Things You Can't Say

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Here are some things you can't say to get out of a speeding ticket.

"You were going just as fast as I was. Here's your ticket, ass-shit."

"How can I tell how fast I was going when I'm shooting up a speedball?"

"Y M C A!"

"I thought I flushed you this morning."

"Blue makes you look fat."

"I'll give your mother a ticket for having sex with me."

"Are all cops as gay as you?"

"That show CHiPs gives me a hard on."

"I had to go that fast to get back to the future."

"95? Pretty good for a guy they told would never drive in the state of (instert state here) again."

"That show Prison Break makes this whole thing moot."

"Oh, sorry. I only take tickets from K-9 unit cops."

"How 'bout I fucking bite you and we call it even?"

"Dude, this is the best bachelor party ever. When do you take that uni off, hon?"

"But officer, I've never paid a ticket in my life!"

"Does your wife know we're meeting like this?"

"Is this being taped for a show? I'll make a break for it so it looks good."

"Seatbelt... preventing... spinning... backhand..."