Hojo's Army

Friday, June 02, 2006

When I go to college, I plan on majoring in sociology and from there I plan to become a professional revolutionary. I will use my sociological knowledge to take down various huge organizations across the country. My list includes (but is certainly not limited to) these:

1. MTV for shoving musical "taste" down the throats of impressionable youth. Panic! At the Disco? Please.
2. The Boy Scouts of America for being nothing more than an Americanized Hitler Youth
3. Bandai for making terrible video games
4. AOL (Do I really need a reason for this. It's sort of self-explanatory)
And many more...

I am but one brilliant, sexy, and powerful young man. How could I achieve these things with one perfectly-chiseled and glowingly bronze body? Easy. I will start a youth cult.

Cults are sensitive subjects. To make a successful one you should have the perfect leader. I have given it much though, and my leader happens to be...
Yes, Bob Ross. The inspirational painter and host of the popular (by a slight stretch) show "The Joy of Painting." I know that you're probably thinking "But Hojo the Mighty, Bob Ross has been dead for nine years." Such ease. I can manipulate that by telling my followers that he has passed off into some Alpha Pretzel Skidmark Sodomy sector of the Astral Plane. Hell, I could turn his death into some sort of goal for my children.

Let's start with the name. I've decided upon the Global Organization for Bob Ross and the Adoption of a Less Eroded Social Structure (G.O.B.R.A.L.E.S.S.).

Why Bob Ross? Here's a bulleted list:
•The afro would draw in hippies, and we'd need their protesting expertise
•The suave voice would brainwash the easily inspired (i.e. Former MTV clones)
•The artistic nature would bring in painters and such. Eh, we need T-Shirts or banners or something, right? I dunno, I didn't give much thought to the potential artists.
•He had a TV show. He's gained a following. We just have to convince those followers that all of my shit is actually true.
•The awesome shirts could bring in young Brady Bunch fans and aging boogiers (i.e. Malach)
•That smile makes me, an astonishingly straight ladies' man, have to go change my underwear. Who can resist such charm?

I'm really seeing no negatives here. Bob Ross simply pwns.

So, kids, spread the word about G.O.B.R.A.L.E.S.S. and send in your applications today!