I am Malach and I am shocked the Piper has never seen Liquid Sky. When you finally do, make sure you have plenty of hallucinogens available.
Another post for the Piper
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Spammer is arrested
Who-hoo!! Stupid (but smart) spammer who allegedly lived a lavish life-style and was stealing websites, money and identities was arrested yesterday!!
Robert Alan Soloway is accused of using networks of compromised "zombie" computers to send out millions upon millions of spam e-mails.
"He's one of the top 10 spammers in the world," said Tim Cranton, a Microsoft Corp. lawyer who is senior director of the company's Worldwide Internet Safety Programs. "He's a huge problem for our customers. This is a very good day."
Click the title for the complete spammmer-ific story!
*does a happy dance*
Hump Day Jokes
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
~*~*~*~*~
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am." "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."
~*~*~*~*~
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am." "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves.
He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"
~hump day love~
Blissful dreams, a Coke and a smile!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
So.....I usually write about my personal crap on MY BLOG but today...I wanted to share some of my personal thoughts and stuff here.
Dreams
I had a dream about Jesus.....AGAIN. The first time was rather powerful and it freaked me out but it's been about three years since then. I wasn't really expecting to have another one let alone the first one.
When I spoke to my my mom about it last night, she said, "Well it says in the bible that we're suppose to do that so...."
What was I dreaming? Good question! I was dreaming that I was in a church and Toyi (I really don't know why her) was talking about "healing hands" or "The laying of hands" among the congregation and the group was electric with this debate. Then I heard a male voice behind me with such clarity that it I made a special note of it in my sleep, "....louder and clearer above all voices...." was my thinking. I listened to it as it told me that to heal him (not really sure who but I assumed my husband), I need to lay my hands upon his chest and pray to HIM.....pray to Jesus. Now, I recall trying to listen to what the other people were saying and then hearing Jesus say to me (still behind me), "Do you want me to stop?" Of course I replied, "NO". So He repeated Himself to me and then I turned to look upon the most beautiful face ever. But.....strangely....He had sky blue eyes.
So...why would I type something like this onto a very public blog? I want input!I want suggestions, ideas and I want to start a conversation about the mysteries that so many of us take for granted. I want to hear what your thoughts are. Let's hear it folks.....
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Coke
Today, I was blog surfing and found this person voicing their opinion on Coke turning their headquarters in Atlanta, GA into a more GREEN environment. By making the $3M investment to do so, they will save an annual amount of $1M/year. Talk about a quick investment return.
But what makes this story so much fun is where I found it. *giggles* I found it at TREEHUGGER.COM!!! Can you believe it?? THERE IS A TREEHUGGER.COM!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!
And a smile
For those who would like some ideas on how you can add more environmental friendly solutions into your life, you can visit this link at Tree Hugger!
This is a Sad Day in Angry Piper history . . .
Why?
Yesterday, one of the Angry Piper's biggest heroes, Charles Nelson Reilly died. His effeminate attitude and flamboyant dress, inspired Piper to be the person he is today. CNR taught the Piper that it was OK to be different, and OK to where women's clothing, back during his formative years watching The Match Game. This is to help Piper grieve.
I am Malach and The Angry Piper is a BLANK.
The Curse of Len Bias
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
The Celtics are Cursed.
I am totally convinced, with his dying breath, Len Bias cursed the Boston Celtics. Bias was supposed to be the savior of this franchise, a guy that would extened Larry Bird and Kevin McChale's career. A player that was compared with Micheal Jordan. Of course he died from a cocaine overdose 48 hours after being drafted in 1986. The year before they won their last Championship, one of 16 won over the course of 30 years.
After Bias's death, the Celtics competed for a few more years, winning divisions, but would never regain their glory. Then in 1993 Reggie Lewis suddenly passed away. And it all really started to go down hill. From 94 - 2001 they only made the playoffs once. And in the past 7 years, they went to the Conference finals, but got worse every year since then.
The Old Boston Garden, and all it's little leprechans are gone, we had to sit through the fiasco of the Rick Pitino years, the ML Carr years. In 1997, they had the best chance at winning the NBA's draft lottery. Their odds were augmented even further by a 1996 with Dallas in exchange for the Mavericks 1st round pick in 1997 which gave the Celtics a second lottery pick and more chances to win the coveted first pick. Additionally, one of the odds-on favorites to win the lottery would have been the Vancouver Grizzlies, a recent expansion team. The Grizzlies, however, were ineligible for the first overall pick as part of their terms of entering the league. Even with all the odds in their favor, the San Antonio Spurs won the lottery and selected Tim Duncan first overall in the 1997 NBA Draft, who would go on to lead his team to three championships.
And then some of the picks they traded, the old Celtics they never did this: Chauncey Billups, Joe Johnson, Ron Mercer, Kenny Anderson; imagine a Celtics teams with Johnson, Pierce, Jefferson, Billups, and Tim Duncan. I suppose were lucky Pierce is not dead after getting stabbed 11 times 2000, in which he came close to death.
And now this draft fiasco. . . .
I am Malach and Lucky is no longer lucky and a little adivce, watch for a brawl in tonight's Yankees/Sox game after another dirty play by A-Rod.
Hump Day Jokes
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the officer said.
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.
The patrolman then asked, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman then gave the officer her license.
"I see you are from Arkansas," the patrolman said. "I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself. She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."
~hump day love~
Truth in Advertising
Monday, May 21, 2007
I have decided that since tomorrow is officially the first day of my summer vacation, I should stay up a little later than usual in some sort of celebratory gesture. I neglected, however, that Sunday night television sucks. After a short burst of Arrested Development (which I still hold to be the best show on television) I decided to find something to watch.
I've never seen the show Cheaters. I could tell from the first time I heard the title that it was a show about cheating and it was probably something that would not tickle my proverbial fancy. I flipped through the channels and I saw the last 30 seconds or so of Cheaters before a commercial break. I was right - the show is about infidelity and it doesn't interest me. The first commercial of the break, however, did.
Those crazy "CALL FOR PHONE SEX LOL" commercials are standard late night programming fare. They actually preceded television, and commercials for dirty phone calls could be heard after FDR's fireside chats in the 1940s. I was not surprised to see such a commercial in the rotation, seeing as how it is after midnight, which seems to be the official time to be in the mood to talk to hot singles in my area. I was very surprised to see a commercial like this come on after a show called Cheaters.
"Aha!" I yelled, pointing at the TV as the commercial began, "so that's how it works!" You see, the show Cheaters was created to oust, well, cheaters. To have a reality show that tracks cheaters, you have to have a couple in which one member is unfaithful. To be unfaithful, you must first be tempted. You see, I would be very surprised to find that the dirty phone sex people even had to pay for that advertising space. They're basically saying "Hey, want to talk to local singles and make an appearance on the show you were just watching?" The fine folks at Cheaters would be crazy to force people to pay to create potential cheaters. It's the most brilliant advertisement campaign I've ever seen!
Something to Kick Death's Ass
Saturday, May 19, 2007
and something more
Malach saw both these bands together in 1992 and got his ass kicked in the pit. It was fun.
Just because Hojo loved it the same way I do "DEATH"
Friday, May 18, 2007
Oh wow alive they have pretty much the same quality they share in their recorded work, uhhmm only Chuck's voice is a little more lower in recording and higher alive I see, but I love the fact that he does all the masterpeaces of the band. uhh those fingers are very cool. eh eh The only bad thing is that alive he didn't play that delicious Classic guitar solo at the end of the song, but still cool.
Crystal Mountain - Symbolic
Lack of Comprehension
THis was one of the few videos from "Death" that played on MTV Headbangers.
Go, Go Jerry Go, Go, Go, Jerry Be Good!
Why Jerry Remy is the best color annoucer in the world.
This was in between yesterday's double headers. Remy and Don Orsillo announcing.
I am Malach and I am a RemDawg fanatic!
In Honor to one of the greatest Death Metal founders
Chuck Schuldiner
A cuty wasn't he? May 13, 67- Dec 13, 2001. He lead on of my favorite Death Metal bands. RIP.
Chump Day Joke (classics)
There once was a farmer. He was a dairy farmer and he loved his cows. Above all tho the other cows, he loved his Purple Cow the best.
One morning he awoke feeling upset and tired. he realized he had lost his love for his cows and it made him sad. He figured a vacation was just what he needed. So, he put an ad in the paper for a cow sitter. After many disappointing interviews, one promising young man seemed to stand out. He was fond of cows and seemed especially fond of the Purple Cow. The farmer hired him immediately and packed for his vacation.
Upon his return, he was eager to see all his cows again, especially his Purple Cow. As he crested the hill he saw his cows and the cow siter, but not his beloved Purple cow.
He asked the man. "Where is my Purple Cow?"
The man looked about confused and said, "Well, I'll be! She was right there just a minute ago and she must have gone off."
*******************
What? Not funny?
Fine. I got a better one.
This man with a cigar is riding on a train in a compartment with a woman carrying a poodle. Now, the man HATES poodles and the woman HATES cigars, right? So, they're sitting across from each other glaring and scowling. The man thinks...
I'd love to strangle that little rat of a poodle. I wish it would quit yapping.
The Lady thinks...
How rude and inconsiderate can one man BE! First he makes a mean face at my precious poodle and then he lights up that foul cigar!
Well, the woman hurridly opens a window and begins to smile. She sees a tunnel is coming up ahead. She figures she'll wait for the lights to go out and grab the cigar and toss it out the window.
The man notices her smile and interest. He looks and sees the tunnel and has similar designs to toss the poodle out the window when the lights go out.
Now they both start grinning. And he's smiling and chomping down on his stogie and she's smiling and stroking her pet, and their smiles get broader and broader until they finally hit the tunnel and the lights go out.
There's a panicked shuffling in the tunnel and then a silence. Light returns to the cabin...
And there's the Purple Cow!
Sorry for the double post!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
But I need to egt my blog going and I want y'all to respond so, here's a poem by yours truly also on my blog, just so you kno what going on there. You can also check the Hill TV Feed for updates. Enjoy:
We saw the lamppost and screamed.
“What news from the West,” it said,
“You’ll have no rest and your friends
Are all clotted cream.”
“Am I insane,”
Said he,
Said I..
“This door you have opened
Will never be closed.”
The image of the Hawk,
The Eagle,
The Wolf and other beasts unnamed.
What sense could it make?
It could sense not unmake,
And we were still awake.
What did it mean?
Oh, Lamppost fair!
Oh, Provider of light!
Oh, Sin upon Sin!
“We’ve entered too far to get in,”
Said I.
We embraced the embrace of the face.
Not a kiss, but with two hands on one face.
Two eyes at two eyes and the touch
Seemed improper but tempered with warmth.
“Is that you in there?” I called.
There was no response.
There was empty space
In the folds of skin massaged by rough palms,
It was the greatest mistake we had made.
So great was our fall that we undid time.
A lie.
I lied but unknowingly.
We opened a simple box
And found a field where
Dead men walk and chastise us.
Why the Light? Why?
Why not a coin or a tree to cut down?
Why not a sly flitter
Or a scent or a sound?
Why is a lamppost here?
And now the Angry Piper can die happy
They are making a sequel to his favorite movie.
And the WoW has an exclusive preview!
I am Malach, and your heart will go on.
In the beginning of the real ocean adventure
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Speaking of being adrift on the open sea.....
We have whales in our port. Humpback Whales! They are suppose to be passing the San Francisco Bay as they head towards Alaska for the Summer but instead, smelt the horrific stench of a skunk that Angry Veteran had on the S.S. Whatever-the-hell-Murk-named-it and detoured toward my city. They swam 90 miles inland and are currently swimming circles in the Port of Sacramento.
Officials are urging folks to remain away from the water's edges due to sound disturbances confusing the mom and her calf more however, being that they are literally 5 miles from my house, I'm thinking of going to go see if I can get some pics.
For those who cannot wait, you can click this link for our local news station.
Adrift: A Tale of the WoW
The scene: an iceberg, roughly 50 ft, in diameter, adrift on a mostly calm ocean. Three women, one man, one man dressed like a woman and a huge insect are the iceberg’s current occupants.
Angry Piper (AP): Well, this sucks.
Just Me (JM): Sure does. How the hell did we get here, anyway?
Tainted-Love (TL): Beats me. One minute I was making a list of all the reasons I hate mustard, and the next: Poof! Here we are.
Toyita (T): Eet ees horrible. Nothing to see for miles and miles. Hold me, Senhor Piper.
AP: Sure, babe.
Malach (M): I’ll tell you why we’re here. It’s because we’re the only ones who post to the WoW anymore. Everyone else reads but rarely posts. (Speaking of reading, read Fat Bug.)
Dr. Mantodea (DM): How the fuck does that get us on an iceberg in the middle of nowhere?
M: Well, you see…the way I figure it, the iceberg is one of those metaphor things…
TL: Huh?
M: You know…the iceberg is the WoW. And we’re the only thing keeping it afloat. (Read Jesusman!)
DM: (Gestures towards the Angry Piper) You telling me that fat piece of shit is actually helping us stay above the water? Not likely, assbag.
M: You’re quite hostile.
DM: Fuck you. This is just about the worst day of my life, aside from the whole turning into a bug thing. Me, stuck on an iceberg with you five douche-nozzles. Maybe I should just drown myself.
AP: Sounds like a plan, bug-boy. Let me help.
JM: Wait, guys…don’t you think we should be trying to find a way off this iceberg, instead of getting into a dick-waving contest?
TL: Actually, I’d watch a dick-waving contest…
AP: At least I still have a dick. The bug has been sexless for years.
T: Let’s hold hands. I say we pray. God will help us.
DM: Congratulations, Toyi. You’ve just guaranteed you’ll be the first person I’m going to kill and eat.
M: I think we’re stuck here until more people post regularly.
AP: Then…uh…maybe we should start, you know…pairing off.
T: Pairing off?
AP: You know…finding mates. Three girls…three…uh…make that two guys and a freak of nature.
DM: Fuck you.
M: I can’t have sex with anyone else. My wife will absolutely kill me for even considering it.
DM: OK. Who wants me, then? I’m not fussy.
T: …
JM: …
TL: …
DM: That’s just great. Screw you all.
AP: You can’t blame them. What do they have to look forward to? Revolting sex that ends with you eating their heads. And did I fail to mention you have no dick?
DM: (To JM and TL) I hope you get Hepatitis and die. Piper has it, you know.
AP: I do not! You’re just pissed off because I get three hot ladies all to myself.
JM: Umm…actually… (looks at TL)
TL: We’re way more into each other.
AP: Figures. I guess it’s for the best. I can only disappoint one woman at a time.
T: And that woman ees me! Arrrrrriba!!!
M: I wish I could sit down, but my bum will stick to the ice.
DM: Serves you right for wearing those assless chaps. And you call me the freak of nature. Put some fucking pants on.
M: NEVER!
TL: Wait…is that a boat???
JM: Oh, my goddess! It IS!
T: Eet ees huge! Like the Piper’s manly parts!
DM: Oh, for fuck’s sake.
AP: Jealousy is an ugly thing, Mantis.
DM: So’s your mother.
M: It’s coming this way!
TL: Is that…
JM: Can it be???
M: It’s the S.S. Murk-errific!!!
DM: But Dr. Murk is dead…isn’t he?
A large harpoon thunks into the ice, dragging the iceberg towards the colossal ship. Suddenly, a brightly-colored figure appears over the rail of the boat, brandishing a star-spangled shield.
Angry Veteran (AV): Ahoy there!!!
M: It’s the Angry Veteran! We’re rescued!
DM: Thank Christ. This was already getting old.
JM: How did you get this swell boat, AV?
AV: Murk willed it to me. It’s mine now. I’d change the name to the S.S. Family Values, but it’s bad luck to change the name of a boat.
TL: With Murk dead, guess you’re out of a job, huh?
AV: Not exactly…
DM: Fascinating. Can we get the fuck out of here now?
AV: Sure. Climb aboard, all.
They all scramble up the ladder. The Angry Piper is last. Some might think this is for chivalry’s sake, but in truth he was hoping to see up the girls’ skirts. Instead, he comes face-to-face with the Angry Veteran at the top of the ladder.
AV: Sorry. Boat’s full.
AP: What? Stop screwing around. It’s a huge boat.
AV: Right. You can’t come on. Murk wouldn’t have wanted it.
AP: Murk’s dead. Now let me on!
AV: No. Besides, I work for someone else now, and he doesn’t want you aboard either.
AP: Get the fuck out of my way or so help me…
The Angry Veteran slams his star-spangled shield into the Angry Piper’s face, dislodging him from the ladder. He falls 30 feet, landing on the hard ice below sprawled in his kilt, his dangly unmentionables in full view.
AP: Ouch.
DM: Wow. He is huge.
AV: Hey Piper!! My new boss, Hobbs von Wackamole, sends his love and says, and I quote: “I’m back, bitch!” I’m also supposed to give you something. Wait a sec!
The Angry Veteran disappears below decks, returning after a few minutes holding a box at arms length. He drops the box overboard, where it shatters on the ice, dislodging a very irate skunk.
AV: Have fun making friends! AV...out!
Hump Day Jokes
Every year, Bob goes hunting during bear season. One year, Bob goes hunting, and shoots a small brown bear. Then, the mother of that small brown bear comes up to him and says, " I'll give you two choices, I'll either kill you, or make love to you, but I won't let you go."Bob thinks on this, and decides he wants to live, so the mother bear then makes love to him.The next year, Bob goes hunting again, but this time, he shoots the mother bear that he was forced to make love to the year before. He shoots her, and her mother comes after Bob, and again, gives him the choice. "I will make love to you, or kill you, which will it be??"Again, Bob makes love to a bear.The next year, Bob goes once again for revenge, and kills the bear that he was forced to make love to the year before.This time, her sister comes up to Bob and says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves. The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A guy walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. The bartender poured him the drink and the guy drank it down in one gulp. "Wow," said the bartender. "Something bad musta happened." "I came home early today," answered the guy. "I went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best friend." The bartender poured the dude another triple shot. "This one's on the house." The guy gulped it down once again. The bartender asked, "Did you say anything to your wife?" The guy answered, "Yeah, I walked up to her and told her we were through. ‘‘Pack your bag's and get out!’’ I told her." "What about your friend?" asked the bartender. "I looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘‘Bad dog!’’"
~wicked lovin~
Truth, the Ultimate Conspiracy...
....yes, Hobbs here, back from the field for this one quick note.
I hear some Rat Bastard named Christopher killed my good friend and compatriot, Dr. Robert J Murk (Awesome!)!!!
Now, I've long suspected that dick Murk of some pretty shady operations. Homemade hooch laced with poodle piss, Solar Panels that begin playing Bette Midler songs at inhuman volumes one week after installation, a giant metal plate to block out the sun. These are just a few examples of the evil that is Robert Murk.
But the worst thing that scumbag has done was kept so well under wraps, that only the 'coincidence' of his death, so perfectly timed with another, has brought it to life.
I, the ultimate paraniod kook, bring you the real truth, and one of the many secret faces of Dr. Robert J Murk:
Please tell me it is not true!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Ring my friend I said you'd call Dr. Robert,
Ring my friend I said you'd call Dr. Robert,Day or night he'll be there anytime at all Dr. Robert.
Dr. Robert, your a new and better man,
He helps you to understand,
He does everything he can, Dr. Robert.
If your down he'll pick you up Dr. Robert,
Take a drink from his special cup Dr. Robert
Dr. Robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need,
No one can succeed like Dr. Robert
Well, well, well your feeling fine,
Well, well, well, he'll make you, Dr. Robert
My friend works for the national health Dr. Robert,
Don't take money to see yourself with Dr. Robert
Dr. Robert, your a new and better man,
He helps you to understand,
He does everything he can Dr. Robert
Well, well, well, your feeling fine,
Well, well, well, he'll make you, Dr. Robert
Ring my friend I said you'd call Dr. Robert
Dr. Robert!
I am Malach and he cannot be gone!
No story yet.
For now, here's a plug to explain a bit.
Also, Dr. Murks blog is gone for now, but keep the link. I have some of his notes that I will compile for your amusement in the near future.
Also, Hill TV is making a comeback soon as your one stop resource for finding out about every possible belief system, faith and philosophy on the planet. Yeah. That will be a work in progress. For now, just go enjoy the message that Dr. M is dead.
The old Hill TV stuff is being tranfered to Malach for republishing on this Blog and elswhere in the Rubbersuit Studios Web Conglomerate.
Don't forget to read ll of the stuff from my favorite web comic, Sunshine.
Some of you might also like to see some of this site. Or, this one. Or even this one.
Peace
Chris
Road Rage
Top Cities for Road Rage.
Well Boston made number three, hey they don't call us Massholes for nothing. I have always found the phenonmenon of road range strange in interesting. Malach does not suffer from road rage. Like in life, he is laid back, and doesn't really get upset over things he really cannot control.
On the other hand, my wife turns into a violent, foul mouthed, maniac. Why? Why do people, behind the wheel in ways that they wouldn't think of acting in other situations and environments? Is the the "protection" of the vehicle? Is it the car being a powerful weapon like a gun?
Dr. Mantodea's hero died today.
Jerry "I hate fags" Falwell dead at the age of 73.
And something for the Angry Piper
You fuggin' fat fug.
I am Malach and it is time for Timer.
What?
Monday, May 14, 2007
Um.
Sorry.
It was me all along.
I'll tell you what. I'll make it up to you.
Somehow.
Cough up the Forty One cents
Your first class postage now costs 41 cents.
I'm just cheap enough so that this is the very last thing I needed to start paying all my bills online.
Online banking, here I come.
Oh, and I'll see you in line at the post office for the 2 cent stamps.
Damnit.
Happy Mother's Day From the WoW
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Livin' like a good boy oughta
And your mama
Takes a shine to her best son
Something different
All the girls they seem to like you
Cause you're handsome
Like to talk and a whole lot of fun
But now your girl's gone a missin'
And your house has got an empty bed
The folks'll wonder 'bout the wedding
They won't listen to a word you said
Gonna take your mama out all night
Yeah we'll show her what it's all about
We'll get her jacked up on some cheap champagne
We'll let the good times all roll out
And if the music ain't good, well it's just too bad
We're gonna sing along no matter what
Because the dancers don't mind at the New Orleans
If you tip 'em and they make a cut
Do it
Take your mama out all night
So she'll have no doubt
That we're doing oh the best we can
We're gonna do it
Take your mama out all night
You can stay up late'cause baby you're a full grown man
It's a struggle
Livin' like a good boy oughta
In the summer
Watchin' all the girls pass by
When your mama
Heard the way that you'd been talking
I tried to tell you
That all she'd wanna do is cry
Now we end up takin' the long way home
Lookin' overdressed wearin' buckets of stale cologne
It's so hard to see streets on a country road
When your glasses in the garbage
And your Continental's just been towed
I am Malach, and take your damn mother out tonight.
Who is this new "Jesus"?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
I know this is old news but my little sister called me this morning wanting to know if this was the anti-christ. So then I got to thinking about my fellow brothers and sisters here at the WoW and thought, "I would love to hear their debate on THIS." So...let's hear it!
Gas Boycott on 5/15?
Don't buy gas on May 15th.
You can buy it on the 13th, the 14th or even the 16th but don't buy gas on the 15th. Let's boycott the gas stations across the nation for one entire day and see what happens. Our folks did it in the early 80's, so I know we can can do this too.
What say you? Are you in? THEN FORWARD THIS INFO TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND LET'S GET THE WORD OUT!
NO GAS ON 5/15!
That's just lame. That wont have any impact on the oil industry at all. One whole day of not going to the gas station.....it never hits their bottom line unless the entire nation ceases to function for the entire day, reducing the total consumption of gas. Don't believe me? Read the article on MSN here.
According to research that I have done and that has been done by others, the only way we're really going to hit the gas industry is if we reduce gas consumption over-all. In order to reduce gas consumption, people are being urged to look into more fuel efficient methods, such as mass transportation, cars with higher fuel efficiency, hybrids and electric vehicles. Researches are even finally looking into the reality of hydrogen fueled vehicles after so many years of saying that it is an unstable resource to use.
However, even though we as a nation would be better off financially, economically, and environmentally by doing so, we still have the matter of other leading countries who are purchasing gas at an astonishing rate. Countries such as China and India are growing rapidly and so is their demand. That means, even if our demand decreased, the increase in other nations would continue to keep the prices where they are. PLUS.....most people fail to realize that the gas we use was purchased approximately 3 months ago. That means, in order for there to be an impact, the solution needs to be for a long period of time; not one day.
And what about airplanes? Ever stop to think about how much fuel those things use? How could we work to make those more fuel efficient?
Overall...... if we reduced the need for gas, we reduce the need for fuel refineries (one of the world's leading green house polluters). And quite frankly, that is more my concern then the price of gas. In conclusion, let's make 5/15 "fuel efficiency awareness day". I challenge the readers to do something that will lead to a more fuel efficient and cost effective tomorrow.
So, what say you?
Hump Day Yucks.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
And Oldie but Goodie
Once upon a time there was a old man, in a beat up jalopy, and he was going on vacation, about halfway through his trip, he saw storm clouds up ahead. He wanted to out race the storm, and get back on the highway. He drove down the dark rickety dirt road and came to a fork, not marked on his map. The left fork led into the woods, the right, down a open field, but right into the storm. He went left and entered the woods. The woods were dark and a bit scary, and soon, the storm caught up to the man, and it was pouring. Lightning flashed, and hit a tree, spilling into the path of the man, who crashed into it. The man car was totalled, but he was unhurt. He cilmbed out of the car and looking around saw a old victorian mansion about a mile away, with lights on, he headed toward the mansion for help.
Just at that time a young couple on their honey moon, was heading down the same rickety dirt road, just a few minutes behind the man. They were lost and trying to find the highway, and came to the split. They too saw the dark storm clouds, and took the left passage into the dark scary woods. They soon came upon the tree and the wrecked jalopy. The stopped their sleek european sedan next to the jalopy and got out, looking for the owner. Just then lighting stuck another tree, which tipped over onto the couples car crushing it. They did not find the owner of the jalopy, but saw a huge victorian mansion, about a mile away, with lights on. They decided to walk there and seek some help.
A few minutes after the couple a hippie in a VW Bus, was driving the same dirt road. Pot smoke poured out the open window. The Hippie was high and lost, and lo and behold takes the same rickety dirt road as the old man and the honeymooning couple, the same fork into the scary dark wood. High and not paying attention he smashes into the pile of cars. He is unhurt, and quickly sees that there is a old victorian mansion up ahead, that has lights on, he decides to go there to seek help.
A few minutes after that, a nun, driving a beat up sedan, comes down the dirt road. She decides to take the fork into the woods, and as that will take her through God's Country. She turns down the road and comes upon the massive pile up of cars. She stops and gets out hoping she can help, that is when a huge gust of wind, knocks a large limb off a tree, and crushes her little car (sorry angry piper). She sees no one in the wrecks, but does see the large victorian mansion with lights on up ahead, she decides to go there to seek help.
About this time the old man walks the mile or so, through ditches, fens, and pouring rain and arrives at the mansion in about 20 minutes. He walks up the large marble stair, to the front door and rings the bell. A few minutes pass, and a large gentleman in a butler's outfit opens the door. "May I help you" he says in a cockneye accent.
"Yes," says the old man,"I seem to have been in a accident down the road, may I use you phone?"
"I must ask the Master", says the Butler, "Please wait here". The Butler leaves, shutting the door. He returns 5 minutes later. "The master says you may come in, but the storm has knocked down the phone lines; but master says you may stay the night, and use the phone in the morning when they are fixed".
"That is very nice of your master, I will accept his offer", says the old man.
"Follow me says the butler". The Butler takes the man through the main foyer, and up a long stair, then down a long hall, then up another long stair, and then down another long hall, and then up a long stair, and down a long hall. At the end of the hall are 4 doors, the Butler opens the first one on the left, and says "you may stay here", and the old man enters the room. It is finely furnished and has a change of clothes for him.
About this time the couple has walked the mile or so, through ditches, fens, and pouring rain to the mansion. They walk up the large marble stair, to the front door, and ring the bell. A few minutes pass, and a large gentelman in a butler's outfit opens the door. "May I help you" he says in a cockneye accent.
"Yes" says the couple, "We seem to have like been in a accident down the road, and need to use your phone?"
"I must ask the Master", says the Butler, "Please wait here". The Butler leaves, shutting the door. He returns 5 minutes later. "The master says you may come in, but the storm has knocked down the phone lines, but master says you may stay the night, and use the phone in the morning when they are fixed".
"Well this is a fun start to our honeymoon", they say.
"Follow me says the butler". The Butler takes them through the main foyer, and up a long stair, then down a long hall, then up another long stair, and then down another long hall, and then up a long stair, and down a long hall. At the end of the hall are 4 doors, the Butler opens the second one the left, and says "you may stay here". The couple enters the room. It is finely furnished and has a change of clothes for them.
About this time the Hippie has walked the mile or so, through ditches, fens, and pouring rain to the mansion, and come down from his high. He walks up the large marble stair, to the front door, and rings the bell. A few minutes pass, and a large gentelman in a butler's outfit opens the door. "May I help you" he says in a cockneye accent.
"Yeah man" says the Hippie, "I like, was in a crash back there and need to use your phone, man."
"I must ask the Master", says the Butler, "Please wait here". The Butler leaves, shutting the door. He returns 5 minutes later. "The master says you may come in, but the storm has knocked down the phone lines, but master says you may stay the night, and use the phone in the morning when they are fixed".
"Groovy man", he says.
"Follow me says the butler". The Butler takes him through the main foyer, and up a long stair, then down a long hall, then up another long stair, and then down another long hall, and then up a long stair, and down a long hall. At the end of the hall are 4 doors, the Butler opens the first one the right, and says "you may stay here". He enters the room. It is finely furnished and has a change of clothes for he. He immediatle crashes onto the massive bed.
About this time the nun has walked the mile or so, through ditches, fens, and now pouring rain to the mansion, praying on her rosary beads. She walks up the large marble stair to the front door and rings the bell. A few minutes pass, and a large gentelman in a butler's outfit opens the door. "May I help you" he says in a cockneye accent.
"Thank Jesus" says the nun, "I seem to have like been in a accident down the road, and need to use your phone?"
"I must ask the Master", says the Butler, "Please wait here". The Butler leaves, shutting the door. He returns 5 minutes later. "The master says you may come in, but the storm has knocked down the phone lines, but master says you may stay the night, and use the phone in the morning when they are fixed".
"Your master is very kind, thank you", says the nun.
"Follow me says the butler". The Butler takes her through the main foyer, and up a long stair, then down a long hall, then up another long stair, and then down another long hall, and then up a long stair, and down a long hall. At the end of the hall are 4 doors, the Butler opens the second one the right, and says "you may stay here". The nun enters the room. It is finely furnished and has a change of clothes for her. She immediately kneels down to pray.
Aproximatley a hour after the group are lead to there rooms, and they have all but gotten ready for bed, there is a knock on the door of the old man. The Butler is there, "the master would like to meet you before you go to bed, will you please follow, me" and the old man does.
Next, there is a knock on the couples door, they have all but gotten ready for bed. They opne the door and the butler stands there with an old man. "The Master would like to meet you before you go to bed, will you please follow me" says the butler, and the young couple get in line behind the old man.
Then there is then a knock on the hippies door, he has all but gotten ready for bed, he opens the door and there stands the butler, an old man, and a young couple. "The Master would like to meet you before you go to bed, will you please follow me" says the butler, and the hippie gets in line behind the young couple.
Finally, there is a knock on the nuns door, she has all but gotten ready for bed. She opens the door and there stands the butler, an old man, a young couple, and a hippie. "The Master would like to meet you before you go to bed, will you please follow me" says the butler, and the nun gets in line behind the hippie.
The group of them now go down the long hall, and down a long flight of stairs, and then down another long hall, and down another flight of stairs, and then down a long hall, and down another long flight of stairs, into the foyer, and through a archway into a dining room, they can see a kitchen beyond. Standing by the table is a older distingushed gentleman, with a pipe and a smoking jacket.
"This is the Master", says the butler. And everyone is introduced to the master and each other.
The Master speaks, "I am sorry at your unfortunate incident, but feel free to stay the night, one thing, please do not leave the floor you are on as this house is haunted, and the ghost are very violent". The Master leaves the stunned audience before they can question him any further.
"You may follow me" says the butler, and he leads them out of the dining room, via the archway, to the foyer and up the long stairs, and down the long hall, and up another long flight of stairs and down another hall, and finally up a long flight of stairs, and down a hall to their rooms, they all thank the butler and soon are fast asleep.
The old man wakes up in the middle of the night, he is deathly hungry, and decides that there should be some food, somewhere in here, so he leaves his room. He goes down the hall and down the long flight of stairs, down the hall and down another long flight of stairs, and down the last long hall and down the last long flight of stairs, to the foyer, through the arch, into the dining room, and through a swinging door into a large gourmet kitchen. It was very dark, and spooky, but the old man finds the fridge, and opens it. In the fridge, is a huge purple, one eyed, four armed scary monster, but before the creature can do anything, the old man rips off one of his arms, and takes a bite. "MMM, rich food is good." He shuts the fridge, and cradling the arm, he leaves the kitchen, back through the swinging door, into the dining room, back under the arch to the foyer, then up the long flight of stairs, and down the long hall, up another long flight of stairs, and down another long hall, up the last flight of stairs, and down the last hall to the first door on the left, and into his room. By that time he had finished his meal, felt better, and went to sleep.
Just as the old man fell asleep, the couple wakes up, are extremely hungry. They decide that there should be some food, somewhere in this large mansion, so they leave their room. They goes down the hall and down the long flight of stairs, down the hall and down another long flight of stairs, and down the last long hall and down the last long flight of stairs, to the foyer, through the arch, into the dining room, and through a swinging door into a large gourmet kitchen. It was very dark, and spooky, but the couple finds the fridge, and opens it. In the fridge, is a huge purple, one eyed, three armed scary monster, but they are so sleepy they don't notice. Before the creature can do anything, the couple rips off one of his arms, and takes a bite. "This is good, honey try some". They shut the fridge, and share the arm, as they leave the kitchen, back through the swinging door, into the dining room, back under the arch, to the foyer, then up the long flight of stairs, and down the long hall, up another long flight of stairs, and down another long hall, up the last flight of stairs, and down the last hall to the second door on the left, into their room. By that time they had finished his meal, felt better, and went to sleep.
Just as the couple faded off into slumberland, the hippie wakes up, and has the muchies. He decides that there should be some food, somewhere in this crazy funhouse, so he leaves his room to find a snack. He goes down the hall and down the long flight of stairs, down the hall and down another long flight of stairs, and down the last long hall and down the last long flight of stairs, to the foyer, through the arch, into the dining room, and through a swinging door into a large gourmet kitchen. It was very dark, and spooky, but the he finds the fridge, and opens it. In the fridge, is a huge purple, one eyed, two armed scary monster, but he is still feeling the effects of the shrooms, and doesn't notice it. Before the creature can react, he rips off one of the creatures arms, and takes a bite. "Yum, that is far out". He shuts the fridge, and eats the arm as he leaves the kitchen, back through the swinging door, into the dining room, back under the arch, to the foyer, then up the long flight of stairs, and down the long hall, up another long flight of stairs, and down another long hall, up the last flight of stairs, and down the last hall to the second door on the left, into their room. By that time he had finished his meal, felt better, and went to sleep.
About this time the nun wakes up, is extremely hungry. She decides that there should be some food, somewhere in this large mansion, so she leaves her room to find some. She goes down the hall and down the long flight of stairs, down the hall and down another long flight of stairs, and down the last long hall and down the last long flight of stairs, to the foyer, through the arch, into the dining room, and through a swinging door into a large gourmet kitchen, all the while blessing the house. It was very dark, and aspooky, but the she finds the fridge, and opens it. In the fridge, is a huge purple, one eyed, one armed scary monster, but the nun hardly notices. Before the creature can do anything, the nun rips off his last arm, and takes a bite. "Wow, this is better than Mother Superior's gruel." She shuts the fridge, and eats the arm as she returns to her room. She leaves the kitchen, back through the swinging door, into the dining room, back under the arch, to the foyer, then up the long flight of stairs, and down the long hall, up another long flight of stairs, and down another long hall, up the last flight of stairs, and down the last hall to the second door on the left, into their room. By that time she had finished her meal, felt better, and went to sleep.
The morning arrives and there is a knock on the old mans door. "Breakfast will be served in one half hour, the master expects to see you there", says the butler.
There is then a knock on the couples door, "Breakfast will be served in one half hour, the master expects to see you there", says the butler.
Next, there is then a knock on the hippies door, "Breakfast will be served in one half hour, the master expects to see you there", says the butler.
Finnally, there is a knock on the nuns door, "Breakfast will be served in one half hour, the master expects to see you there", says the butler.
A half hour later, the old man, couple, hippie and nun leave their rooms, and meet in the hall at the simutaneously. The Butler is there waiting. "Follow me" he says. They follow down a long hall, and down a long flight of stairs, and down another long hall, and down another long flight of stairs, and finally down a third hall, and a third flight of stairs, to the foyer, through the arch and into the dining room. The master is already there. The guests take a seat and the master speaks.
"We have a problem," he begins, "I asked you not to leave your rooms, but some one did; but before we discuss this nasty matter, please have some breakfast. I don't have much to offer, but Corn Flakes and Rice Crispies, please tell my butler what you would like."
The Old Man says, "Corn Flakes."
The Man and Woman from the Honeymooning couple both state "Rice Crispies."
The Hippie says, "Rice Crispies."
And the Nun states, "Corn Flakes"
"Good" says the Master, "Now we can talk about who ate the arms off my monster."
And do you know what the moral of this story is? DO YOU?
The moral of this story is that 3 out of 5 people prefer Rice Crispies to Corn Flakes.
OK, if you heard this one before, how about this?
Zombie movies . . Malach does Zombie movies!
I am Malach and I am provocative.
Those are the people who died, died.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
So I got to thinking . .
Malach has been working in disability services since 1997. In that time, he has had several cleints who have died (and two who have killed other people). 6 that I can think of, there might be more, perhaps clients I have not seen in a number of years. But that is the risk of working with the disabled. Of the six 2 have been murdered, two have committed suicide, and the rest died for health reasons. 6 in ten years? I am not really sure what the average rate is.
What brought on this thought was a client I have wrote about here before. He has been "missing" for the past 2 weeks (not uncommon for the homeless). This morning, I was informed by a reliable and connected source, that he had been found dead, hung from a tree with a plastic bag over his head in Dartmouth, MA. Luckily, I found him later, at the hotel he has been staying at, and he is not dead.
So again, it got me thinking about my dead former clients. Interestingly, Malach has the most dead clients of anyone else in my office, except for a couple of people who have 30 more years of work experience than I do. So, I decided to write a little about each of them to honor them.
Bob: Bob was a elderly gentleman who had severe cerebal palsy (CP) at my first human services job. By the time I first got to meet and interact with him, he was already 70, so not only did he have the CP issues, he also had the age issues. He was basically wheelchair bound, with severe speech impediments and such. What I remember most about Bob; he was a huge Red Sox fan, he used to tell stories about his wild days when younger, and the crazy stories other people told me about him. Bob died of natural causes.
Timmy: Timmy was a mildly mentally retarded client of mine. In his mid 20's, very street smart, he lived with a roommate, in one of the worst sections of New Bedford. Very active and well known in the gay and drag queen community (there is a large community of them in New Bedford, Timmy was very a out spoken advocate for gay and disabled rights. Always flamboyantly dressed (I remember a very poofy blouse with embrodiered greek pottery on it), usually with thick make up, though usually having pretty bad hygiene, that was Timmy, a bit of a puzzle. I worked on Tim's vocational case for a number of years, and he was fun. Timmy was killed in a drug deal gone wrong. No ones really sure if he was an innocent bystander or not.
Justinho: Justinho was another mildly mentally retared man, with a dual diagnosis of schizophrenia. Justinho was a lot of fun, and very hard worker, very proud of his hispanic heritage, and always helpful and nice. I worked with him for about a year, and one day his pyschosis took over and he snapped. Luckily New Bedford has pretty good crisis intervention systems, and he ended up committed for almost 2 months. We he came back, he was not the same, the fun loving nice guy was replaced by a shell of a person. He committed suicide 4 days later cutting his wrists, and then running out onto a busy highway. I believe he was 32 year old.
Rene: Rene might have been the hardest one. I knew Rene before she became disabled. She was my age, and went to the rival high school to mine a half a mile down the street. She was movie star gorgeous, and at the same time, very nice. In her twenties Rene had a stroke. Come to find out she had a very rare genetic disorder, a mitochondrial disorder, that prevented her mitchondria from producing energy. When I was reintroduce to Rene, we were both in our mid 20's. She was boderline intellectual functioning, and frail. In the two last years of her life, I helped her find an apartment to live on her own, and get a job as a greeter at Wal-Mart. Even with her disabilities, Rene had this inner light, and was very good hearted, and never mad about her situation. They absolutely loved her at Wal-Mart, and customers loved her too. Rene ended up suffering a relapse of her stoke symptoms, and she ended full time in hospital care. After a month, she was released to a nursing facility. A week later she died. She was 27 years old. I remember her wake and funeral, and the entire Wal-Mart stores in the area showing up.
Darlene: Darlene was a homeless woman, who was living in the woods for a couple of years. My organization got her out of the woods, and helped he get her life back on track. Darlene had an inoperable brain tumor, that not only caused great physical discomfort, it caused pyschosis like symptoms. I helped Darlene get a place to live, I assisted her with her health and her mental health issues, reunited her with her son, and made the last year of her life, much more pleasant. She died suddenly after Christmas in 2005, after a party we helped her throw for her son, and his friends.
Joe: Joe was a man in his mid 20's. He was boderline intellectual function, and also explosive disorder. When he came to me, he had just gotten out of prison for beating to death his girlfriend with an alarm clock (16 at the time). Joe, while somewhat abrasive, was a very hard worker, and loved to work. While severely paranoid, I assisted him in not only finding a job, but keeping it. I also began meeting him a couple times a week for lunch, to talk about life. It seemed to really help him learn how to be a member of society and control his anger. Unfortunately he was on a program that only lasted 18 months. I lost touch with Joe after that. Evidently he had moved to the Boston area. One day, he attacked one of his neighbors, coming close to killing him. When the police arrived, Joe ran out the door and down the street; Police in tow. What I have been told is that Joe, stopped, picked up a pipe, and charged 5 officers. They had to shoot him, and even then, he kept coming. They basically had no choice but shoot again and make sure stayed down. Come to find out, Joe, had decompensated, tried to commit suicide, but couldn't (sounds like Joe). It seems he tried to get the attention of the police, and while not proven, did the old suicide by cop trick.
Now doesn't Malach have an interesting job.
I am Malach and this is dedicated to my dead clients.
Hump Day Jokes
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
Oh, "I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said, "that could be an interesting topic." She continues: "But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Two men walk into a pet shop in Dingle, Ireland.
They head to the bird section, and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into
Gerry's truck to drive to the top of Connor's Pass. At Connor's Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says,"Dis looks like a grand place." He takes the birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"
THERE'S MORE
Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor's Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff, carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy. Watch dis" Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down, until he hits the bottom, and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"
IT'S NOT OVER YET
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends, when Sean O'Driscoll appears.
He's also been to the pet shop, and is carrying a paper bag out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean O'Driscoll then hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down, until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head in disbelief, "Fook dat, lads. Dese adventure sports are too dangerous for me ....first dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, ... den Seamus and his parrotshooting, and now Sean and his fook'n hengliding."
~wicked love~
The Further Adventures of Otis Serungis and Mr. Sticky.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Malach does Top 10 Lists too.
The Top Ten Terms for Defecation
10. Exploding the Rusty Dirt Star
9. Extruding a chocolate log
8. Propelling a Steamer across Lake Titicaca
7. Riding the brown pogo stick
6. Baking Brownies
5. Thowing a life preserver
4. The brown snake moan
3. Taking a Dump
2. Dropping a loaf
1. Tanking the Cosby Kids for a swim
I am Malach and your gotta love the film Homeland Security can dig up on people.
What Happen to the Captain?
Is it just me ....but don't you miss the Captain and all his posts.
I am ...come back to us Captain ...we need you!
~smiles wickedly~
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