…..are none of my business, and none of my concern. And it should be that way for you as well. Americans (well, people all over the world, but it seems to be especially Americans) have a sick fascination with the lives of celebrities. And it saddens me. Is it just that you all want to live that life and cannot, so you insist on the vicarious? Are your lives so empty and plain that you get that much of a thrill from that antics of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton? And do you realize the power you give to such no-talent hacks as Ms. Hilton, who is only a celebrity because you watched her. There would be no television show for that rich little witch if it were not for your paparazzi eyes obsessing over her every move.
There are many levels of consumerism. America is a country of consumers. And what we have created with this celebrity obsession is a raging appetite to consume the lives of people who, for the most part, have no reason to be in the spotlight. And we allow big business to bait us and lead us into the easiest way for them to strip us of our finances. They quickly and easily created disposable pop stars, and throw them into the piranha tank that is pop culture. And you buy into it. You give them your money, purchasing their useless rags of wasted paper to read about Brad Pitt and Lindsey Lohan.
The world of music and acting is a twisted blend of Art and Entertainment, and sadly the lines are blurred between the two. We have allowed this, and this is how they manipulate us. I am thankful that there is still an artistic integrity existent in Film and Music, that there are people who cherish their crafts and treat them as such, and not just a quick financial raping injected our culture. I truly enjoy the work of John Malkovich, and I couldn’t care less who he’s sleeping with. I thought Brad Pitt was fantastic in 12 Monkeys, Fight Club, and Snatch. And I have NO IDEA what he and Angelina are up to. NOR DO I WANT TO. If Brad were pulling a Michael Vick and torturing dogs, then yes, I want to know, as I do not want to support such a monster. But I need not know who’s bed he visits regularly, as it has NO IMPACT. Those who know me know that I am a huge music lover. And I know almost NOTHING about the lives of the musicians who’s work I enjoy. And I’d like to keep it that way. I enjoy their work, and I’m happy they create it.
Now, where would a Hobbs von Wackamole post be without the conspiracy? And here it is. The Government and the Media work well together, and they know that, because you allow it, they create and control your perception of the world around you. They have long decided what we find beautiful, and what we don’t. And they know to do this in order to get at your hard earned dollar. You’ll buy the clothes they want, inject the botox, have the fat sucked out of you. It is the perception that they have given you. And even better than that, it’s much easier to hide the important things that happen in the world, because you allow them to distract you. They can very easily back-page stories on political malfeasance and war crimes, because OJ Simpson is up to his old tricks again. And how often, I wonder, do they simply create, as easily as a bad action movie, the stories that are in our front page. Did OJ really do what he is currently accused of, or is he simply collecting a big government paycheck to act the role and fill the front page. They know that most American’s wont read anything for more than five minutes, and we’ll never pay attention to the GOP’s avoidance of the minority debate.
So, I ask you to do one thing. STOP AND THINK. Please, for the love of freedom and reality, start THINKING!!!! Maybe it will make a difference. You’ve only got 5 years to do so!
And I leave you now, with a quote from true artists.
“Never mind what they’re selling. It’s what you’re buying.”
Truer words rarely spoken.
~ HvW
The Lives of Celebrities….
WoW 2.0, solving your voting confusion
There is only one answer
Seriously Now
What kind of moron has the time to figure this shit out?
Wouldn't you be better off spending your time looking at some really nice knockers?
Yeah, that's what I thought!
Postcard from the Campaign Trail
It’s always an adventure to go behind the scenes at a gathering of the Presidential candidates, and I try not to miss one because there’s usually an open bar and you just know that eventually Hillary is going to punch out Obama I feel it's my duty as an American and the political process is quite fascinating.
I was at a Republican gathering a few weeks ago, reveling in all the American-ness the Republicans always exude like Hi-Karate aftershave, and I decided to talk to a few of the candidates to see what was new.
Fred Thompson was snoring peacefully in the corner and nobody seemed to want to wake him up, so I tiptoed by and found Mitt Romney, who was busy stuffing a dog leash and a roll of duct tape into his suit jacket pocket.
“Nice to see you!” Mitt boomed, “I remember you! You’re from Massachusetts, the state I was governor of and have never been to in my life!”
An aid tapped him on the shoulder and Mitt twitched.
“Abortion!” he exclaimed. “I’ve always been opposed, at least as long as I’ve been opposed, which was before I wasn’t opposed, which I never was!”
The aid frowned and tugged at the candidate’s elbow. Mitt turned on him.
“What? I’m opposed to abortion, aren’t I?” he asked.
The aid took out a day-planner and began looking through it, flipping pages. “September?” he asked. “It’s still September?”
“Of course it is,” Mitt snapped. “I’d be a pretty foolish candidate if I didn’t know what month it is.”
“Then you’re still opposed to abortion,” the aid said with relief, snapping the book shut.
“Always have been!” Mitt boomed with a gleam in his eye.
I excused myself and was heading for the food table when Rudy Giuliani stopped me.
“Hey, Look at this!” Rudy said.
As I watched he squeezed his eyes shut, his forehead furrowed, and his mouth became a thin, taught line –he was squeezing his butt cheeks together hard enough to crack a walnut. Rudy’s face went white and I was about to say something when I realized that his face wasn’t just pale- it had actually turned bright white. What hair he has left had turned red, like flag stripes across his wide white scalp, and the numbers 9-11 had appeared in blue across his forehead. Rudy finally released and the colors faded.
“Like it?” he asked, gasping for air. “I had fiber optics implanted all over my head! I think this will get the message across!”
He took a deep breath and scrunched up again and the red white and blue returned- and then he lost consciousness and slid onto the floor.
I stepped over Rudy and went to look for the bar. I’d had enough politics for one day, or at least enough politics while sober.
Next Week: The Democrats
Attention
As Malach has pointed out, The Third Option Media site is undergoing a revamp. This is because, through the collective efforts of those that run and maintain our company, for free I might add, have managed to create a short film due for release in late November.
Due to contractual obligations, we are not allowed to tell you much. Let me assure you, that if successful, you are all welcome to offer your talents on the next production and will be credited, even *gasp* compensated.
The short film is backed by a multi-billion dollar corporation and will appear everywhere. The time to hop the bandwagon and kiss Malach's ass is now. More than that, this film WILL draw attention to your blogs, sites, articles, stories and web pages via connection with the Third Option Brand.
Our client list is growing, and soon, our wallets will be full and we might be able to contract people on short term basis for extra cash, so... let's get cooking.
A long time ago, Murk and Malach and Spacefarmer and Hurst came up with an idea. It went like this: set up an infrastructure of sites and gather as many competent voices/personalities as we can. Then, pound the streets until we hit a major deal. Then, recruit the best of the best to help with the big project.
Well, the door is opening. Soon, I will direct you to a site with some leaked footage and pictures. Then, when the movie hits, if it's got enough buzz, we will have the money and the contacts to engage in larger projects. Whether for fun or for profit, I encourage all of you to support the short film and spam the crap out of forums etc.
At the very least, your bog will get a ton of readers in return. And don't go all Polanski on me and say you don't care. No one takes the time to post to the internet without the desire to be read.
Thoughts and Prayers on the Future,
CMD
Oh, and look for a brandy new Murk and Malach Podcast featuring skyped in live guests. For more info on the podcast and how to get on a future one, contact Malach.
A WoW 2.0 Public Service Annoncement
Please be kind cause . . . . .
I am Malach not an evil clown, just an evil clown advocate
Sometimes You can't Just Get Enough
Feel free to beat off to your heart's desire, just make sure your roommates aren't home.
XOXOXO
T.M.
Hump Day Jokes
Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"
"One," said the young salesman."Only one?" blurted the boss, "most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"
"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man."How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss. "Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.
I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"
"No," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.
The first guy said, ''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''
The second guy said, ''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.''
The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''
Then the first guy said, ''No -- you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
~hump day love~
A Musical Plug...
- For those of you who live in the Boston are, Burnt Fur are playing tomorrow night, Thursday September 27th, at the Bullfinch Yacht Club in downtown Boston (right near the TD Garden)!
- For my friends on the South Shore, Burnt Fur are playing a FREE show at UMASS Dartmouth on Friday, October 12, 2007
- Finally, for those of you who enjoy Drag Queens, Burnt Fur will be playing in the rock club section of Jacques Cabaret in Back Bay on Saturday, October 20th.
For more information, visit http://www.burntfurmusic.com/ and click on the live page for directions.
Keep an eye out for the old man in the wheelchair rocking out. That would be me.
Welcome back WoWees
Welcome to the Wand of Wonder 2.0.
Thanks to the 100 (down from about 250) or so people who held onto our feed while the WoW has gone through some changes. Missing or absent contributers, technical issues with Blogger, and a web address change; you are the reall WoWees, and we love you.
You many notice some changes here at the WoW. Gone is most of the dead weight, contributers who don't blog or at least post comments. That being said, I did not have the heart to remove the Cap'n. Even though he has been missing from the blogsphere for a while now, he is a founding member of the WoW, and I miss his crazy frenetic posting. I also kept Hobbs, I feel sorry for the elderly, sue me. Here now are several new contributers, prolific bloggers, who are also pretty funny, and very good writers. Mike, Sara Sue, Tequila Mockingbird, Colonel Colonel. I also have a couple more invites out and see if more will join this madness. In addition, as I am updating Third Option Media, I am adding a list of contributers with their main blogs to our blog archive.
So then new contributers, welcome to the WoW 2.0, the rest of WoWees welcome you (man I am gonna have to make a WoW 2.0 tee). And as always, if you want to join, you need to e-mail myself or Dr. Murk, and give us an e-mail, as that is the only way Blogger does invites. Also Murk and I are the administrators contact us with technical issues.
OK, a review
So, now, for our new contributers and the new readers they are going to bring along with them, some info about the WoW. First, there are no rules here. It is anything goes blog. While there is a limit to what we allow, we have yet to delete a post for breaking or reaching that limit. What is the limit? We would delete hardcore porn (but not nessecarily links with warnings to porn), advertising spam (but not plugs) such as the penis enlargement/viagra garbage, and that's really about it. The other thing we discourage is flooding (multiple posts in the course of a day, say like 5 within a 3 hour time span), and adjusting your time stamp so your article always stays at the top of the page.
You may post any weird philosophy, support for any position, strange images, fiction, non-fiction, home improvement, what ever. Malach might take some of your stuff, and repost it at Third Option Media or Stool Sample Webhosting, with permission of course. We have done this before and have had wonderful results.
So have fun, go off, and most of all make us laugh . . . or piss us off . . .
I am Malach 2.0
Just What You All Have Been Waiting For...
Thanks for inviting me to contribute to this, folks. It's flattering deep down in my fat monkey heart. It also speaks to your wisdom and depth of kickasstasticness enough to recognize what drunken sack of chaos I am, and how that could add to your community blog.
Sooooo to tell you a little about me, my likes include unicorns, throwing water balloons at prostitutes, watching Magnum PI and rubbing one out, becoming excessively drunk and belligerant, posting fake Craigs List 'Missed Connections', porn, eating fried chicken; side note: OMFG in Minneapolis, there is this great bar that combines two of my greatest loves, with free fried chicken and hardcore potent drinks that caught me off guard the first time to where I became so shitfaced, I ended up falling into my friends shower, even though I wasn't even trying to take a shower.
My dislikes include, but are not limited to: people that smell bad, arbys, spiders, guys with popped collars, people who cannot hold their liquor, boring dumbasses that have nothing of substance to say, and bigotry directed towards pirates.
This is the beginning of a beautiful relationship, and not the kind you see on cops when they come out to the trailer park and give some guy in a ketchup stained shirt a taser ride for beating his wife.
XOXOXOXO
~Tequila Mockingbird
Some more administation
The Murk and Malach Show.
In a never ending battle to make Third Option Media more professional, The Murk and Malach Show has changed web addresses. It is now located at:
http://www.third-option.com/podcasts/mmshow.html
The old address still functions as a redirect page. In addition, I created a whole new folder in the /podcasts/ directory for all our podcast mp3's. They will now be in a /podcasts/mmmp3/ folder, which means if you favorited some old shows, their address is changed also. Easy way to find out is go to The Murk and Malach Show Main Page, and click in the appropriate link to the appropriate show. Our feed hes not changed, just the web adresses embedded in the feed so if you are one of the hundreds of subscribers, you got a bunch of updates today.
Any question you may contact me.
I am Malach and sodom what does it mean, you probably shouldn't ask, it will hurt your ass.
Exposed Again: I'm a Terrorist
I'm just gonna have to thank his holiness the pope (sporting a very sassy cowboy hat, I might add) for pointing out Malach's latest rant on me. It turns out I'm a terrorist, eh?
Honestly... why WAS I invited onto this blog? I'm still a little confused about that. That isn't to say I'm ungrateful... But, why would one pass up the chance to rant in a more public forum. I mean... Horatio's Land of Joy was a lotta fun, but just doesn't get quite the exposure I might get over here.
Yep... I'm an Arab lover. Actually, I'm not all that attracted to Arab girls (and don't have a man-crush on anybody, let alone Mitt). Personally, I think the Arabs are the most welcoming and hospitable people I have ever been around. And, gasp, I speak their language. It's amazing what happens when you learn to talk.
But... um... nope. Not a terrorist. I wouldn't mind having some of the amazing bow-hunting-type skills that terrorists gain in their boot camps. But, the awesome workout didn't seem worth the ideological issues and moral quandaries of crying "death to infidels". I'm a pretty religious guy... but I've never gone quite that far. (It turns out that I have not joined the military for exactly the opposite reason that I'm not a terrorist. IN that case, I fully believe in the cause, but still didn't think I would excel with all the other things. It would be a great way to get in shape, however).
See, terrorism and blind liberalism seem to have the same problem these days: completely distorted views of conservatism. One wants to shun us because we actually like religion. The other wants to shun us because we aren't religious enough. Both suffer from a terrible case of myopia.
Take Bush for example. People call him stupid, inept, ideologically lost, ineffective... but somehow he has been one of the most effective presidents in modern history. You may not like what he did to the country, but you have to admit he managed the process pretty well. He has played the political wave better than even Clinton did. And, the only reason liberals can find to hate him is a) the war or b) he's dumb. Well, obviously he pulled a fast one on us, because he has gotten a lot of stuff done.
What is my point of this rant? I don't know actually... I'm just writing. Yep, I'm a conservative. Yep, I'm probably going to vote for Mitt Romney (I mean, competence is always a nice thing to have in a chief executive... even more than ideology). Nope... not a terrorist. But, I have spoken to a few of them. They're an interesting lot.
If you don't like my rants... um... fire me. Until then, you can live with the fact that liberal politicians can't seem to get their heads out of their butts and actually do something... that socialism (to any degree) has NEVER worked because the people who tout socialism always tend to be capitalists at heart... And, though you hate Bush, he has certainly seems to have the world wrapped around his finger... and nobody on the other side seems competent enough to take his place.
Pity.
Furthermore... Uncle Mitt doesn't want your blood... just a small contribution.
:-)
That is all.
Horatio
Hump Day Jokes
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
~*~*~*~*~
One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, "penis" written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkboard, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find "penis" on the board, a little larger each time.
~*~*~*~*~
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven." Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself."
The befeathered fellow at the gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention: One, there's too much front-end protrusion Two, it chatters at high speeds. Three, the rear end wobbles too much. Four, the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God tells Arthur Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours."
~hump day love for the wicked~
Andrew Meyer, once again, more rent a cops with Tasers
What is happening to free speech in this country?
Yes, the Andrew Meyer was resisting, and a bit of an idiot, but why did they suddenly attack him after mention Skull and Bones?
Too it is refreshing to see someone doing this to someone other than a Republican.
I am Malach, and next time I do something like this, I will make sure I have to take a shit, that'll teach 'em. Don't Tase me Bro.
Man-gina, the Pope, and other nonsense
What did Malach tell you.
As Camera-gate broke this weekend in the NFL, Malach told you a few things.
- The Patriots were not the only team doing this
- Mangini with his snitch gave this team the inspiration it always seeks.
- Their might be some reprisal on Mangini from other members of the coaching franternity for breaking a code of silence.
So, point 1, several highly regarded former and current coaches and players came out this week to corroborate the point. Howie Long, John Madden, Jimmy Johnson, Mike Martz, Bill Cowher, Sean Salibury, and several others.
Point 2 I think was proven by Sunday Night's Game and the Pats absolutely dismantling of the Chargers
Now point 3. Check out this article. Brian Billick, the head coach of the Ravens is asking the league to investigate the Jets, for simulating snap counts with theird defense, while their offense was on the field. Technically, it is illegal, against the rules, but ask anyone who's played the game, it happend quite a bit during the season. Is this a message to Mangini for breaking this coaches code?
Most coaches, have already stated that if they knew this was going on, they would just try to fool the camera, was Mangini just not smart enough to do this? Also, has Mangini cut his own throat? Suppose the Jets win on 5 games this year and Mangini is fired. He will have to go back to being a coordinator . . . who in their right mind would hire him after this fiasco.
Da Pope
Guess whose back! I also fixed our blog directory for ease of the fans we have. Some of you may remember the Pope's old blog, funny as Heaven.
It's back
Yeah, The Murk and Malach Show is back. The buckos are happy again, so much so we have had a few people contact us about being guest stars. Currently negotiating with Ben Byrd, who would like to clear his name.
And Some May Enjoy This
I am Malach and I am an internet person
Why, people, WHY?
Why aren't you reading Meet the Heroes?
1. You don't read fiction.
Assinine. This isn't fiction, it's future history.
2. You don't like comic books.
Dumb. These aren't sissy comic book heroes. These are pissed off people with flawed characters who try to fix stuff without the advantage of super powers.
3. I hate self promoters.
But you read this and eveyone else's crap. You all read Joey Polanski and his dummy IDs that draw you to his blog.
4. I don't care for your writing.
Good. Comment on it here (previews of the new sections up weekly). Tell me what you don't like. I actually like criticism. But, be intelligent if you can.
5. You're not a published author.
That means I'm free and I write for me, not for some stuffy stuck up sticky beaks at a faceless corporation that tells you want to hear.
6. No, seriously, your writing sucks.
So does Malach's. You still read him.
7. It's a gimmick.
For now. Get in on the ground floor and get a mention in the book when it gets published.
But seriously, if you like what you're seeing, let me know and let the people know. Start forum threads on it. I do it myself. Let's be open minded and help a guy who you barely know. God will give you a new bike. Guaranteed. You want a BMX Bike, not a leather jacket.
Chris
Yet another WoW Expose: Horatio K. Frankenziemer
Yet another Buckos Brigade exclusive.
Not much was known about the man Horatio when he joined the Wand of Wonder, beyond his exhaustive Man Love for a one Uncle Mitt "I want your Blood" Romney. He would occasionally post right wing rants here at the WoW, and over at this own blogs but that is the little contact we had with him.
But once again, the Buckos Brigade has uncovered the truth. Malach was sent a package to his office, delivered by by capable hand of General Choas. Inside was a picture and a letter.
The picture was a large 8 x 10 glossy. I scanned it for you, here it is.
All exhaulted Malach the Merciless
I write you with an aim to reveal the truth. I am a high ranking official in a covert organization, my name is not important, but the identity of one of your WoW bloggers is.
The included photo was shot in 2006 at a meeting in Syria. The Picture is of one Horatio Bush-Bin Laden, aka Horation K. Frankenzeimer. Shocking I know.
My organization has been tracking Horatio for some time now, it was only recently we realized he was the blogger Horatio.
Let me explain a bit more. We all know the Bush and Bib Laden families have been very tight since the early 1880's. Over that time, their bloodlines had occasionally merged. Sometime in 1942, H. W. had an affair with Alzubra Lama Bin Laden, a little known sister of Muhammed Bin Laden, and Horatio Bush-Bin Landen was the product of that.
Not much is know after his birth, he was hidden by both families in a effort to save face, but evidently Horatio remained in the Middle East.
Sometime around 1967, Horation formed a group called El Kiedia, which ultimately failed but was a inspiration for his half brother Osama. Horatio has been Osama secret right hand man ever since.
Horatio over the years has been responsible for Al Queda's web presence, the Mad Burt fiasco, being the main architect behind the attack of the USS Cole, getting the most recent pope elected, and most recently, Osama metrosexual make over:
Ability like that is very dangerous. Now, he has developed his blog persona, and now is using his internet fame to convince young people to vote Republican, and some really nut job candidates.
He must be stooped . . .
Sincerely,
Gung Ho
Well, know, I see this might be a matter of national security.
I am Malach and I warn you of dangerous . . . rise the level to red.
Five Women The Angry Piper Would Totally Do The Sex With
1. Beth Smith, aka Dog the Bounty Hunter's Wife
2. Susan Sarandon
Any man who even has to ask why is a flaming queer.
3. Raquel Welch
4. Leila Ali
5. Michelle Rodriguez
Now, if his were "Five Non-Famous Women The Angry Piper Would Totally Do The Sex With", the list would read like this:
Honorable Mention: Tainted Love, because it would be cool to say I had sex with someone named Aasta.
Hump Day Jokes
Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging a few beers when they see a road block ahead with police checking for drunk drivers. The blonde in the passenger seat starts to panic and the driver tells her to calm down and do what she does. She then proceeds to quickly chug the last of the beer in her hand, peel the label off, stick the bottle under the seat and stick the label to her forehead. The second blonde follows along. When they arrive at the road block, the officer looks in and is quite surprised by this spectacle and says, '' Hello ladies. By any chance have you two been drinking tonight?'' ''Why no officer, you see, we are on the patch!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand. "Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Testagain.!!!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens."
"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"It's a pussy willow."
"Wait up...I'll get my hat."
Things that make me go HMMMMM . . .
So I checked my work email this morning, and this appeared.
FW: Picture . . . see carefully
Picture of Mary
Of course Malach has replied to everyone of these forwards with: " Yeah, Jesus, that is his style to punish and kill people because they did not forward an email picture of his mother."
Do people think when they send these things out? Am I wrong, or has God created new rules regarding e-mails and internet based commication (notice how I covered my ass by posting this here).
I am Malach and I wonder . . .
In Honor of the Victims on 911
Some administration
Bear with me.
I am in process of totally redesigning Third Option Media (TOM), as there is a number of opportunities the combined forces of TOM and Rubbersuit Studios is strarting to get (more when it is official). With that end, I am creating a new directory for the blogs we plan on hosting. With that being said, The Wand of Wonder has a new web address
http://www.third-option.com/WoW/
Now, don't fret, none of your links are broken, becuase I put a redirection page on the old address, you can change your links at your leisure.
This will make TOM much more structured and allow us to better direct client around our site.
I am Malach, logistics man
Bobble-Head Fred
So... Fred Thompson has finally declared he is a candidate for President. And, so far, I am really unimpressed.
Take a look at his first TV ad (announcing his announcement):
To quote a good friend of my family (who is more actively conservative than I):
"I just looked at the ad. ...Thompson's head movements are so distracting, I don't know what the dickens he said. I watched it twice.
I guess you can call him bobble-head Fred."
The man that is supposed to be the next Ronald Reagan seems to have a really interesting nervous tick. Beyond the fact that he was a mediocre senator who didn't really accomplish much and he has absolutely no executive experience... he doesn't seem to be that good of a natural actor!
It gets even worse--his announcement video was a continuation of the same thing. You can watch it here.
Are you asleep yet? Do you realize that the video is FIFTEEN MINUTES LONG!?!?
So, yes... Fred Thompson is now in the race. And, so far, he is as lackluster as we had expected him to be. Ladies and Gentlemen who tend to vote Republican: THIS IS NOT THE REINCARNATION OF RONALD REAGAN.
I'm sorry... I know we hate to hear this. But, Bobble-Head Fred is not the guy I want running this country.
That is all.
Horatio
Riposarsi nella pace
Here is my WoW tribute to Luciano Pavoratti.
October 12, 1935 – September 6, 2007
Riposarsi nella pace (Rest in peace).
Malach 2007-2008 NFL Preview
With the games starting today ..
It is high time Malach puts out his popular NFL Preview for the 2007 - 2008 season.
AFC
AFC EAST
The New England Patriots: This team was one first down aways from going to yet another Super Bowl and winning it last year. Now, you have added Randy Moss, Wes Welker, and Donte Stallworth, when your top recievers last year were Reche Caldwell and Jabbar Gaffney. You added Adalius Thomas to a already nasty defense. Yes, Rodney Harrison is supended for the first four games, but the rookie Brandon Merriweather is a carbon clone of him. Eugene Wilson is also healthy. Yes, Richard Seymour might miss a large majority of the seasons, but he missed a lot games last year. And I would go to war with Ty Warren, Vince Wilfork, and Jarvis Green anyday. The Patriots are one of the top three team in the NFL, if not the top team, and look for another Super Bowl Ring to grace their fingers unless there is some type of catatrophic injuries.
The New York Jets: Mangenius and the Jets surprised a few people last year, they are still a few steps behind the Pats, but they might sneak into the playoffs considering how weak the rest of the division is. Again, Chad Pennington (a poor man's Tom Brady) is the key, if they keep him healthy and don't rely completely on his arm, they will win their fair share of games.
The Buffalo Bills: They are another year closer, but still need some pieces. This is JP Lossman's key year to try and finish above .500. Their offense might surprise a few.
The Miami Dolphins: Things are a bit of a mess in Miami, new coaching staff, player turnover. Trent Green alone will keep them in some games, but their defense is long in the tooth, and Teddy Ginn Jr. is not the answer.
AFC North
Baltimore Ravens: A top 5 AFC team, can their offense catch up to their Defense. Unless Pittsburgh comes back strong this year, they should take this division
Pittsburgh Steelers: The Steelers were an enigma last year. Roethlisberger was the biggest reason for that. Perhaps the multiple near death experiences? If the gets his head on straight, and he is not required to win them games (ie control the game with the run and short controlled passing), Pitt should give Baltimore a bit of run. A new head coach is interesting here too, from the same mold as Cowher, but we will see the differences.
Cinncinati Bengals: If the multiple Bengals don't go to jail, or get suspended, they should have a respectable year, maybe even 10 wins, but there still is no defense in Cincy.
Cleveland Browns: Well, still rebuilding, maybe the worst team in the AFC, and it won't be long before Brady Quinn is starting. Romeo, I had higher hopes for you . . .
AFC South
Indianapolis Colts: Coming off their Super Bowl win, and Payton Manning finally expelling his demons, the world will be gunning for them. They also lost a number of key players, and don't have an easy schedule. They will still put up points, and it will be interesting to see if teir defense continues from last year'ss playoffs or falls back to Earth. They are also in a cupcake division perhaps even weaker than the AFC East. They should easily win 12, and remain in the top 3 AFC teams. Plus, Payton has more commercials to film.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Dumping Byron Leftwich (who I affectionately call the black Drew Bledsoe) was a good move, but David Gerrard is not the answer. The Jags are too one dimensional on offense, and Gerrard won't win you any games. Still good enough to win 10 and sneak into the playoffs, but that will depend on the Jets.
Tennesee Titans: Now, the Titans. They will give some teams some fits, they will also upset some teams. They are a scrappy little team (Not counting Pacman Jones, or Albert Haynesworth), no one will want to play, but will finish around .500. They still need more pieces, and taking away Pacman Jones will hurt them alot.
Houson Texans: So, Houston dumped David Car for Matt Schaub, at least Schaub can scramble . . They MIGHT BE better than the Browns.
AFC WEST
San Diego Chargers: Very interesting division with a lot of questions, the Chargers being one of them. Basically no off season changes for the Chargers, except for the entire coaching staff. Norv Turner, yeah another .500 coach. They still have LT. They still have a scary defense. Phillip Rivers should be better. They are still probably a top 3 team in the league, but those question about Norv Turner . . .They will win this division, and then we will see.
Denver Broncos: Again, like the Chargers, have some questions after a disappointing season. Is Culter ready to pick up his game? Is there a running game? Travis Henry is the Jekyll and Hyde of running backs. Will age catch up with a pretty good defense. Denver too might sneak into the playoffs on a wild card.
Kansas City Chiefs: I am sorry, any team coached by Herm Edwards is hard to take serious.
Oakland Raiders: Well, they do have a good defense in Oakland, but will they score. They Culpepper but traded Moss. Jamarcus Russel isn't even signed. Gotta love Al Davis, unless your a Raiders fan.
NFC
NFC EAST
Philadelphia Eagles: Again the NFC East is a bit open to who wants to take it, but one would assume, the Eagles have the best shot at that. Considering what they did with Jeff Garcia, Donovan McNabb is a definitely improvement. The questions once again? Who is he throwing too? Is there enough of a running game?
New York Giants: Again, the Giants have what they need to perhaps be the best team out of the NFC, if, and this is a big if, Elie Manning comes into his own. The loss of Tiki Babar is huge, but I think Brandon Jacobs can take a lot of the that load, 10 wins will take this division and that is possible for the G-Men.
Dallas Cowboys: The Tuna is gone, but TO is still there. Romo, is he the answer? We will soon find out. I supposed they have a shot, of course, their new coach is Wade Phillips . . .
Washington Redskins: No defense, no quarterback, and a coach who rather be looking after his NASCAR team; sounds like a winning formula to me.
NFC North
Chicago Bears: Unless Rex Grossman is benched by mid season (for ugh, Brian Griese), The Bears will not make the playoffs, you heard to here first. But in one of the weakest division in the NFL, I could be wrong.
Green Bay Packers: Is this Brett Favre's last year? They added some interesting pieces, and it would not surprise me if they make the playoffs, and perhaps even win the division.
Minnesota Vikings: The Vikings were pretty good at beating bad teams last year. They are still rebuilding, but unlike the AFC you can rebuild and still be a playoff contender in the NFC.
Detroit Lions (thanks to Troy for pointing out my Faux Pas): Ok, no Matt Millen drafting wide recievers jokes, but Calvin Johnson will be special and fun to watch. John Kitna is a very good back up quarterback .. . maybe 8 wins in Detriot?
NFC South
New Orleans Saints: Here are the Colts of the NFC, if they can find some defense, they are clearly the NFC favorite. Will anyone challenge them in this division, maybe a sleeper like Tampa Bay, but they should run away with this division and win perhaps 12 games.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Lucky for TB this is the one of the worst divisions in Football, and they might have done enough with the additon of Jeff Garcia to be playoff contenders and maybe even upset New Orleans once or twice.
Carolina Panthers: OK, I give up on Carolina, the Panthers suck. Jake Dellhomme is the original Rex Grossman
Atlanta Falcons: Who let the dogs out? Gonna be a long year in Hotlanta
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks: This should be a fun division, and all four teams have a shot at winning it. Seattle obviously missed Shaun Alexander, and lucky for them, Vince Young in on the cover of Madden this year. Seattle should win the division, but the teams behind aren't really that far behind.
St. Louis Rams: St. Louis keeps plugging along, with their above average seasons and short playoff runs, why should this year be any different.
San Francisco 49ers: This is a good young team and is going to surprise and dissappoint a lot of the upper teir NFC teams. 10 wins is not out of the question for this team, neither is the division, or 5 wins. Decent offense, and nasty defense.
Arizona Cardinals: This team is heading in the right direction, but is still a few pieces away. Will upset a few teams, and 8 wins will be a good season for them.
Once agains, the NFC sucks, expect the Patriot, Chargers, or Colts to take it all.
I am Malach the keelhauling master
Hump Day Jokes
"There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath." "That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water." "What about your husband? asked the model. "Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris. "Good," said the model. "Now that that's been settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight."
That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. After stripping off, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair. The model noticed Doris' staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimmer or underclothes. Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he does not believe her. "It's true, I tell you!" said Doris. "Look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself."
The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her. Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model's naked pubic area. Then she lifted up her skirt and wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass. Later Fred returned and they retired to bed. "Well, do you believe me now?" she asked Fred. "Yes, he replied. "I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?" "Just to show you the difference," answered Doris. "But I guess you've seen me millions of times."
"Yes", said Fred, "I have - but the rest of the dart team hadn't."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell them apart.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Don't worry about it. Anyway, you caught me. I'm a leprechaun and you have managed to stop me. You get three wishes." "Oh, no, I don't want the wishes. Just as long as you're okay." The leprechaun thought the man was so nice he decided to grant three wishes for him. He gave him unlimited money, terrific health, and a great sex life.
~hump day love~
I knew it.
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