Hump Day Jokes

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Three women are about to be executed, one's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim……"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim……"
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim……"
And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A Marine and Navyman are in the bathroom together, and the Marine goes to leave without washing his hands.
"Hey," says the Navyman, "in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands."
"In the Marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa.

The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick.

Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick.

A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.

"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far.

With new arm, Tarzan strong.

But no like new wee-wee."

"Why's that?"

"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass."

~hump day love~