Association of United Pagans, says
that the game is just what it states it is, "a strategy game". But,
it is a strategy game that he thinks may very well be a training
material for christosupremist terrorists in disguise. Hatfield goes
on to say, "The game teaches today's children and tomorrow's
generations of a coming war here in the U.S. between good and evil;
a war that the makers of the Left Behind books and strategy game
believe is real, their prophecy clubs and churches believe is real
and so do the majority of the people who buy and play the game."
"We will not be safe here as long as the worst weapons
can fall into the worst hands" - Rep. Rick Larsen (D – Wash)
In the wrong hands and with the right guidance, "Eternal Forces"
could be used as a weapon. Hatfield opines, " This is a weapon that
can, in our opinion, be used to brainwash the children of the U.S to
hate heathens, Muslims, Hindus and Jews", He goes on to state, "With
a stockpile of weapons like this, all it takes is one fanatic to hit
the switch to the Apocalypse; not an Apocalypse involving angels,
but rather one built by man and produced by Left Behind and its
associates."
"What we've decided to do is embed our message in a game so that
it's not overt but it is in the game," Left Behind Games President
Jeffrey Frichner said. Frichner further states, "We're not ashamed
of it. There are Scriptures in the game and we're faithful to those
Scriptures."
"The comparisons are simple," says Hatfield, "Al Queda teaches of
religious wars, the conversion of militants, rewards in heaven,
infidels taking over the United Nations, prayer for forgiveness of
murder. So does the game. While Al Queda is stuck with obsolete
versions of "Flight Simulator," "Left Behind: Eternal Forces" sports
some very advanced battle tactics." Left Behind will be releasing
the sequel to Eternal Forces this year boasting an even more
powerful graphics engine and plenty more of the End of Days.
"Our first and highest duty as members of this Congress
is to protect the American people, to defend our homeland
and to strengthen our national security," - Majority
Leader Steny Hoyer (D – MD)
Here in the United States, we have the right to Freedom of Religion.
As American people, whether Pagan, Jew, Muslim, Hindu or Christian,
we have the right to have our religious preferences protected
equally. This doesn't just include protection from foreign invasion,
but includes protection from domestic terrorism as well.
Those opposed to this game that would like to see it banned from
stores in the U.S. and the producers investigated further are: The
Association of United Pagans, The Council on American-Islamic
Relations, The Christian Alliance for Progress, CrossWalk America,
The Beatitudes Society, The Center for Progressive Christianity,
Talk to Action and the Campaign to Defend the Constitution."
Upon my own investigation of the video game, I found this brief description of it on playfuls.com:
"Wage a war of apocalyptic proportions in Left Behind: Eternal Forces - a real-time strategy game based upon the best-selling Left Behind book series created by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. Join the ultimate fight of Good against Evil, commanding Tribulation Forces or the Global Community Peacekeepers, and uncover the truth about the worldwide disappearances!
Features:
- Lead the Tribulation Force from the book series, including Rayford, Chloe, Buck and Bruce against Nicolae Carpathia - the AntiChrist.
- Conduct physical & spiritual warfare: using the power of prayer to strengthen your troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world.
- Recover ancient scriptures and witness spectacular Angelic and Demonic activity as a direct consequence of your choices. Command your forces through intense battles across a breathtaking, authentic depiction of New York City.
- Control more than 30 units types - from Prayer Warrior and Hellraiser to Spies, Special Forces and Battle Tanks!
- Enjoy a robust single player experience across dozens of New York City maps in Story Mode - fighting in China Town, SoHo, Uptown and more!
- Play multiplayer games as Tribulation Force or the AntiChrist's Global Community Peacekeepers with up to eight players via LAN or over the internet!"
Last time I checked, spiritual warfare had NOTHING to do with guns, spies, tanks, or any other kind of weaponry for mass destruction.
Is it me or did someone miss the point of the books?
Very Cool Visual Mind Fuck
Instructions: There’s a black dot in the center. Stare at the dot till the countdown ends, and the black and white picture should look like it’s in color…until you move your eyes!
Click here for the animated image.
This is work-safe and not a trick. Enjoy!
Chargers v. Pats, a Plug, and a Anti Plug
Go F*ck Yourself San Diego.
Yes, that is a new greeting for all the Chargers fans out there who come to the WoW. No serious, this is going to be a hard fought game. But I must tell you this, this reminds me awful lot of the first Super Bowl win, where the Pats faced the Rams. I might eat my words, but Patriots 21, Chargers 17.
A Plug.
My son, got a Leapster L-Max for his birthday. Let me first say, he loves it, and as a 5 year old, this is the perfect handheld video game system for him. On top of that it is also "educational", but I won't hold that against them. Well, about a month or so after he got it, it brokedown. So I e-mailed LeapFrog support, and they gave me a few troubleshooting things to try with it. They did not fix it. They then asked me to call, to get it fixed. I did. Not only were they extremely nice, and helpful, Leapster is replacing the L-Max with a new one for free. I love LEAPFROG!
An Anti Plug.
Go fuck yourself Dartmouth Motor Inn. Malach is currently working with a traumatic brain injured (TBI) gentleman who is also chronically homeless. I am not going to describe this man in detail as he is infamous in the local area. So, one of problems is that this man only qualifies for certain head injury services, services that are slow moving services (this is another blog). This gentleman also hates the rules of living in a shelter (he was at one, but left). In addition, the gentlemen, who makes decent money on disability, fails unsupervised living situations: He always get evicted for drugs, inviting in big time drug dealers (was raised in that type of environment), and messiness too an extreme. Being TBI, he has limits to his mobility, and his IQ is boderline mentally retarded, but becuase the brian injury occured when he was 19, he is much more knowledgable and wise than someone with that typical IQ.
To make a long story short, after he left the shelter he dissappeared, while missing I got him hooked up with the state inury program, I just needed him to fill out an application; so I have spent the past 2 weeks combing the city looking for him. Well as might know, it has been like spring around here weather wise, except for the past couple days when it has been in the upper 20's to lower 30's. So I found him yesterday, he was cold. I got him to fill out the application and then needed a place for him to stay for the next week or so. He was willing to pay for a hotel to avoid a shelter. He specifically wanted to stay at the Dartmouth Motor Inn as that was close to places he could get himself to for food and company.
I called and told them I wanted a room for 2 weeks, they gave me a price. I told them it was for a client of mine, that I needed to pick up a check for the room from his rep payee, and if it was ok to pay by check. They said fine. So, Malach drove 30 miles to pick up the check, back to the city to pick up the client, and out the the Dartmouth Motor Inn.
They refused to take the check. They "don't take checks", even though they specifically said they would. It was not even a personal check, it was a check out of a trustee account. I even instructed them to call the local bank and see if the check would bounce. Still refused. They refused 500 dollars of business.
So, never go the the Dartmouth Motor Inn. Beyond them being run by idiot assholes, they are also a haven for prostituion and drugs.
I am Malach and I hate the Dartmouth Motor Inn.
Ten Things You Didn't Know About Mr. Tooserious
- Every time he wakes up in the morning, he starts yelling, "Oh, my God! Where the hell am I?!" and proceeds to run around the room for a few minutes.
- The first time he heard the powerful blast from his double barreled shotgun, it damn near made him piss his pants.
- He doesn't just play post apocalyptic role playing games, he fucking lives them, man.
- If it were sociably acceptable, he would drape himself in velvet.
- His hilarious alter ego's classic motto is "if she is like a dog, we do it on the paper."
- His favorite color is "extra rare beef steak red."
- In college, he was arrested three times for running a complex black market goods operation out of his 5th floor dorm room.
- Not only is "Howard The Duck" one of his all time favorite movies, it's his religion.
- When he appeared on 1997's The Third Option television talk show, he inadvertently revealed that NASA's ALH 84001 meteorite, thought to contain evidence of primitive life-forms on Mars, actually came from his back yard.
- He's really not that serious at all.
Hojo's Houseguest
Several years ago when we initially moved into our current house, the dogs were deeply unsettled by something. They'd often stand in the hallway barking at what was seemingly nothing. Of course these incidents were odd, but any living organism living with, near, or in my can't exactly be stable. Not to mention the fact that I was 7 or 8, so it's not like I had the mind to care.
A few years after that I was sitting on the couch watching TV late one evening when I saw movement in the corner of my eye. I glanced toward the doorway leading into the hall when I saw a shadow moving on the wall as if someone had just walked past the door. As it was late at night and I heard no doors open, I decided to see what was up. A brief walk among the family bedrooms gave me no evidence; no one was awake. I polled the family the next morning to find that while my sister had slept all night and had no explanation for the occurrence, my mom and dad were more helpful.
"Oh, that's just the ghost," my mom said.
"Ghost?" I inquired.
"Yeah. When we first moved in the dogs were often unsettled by something beyond our senses, and your dad and I were seeing movement that had no source."
Since then I have had odd happenings during the nights. I am usually on the computer late at night on the weekends, and on most nights I can feel an uncomfortable presence behind me, such as one that exists when someone is staring at me. Something seems to be blocking my immediate rear, as I can no longer hear that ambient "house noise" from directly behind me. My glances behind me yield no results, yet the presence is still there. I believe the ghost decides to pay me a visit every now and again.
Last night was a similar story. My family had gone to bed except for my sister who happened to be in her room. I sat down on the couch once again to find movement catching my eye. I looked up to see the same shadow from years ago retreating to the side of the door frame. And of course as years before I investigated. I walked into my sister's room to find her laying on the bed.
"Were you just walking down the hall about, say, ten seconds ago?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Nope, I've been in bed for about five minutes."
"Hmm, the ghost is back." I observed.
So yes, several separate encounters spanning a number of years have caused me to conclude that my house has a ghost. While my sister was so freaked out by this in addition to the previous stories that she decided to sleep in my mother's room last night, I was more incredulous than startled. I decided to give it some analysis.
I opted not to take a definite stance on the issue at first. After all, having never actually conversed with a ghost, it safe to say that everything one thinks about when asked about ghosts is a stereotype. It would be unfair, ghastly even (ha!), for me to make wild assumptions. Despite his or her plane of current existence, this ghost was still an entity and still worthy of my respect, so I refused to apply the usual prejudice.
There are some who believe in ghosts and other who don't. Personally, while I am against the aforementioned stereotype of movie ghosts, we honestly don't know whether or not there are spirits with unfinished business on Earth. Perhaps it is an ancestor, a guardian angel of sorts, looking after my family. Maybe there's some weird blood pact that my mom made during a keg party in college, and this is the result now that the other participant had died. There also begs the possibility of the Holy Spirit manifesting itself in cognizable form, possibly to force me into this analysis. The truth is, I'll never know, but that won't stop me from asking.
Naturally, I had many questions. For instance, how does one become a ghost? Is the word "ghost" offensive to such wandering entities, akin to words such as "midget" or "Indian?" Was he or she ever alive, and if then, human? If and when he or she died, did he or she face judgment in the Kingdom of Heaven? Could I then use that as proof of the existence of such?
It is obvious that our guest is not here with malevolent intent, as he or she has been in this house as long or longer than we have, and my family has been fine for just as long. To tell the honest truth, I actually feel really good about having a spirit in the house. For one, it's no secret that I loathe humanity and those who are cursed with it, so having an ethereal being to call a roommate and almost a friend is a blessing for me. Also, there's some solace in the idea that during any given time of the night there is someone in my house who is awake. My "friend" may or may not be able to do anything about intruders, but the comfort is still there.
When I told my dad about my experience this morning, he told me that he was suddenly and inexplicably awakened at or around the time I saw my friend (11:30 pm Central on Tuesday, January 9, 2007). This bolsters my story a little more effectively, but that the phantasm appeared to me and then possibly woke my father up begs even more questions. However, like it or not, I have quite the fascinating roommate and night time company.
Hot Off The Press
Hump Day Jokes
A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
~*~*~
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
~*~*~
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."And she says, "So have I, love."To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
Today's WoW Advisory Notice
BE ADVISED!THE ANGRY PIPER
WILL STAB YOU
IF YOU DON'T
GO SWIMMING.
The New Leaked Saddam Video
This one is post execution.
Evidently also done with a camera phone, this one shows Saddam dead, unnaturally twisted neck, and a gaping neck wound. WARNING, GRAPHIC.
There is also some conspiracies floating around out there, but I will leave Hobbs to take care of that.
I am Malach making matters worse.
Hey, Cap'n!!! What was that psychedelic video you used to watch in your dorm during college?!?!
Oh, man! I'm glad you asked! Here are some clips.
AND
AND
And, the answer is yes. We smoked a lot of pot in ol' 529 Durgin.
I'm so proud...
I don't know who this handsome fellow is, but i'm mighty proud of him
"The Ashley Treatment"
What would you do if your child was born with a mental retardation that allowed the body to grow normally but not move or function quite normally?
Well.....this article was brought to my attention today by one of my co-workers. I followed the link at the bottom of the page to this site.
As a parent, I know what my opinion is.
What's yours?
Ten Things You Didn't Know About Hobbs Von Wackamole!
- His drag name is Lady Boobs Von Touchmyhole.
- In the Vegan world, he is what's known as a "Bean Freak."
- Hobbs has killed and... he will kill again.
- In his college days, his seriously annoying catch phrase was "Huzzah-Bam Da' Bam-Bam!"
He was once considered a rising star in the music retail business until he was caught mastubating to Sonic Youth album covers in the employee break room at the Boston, MA Tower Records Store (this subsequently led to the complete shut down of that branch.)
- His favorite car is the classic and rare 1986 Mercury Topaz Diesel Edition in canary yellow with bitchin' flame decals, purple undercarriage neon, illuminated dual exhaust pipes and chrome low rider wheels.
- Hobbs will always have a special place in his heart for green HAZMAT suits (and you do not want to know why.)
- If Massachusetts enforces an anti gay-marriage law, he is planning on performing a self-immolation ritual suicide with his long time lover The Angry Veteran. Yes. They love each other that much.
- He dyes his hair red. His natural color is dirty blonde.
- His personal business cards list his title as "Rocker Slut."
BONUS FACT: This is Hobb's adopted brother, Bill "Pickles" McGurk. And this is his friend and mentor Richie "Spitz" Hazmasso.
In case you see something in the sky, and get confused..
...our government has provided a very handy guide to help you. After all there's so much out there in the universe, its much easier to know when you should call 911!! And as the American Government is always open and honest and here to help its citizens, how could we doubt the veracity of this document?
My vacation to Pakistan is BACK ON, BABY!
Pakistan lifts kite-flying ban
Cap'n Flak celebrates by irradically flying a 12' shark kite while wearing railroad overalls and an oversized multi-colored wig
LAHORE, Pakistan -- Authorities have lifted a ban on kite-flying in a Pakistan province after the sport was forbidden last year following a series of deaths caused by reinforced kite strings, an official told The WoW today.
The ban was lifted about a month ahead of Basant, an annual festival that heralds spring and is marked by flying colorful kites in the eastern province of Punjab and its capital, Lahore.
This year's festival will be celebrated on Feb. 25, said Salman Ghani, chairman of Punjab's planning and development department.
During Basant last year, seven people were fatally slashed by glass-coated or metal-reinforced kite strings, prompting authorities to ban kite-flying. They arrested hundreds who defied the new regulation.
Ghani said that glass-coated or metal strings, typically used in advanced fighter kites, will be banned, and that authorities will issue licenses for selling kites and strings during this year's festival.
The ban will be re-imposed after the festival's final day celebrations, whenever Captain Paperpants departs the province or which ever comes sooner, he said.
Kites larger than 2 feet by 2 feet will not be allowed to prevent the use of heavy strings, Ghani said.
Offenders will face up to four years in jail, or a fine of 100,000 rupees ($1,800), he said.
What else makes Cap'n Flak happy?
- Guns. Lots of guns.
- Dr. Murk's tasty meat.
- This place. (especially in the Fall)
- Secret handshakes.
- 1993 to 1995.
- Strained bong water.
- Unusual Ritual Dances.
- Sex and ice cream.
- Art Deco. Yeah... art deco for real.
Response to a Rant
In response to Malach's rather odd rant about Gay Marriage.
Malach,
First of all, Massachusetts did not make gay marriage a law. A panel of judges decided to interpret the constituion in such a way to allow marriage between two partners of the same sex. They left it up to the elected body to amend the constitution to clarify it (as was proper). The legislature (which seems to have become more and more radical over time) has balked and refused to even consider the amendment. So, Romney did something else allowed by the constitution: he went to the people.
It doesn't matter who the 170,000 signatures were... they were in favor of constitutional action so that Boston didn't become the homosexual Las Vegas. The funny thing about democracy is: the majority still has a say.
As for the Gay Marriage issue, it is not a matter of civil rights. Same-sex marriage should not be framed as an adult civil right... because marriage is about family and child rearing. Studies over and over show that for a child to develop properly, he needs the influence of both a Mother and Father. Same-sex couples have been successful parents, but statistically they are no more effective than single-parent households at raising well-adjusted children.
So, legalizing Gay marriage is not just about civil rights. It is about protecting a centuries-old successful instituion that has been the basis of society... um... forever. This is not about descriminating against people who choose to practice homosexuality. It is about protecting the fundamental group unit of society (according to the Universal Declration of Human Rights): THE FAMILY. And, it is about protecting children by not legalizing and accepting a less-effective form of child rearing.
As for your reference to the civil rights movement for African Americans, that issue was not decided by the courts. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was past overwhelmingly by both parties. Opposition to the act was regional (with a majority of both Republicans and Democrats in the south). It WAS decided by popular vote. And, so far, the issue has been decided by a majority of states that have brought a measure to the ballot.
The problem with secular humanists these days is that they haven't been able to convince the masses that they aren't raving idiots. They sit in NY and LA and DC and MA and assume that everybody agrees with them. Well, I'm sorry: a loud minority is still a minority.
I'm sure you dislike Romney on this issue... but I can't agree with him more. I am all for basic human and civil rights for people who practice homosexuality. But, I will also stand firm that marriage is a basic and fundamental unit that should not be diluted or broken. Not only do I agree with what Romney was doing in Massachusetts, I agree with the way he frames the arguments: in terms of Child rights.
I'm glad the MA legislature finally fulfilled their duty and voted on it. If you hate the law, get out and try to convince people WHY you are right. But, don't go after Romney because he walks the walk.
That is all.
Horatio
Happy Birthday, Mel!
It's Mel Gibson's birthday!
We almost forgot!
How excited are you?
Totally excited?
HELL YEAH YOU ARE!
Here are some gift suggestions for Mel:
- Annual Subscription to "Killin' Jews for Jesus!"
- One freshly sacrificed Mayan female child!
- Schindler's List Special Edition on DVD to add to his impressive comedy collection!
- Big Bad Blackie in a Boo Box!
- An autographed picture of "The Angry Ass!"
- Polycom Video-conferencing System for his Mago Island private retreat in the South Pacific so he can remotely participate in his Bipolar Disorder Anonymous Meetings!
- Battery powered portable neon crucifix (with self-leveling laser pointer and featuring the voice of Charles Bronson as God!)
- The Ghost of Adolph Hitler!
- Porn movies overdubbed with audio from The Three Stooges!
- A glass of hot fat and the head of Alfredo Garcia!
A rant and some more random info
Gay Marriage and the looming battle in Massachusetts.
Massachusetts, my home state, a state of left leaning moonbats, was the first to make gay marriage a law. You may be surprised that over the past decade or so, a real grassroots conservativeness has taken over the governer's office, of course topped off by the Anti-Christ himself, Mitt Fuggin' Romney. Since the passing of the gay marriage laws, Romney has vowed to overturn it or bring it to a ballot question.
The MA congress has refused a number of times to even vote on the issue, so Romney went about collecting 170,000 signatures from conservative and religious to place the question on the '08 ballot, but still need 50 legislators (out of 200+) in 2 consecutive congressional sessions to vote for it to make it a referendum question. Romney went to the MA Supreme Court and forced a rule that the legislature has a "duty" to vote on this. So yesterday, the legislature voted and got 61 votes, and then 62 votes, giving early approval of the ballot question.
Here's the issue. You cannot put civil rights issues up to a ballot question. The voting populace is not smart enough to remove itself from it's own decriminations, religious training, and sense of morality. Imagine if you will, that the US left Black Civil Rights in the 60's up to a ballot question . . . Blacks will still be second class citizens in this country. This is not about the Democratic Process.
Top 10 Dead Celebrity Earners for 2006.
Elvis has held the top spot now for a number of years. Guess who surprisingly unseated him this year . . . Kurt Cobain. The list in pretty interesting, Charles Schulz is number three, Einstein number 5; I suppose this just shows now the purchasing power of Generation X.
Saddam's Hanging vs. Britney's Crotch.
Well, it is early, but Britney's Crotch so far is the winner, increasing my sites stats by about 800% for a week. I posted the Saddam hanging earlier in the week, and it only doubled the hits here so far.
Let's Harrass a Fellow WoW member.
Horatio, for this post, especially since he deleted my counter argument. That Mitt Romney is the Anti-Christ.
Hobbs vs. Piper.
Sorry, I couldn't tell you who's who, "they all look alike to me".
I am Malach and all you need is love.
Cap'n Flak's Really Shitty Career Advice
- Figure out which bathroom the executives use. Only use that bathroom and if an executive comes in, mimic everything they do.
- Never, ever, ever turn your office lights or computer off. A dark office or cubicle is a clear sign that you are not at work and most people will think you are off wasting time on one of your hobbies.
- Use the scrolling text screensaver. Set it to say "HOLY SHIT I AM SO FUCKING BUSY." Make sure it is scrolling as fast as possible.
- Ask your vendors to send you a price quote for contracting Herpes.
- Spot some blood on your shirt or pants. When asked about it, yell "business is war!" Then briskly walk away. Keep looking back over your shoulder while making a clicking sound.
- Every time you answer your phone, pretend to be out of breath. People are always impressed by someone who is out of breath.
- Tell everyone that there is a chemical fire in shipping and they need to evacuate the building. When they run to go outside, bring up some really nasty porn on their computer screens. Leave it there until they return. Trust me on this one. Everyone will think that is totally hilarious! This will be even funnier if your workplace doesn't have a shipping department.
Talking to your boss? Make sure you are always pointing at them! Remember to use both hands!
- Go ahead. Be clever.
- Whenever you leave your desk, tip your chair over. People will think you left in a hurry. Hurried is cool!
- Perform strange ritual dances in the hallways. Claim that it is your "god given right, god dammit!"
- Sell your co workers hopes and dreams on Ebay. Bid often.
- Insist on only doing business with Disabled Jewish Freemasons.
- In every single PowerPoint presentation you create, make sure the last slide always has a crappy diagram of a Warp Field Generator. Label this slide as CRITICAL. Provide handouts.
- Put pictures of Chuck Norris all over your office or cube walls. Autograph them yourself. Make sure people see you doing that.
- Always bring a steel briefcase to work. Hand cuff yourself to it. When you arrive at your desk, cuff the case to a chair or something else in the area. State out loud that you "stand relieved." Salute the briefcase every hour, on the hour.
- Going to a meeting? Bring a clipboard, take notes, nod your head, squint your eyes and say "mmhm" a lot (even if no one is talking.)
- Pretend to repair your car in the parking lot using nothing but duct tape and a box cutter. This shows initiative and ingenuity.
- Smile. Always smile. No matter what, no matter when, SMILE. The creepier you look, the better. Think: THE JOKER.
- Finish all emails with anyone of the following phrases::
- TEE HEE HEE!
- THAT'S NOT A KNIFE. THAT'S A KNIFE.
- IN MY PANTS!
- WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
- BE AGGRESSIVE! BE BE AGGRESSIVE!
- HEY, THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!
- DUDE! LYNYRD SKYNYRD ROCKS!
- ASSHOLESAYSWHAT?
- OMG! LOLZ! KTHXBYE!
Best News in The New Year!
Lucas: 4th 'Indiana Jones' to shoot in 2007
"Holy Flip Flap Flying Fuckballs" says Cap'n Flak!
BEVERLY HILLS, California -- George Lucas said Friday that filming of the long-awaited "Indiana Jones" movie will begin in 2007. And there was much rejoicing.
Harrison Ford, who appeared in the three earlier flicks, the last one coming in 1989, is set to star again. Lucas said he and Steven Spielberg recently finalized the script for the film.
Exact film locations have not been decided yet, but Lucas said part of the movie will be shot in Los Angeles.
"George, Harrison and I are all very excited," Spielberg told several WoWees at The WoW's Exclusive New Years Celebration at The Palatial Murk Estates in South Eastern Massachusetts.
"We feel that the script was well worth the wait. We hope it delivers everything you'd expect from our history with Indiana Jones."
In a statement, the 64-year-old Ford said he was ready for another turn as the globe-trotting archaeologist. "I'm delighted to be back in business with my old friends," he said. "I don't know if the pants still fit, but I know the hat will."
The fourth chapter of the "Indiana Jones" saga, which will hit theaters in May 2008, has been in development for over a decade with several screenwriters taking a crack at the script, but it only recently gained momentum. Lucas kept mum about the plot, but said that the latest action flick will be a "character piece" that will include "very interesting mysteries."
"I think it's going to be really cool," Lucas said. "Way cooler than a heart broken Darth Vader stumbling forward like a bumbling idiot and screaming "PADME!"
Ford played Indiana Jones in 1981's "Raiders of the Lost Ark," 1984's "Temple of Doom" and 1989's "The Last Crusade." And, I mean, DAMN, he is one hot bitch.
But, what else does Lucas have on tap?
- Star Wars Episode VII: Return of the Shitty Actors
- Captain EO Goes to Pedophilia Prision
- Howard The Duck Part II
- European Graffiti
- The Jar Jar Binks Daytime Talk Show
- Baron Papanoida Presents
- Yoda Meets The Matrix
- THX1138 in the Land of Oz
Happy New Year
And to start off you New Year on the right foot, the WoW presents this helpful instructional video.
I am Malach and The Foreign Guy saved my pitiful life.